I woke up with the sound of birds chirping on a sunny morning. Honestly, I felt a little sluggish today. As I was about to lay back, Laura knocked on the door as it showed it was time for breakfast. I tried to wake myself up with a bit of stretching. Then I walked slowly to the table to have my breakfast. In my previous life, I usually skipped breakfast, as I always have something to prepare before I started my day. Now I have gotten used to having breakfast in the morning.
"Laura, would you like to have an afternoon tea with me later?"
I asked her with full expectation, but I doubt she would agree. She's been busy running around doing chores, and for that reason, I just wanted her to relax a bit.
"I'm sorry, my lady. You have a meeting with the Duke later."
"Why?"
I asked with groaning. I didn't feel like meeting him. Just the thought of it annoyed me. It was not just because of the Duke, but the way to meet the Duke was full of obstacles. I have to prevent myself from meeting my stepmother and Eliana. I just wanted to have an easy day today. I chewed my food slowly as I felt like I could choke by each bite. It's not because the food was too hard, but because of the thought of what's to come next.
"My lady, I know how you feel about the Duke, but he is a great man. He helped countless people."
"I know, but why was he never here for me. I just wanted him to look at me as I am his daughter."
"My lady, in whatever relationship, communication is very important. Would he know what were you thinking if you didn't ask him?"
Laura always gave good advice, but this time I couldn't accept it with an open heart.
"So you think I should ask him?! And tell him what I feel?! I hate him! For all my life, he never cared for me, why do you think now he would listen. I was once a child begging for a father's attention, but he never stopped and looked at me. All he thinks about is his works."
I was furious, but why my tears kept on falling. I felt like my heart was broken into pieces. I wanted him to look at me, to care for me, to love me, and be a father for me. Those words kept on playing in my mind makes me dizzy and disgusted with myself. I hated him, but those words contradicted my belief.
"Don't cry, my lady. I know deep down you love him. If you stay quiet, would it make you happy? Ask him. It's better sooner than later. Then you would know his feeling. I don't want you to regret it. You have nothing to lose. If he hated you like you thought then you were right. Life will go on as usual. But if it turns out he loves you, you will gain more. Whatever it is, he must have an answer and a reason for it."
She spoke gently as she wiped my tears away and hugged me tightly. Her body felt warm and loving which made me cry some more.
"I'll try."
I replied with a sniff. I knew what her words meant. I guessed she knew me better than I did. Deep inside of me, I knew that my father didn't actually hate me, but I just wanted to know why he did what he did.
After I ate my breakfast, I got myself ready to meet my father. I wanted to ask him, but I was scared. I am afraid to hear the word that he hated me. Despite that, with heavy footsteps, I brought myself to see my father.
On the way there, there was something different occurred. It never happened before, but I am happy with the changes. All the maids that I encountered greeted me happily. I am glad and couldn't help myself from smiling.
Now, I am standing in front of my father's office. I am scared, but I am determined to do what I wanted to do. The butler announced my arrival. As the door opened, I saw Count Maxim and his son, the eldest of the twins, Sir Calisto Maxim. I greeted them with grace, but I guessed with them here, I couldn't talk with my father privately.
"Have a seat, Deanna," my father said.
"Thank you, father."
I said and sat myself down in front of Count Maxim and his son. As I sat down, I accidentally caught myself mesmerized by the beauty of Sir Calisto. His green eyes with a faint brown shine as the light touches. It was exceptionally beautiful and I would never believe that I said this, but his soft pink hair suited his calm and gentle demeanor. Now I know why Eliana liked him. As he caught me looking at him, I was blushed with embarrassment.
"Deanna, I called you today to tell you that your solution has been presented to the king. Although there were some arguments between the nobles at first, now it was all sorted. The king has approved it."
My father told me the great news. I was happy everything was sorted out. I wish the farmers were happy too. I wish for a brighter day each year to come. Not just for them, but everyone here in Quirinus.
"You have a bright and very beautiful child, Duke Remus. If he was a boy, he would rise even higher," Count Maxim said with a smile.
"Thank you, Count. I am glad to help the people in need," I said.
Although I didn't like his statement, I tried to show him a smile.
"Calisto here is one of the best scholars in Quirinus, he will be next Dean of Quirinus. I hope both of you can get along well. Great brain works better together. Isn't it right, Duke Remus? "
He spoke about his son proudly.
"Yes, Count. I am glad to have your son as my daughter acquaintances," my father said with a smile.
"Duke, I think it's time for our talk," Count Maxim said.
"Deanna, can you bring Sir Calisto to the garden for an afternoon tea while I talked with his father?" my father said.
"Yes, father," I said, trying to hide my half-hearted feeling.
