'I want to hide myself in a deep hole...I feel embarrassed because of the people in this Labyrinth City. And also...' Ludger (Renneshia) writhed with embarrassment after he (she) regained his health and able to do his activities after rested for a week.
'The reason of my embarrassment is caused by the fact that I got princess carry by Edgar. Some people started to think that I become his 'boyfriend' and they started making some (love) stories about us!'
Ludger feel wronged, embarrassed and confused about those stories. At that time, Ludger feel mentally drained after facing the Magic Tower's Tower Master and his mysterious companion so he didn't care about whoever carried his body after he lost consciousness.
Although Ludger feel strangely comfortable with Edgar after that incident, but as friend (Ludger) or as woman (Renneshia), he keep trying to put distance between them. Ludger had heard about how Edgar love his mysterious fiance who no one ever saw. Ludger had heard about Edgar's mysterious fiance who is as beautiful as a doll, cool like the northern ice, and kind hearted like the princess in the stories.
'I envy his fiance because she have such faithful and loving partner. If only the original 'Renneshia' also have someone who love her at least tenth of Edgar, will her future able to become better than the game? No, no, no. I should never have any interest, especially when he already has his partner. I don't want to be someone who steal other partner like the Heroine.'
Unconsciously, Ludger looking at Edgar's direction. Just looking at his face makes Ludger's heart beating faster. Ludger feel panic and afraid because he just know what is this feeling. As much as Ludger want to deny this feeling but he also know that it is something he couldn't avoid.
'I might be fallen in love with Ed... No, I can't have this kind of feeling to him. I don't deserve to falling in love in my current situation...I...' Ludger mind is chaotic as he find out his feeling.
From Ludger's experience to write and read a lot of romance stories, he realized that he has a feeling for Edgar. It was because of how he couldn't stop looking at Edgar's direction or how his heart beating faster when he saw him and how he feel sad every time Edgar talk about his fiance.
Ludger thought about his ugly feelings. It was so disgusting for him because as Renneshia, Ludger had felt how painful when your love one is taken by other. That's why Ludger can only wish for Edgar's happiness while made a vow to never let others know about his ugly feelings.
'There's no way Ed would like me. Right now I'm lying about my gender and it will be too crazy if he like me. There's no one who will announce their love to someone with same sex in this world... Those BL (Boys Love) novels is just an entertainment. There's no way the readers will really become gays, right?' Ludger felt chaotic the more he thought about his feelings.
"...dy...Ludy, what are you thinking so seriously? Is it related to the former Tower Master?" Rainold's face appeared in front of Ludger's face.
They could heard some people squealing but Ludger is frozen for few seconds because he is too shocked from the unexpected approach. Luckily he forgot to use the magic to show his expression so he looks normal to other. But before Ludger able to react, a hand grabbed Rainold's head and pulled it back away from Ludger.
"Rain, your face is too close. You might not thinking about anything with your muscle brain, but can you think about Ludger's feeling and image? What if other make a wrong assumption and think that you kissing him?" Edgar started scolded his friend, Rainold as he grabbed his head.
"K-Ki-Kisss!!! Right, when you see it from this angle, it seems like he's suddenly stealing kiss from Lord Ludger!...But why you get angrier than Lord Ludger, Ed?" Leona asked with shining eyes, she seems extremely excited like some customers in Red Dawn restaurant.
"Wh-What do you mean! Ludger is too kind-hearted to get angry with Rain's antics. Look at how he stunned scared because of Rain sudden action. Ludger are you alright? I'm sorry for Rain mindless act." Edgar somehow seems to worry about how Ludger thought about them.
Looking at Edgar's worried expression, Ludger feel pang of pain in his chest. He feel guilty to make Edgar worried about him because it made him to become more conscious about his feeling for him.
'Edgar only thought of me as his friend. That's all. I can't have any impure feelings about him. As long as I disguised myself as Ludger...No, even as Renneshia, I can't have close relationship with them.' As if trying to hypnotised himself, Ludger keep reminding himself to buried his feelings for them.
