Growing up my mother always said I was a special boy. Especially when it came to tripping, falling, and other things that would make the strongest of children melt to tears.
I grew up in a boring town, in a boring state, In a fairly controversial country.
That Arizona sun... Scorching my body like a hotdog on a grill. The vast dry dessert I lived a little too close to. Like an actual hell on earth, but I wouldn't call anywhere else my home.
Remember earlier when I said I was special? I have a super power, it's called being Accident prone. Add on the fact that I'm shorter than most guys that live in my home town and you have a delicious recipe for mediocrity.
I would need about 5 or so extra pairs of hands and a few mirrors just to give you a rough estimate of how many scars covered my body. Heck I've almost died more times than I can count.
When I was three my grandmother got the cutest black Chihuahua like ever! Sucker was more bloodthirsty than a wolf though, too much anger for such a tint body. I... tried to pet the pup once, needless to say I have the dogs entire set of teeth mapped out in scar tissue on my hand.
Oh and on my fifth birthday I was playing in the sand next to my grandfather and was stung by a baby scorpion TWICE. You know how many times that happens in a year? Fewer than 20,000 cases PER YEAR to be exact.
But Let's not forget some honorable mentions! Including the time I busted my 10 year-old skull straight into the windshield of a Nissan Altima, Falling face first into a cactus was pretty memorable... Oh! Fracturing my arm by falling up, a flight of stairs. I still can't remember how I accomplished that one...
Well enough of the whole, serious injury thing. You get the picture. But my biggest fall yet? That one landed me Six feet under. Hey, maybe Mom cremated me? Being ashes would be pretty cool I guess.
I'm a 17 year old, straight C student. Turning 18 in a few days, and summer was at the end of the month. I had so many plans, was gonna do so much nothing.
I fancied myself a sort of hippy you know? Cars are bad for environment! (Totally didn't wanna drive cause the whole walking Accident prone.)
So I rode my bicycle home from work and school. Safest bet for little ol' me. Sadly, fate decided to screw me over again that day. My bikes front tire popped like a dam balloon.
See this was an average thing for me in a normal week. So, I pulled over on the sidewalk of a bridge overlooking the big river in my county. In hindsight? Not a good idea.
I took my time fixing my bike, if I rush it the thing would have fallen apart. I leaned against the railing just a little to take a break and... the railing rusted through, exactly where I put my weight.
Falling into the river I busted my head open a rock.
Instantaneous death.
That lead me too... My current situation.
---
"No payment means no passage on my boat lost soul."
"I literally have a 100 dollar bill right here!"
"Out of the way kid!"
An elderly man smacked my leg so I stepped aside.
"Payment old soul?"
The old man brandished two gold coins.
"Here you are Charon."
The ferry man stepped back deeper into his boat and let the old man in.
"Next."
Where in the hell am I gonna get gold?
Sighing I walked over to a rock and sat down, defeated. Placing my elbow on my knee I tested my head in my hand. Taking in the sights.
The underworld.
Snaking off into the distance was a long, deep, glowing green river.
I never really paid attention in mythology class but I can only guess, that's river Sticks.
Or was it Styx? Nah Styx doesn't look right.
Farther down the river was a sight I never thought I'd see in the underworld.
A massive city. Skyscrapers grew up into the darkness, sounds of traffic and city noises flooded all the way out here. The tops of the tallest buildings were shrouded in a black fog.
Closer on our side of the river was alot more depressing. Large stalactites hang from the ceiling. Many stalagmites rose from the ground forcing the ferry line to snake around them. The dark fog from the city covered most of this area.
"They still can't find a way for me to cross Charon?"
"I am sorry Golden soul. It is a challenge when you turn everything you touch to gold."
Glancing over at the conversation I was dumb struck.
An older fancy man stood wearing a toga made of shiny gold hold on, not just his Greek dress thingy. Everything he wore was made of gold! From his sandals to the wreath on his dainty head. Even his hair was golden blonde.
"Sorry to bother you Charon..."
"Something will come up soon Golden soul."
"You said that 100 years ago."
Stepping out of line the golden old guy sat down on a rock not to far away from me. Sighing he picked up a rock.
The moment his fingers touched the tiny rock it slowly turned into a hunk of gold!
"Woah!"
Rushing over I stood five feet away from him.
"How did you do that!?!?"
Turning towards me his face was brimming with an unmistakable look of melancholy.
"Oh this?"
Tossing me the rock he leaned back. The moment his hands rested on the stalagmite, it to turned to gold.
"It's my curse."
"Curse?"
Pointing at the ground he ushered me to sit.
"A long time ago I was once the king of a beautiful land. Known as Phrygia, the land had beauty unlike anything else in the world. I was foolish, the god of wine told me he would grant me any wish I wanted. I was greedy."
"No way..."
This dude is a Greek legend!
"King Midas, the one and only king of phrygia!?!"
"In the flesh. Tell you what, do have any kind of coin on you?"
"Uh yeah I think, why?"
"You listened to an old fool tell his tale. Let me at least help you go across the river Styx."
Pulling out two quarters I dropped them into his hand.
The moment they touched his palms they slowly began to turned to gold.
Golden quarters, cool beans.
Dropping them on ground he smiled at me.
"Now I can cross!"
"I wish it were that easy for me..."
Sighing loudly he looked down at the ground.
"Look man."
I placed my right hand on his shoulder...
"It gets bett-"
Jumping back he looked at my hand with a grim face.
"You fool!!"
Looking down at my hand I screeched loudly.
"My hand!!!"
All the way to the my knuckles had been turned completely gold. I could barely move my fingers.
