In the Park
There were a lot of people around, children were playing on the slide and the swings while teenagers were either playing soccer or chatting among themselves.
I was sitting on the grass right under the tree to protect myself from the sun's rays. I was looking at the playground in front of me with a pensive expression.
I had just gotten off work and had come to get some fresh air and distract myself a little, but mostly to see her again if possible.
...
Several weeks before
I had just gotten off work like usual and decided to take the longer route since I wanted to grab something to snack on. I decided to cut through the park instead of taking the street.
I could see kids running everywhere and since I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings, I accidentally bumped into someone.
I turned around and apologized but froze almost immediately — I felt like an electric shock run through my body.
She told me it was no big deal with a smile, and I surprisingly quickly regained my composure. I apologized once more then left in a hurry.
I was kind of panicking and I could feel my heart beating fast.
Before turning the corner, I quickly glanced back.
That's when I saw the woman pulling a teenager into her arms, with a child by her side. I quickly understood that I had no chance.
It hurt me enormously. I could feel the tears at the edge of my eyes, ready to spill. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and looked away.
I didn't know why I was making such a big deal out of the situation. Well, I think I know, but I didn't really want to think about it.
...
Present
I had always considered myself to be different, but I didn't know where that difference came from.
I couldn't understand why all my girlfriends from elementary school, middle school, and high school always talked about boys.
I didn't get it, and I didn't see the charm they found in them. That made me feel different in a negative way — each one of them had at least had a thing with someone. I was like the black sheep of the group.
Yet what I hadn't understood back then was that it was completely normal to feel nothing for anyone.
But when I was in my first year, there was someone in my class who made me feel something for the very first time. It was a strange sensation.
Even more so because it was the first time I had ever felt something for someone — but why was that person a girl?
I didn't understand.
I thought I was just not interested in relationships and wanted to focus entirely on my studies.
I was kind of the alien of the group.
And there I was, with a crush. And at that point, I didn't even know it was a crush. I just knew that I was feeling something. There was something drawing me toward that person. It was weird.
So I started paying more and more attention to her, trying to help her at every turn.
And in the end, I discovered my sexuality through mockery. When I'd cross paths with people at school, I could tell they were insulting me but didn't know the words being used, and I didn't understand why.
But one day, I understood. The girl in question had thrown a fit in front of everyone, telling me to stop following her and that she wasn't interested in a dyke.
I didn't really understand what was happening in that moment — I just knew that the person I found adorable and interesting was screaming at me in front of everyone, in the middle of recess, and doing nothing but insulting me.
I just felt a deep terror, and I tried to protect myself by putting my hands in front of my body. The tears were streaming down, and I eventually fainted. The shock was too much for me.
When I opened my eyes, I was in the nurse's office, and as soon as I woke up, my parents arrived to pick me up.
I felt numb toward everything happening around me, and it lasted a long time.
But little by little, day by day, I was able to get back on my feet thanks to the help of my friends and parents who were by my side.
I realized I was in the hospital. Apparently, it was too much of a shock for me to handle.
It was quickly discovered that I was in a constant state of stress whenever someone mentioned going to school, and it was even worse the moment I saw the building. I was borderline hysterical.
So my parents decided to homeschool me. I was somewhat supervised — they could no longer leave me home alone.
This affected my mother for a long time, as she began to develop separation anxiety toward me.
Basically, it held us all back significantly.
Fortunately, little by little, through consultations with professionals, step by step, things began to improve.
I had learned that one of my friends had nearly been expelled because she got into a fight with the girl while I was in the middle of a panic attack right next to them.
The others were taking care of me — they admitted they didn't want to stop the one who was fighting, they wanted to fight too, but since she was handling it and I needed help, they chose to help me instead.
I never really understood why the girl accused me of following her, when that wasn't the case at all. I was a softie.
I would help her and then leave quickly, glance at her from time to time and then catch myself, telling myself that what I was doing was too weird.
