Chapter 8: "Superman Gets Popcorn, Batman Gets Paranoia"
(In which the world's strongest boy becomes TV, one alien fox gets dramatic, and Batman starts mentally preparing 57 different ways to save the world… from Naruto.)
High above Earth, orbiting in the Watchtower space station, two of the most powerful figures in the world stood side-by-side, watching the chaos unfold below like it was the finale of an action-packed summer blockbuster.
The monitor screen displayed a massive golden fox yeeting a flaming green phoenix into the Atlantic like it was Tuesday. Because for Naruto Uzumaki… it was Tuesday.
"Ha!" Superman slapped his knee, grinning from ear to ear as the shockwave from the kaiju-style suplex turned the sea into an angry whirlpool. "Did you see that?! He just suplexed Beast Boy's immortal phoenix form like it was a sack of groceries!"
He turned toward the man beside him. "Bats, are you seeing this? Tell me you're seeing this."
Batman, who was notably not laughing, didn't even blink.
"I'm seeing it," he muttered.
His eyes flicked rapidly across the screen—analyzing, calculating, cataloguing. His fingers danced over the keyboard, typing silently. Every move Naruto made—chakra manipulation, clone coordination, environmental control, elemental shaping, gravitational interaction, vibration frequency, chakra limbs, combat style—was being recorded and logged. Silently. Thoroughly. Paranoid-ly.
Superman tilted his head. "You're thinking of ways to take him down, aren't you?"
"I'm preparing contingency plans," Batman replied evenly, as if he wasn't mentally designing seventeen prototype weapons and an anti-clone chakra dampener right that second. "His power set is too flexible. Chakra constructs, elemental bending, nature-based sensing, deception tactics, regeneration via clone dispersal… all while maintaining absurd mobility and reaction speed."
He turned slightly toward Superman.
"That's dangerous."
Clark chuckled. "He's a teenager."
"So was Dick Grayson," Batman said flatly.
"…Touché."
They turned back to the screen just in time to watch Naruto run up a mountain made of solid wind, leap off the peak, and then use a chakra rocket-punch to clothesline a charging Wondergirl in midair. Golden chakra limbs erupted from his back in wild patterns—like Dr. Octopus and a fireworks show had a baby.
Clark gave a low whistle. "He fights like a Lantern… but he thinks like a ninja. That's… a dangerous combo."
Batman didn't respond right away. He was now watching the residual chakra field Naruto was giving off—how it altered gravity, moved air currents, and even lightly disrupted radio signals.
"He has no real formal education in science," Batman said after a moment. "He's doing all of this instinctively. Imagine what would happen if someone like Luthor got ahold of him and taught him how to weaponize this with precision."
Superman gave Batman a look.
"You mean besides him already being a walking natural disaster?"
"I mean if he started aiming his natural disasters like missiles."
Batman's tone wasn't angry, or afraid. It was just… Batman. Calm. Cool. Absolutely unsettling.
"Are you building an anti-Naruto plan?"
"I'm building six," Batman said. "One for each version of him. Original, clone-heavy, Kurama-mode, elemental, Sage-mode, and… full power."
"…That's comforting."
Superman leaned back in his chair, sighing. "You know, it's okay to just… enjoy the show, Bruce."
"I don't enjoy shows," Batman muttered, but his eye twitched as Naruto created a spiral of chakra sharks to fight Starfire.
Superman grinned and handed him a bag of popcorn.
"…You will."
Batman stared at the popcorn like it had betrayed Gotham.
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Blue Beetle:
If you ever asked Naruto Uzumaki how he imagined a fight in the sky would go, he'd probably say something like "epic ninja flips and maybe a midair bowl of ramen." What he did not expect was to be flying backward through a storm of plasma cannons, laser-guided mines, and floating weaponized scarab claws screaming in some very judgmental alien language.
"¡Desintegrarlo ahora!" the scarab screeched.
"I think your armor just told you to kill me!" Naruto's clone shouted, zigzagging wildly through the clouds. He threw a pair of chakra spears into the air, only for them to be sliced apart by a plasma buzzsaw that materialized from Blue Beetle's gauntlet.
Jaime Reyes grinned awkwardly. "He said you're not technically alive, so we're going all out!"
"Oh, good! I was worried you were holding back while trying to atomize my face!"
The sky lit up with streaks of gold and blue as the two darted through the air like dueling comets. Jaime's Blue Beetle armor shifted mid-flight—rocket boosters flaring, wings extending, and then folding into a high-tech railgun the size of a motorcycle.
Naruto's clone squinted. "I don't know what that is, but it looks like pain."
THOOM.
