As the echoes of the gavel faded, a small, folded piece of parchment was deftly slipped onto the young Don's lap. Hermes looked down, his brow furrowing as he unfolded the note.
Sir Aljen, meet me in the Chief's office. I have something to tell you.
Who sent this? Hermes's eyes darted around the room, scanning the departing council members. Venus, Richarde, Chief Zamor, and the Elders were his primary suspects, but each of them seemed preoccupied, carefully avoiding his gaze. Without a way to confirm the sender's motive, he heaved a weary sigh and gave in. He tucked the note into his chest pocket and stood up.
He closed his right hand into a fist and punched it into his left palm with a sharp thwack of resolve.
Yosh, let's do this, Hermes smirked.
Moments later, his escorts arrived to lead him back to his confinement. He had expected the cold, damp stones of a dungeon cell, but the reality was far more comfortable. He was dragged back to the guest room where he had previously sat with the Elder. The guard turned the heavy key, locking him in before the footsteps retreated down the hall, leaving him like a prize dog in a high-end kennel.
Hermes scanned the room intensely from left to right, checking for hidden threats. He placed a hand on his chest and let out a long breath of relief.
Phew, I'm safe. No assassins this time. With the Church at my side, I can finally pivot to Plan B. Plan B was simple: a clean escape to Amerigo, followed by a long flight to Southeast Asia—far away from the complicated politics of Sicily.
"Master, what's next?" the slime asked earnestly, vibrating against his skin.
"I'm still trying to figure that out," Hermes answered. "Maybe I can come up with a new idea after I deal with the backstabbing prick in the office."
"Bad news, Master. I detected a powerful force approaching," the slime reported suddenly.
"W-what? What kind of force?" Hermes shifted into a defensive stance, his eyes locking on the door.
"It's a... force of obsession," the slime declared.
Obsession with what? Hermes's eyebrows shot up in confusion.
"Sorry for the intrusion!"
SLAM! The door flew open with such force the hinges groaned. Venus stood there, her face ecstatic.
"Aaah, it's her," Hermes hissed, recoiling. "It's freakin' Venus. Guards! Help! There's a dangerous existence in here!"
The Priestess ignored his cry and rushed toward him, her face beaming with a smile that felt almost predatory. Behind her, Ylla and Daliah followed, their faces masks of sheer incredulity. For a moment, neither attendant could find the words to stop her erratic behavior.
"Sir Aljen, dangerous? Who?" Venus giggled, her eyes sparkling. "Don't scream, silly. I'm no enemy. Hey—why are you running away? That's rude; you're hurting my heart!"
She lunged to hug him, but Hermes slipped from her grip with a desperate sidestep. "Hold up! Hold up! Calm down, will ya!" He retreated behind a large armchair before she could try again. Whenever she got within arm's length, he lightly pushed her away. It took several minutes of this frantic dance before she finally pouted and paused.
Wait, wasn't that door locked? Hermes realized, astounded. Don't tell me she opened it with raw force? Damn, she's stronger than she looks.
Ylla and Daliah both placed their hands on their foreheads in shared shame.
"We still have time before we leave, and I'm here to talk," Venus said, tilting her head. Her ponytail rested on her shoulder as she reached into her robes, pulling out a coil of sturdy rope and a vial filled with a glowing, suspicious liquid.
"H-High Priestess! Please, restrain yourself!" Ylla snapped, finally leaping forward to confiscate the items.
"Where the hell is the security?!" Hermes cried, now huddling behind the sofa.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about my safety," Venus said, clutching her hands together. A metaphorical beam of pink roses seemed to bloom behind her. "The guards are resting in the lobby—I ordered them to take a break. Little Ylla and Lady Daliah are more than enough to protect me."
I'm not worried about your life! I'm worried about my chastity! Hermes screamed internally.
"Then what were you going to do with those?" Hermes pointed an accusing finger at the rope and the vial now held by Ylla.
"Oh, silly me. It's nothing. Truly!" Venus tapped a fist against her temple and bit her tongue in a "cute" gesture, closing one eye. "I don't think it would be appropriate to confess that I was planning to tie you up, put you in a large suitcase, and smuggle you out of the building. But look! She's taken them away, so it's fine... for now."
F-for now? What would have happened if I let her tie me up? Hermes felt a cold sweat break out.
"How... how can I help you, Milady?" he asked, trying to sound professional.
"Elope with me," Venus blurted out.
