A sore, burning agony. A mixture of pain that borders on exhaustion and the sharp crying of nerves. My consciousness rises up. It's the type of sleep that you rouse yourself from, that you realize that you were in.
(I was sleeping...?)
-!Crackle!-
-!Schlick!-
-!Saaaaghhh!-
The memories cascade like rain against a window, pooling at the bottom of the sill.
(The Nightshades.)
The fire. My fight. My self-sacrifice to prove that I could do it, to others, but mainly to myself. To show myself that I wasn't an easy murderer, a coward.
I wake up now.
"Agh!"
Drowsiness would no longer hide my agony. I was waking up but so was the pain. I kick out, but with a horrid fear, my legs feel sluggish and unresponsive. Frozen.
Do you understand the fear of knowing that your body is damaged, and the only thing hiding you from the pain is your own lucidness? Like shock, morphine, or adrenaline, the shield from the pain would fade and all that'd be left would be the torrential flow of pain against your mind and body.
(Oh God...)
"Hey... are you up?"
There's a muddy voice to my right. With additional horror, I realize that even my ears feel cloudy and mucked up. Did I damage my eardrums and the hairs within them? What if I can't hear anymore?
I thrash out, panic setting in.
"Hey, easy, easy-"
I feel a pair of hands grab my shoulders, trying to make me stop and-
"DoN't tOucH mE!!!"
"Hey!!"
"AgGrrRrrghhh!!"
The rush of movement causes a rush of excruciating pain to flare, and I fall back down and shake, tears in my eyes.
(I- I'm so-)
"-weak..."
(Pathetic.)
I'm pathetic. An idiot. A goddamn idiot who killed his neighbors and had to prove something. Just a child throwing a tantrum, now trying to get sympathy by hurting myself. I'm an idiotic child putting my hand on a hot stove and doing it again and again and again but, so, so, so much worse.
The tears fall from my eyes, but the rivulets don't travel evenly on my face. Bandages... burns. I can envision warped, contorted skin. I close my eyes, but all I see within my inner mind's eye are raging flames and black masses of tall, inhuman bodies. A small sense of satisfaction wells up within me. I killed the Nightshades at least, but at what price? Why did I do this to myself?
(Actions and consequences. Prices that must be paid.)
"H-how badly damaged is my body?" I rasp out to no one, everyone, that sole person who is there. "Who are you?"
"...my name's Jeff. The guy from earlier."
(That homeless dude?)
My memory flashes back to my previous conversation and encounter and I suddenly remembered. Although, it begs the question, how did I forget him in the first place?
(This careless mind. I didn't consider him as an element in this story. I already forgot him.)
[Constellations wonder how you will react.]
"Why- how am I alive?"
I lay there unmoving, totally defenseless. This Jeff can do anything to me, if he hasn't already. Torture me, kill me, touc- nevermind.
"I heard screams and shouts and saw smoke. I rushed over here and saw the forest"
"Woodland," I interrupted.
"-uh, the woods burning."
[Constellations realize how nitpicky you are.]
"I was curious and was about to leave, but then I saw you..."
There was a curious trail at the end of his sentence.
"What... what was I doing?" The question, the curiosity, the want of knowing, it burned at my heart.
"Some weird black masses in the fire were trying to grab you but you kept fighting them," Jeff answered quickly. "You got away and I picked you up out of the river."
"The monsters. Are they all dead?"
"Uh, I don't know. Nothing came out of that fire. Did you cause it?"
This man's question felt like a barb.
"No," I answered instinctively. "It's a thing those monsters do. It's a one time thing, though. Kinda like a suicide tactic. They do it when they try to trap their prey and kill it."
[Constellations of Absolute Good shake their heads from your constant lying.]
[Constellations of Absolute Evil wonder where your deceit will take you.]
[Constellations are amazed by your shameless projecting.]
[Constellation "Chained God of Trickery with the Poisoned Face" clicks his tongue repeatedly in disappointment.]
[Constellation "Chained God of Trickery with the Poisoned Face" wonders what you are plotting now.]
[Constellation "General-Slayer" shakes their head in dismay.]
[Constellation "Emperor of the Large Golden Palace" makes a toast to your broken body.]
So much noise and yet so much silence, silence from the one thing that mattered the most. This human, this being, this person named Jeff... he didn't respond. Was my lie not careful enough? Did I not construct it right?