The sky split with a shockwave as the railgun fired a magnetic burst shot straight toward him. Naruto used wind release to deflect sideways midair, spiraling like a leaf in a typhoon. The clone's chakra arms reached out and hurled a Rasenshuriken like a golden discus of doom. It screamed through the clouds, trailing energy crackles as it made a beeline for Jaime.
The scarab didn't even flinch. A shield dome snapped up in front of Blue Beetle and absorbed the Rasenshuriken's blast like a boss-level tank in a video game.
"Okay, that's just rude," Naruto muttered.
Jaime's scarab chirped:
"Deploy aerial mines. Primary target: unpredictable blonde ninja thing."
As Naruto zipped away to avoid getting turned into a golden firework, several floating mines deployed around him, each humming with glowing red glyphs.
"Oh, come on," Naruto huffed. "This feels personal."
The clone zipped under one, created a quick chakra clone, and swapped places with it in a classic substitution jutsu move. The original clone soared behind Jaime and unleashed a Bijuu Chakra Tail Laser, a brilliant beam of compressed destruction.
Jaime spun midair, armor shifting again into a reflective panel, deflecting the beam upward, where it detonated in the clouds like a mini-supernova.
"You're really hard to hit!" Naruto called out, still dodging bombs and plasma disclets that curved toward him like angry bees with laser guns.
"And you're really annoying!" Jaime shouted back, half-grinning as another cannon morphed from his back. "This is kinda fun, though!"
"Oh, same!" Naruto laughed as he zipped through the air, forming wind drills at his heels for momentum. He added a mental note: Wind-drill feet equals awesome ninja rocket boots. Must try later.
But despite the good humor, Naruto was analyzing.
Hard armor. Reactive shielding. Built-in weapon morphing. Flight, versatility, regeneration.
It was like fighting a chakra-powered Iron Man who was also part transformer, and had a built-in attitude.
And yet… the pilot was still a kid. Jaime's movements were fast but lacked refined timing. His attacks were powerful but scattered. The scarab wanted to kill. Jaime wanted to spar. Naruto saw the internal tug-of-war every time the armor moved.
If Jaime ever learned to fully sync with the scarab?
Naruto frowned.
"This guy would be terrifying."
Jaime released ten drones, all crackling with suppressing beams. Naruto didn't dodge. He let them all fire—
—only for his body to ripple into smoke.
"Substitution!" Jaime snapped, just as Naruto reappeared directly in front of him, golden chakra fists glowing.
"Tag, you're it."
BOOM.
Jaime went flying back from the punch, skidding across the sky like a stone across water, but the armor absorbed most of the impact.
Hovering in the air, panting slightly, Naruto's clone grinned. "Okay. You win tech points. But I win best hair."
Jaime coughed and floated back upright. "I'll give you that. Your hair's weirdly majestic."
Both of them floated there, catching their breath, nodding in mutual respect.
Then the scarab chimed in ominously:
"Target remains active. Initiate vaporization protocol."
Jaime groaned. "No, not the vaporization protocol! We talked about this!"
Naruto's eyes widened. "And on that note—"
Poof!
The clone vanished in a puff of smoke.
Jaime blinked. "…Wait. Was that the real him?!"
"Clone." the scarab replied dryly.
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Just as the smoke cleared and Jaime Reyes thought he could catch a breather from the last clone fight, the air hummed—a sound like a thousand bees trying to beatbox.
Then came the BOOM.
A golden blur streaked through the sky, trailing arcs of crackling lightning and gusts of hurricane wind behind it. If Shadow the Hedgehog had ever eaten a chakra bomb and learned ninja magic, he'd look exactly like what Blue Beetle saw.
Naruto's clone skidded to a stop midair, golden chakra legs flaring with wind-driven propulsion like rocket boots, steam hissing from under his heels. In his right hand, a rotating golden lance had formed—spinning so fast it whined like a turbine, wrapped in glowing, stormy electricity.
"I call this one…" the clone announced with a sly grin, "...The Flashiest Flash Lance! Trademark pending!"
Jaime didn't even get to respond.
CRACK!
The clone blurred and appeared to Jaime's left, slashing with the lightning lance. Jaime raised an energy shield just in time, but the shock reverberated through his whole armor.
WHAM! To the right now.
WHAM! Then the back.
WHAM-WHAM-WHAM! Three strikes from above and below, each one like a golden thunderbolt exploding on contact.
"¡Agh! Scarab, track him!"
"Attempting. Speed exceeds predictive response. Suggest evasive—"
BOOM!
Naruto's clone reappeared right in Jaime's face.
"Peekaboo!"
