[A/N: I ask you to please read it to the end. You won't regret it. I promised.]
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My life is kind of boring. Until one night, one of my friends, Sofia, invited me to come over in a convenient store near our house.
She introduced me to May. Well, I'm not that numb enough not to think she was not an attractive person. It's just that there is something inside me that feels different. I was confused.
After that, Sofia confessed her feelings for me, but I turned her down. She's a friend, okay? I will never get into a relationship with a friend. It's a taboo. And gradually, our communication became shallow to the point that we don't interact anymore.
Awkward isn't? Hmm.
___________________________________________________________________________
Days had passed, but her face and smile still vivid in my mind. Am I crazy? But I kept on smiling when it happens. Curiosity attacked my soul. I logged in to my account and started to search for you.
"Got you!" I exclaimed, so happy to find your name. I quickly press the Add Friend button, patiently waiting and praying you'll accept my request soon.
I just got out from school. I checked my Facebook account and saw a notification containing of you accepted me. God really answered my prayer very soon. I gathered all my courage to chat you. I swear I was shaking of excitement that time.
"Hey? Did we met before?" So lousy. I facepalm every time I remember this memory.
Then poof! I though you'll ignore me because you're so famous and also a member of youth choir of our parish.
You replied, "Hi! Yes, we did. I was the one Sofia introduced to you."
And that's how our conversation started.
I started attending masses regularly, maybe because you inspired me. Your voice was like an angel, it makes me fall deeper.
Our communication last long. After a couple of months, I confessed the feelings I've felt for her. I was nervous that time. I don't want to expect, but I hope she felt the same.
"May, I have something to tell you. But promise me first you'll not avoid me after this." She nodded her head continuously.
"I like you very much ever since the day I met you. I guess it was love at first sight like what other people say." She bowed her head in silence. Minutes passed and it still the same. When she lifted her head, I was shocked to find out she was crying. Was she sorry because she never felt the same? Fuck.
I bitterly smiled and said, "Sorry, I couldn't help, but to confessed to you. Don't worry, I'll distance I made you feel uncomfortable. Again, I'm sorry and please forget what I've said." I patted her head as what I usually do and turned my back on her and started to walk.
I don't want to cry.
No, I won't cry.
I bit my lips to stop my tears from falling, but I was stopped after a pair of arms hugged me from behind. I knew that scent, I knew it was her. But why?
"Why did you left me just like that? You didn't even bother to wait for my answer! I like you too, dummy!" Geez! It was so gay, but I blushed furiously the moment she said she likes me too.
I asked her, "Since we both feel the same, may I ask if I can court you?" She smiled and yelled out of her lungs, "Yes!" I lifted her while hugging. God, thank you for this wonderful gift. I will not waste it.
I did my very best every second, every minute, and every hour just for her to feel special.
I didn't bought bouquet and chocolates. I only gave her a flower and letters that contains my feelings for her. For me, giving letter is more sincere and special.
A month had passed, it was her birthday soon. She told me a week ago that I should come over on their house.
"Baby, I want you to come to my birthday party, please? And I might also introduced you to my parents." She was genuinely smiling at me. I cannot set her aside. She's my hell a priority.
"Of course, I wouldn't want to miss your birthday. You're my baby right?" I kissed her forehead. I was a bit nervous thinking that I will meet her parents soon.
_______________________________________________________________
The day we've been waiting for had come.
Before I went to their place, I bought a teddy bear and inside it was plenty of Cloud 9 candies which were her favorite thing to munch.
I'm so nervous.
Inhale. Exhale.
Here we go!
Without hesitation, I walked to their house and knocked. May was waiting for me inside their house. She secretly holds my hands and led me where her mother and father were.
I was amazed by the interior design of their home. It was simple and clean. I've almost lost my sense and reason why I am here.
May snapped her fingers in front of me. Her parents didn't disguised as they stared at me intently and asking, "Who's this man?"
Oh shoot! I deeply breath and said "Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Callahan. I am here to formally introduce myself as your daughter's suitor." I smiled at them and made it as normal as possible.
Her father look at me in the eyes and told me to follow him.