Hermes froze. A visible shiver traveled down his spine. As a man of the world, he tried to remain composed, but his mind was racing. Help me, Justin. This is why I don't want to raise flags! The women here are terrifying. Screw you, Stump G!
"Your Excellency, watch your words!" Ylla hissed, noticing Hermes's horrified expression. "That is not the right word. You should say you are helping him escape. 'Elopement' is... inappropriate."
Venus nodded quickly, though she didn't look entirely convinced. Daliah just stared at the ceiling. I pity you, Sir Aljen, the attendant thought.
"Oh, goodness! I'm sorry. I made a mistake," Venus explained, her face falling into a look of mock desolation. "It's not what you think. Well, actually, it is. We were going to slip that potion into your tea, but it felt wrong to do it without your permission. So, we rushed here to seek your approval. But since the method is... improper... we have no choice but to postpone the plan."
Forgive me, Almighty Father, Hermes prayed silently. You were planning ahead of time, Venus? This woman is a menace.
"I'm just so worried," Venus continued, pounding a fist against her chest proudly. "The suitcase method was very effective for my grandmother; she did it to my grandpa when he was convicted. Next time, I'll make sure to hide the ropes better!"
"Say again?" Hermes was agitated. I feel bad for your grandfather. Is he even still alive? And don't hide your motive—just suppress the obsession!
"Ahem," Daliah coughed, trying to regain control. "Milady, your honest thoughts are leaking out again. Look at him—he's literally praying for salvation. Please, keep it balanced." Ylla tugged at Venus's sleeve to stop her from lunging at her crush again.
You should tell her to snap out of it! Hermes corrected in his mind. He straightened his vest, trying to act like the adult he was.
"Wow, this girl is terrifyingly tactical," the slime praised. "That sleeping potion smells strong enough to paralyze a bull. And wait—I smell an aphrodisiac on her gown. What a girl! I like her!"
"Shut it, you're not helping," Hermes muttered subvocally.
"H-how about we sit down first?" Hermes suggested, gesturing to the seating area.
"Thank you!" Venus answered with frenetic energy. She didn't just sit; she sat directly next to him, wrapping her arms around his left arm. The two attendants giggled at Hermes's stiff, wooden expression.
Don't laugh, you vultures, Hermes thought.
"They rushed that trial just to prepare your execution," Venus fumed, her forehead creasing. "Our leader is a disappointing superior. He's the worst of the worst. Do you still really want to hang out with that backstabbing Chief after the way he treated you?"
"I know you're mad, Venus. I know you're dissatisfied," Hermes said, his voice soothing as he tried to de-escalate the woman clinging to his arm. "But that man represents the face of this village. He's the Chief, and the people respect him. Please remember, I'm just a talentless merchant. Unlike me, he had to muster his resolve to hold that trial out of his official obligation."
Or maybe he's just a prick, Hermes added privately.
Venus sulked, tugging on his sleeve. "I'm not the bad person here! He's trying to kill you! I don't mind seeing true criminals hang, but I won't sit by and watch my lov—I mean, an innocent person—die on false charges. I'll order the Holy Trinity to cleanse this domain if I have to!"
"Chill, girl. Chill," Hermes said, flashing a small, calming smile. "Listen carefully. I am still under court surveillance. You are a kind person, but every man makes mistakes. I want to know why he treated me like that, too. We just need to stay professional."
And please, act modest! Hermes cried in his head.
The two attendants exchanged a lingering glance, their eyebrows arching in unison. They hadn't expected such a calm, almost philosophical defense of the Chief to come from a man who had been minutes away from a noose.
'Is this man an idiot?' Ylla's gaze flicked toward the young Don, her nose wrinkling in suspicion.
'I have no idea either,' Daliah replied with a half-smile, her voice a mere breath of sound.
As the Priestess continued to fuss over Hermes, the two subordinates drifted into a silent, intense conversation of their own.
"Is this really the monster we were taught to fear?" Daliah whispered, tilting her head as she studied Hermes. "From a distance, he looks like any other teenager. But up close? He acts like an old soul trapped in a child's body. What do you think, Lady Ylla?"
"I... I'm not sure anymore," Ylla admitted, her eyes narrowing as she watched Hermes gently navigate Venus's personal space. "The ancient relic cleared his name. Either the legends of Hermes Archnemesis are wildly exaggerated, or this boy is something else entirely. Sometimes, when he speaks, I feel a powerful aura—the kind of pressure you feel when a spirit is inhabiting a vessel. But that's just speculation. I have no proof."
