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"I don't understand why you think I'm the right person to ask. You could ask a therapist, a priest, anyone experienced with human psychology."
"…No, one is paid to comfort you and ensure you don't become a danger to yourself or society. The other uses the doctrine and teachings of Melis' direct disciples from thousands of years ago to lead people on paths that may not be the correct path they want to take. I'm sure anyone else would tell me to not think about it too much at my age and that experience will allow me to find an answer on my own…"
She gritted her teeth, "But I don't want to live this life anymore! This life that almost ended in my death! The path I'm on is no different from suicide! How can I continue to walk it if I still want to save people!? I've been blind for so long and no one attempted to correct me throughout my 20 years of life! I even blamed them for my own stupidity. Pin the blame on them then I won't feel ashamed or have any guilt! But…"
That's no way to live, she continued.
"Why not abandon your way of living for a while until you find the answer yourself?" he asked after a moment of silence and listening to her bated breaths.
She never stopped that way of living at this point in the game and no danger really came her way that she or her comrades couldn't handle. That said, she had the powerful Golden Aura user as her comrade so that's not surprising.
Luke seems to be a shield for pretty much every character since he's so kind. But that this is how Adavire died a gruesome death later on—because she relied on him to make up for her flaws so that she can continue being kind and seeking redemption for others regardless of how evil they were.
"Stop… saving people? Haha… I don't think that would be possible. If I see crime happening in front of my eyes, my body would move before I can think—that's how I grew up. I am incapable of allowing evil to happen before my eyes. But that's exactly why I'm desperate to know what path I must take… One that doesn't deviate from the path I'm on completely but also won't always lead to my death for the sake of staying on that path…"
"In other words, you don't want to stop being their hero."
But she wants to avoid self-destruction at the same time.
"And yet you don't want to change." Which is what she meant by wanting to stay on the path she's already on but not deviate from it completely, "Are you stupid?"
"W-What…?"
"You can only choose to be righteous or smart. Being both in a situation that requires you to be smart will cause your death even if you want to change. What does righteousness give you? Does it make you feel good about yourself, Adavire? Do you sleep better at night knowing that no one is opposed to your methods even if it means you're in danger most of the time because you don't want your karma in the divine realm to be bad?"
Pfft—Hahahaha!
He laughed, which made her bite her lip silently.
There's no need to say anything back, she thought.
If it's him, he knows what he's talking about.
So just take all the humiliation with a strong will.
"You know, you could always just rely on others." After he stopped laughing, he said with a serious expression, "Decision-making won't be your sole responsibility. But I guess you don't like the idea of that since you would be a coward, right? Leaving it to others—that's not the way a Hero should think. But Adavire, I'm being called a hero by these simpletons who used to talk behind my back and call me a tyrant. They would call you the exact same thing, regardless of how you save lives."
"…"
"Why do you think that is? I'll answer for you—no one really cares if you're righteous or not. They only care about strength and what you choose to do with it. If you use it to save them, they forget all your past mistakes and wrongdoings and latch onto you. That's how we humans have managed to build communities—we relied on the strong but it's not a parasitic relationship since empires were built because the strong fought in our wars and the weak developed the country."
Maybe he's a hypocrite for saying this while not revealing that he killed all those people in Nuaria city.
"I must use… my strength to save them…? W-Why are you telling me something I already kno—"
"Read between the lines of what I'm saying Adavire. You don't need to choose between being good and being smart. You need to be smart enough to stay alive so you can keep doing good."
He didn't stop there.
"Stop treating every life as if it must be saved by you, right now, at any cost—especially your own."
Adavire lowered her head as her shoulders trembled. Then a whimper escaped her.
"I-I wanted to save the demihumans… I wanted all of us to… hic sit together and… be friends… hic am I… am I stupid?"
"No." despite asking if she was earlier, he gave a firm answer.
Her eyes widened as the tears continued streaming down.
"You were just naïve. There's nothing foolish about wanting peace," Arnold continued. "There's only foolishness in believing everyone else wants it too. Those demihumans didn't care for it since they were taught from childhood that fighting is their only way of life so they would die with a smile on their faces knowing they went out honorable as warriors."
Her lips quivered.
"I thought if I just showed them sincerity—"
"Then they would mirror it back?" he finished for her. "That is the lie kind people tell themselves. Some will. Some won't. Some will smile while fitting your chains."
At that, her breathing hitched.
Because that was exactly what had happened.
"I was so scared…" she whispered while hugging herself. "When they grabbed me… I thought… I'm going to die here… and nobody will even know why."
That's when the tears really came.
"You were allowed to be afraid," Arnold almost said she was allowed to be stupid but found that mocking her won't change anything. "And you are allowed to never put yourself in that position again. That's the gift Melis gave us—free will. Decide what we want to do by ourselves."