There's two reasons for it. The first one is to make sure that Ludger won't feel heart broken or despair because of the death of his new friends. The second one is to avoid the probability of being taken to the Capital City. Both of it will give Ludger a lot of misfortune and might cause him to lose his life.
Ludger's instinct is screaming like an alarm that reminded him for danger of the worst possible outcome he will have to face if he get too close to them. But his heart want to basked in that warmth given by the three of them, especially with Edgar.
Ludger secretly hiding his expression by looking down and us his hand to hide his expression as he act like someone who is shocked and embarrassed. While other thoughts like what Ludger is hoping, he secretly put a magic to make him more expressive.
After finishing his preparations, he face them with his trademark smile. "What are you talking about, Ed. I'm indeed surprised because I didn't expect for Rain sudden appear in front of me. Well, I could only blame myself for loss in my thoughts till I didn't realize that Rain has got so close."
"If you have any problem or anything that troubles you, don't hesitate to ask others. At least I will definitely help you to my best efforts. As your friend,...at least Rain and me will help you because you are our friend and we want you to be happy." Edgar looked at Ludger's face and said with a gentle tone as he touched his cheek.
Edgar's warm touch feels like a burning flame for Ludger. Ludger who know his feeling for Edgar and want to hide it was speechless for a moment. He was unable to quickly react like usual because he didn't know what he had to do and he didn't want him to misunderstood his actions.
But before Ludger decided his action, Edgar suddenly opened his mouth. "Ludy, as your friend I have a question that I want to ask you. It had bugging me for a while but I am not sure if I could asked it directly to you..."
'Did he find out something about me?! But how could he find out?' Ludger feel panic because he couldn't thinking straight when his heart beating so fast as if it will burst out.
As Ludger put calm expression with his magic, he slowly asked. "Why are you suddenly acted so serious, Ed? Just ask me what has been bugging you till now."
Edgar looking at Ludger's face with serious expression and make Ludger more panic because he is afraid if his real identity is discovered by other. Especially when Edgar heard Ludger's permission, he's frowning and made Ludger feel as if his heart will leap out of his body.
"You are an adventurer and you also learn martial arts. But why do you have a skin that fairer than most female? If you are a girl, you must be one of the most beautiful lady in our world. Are you sure you are a boy?" Edgar looks so serious but his words are the opposite as he smile like someone who successfully made his prank after he said it.
"I also thought so when we first met. If I never see your abilities, I might thinking that you are a girl who dressed as a man. It's too strange that you train your swordsmanship to that level but your hands is as smooth as someone who never had any hardships." Rainold seriously nodded his head when he listened to Edgar's words.
"Both of you boys are too barbaric. Just because he learned some swordsmanship, why should he couldn't have a smooth skin? Didn't you tell me before that female who learned swordsmanship will have calluses hands?! Even if you're joking, why are you thinking with racist mindset like that!" Leona angrily scolded.
Some female customers are agreeing with Leona words and glaring at two pitiful boys. Ludger anxiety has suddenly become lessened than before as he feel better.
Looking at his friends troubled by the female customer's anger, Ludger laughed happily for the first time today. "Pffft...hahahaha..., ahem. Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at your misfortune. But why are you speaking without thinking about the time and place? I don't know if you did that without thinking or just because you are stupid. I just want to tell you that I look like this because there's something protecting me. Besides why do you suddenly think that I am a girl just because I have a smooth skin?"
"That's..." Edgar is speechless.
"But thank you for your praise when you said I was beautiful. Maybe next time I will disguising myself with female clothing if I want to hide myself." Ludger smile and teasing the speechless Edgar.
For now, Ludger decided to hide his real identity and feelings until they leave the Labyrinth City. They are good people and his first friends. The only thing Ludger could do for them is to prevent their death in that accident.