John spent most of his remaining time off in his personal quarters, reading old journal entries, organizing them chronologically and analyzing pieces of data pertaining to various topics he was involved in, particularly trying to figure out the source of mysterious voice that spoke in his head and investigating translated parts from the "library" chamber Keira showed him.
For the voice, he was unable to find any clue - even when checking the logs from brain activity captured by his PEC, Marlow could not see any entries related to anyone else's presence and all that was recorded back then were his own thoughts, as if everything happened only inside his head and no one else was involved. To put it in other words, it pretty much seemed as talking to himself, which would not be taken lightly by anyone from medical team and could have easily put major in isolation, if he was to try and consult it with anyone from medical team.
Should John attempted to go with such a matter to a specialist, he was sure the only reasonable diagnosis would label him as mentally ill or simply. And he could not blame anyone thinking that way about that peculiar event. After all, despite humanity's technological advancement over the recent centures, the workings of a human brain were still largely a mystery and even the implants were making use of only some particular findings, therefore it was quite likely that some events were occurring inside one's head without their PEC picking up anything unusual.
This is how John explained it to himself - a decent way to keep the sanity intact when all the real data was stating otherwise. Not very academic approach, yet he was absolutely sure that this voice was not a byproduct of some weird brain activity, just needed to find more clues. In the end, gathering clues was only possible when he had enough freedom both during and outside regular duties.
Compared to that unusual event, the place miss Evergate named as "library" was undoubtedly physically real and major came to a conclusion it will be the best place for seeking information both about the voice and other relevant matters Marlow needed to address. However, he had to be both quick and careful about it, and needed an excuse to work with Keira to have an easy access to the area, ideally for exclusive usage for as long as possible.
John found it hard to determine when keeping this entire room's real function will no longer be possible. With more people involved, getting his hands on the data would surely get much harder and someone could start looking into why is he even checking specific information. In the worst case scenario, should someone figured out that Marlow tries to find out what is the origin of voices speaking in a person's head, it could lead to big difficulties, even to the point of decision being made that renders him unable to perform duties, including official separation from the rest of the crew, what he already established as a plausible scenario in the event of discussing the topic with medics. That was definitely something he did not want to happen - having his freedom limited would not only be humiliating, but also dangerous in case of anything bad happening during his absence, like acts of sabotage.
Of course, there was also an option of admitting what happened in the underground, including the part about hearing voices openly with colonel McRae. Still, given how Ryan was about official protocols, this would ultimately lead to a standard medical checkup done most likely by Manuela and the sole thought of how she would approach that process sent a chill down John's spine. This concluded any hesitation remaining in him and decision remained to keep it secret, for now at least.
Coming to a conclusion on the matter was one thing, but finding an excuse to be assigned to work with Keira or anywhere close to "library" was a completely different topic. Putting aside the fact that keeping one's intentions hidden during such an important mission was something John considered to be far from ethical, in order to receive a permission from Ryan to work on something, required major to present some kind of gain useful to their cause - and it had to be something colonel would perceive as such, which meant that half-assed excuses would never work. McRae would not allow off protocol operations easily the way Marlow did it with Miss Evergate's recent finding - to be completely honest, John was quite sure of what Ryan's reaction would be should he learned of them keeping something like that hidden from him.
Given what major wanted to be involved in to find clues behind the mysterious voice, he felt that focusing on the materials Keira shared was the best way to figure out why someone like Marlow would need to work with Miss Evergate, who was from an entirely different field of science.
It took about one hour to finally plan the reasoning which could be presented to Ryan and John felt quite stupid for not noticing the easiest path, so simple and obvious now that he thought of it, which even did not require any extra effort to make it reasonable - in the end, further exploring coding patterns in the alien language was something that Keira was still not entirely able to do on her own and it was a perfect opportunity to get access to the "library" without disclosing the finding yet.
While this solution appeared easy and perfect as a justification, Marlow still had to go through a formal process and could not foresee what other plans colonel McRae might have for him.
Whatever awaited John, at least he had a plan in his head, which would hopefully played out all fine. With that in mind, he first went to consult with Keira about her opinion instead of going straight to Ryan, in case there was anything he was not aware of.