Stopping at their balcony, I immediately said, "Sir, I love your daughter and I don't want to lose her who lighten up my world. I want to create plenty of memories with her. We may fight sometimes, I will never her for that. Even if she's still not ready for commitment, I am very willing to wait for her. I am here to formally ask for your permission to court your daughter." Never did I think I will say those kind of words.
I stared at him and pray in my heart. Lord, if her parents rejected me tonight I will still wait for her and try to ask a permission to her parents again. I don't want to put her into a situation where her parents are against us. It's better to have her parents to support her.
My heart stopped beating for a second as her father tapped my shoulders and said, "Don't hurt my daughter or else the bullet of my gun will meet you."
I was so happy I almost hug her father. I am so gay haha.
"But both of you are only allowed to meet here in our house. We will only feel comfortable if we see our daughter with you here." I nodded and thank him again and again.
I hurriedly run to May and hugged her tight. She can tell it's a success.
As for what her father told me, I obey and respect it. We cuddle, but we set limitations. I can't do those things that couple do, since we aren't still in a relationship.
At exactly 3 months after that, I came along with her here in convenient store where we first met.
"Baby, I don't want to waste more time. So..." She paused and I was kind of nervous. Will she answer me or be ignorant?
She close her eyes and said, "Yes." Huh?
"What? Pardon me?" I want to hear it again, maybe I misheard.
"You're courting me right? My answer to your question is yes! I am your girlfriend now." Oh fuck! I'm not dreaming as hell.
"We are officially dating!" As I proudly shout to the world, she kissed me on my cheeks. I was dazed for a minute. I looked around to realized that our parents and friends were here, cheering and being happy for both of us.
Fast forward, today is the we will celebrate our third anniversary. I'm on my way to their house, holding a bouquet of flowers and chocolates. I already contacted her parents, she doesn't know a thing because I told her the other day that I was on Manila.
I knocked on their door. Her mother welcomed me and indicated me where May was. I surprised her with a hug. She begun to cry because she thought we will only giving exchanges of greetings through phone.
"It cannot happen baby. It's our third anniversary. I've told you, you are my priority." I gave her the flowers and a gift I made. I hugged her tight.
"Are you ready? We're going out for a date with your family. You know, your father is very protective of you."
Tito started the engine of their car. He asked me, "What are your plans, son?" Smooooth! It feels so good every time they call me their son. "The usual, Tito."
We ate our lunch peacefully. Tita and mom started joking us with, "When will you proposed to May?", "Do you have already a work?" and "How can you support and take care of our
daughter?"
I laugh every time Tita asks questions like that because Tito always glared at her like he can kill her wife in that way. We watched movies, we play in arcades and more. This will be the most romantic date of all because we have very supportive parents.
As soon as evening came, Mr. and Mrs. Callahan bid us their goodbye and said that I should bring back their daughter to their house before 9 P.M.
I put a blindfold to May and guide her near at Manila Bay. The sunset will about to start that's why this is the place I thought will be nice.
I remove the blindfold as she stared at the sunset. I took her hand and guide her to sit. There were plenty of foods I prepared like sandwiches, French fries, soda and lastly her
favorite, Cloud 9.
We watched as the sunset disappeared. We ate and talked about the funny things happened in our life.
I was about to get one Cloud 9, but then she slapped my hand, glared at me and said, "Hey! That's mine. Buy your own."
Say whaaaat!? I bought those foods, but I can't even eat what I like.
Hm. Nevermind.
We started to packed our things, it's already quarter to 9 P.M. but when we were on our way to their house I said, "Baby, I'll be gone here for couple of months. Don't forget about me, okay? Even if we will be miles apart, always remember I love you the most." I kissed her forehead and hold her hands as if I will never let go of it.
"When will you comeback? You're not yet leaving but I already feel like missing you." She pinned her head on my chest like she's afraid I might look for someone.
"Baby, it's just short span of time. I will comeback. Maybe I'm not by your side, but my heart will be always belong to your heart." So cheesy. We are already here in front of their house.
"This will never be a goodbye, baby. But see you soon. I'll miss you!" We hugged each other and I caress her hair.