(I need to add more to the lie, or deflect, but not make it obvious. A poorly made lie is like fool's gold in pure water; trying to cover it up is like pouring dirt onto it - it just muddies everything up.)
Just as I was about to speak, I hear a soft, "Hey."
There was something unnerving about it to me. Not because it was creepy or dangerous, no, it was the opposite. The voice sounded worried and disarming, like a nurse's or a doctor's.
Like talking to a patient.
"Are you okay? You're banged up."
[Constellations of Absolute Good are finally relieved to see a decent human being.]
(Fuck you bastards.)
I close my eyes against my rage, which invigorates my pain. I could feel it the heavy hands of damage grasping me.
"No, I'm not okay," I admit. "You patched me up, right? How bad is it?"
Silence once again. This guy wasn't talking. I hate hesitancy, so much that I became a person who rushes in blindly no matter what.
"Hey!"
(Argh!!)
Despite this human being's protest, I try to get up and start coughing. My hoarse voice gives way to hacking and then I realize that my even my insides are burned - my lungs, my esophagus, probably my brain as well. The carbon monoxide could've affected my oxygen intake.
(I'm surprised I'm not brain dead.)
But I could be brain damaged. As if I could become any worse.
(Although, I'm surprisingly lucid while being brain damaged.)
[Constellations are looking at your injured body.]
[Some Constellations are wondering if you can continue through the Darkwood Scenario.]
[Some Constellations are impressed by your performance.]
[Many Constellations are disappointed by your performance.]
I look at the messages flashing before my eyes and my weak heart burns in rage - a different type of fire. I nearly kill myself in a fight against myself, against others, monstrous or not, and this is what I get?
I don't know if it's embarrassment, pettiness, or pure rage, but a strange heat rises through my body. What do they know? What do those bastards in the sky who can only sit on their laurel-covered-asses know about me and my struggles? What gives them the right to ascertain my performance, to- to-
(...to judge me?)
Judgement and opinions from people - from beings - you don't even know. The types of gazes that deflate instead of encourage... I can feel the fire inside dimming from all of their stares.
"Hahahahahaha..."
[Constellations are wondering if you've grown more insane.]
I try to straighten myself out, causing my recent savior to nag me, but I ignore him despite my pain.
"Wait, stop, you're hurt!"
"Back-
I suck in my breath and sit up no matter what, no matter how much it feels like I'm being stabbed in the chest, no matter how much the pain grabs my brain like a wraith and clutches, sending surges of agony throughout my system.
"Hahahahaha!!"
I keep laughing. Laughing from the absurdity of it all. It shakes my body which causes more pain. The thing I wanted to be proud, my fight, now gives me this... suffering. It wasn't worth it in the end, was it?
[Constellation "Chancellor of Anti-Semitism" looks at you.]
I look at that one Constellation message, which carried no comment.
(You'd know about committing to losing fights, now wouldn't you?)
-Tsutsutsutsuchut!-
[Well, well, well, this defies expectations while falling into them. Funny, how both things can exist at once.]
"Oh-! Oh my God!!"
The sudden appearance of this person - or supernatural being, more aptly - caused Jeff to panic. He got up and ran, only to stop a few feet when he realized what he was about to do: leave me behind.
(It's okay, man, just go.)
I look up and see my new visitor. Since I was still in the woods, this wouldn't be a hospice wellness check, right?
"So, I see
[A majority of Constellations are appalled from your disrespect towards a Dokkaebi.]
[Excuse me?]
Yeah, it was Dokkaebi Herald looking down at me. Dokkaebi, one of the only beings that could move so freely in the scenarios.
"You
[I should pop your head like a balloon,] Dokkaebi Herald said blithely while crossing his arms.
"Eh. No big deal to me. If I was upset about dying, I'd run for the hills," I said. This time, I didn't cough or rasp. It was the clearest, most un-pained sentence I said.
[Hmm. Maybe something that'd pain you would be the promised contract. I wonder how you'd react if I took that away then?]
[Constellations are wondering what you're talking about.]
This time, a little panic bubbles in my chest. Dammit. My near-death experience... it made me lose sight of my goals. Money, power, survival. My biggest motivators.
(Heh...)