- We sure can go with that - Miss Evergate agreed after hearing his plan - I'm using this algorithm we worked on before, but truth be told, it doesn't get everything right, especially when I find new symbols. The complexity is in fact on another level, and this placement change in the library I told you about before is complicating my work even more. I could definitely use some help, though too many people involved is a risk, that's why I don't want having more people around before I do a proper mapping.
Major was about to leave after she said that, but Keira stopped him.
- Wait, that's not all. Remember that I'm officially studying symbols and making a dictionary based on materials from selected rooms scattered in the area and you should only mention the ones we have on the list when you speak to McRae - she sent a pairing request for PEC data transmission - Use this information in case he gets curious. I also suggest you play it like wanting to take it easy after recent events. That way he shouldn't find it weird for you to take on such a simple task.
- Well, I'm not really sure this kind of job can be considered as taking it easy - he told her - You said that almost as if your work was not demanding.
Miss Evergate laughed.
- I guess one feels as I do when they do what they always liked and are being paid for having fun. Honestly, John, don't tell me you never felt about something you did while working being easy, even though it would have been a complex matter for someone else?
Her words hit Marlow quite hard - he did not think about it that much, being focused on all the events happening around, but when exactly was the last time he actually really enjoyed his work? For sure, he had people he started caring about, even if it was not his original plan, yet this fun factor Keira mentioned, it got lost somewhere on the way.
- To be honest, I can't recall when was the last time I enjoyed myself at work. If anything, anything I could label as fun during this entire mission was unrelated to my job.
Keira shook her head and smiled.
- You may have gained a lot in your life. You are handsome and smart, but I can see you don't know much about your emotions. You should have seen your face when we explored the underground or when I showed you the "library". Your eyes were literally sparkling and you looked to me like a kid getting a new toy.
- I don't know how it looked from your perspective, but it wasn't something related to my work.
- You sure about that? There is a chance you may find something you need for your job by browsing through that data. Also, won't joining me for this task be considered a work? John, stop pretending and try to be a bit more honest about what you want and what you need. I know coming here was not really your own choice, but it doesn't mean you should focus only on surviving. From my point of view, not having any fun makes the life completely useless.
John was caught off guard by Keira's sudden analysis of him and conversation going in unexpected direction. While he could not say she was wrong, it did not felt as a good moment to dwell on it.
- I won't argue with you on that, though I would much prefer to do things at my own pace and my way. I appreciate your concern, but I do have my reasons for how I am.
Miss Evergate sighed.
- I get I overstepped here, so apologies for now. Still, I hope there will come a moment when you trust me well enough to share more about yourself. Go get things done with McRae.
Though still confused about this unusual conversation they just had, Marlow left and went in the direction of Ryan's quarters, thinking about Keira's words on the way.
Back when she showed him her find, she was just passionately talking about it and presenting the place, not dwelling on anything else. It was only that, despite them having lots of time and being outside of anyone else's reach, yet she said nothing similar to what they discussed only now. This topic brought up so suddenly made him wonder if his recent demeanor could have caused her to worry. Even more, given how colonel McRae treated him after return and not complaining at all about granting time off suggested there might have been something others felt from his presence. Was it maybe that what happened at First Haven affected him much more than he thought?
It was not John's way to fuss over how others perceived him, unless it was affecting his lifestyle, so without having someone like Keira point things out, he would not usually self-reflect on behavior. Right now, because of this short conversation, Marlow suddenly went into review mode of recent days and immediately realized the way others treated him was in fact somehow different from the usual.
It appeared as if they were approaching him in a gentler manner and trying to see if he does well after the case with Glitter - this was his deduction at least. However, in case he was right, the entire talk with Ryan could go much easier than expected. Of course, it did not mean John wanted to change the original narrative.
Upon reaching colonel McRae's quarters, it turned out the officer was in the middle of a meeting with one of the researchers assigned to lower floors in the underground, including majority of the area uncovered by Marlow's group. Though he could not hear what they talked about, major assumed it was just a regular reporting colonel commonly required for key works happening within their base.
The conversation ended about five minutes after John reached the place. The man leaving the room greeted him briefly and walked away - Marlow recalled the man from archeologist group, but could not remember the name immediately now and did not even have time to do so since McRae noticed him standing outside.