I had even decided to try ignoring her for a bit at that point, because I was acting too strangely.
And besides, whenever we were on recess, I preferred to enjoy time with my friends rather than these strange feelings.
So I never understood her outburst.
And thankfully, 4 years later, I was doing well in my life and in my own skin.
I let out a sigh — it was the 25th day I hadn't seen the woman, and I was starting to lose hope despite my wish for a miracle.
I looked around a bit, stood up, and started stretching a little. I started yawning, and a small tear ran from my eye.
I was in the middle of wiping it away when my movement stopped — I saw a child being chased by a dog while screaming in terror.
The others started running too, screaming. Me, I don't know why I completely blanked on the fact that I was afraid of dogs — I grabbed my bag and ran toward the child.
And then the child fell. The dog was dangerously closing in. And I swung my bag hard at the dog from behind. My bag had my laptop and other things inside, so with the speed of the motion, the dog took quite a hit, and I took advantage of its confusion to restrain it.
Luckily, other people had also come to help the child, so they helped me hold the dog down, then the dog's owner and the police arrived. It was a whole mess.
Me, I just preferred to slip away quietly. My legs were a little shaky, but I wanted to go.
Back at my studio apartment, I checked the damage in my bag, and thankfully my laptop was fine, protected by the file folders I had decided to bring, which was sandwiching it on both sides.
I lay down on the sofa and without realizing it drifted off to sleep, hoping the child and the dog would both be okay.
I woke up the next morning feeling a little disoriented. I looked at the time and saw 5:31 AM displayed.
I got up and headed to the bathroom. I needed a good shower.
...
I finished my shower, quickly brushed my teeth, then started cleaning my face. I tightened the towel around myself and continued taking care of my skin.
I have acne-prone skin, so I was very careful about it.
There was a period in my life where it was really awful to deal with. The worst part was how much it itched.
So to scratch, I'd do it with the sleeve of my t-shirt if I couldn't take it anymore — even though I had been told not to.
I then headed to the closet. I picked out the clothes I'd wear for work, and then put on a pair of shorts and a tank top — along with my underwear, of course — and got to have breakfast.
My breakfast consisted of a bowl of whole-grain cereal with chocolate chips and milk at a good temperature. I also had either a piece of fruit or a fruit yogurt, some juice, and cold water. A nice simple breakfast. I didn't really enjoy cooking.
Today I decided to have a mandarin and mango juice.
...
After finishing eating, I put my clothes on, then my socks and sneakers.
I then grabbed what I needed and left the studio. It was 8:07 AM — I had time to spare since I'd left earlier than usual, so I decided to walk instead of taking public transit.
The wind was blowing a little, which made me put on my sunglasses.
I worked as an assistant — I was in charge of dealing with clients and making sure their paperwork was in order while others took care of their cars.
As long as they didn't ask me to handle the repairs, I was fine. It wasn't that I hated it, more that I didn't know a thing about it. It wasn't part of the studies I had done. But since they needed someone to handle clients, I applied.
Plus, from spending so much time there, I'd started to pick up a thing or two about cars.
It was crazy how many people came in on Saturdays because of minor accidents. Luckily, I finished at noon on those days.
My shift ended quickly and I took off my uniform in the locker room, grabbed my things, and left.
Even though I didn't work on the cars, I was still required to wear a uniform.
I liked wearing it because it was comfortable.
Being so used to heading to the park after work, I only realized I was already on my way there when I arrived.
I gave a little laugh to myself since I had told myself that today I would go straight home.
I figured it didn't matter and headed toward the base of the tree to shelter myself from the sun that was starting to beat down. I'll only stay a few minutes, I told myself.
I leaned against the tree and suddenly felt like closing my eyes. I took my sunglasses out of my bag, tucked my bag behind me, made sure my pockets were zipped up, rested my hands at pocket level, and closed my eyes.