"Deanna, after I finished my meeting, let's have lunch together," my father said. He diverted his eyes away from me. He seemed embarrassed, though I am not sure.
"All right, father."
I was surprised by his invitation. He never asked me to eat lunch with him before. I guess it would benefit me as well as I would like to ask and talk with him privately as well. Then I guided Sir Calisto out to the garden where we sat and enjoyed our tea. The atmosphere felt awkward. I just continually sipped my tea, trying to figure out what to say. Then, as I lifted my head to look at Sir Calisto whether he felt the same way as I do, awkward and out of place—we caught each other's eyes. I hurriedly avoided his eyes. I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Then he started to speak with a sweet smile on his face.
"You are good at brewing tea and the tea is not overly sweet."
He said as he was quietly gazing at me before while I prepared the tea. I usually prepare my own tea and I like the way I made it. The only maid who knew how to make the way I liked it, was Laura. Though I would just drink it if others made it, as I didn't want to hurt their feelings.
"Thank you, Sir. I didn't really like it too sweet. So I usually made it less sweet. I am glad you like it."
I said with a calm voice, hoping that he would ignore that my face was like a Pink Lady apple.
"You can call me Calisto," he said.
"You can call me Deanna," I replied.
"Deanna, I think my father is interested in you?"
"What?!"
I was shocked by what Sir Calisto said, and thanks to that, I forgot about the awkwardness.
"Not like that. I mean, for me. He always nags me to marry someone before I inherit his title, and nowadays he never stops talking about you."
He quickly corrected himself for the misleading with a laugh that's as bright as the sun above.
"That's not right. You deserve to be in love and marry someone you love."
I was somewhat glad that it was not the Count who was interested in me, but I tried to make a stand that he should marry someone he loves. He has everything, looks, brain, money, and he seems like a good person. He deserves to marry someone he loves.
"Actually, I don't mind whoever my father chooses, I will just accept her. I heard about you from my father, the thing that you did for our kingdom, but nobody knows how you look like. So at that time, I thought to myself, at least you are brilliant. But now I see you face-to-face, I accept it wholeheartedly."
He spoke calmly, without any concern at all. I somewhat agreed with him—how could I opposed when everything was already planned out. We could only obey them. Marrying was simply a tactic to gain power for the noble. It was very rare for a noble to marry out of love, everything was about power and wealth.
"I think the Count just excited the problem was solved. Calisto, you deserve to be with someone you love. One day I am too going to marry someone I love because he is the one I will spend my whole life with," I said.
He was shocked by my response. Then he let out a charming smile as he let me know that he agreed with me. Though he didn't actually believe it could happen.
"Why I never see you at any party or ball? Even myself, who didn't go out much, would go sometimes."
He asked me curiously. He asked some people before he came here, but nobody knew who I was or what I looked like.
"I just didn't have an opportunity to go and I felt like I would not like it there. Have you ever felt that you just wanted to run away, but you couldn't move? And knowing that you couldn't do anything but smile? That's why I hope one day I will marry the man I love and live the way I want. I want to be happy."
My heart clenched as I uttered the words. It seemed like I played with words without telling the whole story.
After a few seconds' pause, I continued with a soft voice and a faint smile on my lips.
"It is just wishful thinking."
He sat there quietly, without knowing what to say next. Then he let out a little sigh as he knew what I meant. In this place, we never have the authority to make our own decisions.
"Deanna, I am glad I met you, "he said with a smile.
"Me too. I am happy to have you as my first friend," I replied.
We smiled at each other warmly. I am glad I made my first friend.
"So what do you usually do?" he asked.
"Reading… and nowadays I am interested in cooking," I replied.
It hasn't been that long since I was in this body. So I am not really sure what the original owner usually spent her day except for reading. So I thought I should just tell him what I like because the one in this body right now is me.
"Wow, maybe I can try your cooking next time I'm here," he said, full of surprises, as he never heard a noble lady ever went to a kitchen before. So he was curious whether I could actually cook.
"Sure, I'll be glad to share it with you. What about you, Calisto?" I asked.
"Hmm. I'm usually at the palace working," he said with a smile, but any people could see the tiredness from his beautiful eyes.
"You should remember to take care of yourself, okay?" I said with worried.
"Thank you," he said with a shocked face.
He paused his words before continuing. He never felt like this before. Even his mother never said that. Every time his mother comforted him, the only word that she said was: listen to father Calisto. That was the only word that kept on repeating for the past twenty-two years of his life.
"No one ever said that before. Every day is the same old routine for me. It's all about reaching my father's satisfaction. I know my father did that for me, but sometimes I felt tired. I just want to run far away, and leave everything behind. Is it wrong that I disgust my sister? She can do anything she wants without any restrictions. It's all just because she was a girl," he continued, with a voice full of sadness.