"You should go inside now, May. It's getting late." She doesn't answer me back, but I sensed that she was crying. Oh God, how can I leave if this girl doesn't want me to?
"I love you, baby!" She exclaimed, I answered her back with I love her too. And for the last time, I hugged her.
I waved at her sadly smile. I turned my back and go back home to prepare my clothes.
I drowned myself in studying for me to have a better future with my family and May. Did I mention before that she is a member of youth choir in our parish? Oh well, she has a soft and amazing voice.
I was really proud of May because she is a risk-taker and she wants to experience something that may help to be close to God.
While I was busy texting her, there was a man who was rapidly running and bumped into me. And before I could react I accidentally dropped my phone. My world stopped. I quickly pick my phone, but it was already in damage.
"Hey!" I yelled but the man was far from me now. All I could do was watch my phone and pray it will still work now.
"Shit" As I cussed, my phone couldn't be revive now. I have to buy a new one, but I don't have enough money for now.
A week had passed, I missed her so damn much. I can't do anything because my school schedule became hectic. I needed to pass all the projects for me to have a 2 days break. I was panicking all the time did she misses me or did she have a new love one?
Don't overthink, self. It might ruin your relationship. Calm and stay positive, you know your girlfriend can't do that kind of thing.
2 weeks had passed, it was the day I can finally say I can relax. I packed my things and immediately leave our house. I can't to see my baby!
While I was in the bus, I saw a couple fighting over about something. I unintentionally listen to their conversation. The girl said, "How could you do that to me!? I thought you're faithful and love me. We are getting next month, right? But what the fuck did you do? You cheated on me! I'm so stupid to believe and hold on onto your promises."
The boy tried to explain, but the girl refused to listen. If I was in the situation of the girl, I would rather slap him hard and walk out. That girl doesn't deserve that kind of man. And because of that man, other girls believe that every man in this world will be going to cheat on them.
I tsked and sighed. I hope that kind of situation won't happen to me. I was nearby their house. I was nervous yet that time.
I knocked three times, but her mother was the one who rise. I immediately asked, "Tita, where's May? I missed her so much. I had to study and work hard for me to get here." Her face got pale, but she told me May was on the parish.
I set aside the feeling of of being nervous and premonition. Maybe I'm just preoccupied about the scene I witness awhile ago.
The church was only a few blocks ahead, the reason why I only walk when I go there. I heard a laughter and I knew it belongs to her.
I got excited to see her that's why I run towards her.
But then...
What is this?
Sadness filled my entire system as I see my girlfriend kissing my bestfriend.
Reality hits me hard. What a fucking coincidence, huh? What I saw broke my heart into tiny pieces, but I still need her explanation maybe she has her reasons.
Calm down.
I shouldn't be crying. I must stand still. I slowly walk and approach them. Surprise was written all over on May's face, while confusion on Xyrus.
"What are you doing here…?" She asked with a face full of confusion? Guilt? Sadness? I don't know. I forcefully smiled at her, "Hi baby, sorry I bothered both of you. Did you miss me? I missed you." Xyrus looked at her as if telling her to stop me from calling her baby. I don't care. I will still call her my baby. I love her and that will never change as I promised her on the day we are officially in a relationship.
"Let's talk somewhere else" She said. I nodded my head imagining this talk would be the last.
May started to walk, but Xyrus stopped her and looked at her with disbelief. Maybe he was thinking that I might stole her. Well, in fact she belongs to me in the first place. We went to the garden of the parish.
When we stopped, I immediately asked her, "Why?" and my tears begun to flow and fall.
"I thought you broke up with me that's why I look for another lover." The fuck?
"Three years May! Why did you waste it? My phone got broken that's why I couldn't contact you. Can't you wait?" I can't stop myself from crying. I can't understand her. Ah, no. Xyrus was a handsome altar server. How couldn't I notice it? But what hurts me more? The fact that he's my bestfriend!
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Baby. I thought you already left me. Xyrus was there for me when I needed someone. That's why I fell in love with him." She cried.