- Please, come in, John - colonel spoke to him - I don't have any urgent matters to attend after that, so I can spare some time. I guess it's something important you wanted to discuss?
- It depends how you look at it - major replied as he walked inside - Since I'm about to finish my time off, I wanted to speak about my further duties. Or rather, make a request.
Ryan reacted by raising his eyebrows before saying anything.
- I take there is something that picked your interest then? Care to tell me more?
The man appeared genuinely curious, which made John relaxed about the topic he wanted to discuss.
- I walked around the base while off duty and spoke with several colleagues, seeing what they are dealing with right now. I helped Keira with technical part of building translation-related algorithms for her research, but it seems what she is finding now creates new patterns and the tools are not entirely sufficient as they are. I wanted to tag along for her research since I have the skills and I feel gaining a bit more insight into the alien language would be useful for my further work, given how the entire underground visit went for us.
McRae did nor reply immediately. He looked into Marlow's eyes, then started moving items on his desk as if giving himself some time to think.
- Given the recent circumstances, I was expecting you to come to me with such a request, though your assignment request differs a bit from what I thought you would aim for first. In the end, you are a tech guy so I thought you would end up joining Martin and other mechanics - he finally said after taking a seat and showing his guest to do the same - Still, I gave you that time off for a reason and I do think that you should take it a bit easier for a while longer. Thus, I've decided from the start that I will grant your request for assignment of your choice. Having said that, there a couple of conditions I want to impose. Firstly, you will be preparing regular reports on your assignment, so I can be sure it produces results. I don't expect anything amazing from the start, but I'm sure this request didn't come out of nowhere. Secondly, you will be required to participate in two meetings a week when we review the progress of research and works happening on the site, so no matter what you do for everyday work, I need you to be here always on time. To be completely blunt here, you have much better technical expertise than I do, thus I need your assistance in case I require an advice. Thirdly, you will be ready for change of plans at all times. This part is the most important as I need to have someone to take over should anything happen to me.
While John was surprised about such a quick approval, Ryan's third condition being brought up in such manner made him worried.
- What happened for you to say something like that? - he asked colonel immediately - Do you have any suspicions?
McRae shook his head.
- Don't take it so seriously, John - he smiled at him - It's merely a precaution. We need to have a clear chain of command secured. Even more so after we lost First Haven. Non-military staff has a number of capable people, but for regular soldiers ranks are important.
- I do get your point, yet I have to remind you that I'm more of a science guy than a soldier. I may have rank, but acting within the regular military protocols...
Colonel laughed.
- Now, that was a good one, John. We all know this situation we are in is far from anything regular, so I don't really expect you following protocols to the dot. Such circumstances require flexibility the most and, to be completely honest with you, all the stuff you went through since we got here, most people wouldn't live through. This definitely means something and it's not just some blind luck. You may be not noticing that, but you surely have a knack for getting through the trouble. Knowing that about you, many people will follow just because of trust. That matters a lot and, frankly speaking, I get a feeling many would follow you over me if it wasn't for the rank.
- If that's the case, our crew isn't a good judge when it comes to putting faith into someone. You remember how we met, Ryan? I didn't even want to be part of this expedition in the first place and, seeing how the things turned out to be, I think my gut was right.
McRae gave him a pat on the shoulder.
- No matter how you got here, you are doing really well so far. Between the two of us, you may feign acting indifferent, but in reality, everyone sees you are a good guy who cares about people around you. That's a quality of a natural leader and your crewmates know they can trust you. And don't get me wrong, you won't be able to handle everything right, but it appears people often consider leaving things to you is the best course of action.
Marlow still considered many things he did to be done only for his own gain and any positive impact on others to be a side effect. The way he was seeing himself was an egoist putting his own business above all, yet he could not discard the fact he helped many people on the way. Even so...
- Not sure how should I react here, Ryan. Is it some kind of motivational speech?
Colonel shrugged.
- Who knows? All I can say is that I wanted to praise you a bit, John. Maybe to feed your ego a bit too? Either way, permission granted and you can proceed with supporting Miss Evergate for the time being. Just don't go overboard.