I understand what he meant. I felt sad hearing his words. He deserved to choose what he desired and be happy. He, as the next heir, should rise even higher than his father. The title of Dean of Quirinus and the one that would lead above all the scholars was in his hand. Hence, there should be no sign of weakness shown, as it could eat him in the future.
His life was filled with bruised from the cane or scolded by his tutor. His father believed that it was the right way to teach and he encouraged more. Some days he would have a sleepless night just to remember books that he was asked to read. He sometimes blames himself for being slow. He has to work harder than anyone else. If he said he couldn't do it, he would be given double the chores. If he cried and protested not to do it, he would be locked up inside a dark closet. He would bang the door continuously until there was no energy left in him. So if anyone opened the closet door, they would saw a claw-marked gasping to go out. His mother would open the closet door each time the punishment ended and gave him a warm hug with her tears that slowly fell down. As a woman, his mother could not do anything but only comforted him. Every time he saw a group of children playing, he would steal glances once in a while, wishing he was there as well. The pressure and the stress grew each day. Nothing felt right or wrong. The only way that was written in his mind was: I have to be better.
"I am sorry for rambling. It felt comfortable with you, it felt like my stress was lifted," he continued with a sigh of relief.
I felt bad for him. We never knew what others had been through. They might be smiling brightly, but deep down, they could be trapped inside a winding, dark tunnel with nowhere to go. No one could deny, anywhere we've been through was like a masquerade party. Everybody hides behind their mask.
At that point, I knew I could trust him. With that belief, I decided to ask him if he would like to join me and help the children. I believed he would make a good tutor and a brother to these children. Moreover, with him by my side, I would feel a bit safe.
"Calisto, I would like to ask you something. Can you promise me you won't tell anybody?" I asked with a soft voice.
"Sure. I'll be happy to help. Anything within my power," he replied, curiously.
"Promise?" I asked him again, hesitantly. I am just testing him, although I knew he was telling the truth.
"Yes, if I broke my promise, I allowed you to do anything to me," he said, as clear as he was making a solemn oath.
"Haha. I was just joking. I trust you," I said with a laugh.
"You asked me before what I usually do, right? Sometimes I went out to see the children in the town. I've seen many things I wish I hadn't. The children work each day, but by the end of the day, they get robbed. They were beaten and abused by an adult who was supposed to protect them. Every day fighting for food," I said with a trembling voice and was about to cry.
I paused for a bit to regain my composure, then continued.
"Despite all that, they always smile. I want to help them. I want them to be happy. Would you like to join me?" I said with sadness and my tears fell drip by drip.
I couldn't control myself when I started thinking about the children. My heart felt tightened as I was trying to stop crying. I didn't know what was going on with me. I'm usually a person who doesn't cry much. I was always strong enough to hide everything.
I lowered my head, as I was ashamed of how I would look at that time. Every time I wiped my tears, my cheeks got wet again. I tried to think about happy things, but every time I search inside my memories, I seem couldn't find any. Then Sir Calisto stood up and moved beside me. He held my chin gently to his side and wiped my tears away. He had never encountered a situation like this before, and this was the only way he could think of at the moment, the way to comfort me, as his mother used to do.
"I'm fine. Please stand up," I said with a sniffle. Maybe because of embarrassment, I started to settle down.
"Please don't say that. You're making me more worried," he said as he knew I was lying.
Then he continued wiping my tears without a word.
"Thank you, Callisto. I am not usually like this. I can't believe myself."
I said as I pushed his hands away. I could die from embarrassment right now. We've only just met. I know that I felt comfortable with him, but it doesn't mean I could cry in front of him. I'm still the same, even when I said I wanted to change. In my real life, although I didn't have a close friend, I tend to share a bit of myself with any of my acquaintances. It doesn't matter if we've just met, as long as I started to feel comfortable. It was like leaving a piece of me to prove my existence. But I've never cried before. Now I started to feel frustrated with myself.
"It doesn't matter how long we've met, we are friends now. Promise me, you tell me all your doubts, never shoulder it all alone."
He said as he stood up to move back to his seat. His face looks sad, but he tried to give me a smile.
"I'll help you, Deanna. Tell me whenever you plan ongoing."
He said with a clear and assured voice. He was once a sad child who tried to make a difference. Each day was a repeated sequence. As the eldest child, he was obliged to follow everything that was written in the noble book. He has to carry the pride and responsibility as the next heir. Although he was once a child, he never felt like one. He once read a book about a boy who plays under the sun with a smile on his face, running across an open field. He never finished reading it, as he believed it was all a lie. As a young child who was only starting to learn how to read doesn't want to live in a tall tale. As he was scared it would turn into hope and dream.