Her hands flew to her face.
"I wanted to hear that…" she sobbed. "I wanted someone to tell me that…"
Her breathing became uneven.
"I wanted to believe in them… since there were so many people I've met in the past who wanted to change. Criminals who abandoned their past and attended church, volunteered to help charities and got jobs. I thought everyone was redeemable like them if just given enough time!"
Her nails dug into her palms.
"But those beasts are different…" she muttered something as her mind flashed with the scene of her ripping their heads off and laughing at their horrified faces.
…
Look who's laughing now, bastards! Fucking die! How dare you treat humans less than bugs!
…
"I wanted to believe we could understand each other… that if I just spoke honestly… if I just showed them kindness…"
…
Where do you think you're going, kids!? If you grow up in a human territory, you'll grow up to be a beast that slaughters everyone around you!
…
Her voice cracked.
"But they laughed at me."
…
Don't bother pleading for mercy! The only mercy I'll spare you is a quick and painless death!
…
Tears spilled freely now and snot blocked her nose so her voice sounded nasally.
"They looked at me like livestock."
Her body shook.
"They dragged me like an animal… Tore my clothes… Violated my body…"
Then suddenly—
"They're beasts!"
The words tore out of her throat.
"They're beasts that need to be culled! Every single one of them! I should've let them all burn! If I had the strength, I would go back there and kill them all! Even the children! That will be their SALVATION! They'll be saved from having to live a life of savagery forced on them by their elders!"
The silence afterward was suffocating.
Elna definitely heard that, as her eyes were wide and her pupils were shaking.
And then, almost immediately, horror crossed Adavire's face.
"…N-No…"
Her hands flew to her mouth.
"No… that's not…"
Now she's crying harder.
"I don't want to think that… I don't want to become that person…"
'Well, now I know what that Sense of Duty means.'
"I-I can't think like them… I can't view another living being like that…!" as if her head was hurting, she wrapped her arms around it and screamed. "I-I wouldn't be able to face Guinevere in the afterlife if I kill all of them…"
"What if I were to tell you… even that woman you admire so much, despite having never met her or seen her, would think the same thing as you?"
"W-What…?"
"Irredeemable. That's what Guinevere would say to those who would kill humans so easily. If you take a life yet you don't regret it, you are evil and therefore irredeemable."
Then you're the target of the demigod who could almost rival Prime All-Father in strength.
"D-Don't talk about her that way! You don't know anything about her!" she grabbed him and pulled with strength he didn't know she had, to scream in his face.
"I don't? How about I let you meet her?" like a ghost, he went right through her trembling hands.
"E-Eh?" before walking past her, he put a hand on her shoulder.
"Come to me once you're finished your treatment. Then we'll go see Guinevere."
**
"—How did it go…?" Elna asked hesitantly. She remembered the outburst Adavire had earlier but it seems she had calmed down so maybe she didn't mean all those things?
"Be smart or kind… But never both. That's what he told me." Still staring down the hall he walked down, she said in a daze.
She recalled that hand that left her left shoulder mere moments ago.
A strong hand.
That hand felt reassuring, like a mentor there to protect her in times of danger. She wanted to feel that hand more as she believes it's the only thing that can make her feel safe.
"… If I just put all those rivalry rumors to rest by becoming his friend, would he have helped me back then? Would he have come for me and reprimanded me for being stupid?"
"Lady Adavire… Don't tell me you fell for him… He might be stronger and more experienced than you but—"
"…That's not it. Elna, I have never had a role model in my life. Guinevere can't be called that as I don't know her nor do I know if she really was as legends described her."
Kind and smart, just like Adavire wanted to be. On top of that, she was a powerful Valkyrie. Adavire let some fabricated stories shape her entire life. That said, being kind is important as without that, evil can manifest and overwhelm humanity.
But too much kindness is just as dangerous so you should be smart about who you're kind to.
She finally understood what Arnold meant.
"You… look up to him?" as if she never expected to hear these words, Elna asked, dumbfounded.
"He's my junior and yet… He's faced far more dangers that I have ever—no, I have never faced a single danger apart from what happened at the fortress. He has faced many yet others dare compare me to him. What happened to him for him to know that trying to be both kind and smart will take more lives than picking either?"
"…So, what will you do?" worried that what she heard were Adavire's true thoughts, Elna asked hesitantly.
Adavire stared at the blue sky outside the window, "Firstly, I want to meet with the woman whose legacy I've sworn to inherit. If she can't tell me what to do… I'll find a different path…"
But which path? Will she plead to Arnold again to help her? Or does she want to rely on him to make difficult decisions for her and she'll just follow everything he says?
'If only I could ask my future self what I must do…'