...
I wasn't really sleeping — I was between sleep and wakefulness, meaning I could hear what was going on around me but was also asleep.
I started hearing footsteps heading toward me. I perked up my ears to figure out whether it posed any danger to me.
Deciding it didn't, I still didn't let my guard down.
It sounded like a mother and her child. I then heard a woman's voice say:
Woman: Excuse me, may I speak with you?
I slightly opened my eyes and took off my sunglasses. I blinked a few times then started yawning, covering my mouth, and wiped away the small tear that had escaped from my eye.
I then looked at her with half-open eyes. I think she understood she had just woken me up because she apologized again.
Woman: Hi, my name is Sandra Thomis — I'm the mother of the child you helped yesterday.
Hearing that, I raised an eyebrow, somewhat surprised.
Me: Hi. What makes you think it was me who helped that child?
Mrs. Thomis: I was told. She said with a smile.
I glanced toward the park — I could see some kids looking over at us — then my eyes landed on the child hiding behind the woman's legs.
Me: So... what exactly do you want from me? I asked a little bluntly, I'll admit.
She smiled and, since she had crouched down, reached her hand toward me. I pulled back from her hand.
Me: Sorry, I don't like people touching my head.
She raised an eyebrow and moved her hand toward my shoulder instead — this time I didn't pull away.
She smiled and patted my shoulder. I think she's a very touchy-feely person.
Mrs. Thomis: Thank you, and don't worry — Arthur is doing fine. And she added: and so is the dog.
I nodded and thanked her for letting me know.
Mrs. Thomis: I'd like to invite you to my son, Lucas' birthday party tomorrow. That way, you can see him again.
I turned her down at first, but she was very persuasive afterward.
Which is how I ended up, an hour later, in a toy store, trying to find the perfect gift for the little kid.
After asking the cashier to wrap what I had bought, I headed back home. It was time for my nap.
I woke up two hours later, first caught up with my family, then got ready to make myself something to eat.
After finishing eating, I went to take a shower, brush my teeth, clean my face... basically everything that was part of my night routine.
When I was done, I quickly put on my pajamas — which consisted of a long-sleeve t-shirt and loose-fit pants. I grabbed the water bottle from the fridge and took several sips. Once satisfied, I put the bottle back and headed to my little bookshelf.
I grabbed a book I've loved since I was 12 and have read all the volumes of: CHERUB, by Robert Muchamore. I planned to reread all 17 books. (AUTHOR'S FACT: THE SPECIAL EDITION OF THE 17TH AND FINAL VOLUME OF CHERUB IS THE FIRST BOOK I EVER ASKED TO BE BOUGHT FOR ME.)
I got into bed, made sure all my alarms were set, put my phone on the charger and set it on the nightstand.
I turned off the light since the small lamp was enough. Even though I found the book very interesting and felt almost new since it had been so long since I'd read the first chapter, I fell asleep without any trouble.
...
I heard my alarm go off. I reached out and turned it off, then fell back asleep, and the rest of the alarms followed one after another until I finally got up for real. "Ugh, so much for sleeping in."
I went to freshen up, did a bit of exercise which made me sweat a lot, then went to take a shower.
Finally, wrapped in my towel, I started looking for what I'd wear to the little one's birthday party — after putting on lotion, deodorant, and spritzing on some perfume, which made me cough like crazy.
That was a dumb idea, but at least I knew I smelled good... for now.
I wanted something casual but with a slightly formal edge. In the end, after putting on my underwear, I decided on black dress pants, a royal blue button-up shirt with a tank top underneath — the first two buttons left undone — and a hooded leather jacket, hood down. Finally dressed, I started putting on my accessories: my watch on my left wrist, a simple minimalist silver friendship bracelet shared with my friends — with a little pink heart in the middle — on my right wrist.