Damn, these girls are sharp! A bead of cold sweat rolled down Hermes's neck. He kept his gaze fixed forward, muscles tensing. He couldn't afford a "Possession Event" or an "Exorcism Flag" right now; he had a schedule to keep.
"The Excellency saved him because he isn't the monster," Daliah murmured, her mind drifting back to how Hermes had protected the village's interests during his merchant dealings. "The mobster lord would have burned this hall down. This man... he's different."
"Oi, don't tell me you're catching feelings for him too?" Ylla sighed, rolling her eyes. "Richarde will literally throw himself off a cliff if he hears that."
Venus's ears twitched at the word "feelings." Her eyes flashed with a sudden, possessive spark, and she abruptly began dragging Hermes away from the sofa.
"Umm, Venus? Careful, you're about to dislocate my shoulder," Hermes complained, though he didn't fight her grip.
"Don't resist," Venus commanded. She pressed an index finger against his lips, her pupils trembling as she stared into his eyes.
Oh, boy. Is she actually jealous of her own attendant? Hermes wondered, suppressed panic rising. Look, Lady, I'm not into the 'kidnapped by a priestess' trope. I need to handle this with a very, very gentle touch.
"This place is too loud. We need a quiet place to talk," Venus suggested, effectively shunting him toward the door before Daliah or Ylla could get another word in.
"Actually, that works out," Hermes said, flashing a practiced, gentle smile. "I have an appointment anyway. Let's go."
"I don't mind! Let's hurry before another 'wolf' decides to evolve," Venus simpered, wrapping her arms even tighter around his bicep. "We don't have nearly enough time alone."
"Of course," Hermes nodded, though his internal monologue was screaming.
Back at the sofa, the servants were still catching their breath.
"Eh? No, no! Love isn't the word," Daliah stammered, her face flushing. "I just admire his accomplishments. Richarde is... well, Richarde. But this man has manners, a cold-headed logic, and he walks with confidence even when death is staring him in the face. It's respect, Ylla. Capiche? Besides, Richarde is too busy being a moron to notice."
"Whatever. Just date the perverted moron and get it over with," Ylla said, rubbing her temples.
"Pardon?" Daliah's face went scarlet.
"Forget it. Your face is a beet. Look—the 'couple' is gone! We have to move before something truly weird happens to that boy!" Ylla stood up, hiked her skirt, and bolted toward the door. Daliah didn't need to be told twice; she scrambled after her.
Meanwhile, Hermes was already working on his "Disenchantment Strategy."
I have to make her hate me, he thought with a smirk. Nice guys are boring. I'll act like a cold, arrogant alpha. Let's see how long her 'obsession' lasts when I start acting like a true villain.
"What do you think the Chief is up to?" Venus asked, her lips pursed in thought.
"No idea," Hermes said, staring straight ahead, refusing to give her the eye contact she craved.
"Do you think he'll really try to condemn you tomorrow?" She tugged on his sleeve, her voice laced with genuine worry.
"Don't worry about me. I can handle myself," Hermes said, reaching down to gently but firmly unpick her fingers from his leather sleeve. "By the way, I appreciate you clearing the guards off this floor. It makes getting to my meeting in the head office much easier."
"Wait... are we going to the Chief's office?" Venus asked, her pace slowing.
"Yup. Someone left me this note," Hermes said sarcastically, waving the scrap of paper. "I'm going to see who's behind the curtain."
"Aren't you scared? It's clearly a trap," Venus warned, pointing toward the end of the hall. "Look, there aren't even any guards at the main door. It's too quiet."
"Now that you mention it," Hermes mused, tilting his head, "it was a bit suspicious that the guards just left me alone in the guest room without even checking if I was still sane. They just walked away."
Venus released his arm and puffed out her cheeks, feeling the sting of the joke. "Hmph! They are corrupt employees, that's all. Our 'democracy' here is just bribery on a massive scale."
"Oh? So the little Priestess uses dirty tactics?" Hermes jeered, a teasing smile playing on his lips. "I didn't expect the holy symbol of our domain to be a fan of bribery."
Venus was taken aback. She coughed into her hand, her eyes darting around as she tried to wave the accusation away.
"I didn't bribe them! I only asked where you were. Then, I gave them Lady Daliah's homemade cookies as thanks," Venus insisted, punctuating her defense with another light punch to his shoulder.
"That is the literal definition of a bribe, Venus," Hermes teased, covering his mouth to stifle a giggle.
"No, it's not! I hate you!" she cried, raining a flurry of harmless, light punches on his arm until she eventually ran out of steam.