"I am... a bastard."
[Oh, no doubt about it... Well, maybe that was a bit too harsh, but you're a headache, at least,] Dokkaebi Herald amended.
[A majority of Absolute Good Constellations agree with Dokkaebi Herald.]
[A few Absolute Good Constellations admonish their peers for making their evaluations too soon.]
[Absolute Evil Constellations are amused by your words.]
[Some Constellations are saddened by your statement.]
I rolled my eyes in tiredness and irritation at the Constellation's messages.
"Hey, wait..."
Jeff was still lingering and Dokkaebi Herald and I turned to look at him.
[Human, my apologies, but may you give the two of us some time to hold a private conversation? I must speak to Ethan Nakamura.]
Jeff looked like he was at a lost for words, and it even seemed he was going to resist, but he balked when Dokkaebi Herald uncrossed his arms, his fingers clawed, as if ready to point them.
"Okay, okay... I'll go," Jeff said, lifting his hands in a placating manner.
"Good," I muttered underneath my breath. I turned my attention back to Dokkaebi Herald, ready to say my piece.
"I'm an unfair man in an unfair life. If I didn't know that, I wouldn't have done what I did, take advantage of what I could. You win some, you lose some. If you take this opportunity from me, fine by me." I add the cherry on top. "If I wasn't resigned to such, then I'd never move forward from all the second guessing."
[Some Constellations are impressed by your words.]
[A majority of Constellations think you're lying to yourself.]
I just wanted Surt's stigma, Flames of Muspelheim. Even if I didn't get it, I'd still manage. What would I do? Kill myself from the bratty disappointment I'd feel? I wasn't some melodramatic child who cries "This is the worst!" and feels like the world is ending all the time.
Any decent world for me to exist in ended a long time ago. All that's left is reality.
(And reality is cruel.)
Reality got turned into the Scenario System. It's either keep moving forward and survive or just die. Two simple outcomes and right now, I didn't care about anything else.
[Hmm, very convincing, very interesting,] Dokkaebi Herald said sardonically, interrupting my thoughts. [Sadly, much to my chagrin, the tides are turning in your favor, Ethan Nakamura.]
[Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" is looking at you.]
[Despite it all, the Black One still wants you. You were impressive enough for his grand Constellation sponsorship. You should be grateful.]
I look at Dokkaebi Herald and then the sky. My head just falls and I end up staring at my lap and... I just start laughing. All over again.
"Hahahahahahahah!!"
A little boisterous, a little strained, a little manic and a little joyful.
[Are you... alright?]
[Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" wants to start the contracting process.]
[A majority of Constellations are disturbed by your behavior.]
"Okay, I'm ready. Although, I don't know if I'm worth much. I'm kinda crippled right now."
I lift a haphazardly stitched and bandaged arm, and the jolts of pain are so much it turns my limb off like a switch, disconnecting it from my brain. It flops to the side and the agony makes me howl in laughter again.
The Dokkaebi are known to be voyeuristic, drama seeking beings who are looking for the next adrenaline-inducing scenario for their viewership. When they get whipped up into a frenzy looking for the next scenario, you see their inhumanity and how they don't live in accordance with human morals.
Yet... yet I could see a disturbed expression on Dokkaebi Herald's face.
[Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" can offer a solution.]
[An unnamed Constellation is expressing interest in this scenario.]
[An unnamed Constellation is revealing their modifier!]
[Constellation "Egyptian Thought" is ready to offer advice for the following procedures.]
(A new Constellation? Wait a minute...)
"Following procedures?"
[Yes,] Dokkaebi Herald stated. [In your current state as of right now, you cannot serve anyone, much less yourself.]
(Okay...)
[Which is why the Black One is offering you a deal. A gracious one. He will - essentially - save your life from the brink of death.]
-!Snap!-
A contract appeared in front of my eyes.
[Of course, for an intelligent young man such as yourself,] Dokkaebi Herald said almost mockingly, [you understand that there will be... a price.]
Blue windows, once again, appeared in front of me.
(This bastard...)
I read the contents. I didn't like what I saw.
I looked up at Dokkaebi Herald and the invisible camera broadcasting me to Surt. These bastards, did they really think I'd readily agree to this?