"W-what do I do Midas!?!?!"
"I-I don't know! Their isn't a cure for my curse..."
Stroking his beard it transformed into golden wire.
Come on idiot think! How do I stop myself from become a 24-karat statue?
"Anything!"
"Aha!"
Pulling a curved golden knife from his pocket he threw it at the ground infront of my feet.
"Cut them off."
"Hell no!"
"There isn't another option!"
"Come on golden old guy, think!"
Checking my situation I was filled with fear. The gold had crawled up my hand.
Scratching above his eye he touched his left eyebrow, which turned to gold.
"Screw it, listen kid."
"Uh huh uh huh!"
"River, stick your hand into it."
"Okay!"
Dashing towards the river bed I heard his voice behind me.
"Don't fall in! You'll most certainly die!"
"Right!"
Pushing past fellow dead people I heard griping.
"Hey no cutting!"
"Watch it loser!"
"Emergency!"
"Just pee on a rock kike everyone else."
Lunging out I landed about five feet away from the river.
"Yes!"
Now all I have to do is dip my hand in and...
I couldn't move my right arm at all. Looking down I began to sweat.
My entire left arm clothes and all, were a beautiful golden color.
Getting to my feet I stood inches from the river.
"O-Okay, stick my arm in probably radioactive water. Easy peasy. Just get a little clos-"
I... Stepped on an extremely round rock.
A rock so round I might have, slipped. I might have also tripped on my own foot.
Okay so I fell in! If you were slowly being turned into one of the worlds most valuable metal you wouldn't pay too much attention either.
With a loud SPLOOSH my body was consumed by the river Styx.
It was... Warm? No it was HOT! I could feel it burning my skin, gifting my supple skin with an unbearable pain.
Gasping for air out of shock I inhaled some gross Styx water.
Boy, not a good idea. The pain I felt inside made me convulse in the water. Seconds later, I blacked out.
---
Some time later...
The sound of waves gently washing against the shore woke me from my slumber.
Staring into the 'sky' all I could see was darkness.
"You can't be serious dude."
"I'll bet my spot in Valhalla on it. Guy just washed up on shore!"
"No one is dumb enough to..."
"What did I say Broger?"
Groaning I sat up. What laid before me was the river Styx.
It's green waters soaked my jeans, turning my shirt a gross green tint. Why the hell is the water so slimy?
"He's alive?!?!"
"Quiet! I think he can hear you."
With a slightly louder groan I got to my feet. Taking off my shirt I turned around.
"You would be right. I can hear you."
Standing infront of me was a tall slender man with purple skin. He had pointy ears and a fancy bow strapped to his back. Leaning down he silently spoke to his friend.
"What do we do Duderick?"
The man next to the purple guy was an extremely short hairy man. He had a braided beard and an oversized axe.
"What's your name River man?"
"You first."
"I am known as Duderick!"
Crossing his arms proudly he nudged the man next to him.
"Oh right, I am known as Broger."
Duderick? Broger?? Weird names but okay.
"I'm Maverick, friends call me Mav."
"Well friend Mav, it's a pleasure. Sadly, we must now take you into custody."
"What why?"
Broger sighed.
"You broke a crucial law. By not paying the toll you'll have to speak to bosses of the underworld."
"Bosses? They're are more than one?"
"Yeah, now lets get moving."
"I don't wanna."
Duderick moved like a blur. Knocking me off my feet I felt his full weight on my back.
"Hurry up Broger, use your magic!"
"It's just a rope..."
"Is it magic?"
"Definitely!"
Broger sighed before binding my arms and legs.
"Definitely not..."
Duderick stepped off of me and grabbed the rope.
"Hades already knows your here. No use running friend Mav!"
"Oh come on man!"
"My name is Duderick Friend Mav!"
Whatever's coming is going to be better than having to hold a conversation with Mister Duderick...
"Where did you come from Maverick?"
"Uh, Arizona?"
"Which one of the nine realms is that?"
"Nine realms?"
"Broger! Friend Mav is human, probably not from our neck of the pantheon."
"Right of course..."
"Y'all are Norse right? This doesn't make sense..."
I don't remember dwarves and elves being Greek myths.
"Friend Mav! What do you know about the earth and its religions?"
"Their are many and get confusing rather easily."
"All is real!!!"
"What the hell does that mean?"
Broger spoke quietly.
"Duderick isn't the most eloquent. What he means is that the stories from long ago about all the gods from all the different pantheons exist. They live in harmony."
"So like Zeus and Odin..."
"Correct Friend Mav!"
" Osiris and Brama?"
"You would be right..."
"Even like... Susanoo?"
"Very real and very drunk..."
Being dragged along my mouth hung open. My whole life I read myology like fictional tales...
But every story, every story is real!?!?!
Talk about a crazy realization...
Dragged down the side walk I got to enjoy the city around me.
Many people of all kinds mingled amongst themselves. Visiting restaurants and working jobs. They even had cars down here!
"Hey Duderick!"
"Greetings!"
"Who's the guy?"
"Law breaker."
"Pour soul..."
After thirty painful minutes we stopped.
"Friend Mav! We have arrived!"
Undoing the knot around my feet he smiled at me.
"Hades is a lenient god! You needent worry Friend Mav!"
Pulling me to my feet I got full view of the building we stopped infront of.
Reaching up into the sky was a tall, disturbingly black, skyscraper. The tallest building in the underworld I've seen so far.
Golden trim lined all the edges and cracks in the sides of the building.
A large circular brazier sat in the front garden. The flame burned a bright purple color.
Above the door. In golden lettering was...
"Underworld LLC. For what comes After life."