"In just two fucking weeks, May!? How could you?" I cussed. Shock was written on her face.
She wipe her tears and said, "Let's stop this. We already broke up the day you forget about me." She walked out.
I can't believe her. She chose the man she just met for weeks while left the man who will sacrifice everything for her. As I've watched her walked away without any hesitation, I just realize that no matter how much you love a person and protect your relationship with him/her, distance and physical appearance will still be a hitch to both of you. I may not fight for her now, but I will still wait until she voluntarily comeback. What a gay I am. Crying over a girl who cheated on me and never did think of our relationship. I should go. I should build and love myself first.
Fast forward, after a month I heard a news about them and their break-up. Xyrus cheated. Hm, I expect that to happen. I knew Xyrus from bottom to top. Maybe that's May's karma.
A week had passed, this is my chance now. I chatted her just like before.
"May? Are you still okay?" I asked. Hoping that rejection is not on her mind.
"I miss you." Shockingly, she said. Am I dreaming this time or I'm just assuming that she will said that after our breakup?
I slapped my face really hard. Realizing that I really am not. I quickly, yet carefully type a message containing, "I miss you too, but you left me and chose the man who was temporarily into you."
"I'm sorry. " She said, "Can we go back to the start where everything is happy and enough?" I almost laugh at what she said, but I restrain myself.
"Sure, baby. I still love you and I always will." So stupid, such a fool you are.
I started to move here again. I want to spend days, weeks, months or even years again with her. I usually go to their house and spent hours with her, cuddling and just watching some
Netflix movies.
But I notice something again, she always hold her phone and check it minute by minute. Maybe it's because of some school stuffs? Hm. I don't know, I don't wanna ask.
There was still a gap between us. I can still handle it. "I love you baby, always remember that please? Don't leave me, I can't stand a day without you." Am I over reacting? Guess not.
When she was in their comfort room, her phone vibrated and because of the curiosity I felt I suddenly invade her privacy. Someone texted her, "Love, I miss you. When did you intent to break-up with that stupid guy?" My heart skipped a beat.
When she was sleeping in their couch and I was busy looking and appreciating her beauty, someone was calling on her phone. A name Mark flashed on the screen. Shit, is this
happening again?
When I was waiting for her to come home, Tita mentioned that I shouldn't have late night calls with May. Well in fact, May always refuse when I told her I want to call her.
Today, I was about to fetch her in her school when I saw a lovely couple holding each others hands and were busy eating ice cream. If the other people who will see them this sweet
maybe they already giggle and feel insecure about the sweetness of that two.
But I…
I can't feel anything. I just can't.
There are already signs. I just won't admit it.
I heard one of the songs of LANY in my head saying…
{This hurts like hell, but I keep telling myself it's gonna get better but it's taking forever.}
I approached them as what I did before. I suddenly grab her hands and take her home.
{I tried to go out, but everytime I leave the house something reminds me of what's now behind me}
I knocked on their door and her parents welcomed us. I said, "Mr. and Mrs. Callahan, I want to tell you something. I know this will be kind of rude, but I can't do this anymore."
{Everyday I let go just a little bit more}
I faced May and said to her while holding back my tears, "Baby, you know I really love you,
right? I can sacrifice everything just for your happiness. And I will sacrifice my own happiness. You've hurt me so much. You play with my feelings too much. I'm sorry, but I can't do this
anymore. I'm breaking up with you." I am now crying after saying those words.
{In the end I'm gonna be alright but it might take a hundred sleepless night}
I turned my back on them and go home to our house. I locked the door of my room. I was crying a river. Why it had to be this hurt?
{To make the memories of you disappear but right now I can't see nothing through these tears}
Hours had passed, my parents worry everytime I shut them out. I inhaled and exhaled. Promising to myself that…
I, Patrick Kyle Herminigildo, promise that I will not be as stupid before in love but will love and treasure those people who stays in my life. I may not be as handsome like them, I may not be as rich like them, and I may not be as intelligent like them, but I am willing to sacrifice myself just like what God did for his people's sake. Again…
I am Patrick Kyle Herminigildo, and this is my tragic love story