===
[Stream Contract Agreement]
1. Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap), Dokkaebi Herald (Gap), and Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) shall enter a mutual three-way contract that, once signed, will have non-negotiable terms that must be obeyed by all parties in accordance with the Laws of Star Stream. This contract is fully binding and will only terminate at the conclusion of the contract or if all parties mutually co-sign on termination.
2. Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) will provide exclusive sponsorship to Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) until the full completion of the Main Scenarios or until the Incarnation's time of death.****
3. Dokkaebi Herald (Gap) shall have full broadcasting, video, image, and subsequent media rights of Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul). Dokkaebi Herald (Gap) shall not substitute the main subject of his channel (#HE-2020) with any other Incarnation besides Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul), nor will Dokkaebi Herald (Gap) make Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) and Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) switch channel providers. Livestream channel #HE-2020 shall be the sole provider for Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) and Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) within the Star Stream. Runtime proportions shall be a 70:30 split, with Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" taking the 70 percent portion of streaming runtime. Once signed, Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) will be under broadcasting, video, image, and subsequent media protections that will fall under the provision of Dokkaebi Herald (Gap).
4. Dokkaebi Herald (Gap) and Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) shall attain commission pay from channel #HE-2020 and divide it in a 5:5 split. Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" shall provide a portion of this pay to Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) in the form of sponsorship via coins, items, or similar enhancements. All sponsorship, monetary or otherwise, will be at the discretion of Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) and the sole subject of this sponsorship shall be Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul).
5. *For exclusive sponsorship under Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap), Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) must propagate the fame/infamy of said Constellation under said Constellation's discretion, as exemplified by dialogue, monologue, or similar promulgations, e.g. oral, written, recorded, livestreamed, or otherwise. The rate of this propagation shall be a fixed quota; Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) must take action, indirect or otherwise, as partially exemplified above, for at least ten separate accounts within the timeframe of 48 hours. If necessary, this will be a mandated action; Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) solely retains the rights and will have the authority to command (maximum 10 commands per day) Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) if said Incarnation refuses. The mandated quota may be completed by the Incarnation's own discretion if the Incarnation chooses to do so.
6. **Under the exclusive sponsorship of Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap), Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) will be provided with the Stigma "Flames of Muspelheim" and will become its sole user for the entire term of the contract. Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) retains full rights in the invocation, use case, and application of the Stigma "Flames of Muspelheim." Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) may use the Stigma "Flames of Muspelheim" at their own discretion unless otherwise mandated.
7. ***Under the exclusive sponsorship of Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap), Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) may be eligible to inherit their sponsoring Constellation's Fable(s.) If proven qualified to inherit the Fable(s) of Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap), Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) must follow the narrative under the provision of their sponsoring Constellation and Dokkaebi Herald in order to preserve the integrity of the Fable(s.)
8. ****Under the discretion of Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap), Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" must complete objectives/missions of significance in accordance to the will of their Constellation Sponsor. Refusal is an invalidation of the contract and will result in penalties, e.g. revocation of coin sponsorship, items, Stigma usage, etc.
===
In my regular life, before signing into apps or services, my eyes would glaze over the ToS and I'd hit "yes" a bunch of times. I didn't do that this time. Perhaps I shouldn't have done it for those Google apps, but at least Google wasn't trying to make me an explicit slave.
(This... I don't know the standards or particulars, but this would make me a regular Incarnation under a sponsor.)
Just a puppet with no will of their own. I was about to click "no" and resign myself to die until I saw this.
===
[Temporary Clause]
Upon the completion of this contract between all three parties, Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) will provide immediate, life-saving medical care to Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) in order to preserve their health, integrity, and performance for the upcoming scenarios and all similar situations that entail.
===
Then there was this.
===
9. Constellation "The Black One, Lord of Muspelheim" (Gap) will provide provisions of health, care, and preservation to Incarnation "Ethan Nakamura" (Eul) and will not unreasonably place said Incarnation in danger or similar situations of peril thereof.
===
(It's a full suite of terms. Some good, some bad. A real contract with trade-offs.)
So this is what it's like in the world of adults or beings similar to them. Life is conducted through the sacrifices, gains, and compromises we make along the way in adherence to "pragmatism." Was this really pragmatism or just the relinquishment of free will for an easier go at it?
"Hahaha..."
I can't believe it. Was this all that's left?
[So, Ethan Nakamura,] Dokkaebi Herald said. [What will you choose?]