He thrust the lance straight at Blue Beetle's chestplate. The scarab armor immediately deployed counter-burst shielding, but even so, the electric shock short-circuited some of the external systems.
Jaime's body jerked back from the hit, sparks trailing from his arms.
"Warning: Host muscular response deteriorating. Nerve systems destabilized. Initiating repair."
"Not yet!" Jaime barked. He gritted his teeth as he aimed both arms at the golden streak now dancing around him like a lightning ninja on caffeine.
"Let's see how you like this—SCARAB BUSTER MODE!"
Two massive cannons flipped over his shoulders and gathered energy in throbbing orbs of searing blue light.
Naruto clone saw it—paused mid-dash—and let out a soft, "…oh."
KABOOOOOOOM!!!
A searing double-blast of energy lit up the sky like a second sun. The chakra clone vanished in an imploding swirl of gold, leaving nothing but smoke and a few scattering sparks.
But Blue Beetle wasn't done.
Across the battlefield, another Naruto clone had been standing over Beast Boy's downed phoenix form, curiously poking his feathers. He paused.
"…Huh. I wonder if these are good for pillows—"
ZAAARK!
A beam of plasma sliced from across the sky, vaporizing that clone before he could say "memory foam."
The real Jaime hovered midair, panting and battered.
"Okay," he said, wiping sweat from his brow. "Now I see why Batman always carries kryptonite."
The scarab chirped smugly.
"Confirmed eliminations: two high-threat constructs. Advise tactical regroup."
Jaime groaned. "Yeah. After a nap."
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Wondergirl:
Wonder Girl was not in the mood for pleasantries.
One moment, she'd been holding the line with her team, and the next, a glowing golden chakra Rasengan had plowed into her back like a rocket-powered bowling ball. The force of the hit had sent her flying through three trees, two bushes, and a family of very confused squirrels.
Now she was airborne again—by choice this time—with thunder in her eyes and lightning in her hands.
"You! Blondie!" she shouted, spotting the chakra-clone of Naruto standing atop a jagged rock formation, golden wind swirling around him.
"Oh hey," the clone grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Didn't mean to throw you into a tree. Or, well… three trees."
Wonder Girl responded the way any reasonable demigoddess would.
She charged, sword gleaming, lasso sparking.
Naruto clone's eyes narrowed. "Alright then. Clone-Fu, activate!"
FWIP—FWIP—FWIP!
Three shadow clones popped into place around him, one flipping into the air, one dashing to the side, the last vanishing under the ground.
The first blow came with Amazon fury.
Wonder Girl's sword slashed downward, the force cracking the stone beneath her. But the main Naruto clone had already slipped backward, his Sage Mode senses tingling like mad.
He didn't need to see the blade. The air around it vibrated with danger.
The airborne clone came down behind her with a sweeping kick—only to get caught mid-fall and slammed into the ground with one hand.
"Ow," that one said before popping in a puff of smoke.
The second clone darted in from the left, going low for a sweep.
Wonder Girl leapt over him like a gymnast on caffeine—and then immediately twisted midair to throw her lightning lasso at the original clone.
"Nice try!" Naruto clone shouted, ducking under it and launching a chakra arm that burst from the ground to grab her ankle mid-air.
She yanked hard, spun, and used the momentum to kick one of the other clones in the face, sending him flying into a tree.
Which promptly exploded.
"Okay," the main clone muttered, "She's good."
"Strong too," another clone muttered, reappearing at his side. "Like, punch-you-through-a-mountain strong."
"And swordy," the third added. "Don't forget the swordy part."
Wonder Girl landed with a boom, her mystical armor shimmering as an invisible forcefield absorbed the landing impact. Her hair whipped in the wind, eyes locked on Naruto with righteous fury.
"Are you going to keep sending body doubles," she growled, "or are you actually going to fight?"
"Oh I'm fighting," Naruto said. "This is just how I fight. Welcome to Clone-Fu."
And with that, the real fight began.
Naruto dashed in again, feinting a frontal punch. A clone appeared behind her with a low kick, but she spun in a tight arc, blocking both strikes with her bracers. The clash echoed like thunder.
One clone jumped from above—Rasengan ready—but Wonder Girl whipped her lasso up and yanked him mid-air, swinging him into another clone like a golden wrecking ball.
BOOM. Smoke puff. Double knockout.
The main Naruto clone grinned and kicked forward with chakra-powered speed, dodging her sword with Sage-Mode precision, then spun with a chakra arm whip that sent her sliding back across the dirt.
"Getting tired yet?" he teased.
Wonder Girl gritted her teeth. "Are you always this annoying?"
"Only on Wednesdays. And Mondays. And—okay, all the time, yeah."
She charged again.