I put on the necklace my mother gave me — silver, of course, with the word "Love" written on it. Then I put on my earrings. The right side had a moon dangling from a small silver chain hooked to my ear. The other side was simply adorned with the first letter of my name on my lobe, hiding the piercing hole.
I headed toward the front door after grabbing the gifts and my backpack. I sat down on the small stool after setting the gifts down. I took one foot out of my slipper, put my white sock on my right foot, then put on my shoe, then repeated the same movements on the other foot.
I stood up, grabbed the gift bag, slightly straightened my shirt, grabbed my keys and headed out. After locking the door, I went to get my bike from the bike rack.
After hooking the gift bag on the handlebar, I mounted my phone on the phone holder on the handlebar, plugged in my earbuds, and opened the maps app on my phone to get the route and travel time to Mrs. Thomis's place.
The trip was supposed to take 15 minutes by bike according to the app, but I figured it would take me about 10 if there were no issues along the way. I'm pretty comfortable on my bike.
I put on some music to liven things up, being careful to keep the volume low enough to still hear what was happening around me, then started pedaling, following the route the map showed.
I arrived at Mrs. Thomis's place 8 minutes later.
Me:That took less time than I thought.
I got off the bike and waited, then heard someone calling out to me.
I turned my head and saw Alexis. I smiled at him and we did our usual handshake.
Alexis: What are you doing here, dad? he asked me.
Me: Mrs. Thomis invited me to her son's birthday party. I answered.
I thought he'd ask me who that was, but I was wrong — instead, he looked surprised and asked:
Alexis: You know Mrs. Thomis?
Despite my own surprise, I nodded, then shook my head right after.
Me: Not really, but she really wanted me to come to her son's birthday since apparently I'm the one who helped him.
He had a surprised look on his face, and then as if something clicked, he said:
Alexis: So you're the one who saved little Arthur.
Me: Saved? That's a strong word.
Alexis looked at me and said with a frustrated expression:
Alexis: And there you go again with that detached attitude of yours.
Me: You're always bothered by it, huh? I said with a smile.
Alexis rolled his eyes and huffed.
Me: It's not such a bad thing to call me dad, is it? I asked him, wondering if maybe he regretted our bet.
Alexis: Honestly, I don't mind. It amuses me. And it's my nickname for you. he said with a shrug.
Me: Oh, okay. And are you also going to Lucas's birthday?
Alexis: Yeah, Arthur and him are my cousins.
Me: Oh.
I started taking the gift bag off the bike.
Me: Hold this for me. I handed the bag to Alexis who took it, and I took off my phone. I put it away in my backpack along with my earbuds.
And we walked together toward the gate of the house.
Alexis was telling me about what had been going on at his school after I asked him how he was managing his classes.
Alexis: In the end, I got suspended for two weeks. he said, his voice getting really small toward the end.
Me: Alexis... I started, trying to keep my frustration in check.
Alexis: I know, dad. he said, knowing full well what I was about to say. He lowered his head in embarrassment.
Me: I think your mom already gave you a serious earful, but just so you know — next time I won't let you off this easily. Do you understand me. I said, dead serious.
And he knew I meant every word. Getting suspended over something trivial — honestly, that wasn't something I could let slide. But I told myself he understood his mistake given his reaction, and we were here for a birthday party, not for anything else.
I smiled helplessly watching him still hanging his head. I placed my hand on top of his head and ruffled it gently.
Me: Come on, I know you get it. Stop beating yourself up.
He slowly lifted his head to gauge my mood, and seeing that I was smiling at him, he smiled back.
I finally rang the doorbell and someone came to open up very quickly.
Mrs. Thomis pulled me into a hug, then Alexis. Then she invited us in.
Me: Oh, almost forgot. I placed my hand on the small of Alexis's back and said, Hand the bag to Mrs. Thomis, Alexis.
Alexis did as I asked and I said to Mrs. Thomis:
Me: That's the gift for your son.
Sandra: The gift? More like the gifts. I told you there was no need to bring anything.