Good, very good, Hermes thought with devious intent. Women are supposed to hate men who laugh at their efforts. Keep it up! Hate me more, and this 'flag' will break into pieces.
"Oh, is the angry Priestess tired already?" Hermes added, layering on the snark. "Does this humble merchant need to sell you a vitamin potion? Your skin is looking a bit pale; you need it to ensure your beauty stays 'pure.' Plus, those round amethyst eyes of yours need some serious attention, or you're going to end up looking like an old hag."
"Hmph! I hate you for giving such a complicated compliment," Venus said, sticking out her tongue and closing her eyes in a childish pout.
"Is that so? It wasn't even a compliment, though," Hermes denied.
"Never mind. We're almost there," Venus said, her mood shifting instantly. She wrapped her arms around his right bicep again, rubbing her cheek against his sleeve like a content housecat.
Wait, did I fail? I definitely need to find a 'How to Handle Women' skill book, Hermes worried.
As they approached the heavy double doors of the head office, Venus's playfulness dimmed. "Can I come in with you? Sir Aljen, you look... well, you look weak. I don't sense any magic alignment in your body. I should be your bodyguard."
"I know you're worried," Hermes said, halting his advance. He turned to her, grabbing her shoulders to look her in the eye. "But you've served me well enough. Save that 'ticket' for later. Accompanying me will only increase your stress—and stress causes wrinkles. Don't you think it's time to focus on your own life for a moment?"
He softened his grip. "Do me a favor. Next time, don't use your position so openly. Keep it as your trump card."
Venus tilted her head, her lips trembling. Hermes saw the heartbreak in her eyes, and for a second, his "Villain" resolve crumbled.
"My apologies... I will remember that," Venus whispered. She gave him a small, fragile smile that hit Hermes like a physical arrow. It reminded him of his favorite waifu—pure and devastating.
"Don't act so impulsively," Hermes muttered, his hand moving subconsciously to pet her head. "A gentleman like me won't be able to resist such angelic cuteness forever, you see..."
Ooops. I did it again. FUCK! Hermes snapped back to reality.
A metaphorical field of white lilies blossomed behind the Priestess's ecstatic face.
"I love you!" Venus cried, lunging forward and embracing him so tightly he heard his spine pop.
Suddenly, a thin, magical material hit his face. He snatched it out of the air and unfolded the crisp, supernatural parchment. The Virus Headlines had arrived.
[VIRUS HEADLINES: SPECIAL EDITION]
Headline: THE VILLAIN IS CAPTURED!Sub-header: Hermes Archnemesis (a.k.a. Aljen Mura) has been Charmed by an SSS-Class Hidden Heroine!
[Critical Damage: 10,000 to the User's Sanity]
LATEST UPDATES:
The Captured Target: The user is now eternally declared the partner of Venus Aphrodite.
Heroine Stats: Intimacy +100, Charm +100.
Compatibility:MAX! (Whether you like it or not, buddy!)
WARNING:
Obsession Level: Peak. The user is strictly advised NOT TO CHEAT. Any perceived betrayal will trigger "Psychotic Personality" mode in the partner.
Biological Hazard: Do not stay alone with the Heroine. If the two entities "combine," a newborn seed will sprout immediately.
FUCK THIS SHIT, I'M OUT!
Hermes tore the newspaper into tiny pieces.
"Release me, please!" Hermes gasped, trying to push her away, but her grip was like enchanted iron.
"I knew it! Lady Daliah, subdue Her Excellency!" Ylla shouted, finally rushing in to peel the clinging Priestess off her prey.
"Nooo! I need energy!" Venus complained as she was hauled back.
Hermes finally had space to breathe. "Your Excellency, your manners are... bad. Really bad," Ylla scolded.
"Hmph! I don't care!" Venus folded her arms, pouting.
"Sir Aljen, please forgive our Master," Lady Daliah apologized. In the struggle, Hermes's mask had shifted, revealing a glimpse of his true face. He fixed it instantly, but Daliah's eyes went wide.
"Sir Aljen... so you really are him," Daliah whispered in awe.
"Oi, Lady Daliah! Don't you start too!" Ylla barked.
I don't want a harem! I just want to escape! Hermes lamented.
"Wow, Master, you have to avoid these women," the slime commented.
"Yeah, no kidding," Hermes agreed.
"Too much competition," the slime added. "If I were human, I'd be your woman too! I can shapeshift, you know. I could become a beautiful lady if you—"
Hermes reached up and squeezed the slime through the mask. "Shut the hell up."
"Yes, Master," the slime squeaked.