What followed was a blur of motion—clones flickering in and out of existence, chakra arms clashing against magic sword, wind pressure shaking trees, and lasso bolts lighting the forest up like a storm.
Despite her insane durability, it was becoming clear Wonder Girl was on the defensive.
Her sword sliced through two more clones, and her armor deflected most of the chakra slaps—but the unpredictability of Clone-Fu had her cornered.
She finally lunged for a decisive slash—but the real clone Naruto had substituted with a branch.
"Wha—?!"
From behind her, he tapped her shoulder. "Tag."
She spun, and a gentle Rasengan was already glowing in his hand.
He slammed it into her armored chest—not enough to knock her out, but just enough to launch her into the air again, spinning like a glowing Amazon frisbee.
She landed with a crash beside a rock formation, hair a mess, face scrunched in disbelief.
"…I really hate that technique," she muttered.
From atop a tree, the Naruto clone shouted down cheerfully, "You're amazing, by the way! No hard feelings?"
She groaned. "Only hard landings."
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Cassie Sandsmark—Wonder Girl, Amazon warrior of epic punch strength—was having a very, very bad day.
It started when a golden Rasengan threw her into a forest. Then she got swarmed by a shinobi and his clones in what could only be described as a ninja flash mob.
But now?
Now things were getting worse.
Naruto Uzumaki—whirlwind of chaos, grinning menace of unpredictable energy—had decided to get serious.
The playful banter? Gone.
The casual clone antics? Replaced by a perfectly choreographed storm of chakra limbs, invisible nature-attuned strikes, and his signature fighting style: Clone-Fu, v2.0—Try and Breathe Edition.
Cassie wasn't breathing much.
"Okay!" she shouted between blocked hits, her sword swinging wildly as she deflected one incoming fist—only for three others to narrowly miss her from behind, above, and somewhere she swore was underground. "Can we go back to the warm-up mode?!"
Naruto didn't answer. He was a blur—golden streaks dancing across the battlefield, glowing chakra arms erupting from the ground, the air, even thin mist. Every time she focused on one Naruto, three more appeared with synchronized kicks, punches, and palm strikes.
One clone went low.
Cassie blocked with her bracer.
A second came from above.
She parried with her sword.
But the third?
It didn't even touch her.
It just… waved a hand.
And she felt her ribs compress as if the air itself punched her.
"What the—?!" she gasped, stumbling back.
Invisible strikes. Nature itself—attacking her.
Sage Mode.
She had fought elementals. She had fought people who could bend light, heat, gravity.
But she had never fought a shinobi who used the actual world as a weapon.
"You okay, Wonder Girl?" one Naruto clone said behind her, completely unharmed and standing upside down on a tree branch. "You look like you're trying to swat mosquitoes."
She launched her lasso with an angry yell, but the clone had already vanished.
From the side, another appeared and struck her side with an invisible punch that felt like a wind cannon.
Cassie gritted her teeth, blocking another flurry of chakra-arm slaps, ducking under a high spinning kick, and using her sword to force back two clones—only to find herself immediately grappled by six more limbs erupting from the forest floor.
"Ngh—You've gotta be kidding me!"
"Sorry!" another Naruto shouted, "I just have too many arms!"
"AND CLONES!"
She screamed in frustration and shattered the bindings, her invisible armor flaring with golden light.
"ENOUGH!"
With a mighty yell, she swung her sword in a wide arc, slicing through several trees and sending a shockwave of wind through the battlefield.
But Naruto—the real Naruto, as far as she could tell—didn't even blink. He stood calmly, his eyes glowing orange with Sage Mode, arms at his sides.
"You done?" he asked, raising a brow.
Cassie panted, her stance slightly staggered, cuts and bruises forming along her arms despite her armor.
"This isn't fair," she said breathlessly.
He shrugged. "It's not a fair world."
Then he vanished.
One punch to her stomach.
A sweep kick that tripped her off balance.
A sudden chakra hammer forming in midair that slammed into her shoulder.
Then a final uppercut—straight to her chin—by a Naruto clone that seemed to pop into existence, hit her, and disappear before she could even curse.
Cassie went flying again, crashing into the soft sand of the beach with a thud and a cough.
She lay there, looking up at the clouds, sword still somehow in her hand.
After a long, wheezing breath, she groaned, "I am never underestimating a smiling ninja ever again."
From a few feet away, the real Naruto strolled over, hands behind his head.
"You're tough," he said cheerfully. "Most people pass out after the fifth invisible punch."
She glared up at him, face half buried in sand.
"…Do you come with a pause button?"
"Nope," he replied, offering a hand. "But I do come with ramen if you survive to lunch."