Me: Sorry, but it's against my principles. If I have the means to give someone a gift — especially a child — on their birthday to make them happy, then I do it. So don't worry about it. I said with a smug expression.
Mrs. Thomis smiled at me while shaking her head, and I smiled back.
Me: Are there any single moms here today? I asked out of nowhere, after chaining my bike to the stair rail in front of the entrance door.
Me: What? I said, noticing the surprised expressions on Alexis's and Mrs. Thomis's faces. Then added: They don't have to be moms and single — what matters most is whether there are any single people here today.
Alexis: What are you on about? he said with a grin. And we started heading up the stairs.
Me: What, I'm looking for love, and if today's the day I find her then so be it — but since it's a kid's birthday party I'm figuring most of the guests will be parents. I said, explaining my point and shrugging.
Mrs. Thomis: You'll see. she said with a mysterious air.
Me: Seriously, you won't help me find love, Thomis? She playfully smiled at me and stuck her tongue out, then opened her door and left Alexis and me standing in the doorway.
I turned to Alexis and said, seriously but with a hint of humor:
Me: Son, you are obligated to help your father find someone.
Alexis: What? No! Never. he said, heading into the house while fleeing from me.
Me: Alexis! Get back here right now. I exclaimed as I heard him laughing inside. Then I laughed too and stepped inside.
After closing the door, I turned around and stood there contemplating whether I should take off my shoes or not.
I ultimately decided to take them off out of respect, but a very familiar voice stopped me.
Voice: You can keep your shoes on.
I quickly looked up — I think it caught her off guard a little.
I looked at her, then my gaze quickly dropped to her hands — no ring in sight.
But I remembered she was with children. I stood up straight and continued looking her over.
I unconsciously extended my hand. She had a questioning look on her face, but I felt her hand come to rest on mine — and that's when I realized I had stretched out my hand.
I looked down at our hands. I could feel that she wanted to pull her hand away, but I stopped that motion by holding it.
I brought her hand to my lips and kissed the back of it. I lingered there for a moment, then pulled my lips from her skin and took her hand between both of mine, and began gently caressing it.
Me:Her skin is so soft.
I wanted to kiss her hand again, several more times, but I think she sensed that and fully withdrew her hand from mine — a move I could no longer stop.
I looked up at her. Our eyes met again. But I held nothing back — I wanted to show her the effect she was having on me. The burning flame that was sweeping through me in her presence.
I could read fear in her eyes, and another emotion too complex for me to decipher — but that didn't stop me from wrapping my arm around her to pull her closer. I hated seeing that fear in her eyes. I was scared she'd pull away from me.
I drew our bodies closer. She resisted, but it was a futile resistance. I looked her straight in the eyes, and I didn't even notice that she had stopped resisting.
All I could see was that she was looking at me with so many emotions — and in a way, I finally realized how much I had overstepped.
I started to release her, but she surprised me by wrapping her arms around my neck.
I knew that once again, she could read in my eyes the emotions I was laying bare without hiding a thing.
I think she understood that I was feeling guilty for having reacted so impulsively around her.
She placed her hand on my cheek and brought my face closer to hers — I was completely spellbound.
Our lips were just a few centimeters away from meeting when Mrs. Thomis's voice interrupted us.
And it was as though the magic bubble surrounding us had been abruptly burst — and she disappeared quickly before I had time to understand what had just happened.
My gaze was still fixed on the spot where she had suddenly vanished when a hand in front of me brought me back to reality.
I saw Mrs. Thomis standing before me, eyebrows furrowed. I quickly understood that she had seen what had just gone down.
Mrs. Thomis: I certainly hope you're ready to face the consequences of what you just did. she told me, and walked away.
I was surprised because I thought she was going to ask me to leave.
I watched her stop in front of me and turn back around — she was asking me to follow her.
Her words quickly made sense to me as we stepped out into the garden.