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Elisha POV
I woke up feeling more tired than when I closed my eyes. Not the kind of tired where the body aches or the head hurts—no, this was the kind of tired that sits deep behind the chest, like something pressing its hand there and refusing to let go.
Everything I did that morning felt slow. I got up like I was underwater, bathed like someone half-awake in a dream, dragged on my clothes like they weighed twice their size, and still didn't feel fully inside my own body.
When I made it downstairs, I expected to see everyone already eating—Paige smiling, Darcelle talking nonsense, Xavier chewing too loudly—but instead, only Nathan was there, sitting with a cup of something, back straight, eyes distant.
I was about to turn around and go straight back to bed and pretend I never woke up, but he spoke without looking at me.
"Elisha. Can I ask you a question?"
I stopped. Blinked.
"…Huh? Uh, okay—no problem."
I walked over and sat down across from him, slowly poured water into a cup, took a sip, and finally said, "Alright… what is it?"
Nathan didn't answer immediately. He was staring ahead, expression unreadable, as if he was listening to something only he could hear. Then—slowly—he turned his eyes to me.
And for some reason, my breath caught. Not fear. Not nervousness. Just… something strange. Something heavy.
"What do you really want in life?"
I froze.
My hand hovered awkwardly over the cup. My throat closed around every word I might have said. I opened my mouth twice, then shut it again. Even thinking of answering felt like walking barefoot on broken glass.
I looked down at the water.
"…I used to like the days before I was expelled," I finally whispered. "I really want those moments again. I don't mind reliving them, actually. They were the only time I felt loved and cared for."
My voice sounded small—even to me. I hated that.
Nathan stared at me for a few seconds. Then he spoke flatly:
"Are you an idiot?"
I blinked, stunned. "Wow. You know, I just told you something I wouldn't tell anyone, and that's what you have to say?"
"What else do you expect me to say?" he replied, not even raising his voice. "Do you want me to ask what happened? About your parents? Tell you Paige and the others love you? Or say, 'Don't relive the past, there's no point'? Because I'm not saying any of that. I'm not going to make you feel comfortable wanting something pointless."
I stared at him, hurt burning in my chest.
"Of course you'd say that. Your life is perfect. You lack nothing, do you?"
He scoffed, crossing his arms. "You're just full of self-pity, Elisha."
I didn't say anything. I didn't have anything to say. Worse—we both knew he was right.
And I hated that.
After a moment, Nathan spoke again—not cold, but quiet, almost reluctant.
"I don't know how good that past of yours was… but I'd advise you not to wish to relive it. A past becomes worthless the moment you abandon the chance to gain something better."
I lowered my head onto the table.
"…You know, I actually hate you, Nathaniel."
He didn't respond. And maybe that was worse.
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Nathan POV
"I don't know how good that past of yours was… but I'd advise you not to wish to relive it. That past becomes worthless the moment you give up the chance to gain the heart of Mei."
That's what I said.
And Elisha just slowly put his head on the table like a scolded child and mumbled, "You know, I actually hate you, Nathaniel."
I looked at him.
He wasn't dramatic. He wasn't whining. He wasn't even angry. He just looked… tired. Empty. Like someone who'd been carrying something too heavy for too long and finally realized no one was going to help him lift it.
I wouldn't say I pitied him—everyone has their own life, their own problems, their own scars to deal with. But something in his face made a small sting of regret prick my chest.
And I didn't know why.
I studied him for a moment and noticed something I had somehow never realized before:
He was beautiful.
Not fragile, not soft—just quietly, carelessly beautiful, like something that didn't know it was something people would stare at.
I scoffed at myself and looked away. Clearly, I needed sleep because my thoughts were becoming ridiculous.
"Hey, Nathan… where are the others?" he asked suddenly.
"They're at the back," I answered. "Feeding the three horses the old woman gave us. It'll help us reach Thyrelith by evening—like you suggested yesterday."
His head shot up. "They have horses here? That's nice. Wait—so they're all awake, feeding horses, and you're here?"
I gave him a look.
"Do you expect me to watch a horse?"
He rested his chin on one hand and narrowed his eyes at me. Dramatically.
"Given that you're an arrogant jerk, no—I don't."
"Since you're not arrogant," I replied, "why don't you join them?"
He only smirked. "Nah. I've never liked doing that anyway." Then he squinted at me. "Why do your eyes look tired?"
"…What?"
"You didn't sleep last night," he said, pointing at me like a doctor diagnosing an illness. "You sleep early, wake early, never get eye bags—so you definitely didn't sleep early. Sooo… what were you doing?"
"…What was I doing?"
"I know there are a lot of pretty maids here," he continued, serious expression but mocking tone, "but don't you think that's a little too cringy? I mean—were you that horny?"
I hit him on the head.
"Do you really think I would throw myself at some random maid? How low is your impression of me?"
"Ow! Why would you hit me? You could've just said that!" he complained, holding his head. "And besides—I don't trust you!"
I glared, stood up, and turned to leave.
But he suddenly grabbed my hand.
"Hey—where are you going? I thought you said you don't watch horses."
I looked at him.
And an idea formed.
"Let go of my hand," I said.
Then, before he could question it, I added—
"Follow me. I have something to show you."
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