"Have you ever been in a fight?" Zai asked, lying down beside me in our usual chatting spot.
"Yes... I was sort of an outcast, so in primary school, I was targeted a lot," I answered.
He tapped my arm and said,
"Lie down with me..."
After I obliged, he looked up at the sky and asked,
"Why would you be an outcast?"
"Well... my mom was inspired by the Glass King and chose Glass as her attribute focus. Everyone thought she was insane, and by extension, I must be insane as well."
He held my hand and intertwined our fingers.
"No offense, but... your mom sounds like a badass."
I laughed.
"I wasn't expecting that response at all."
"It's just... she knew she'd receive backlash but did what she wanted anyway. I respect that," Zai explained.
"...Well... she also murdered my father... for trying to leave her," I admitted.
He shrugged.
"It happens."
His nonchalant response made me laugh again.
I never thought that was a situation I could ever find humorous.
"I really... liked my dad sometimes... but..." I took a deep breath, feeling the giggles leave me as the conversation turned serious. "I don't know if I miss him. Sometimes it felt like he wasn't even there.
Like I was just watching him and my mother through a screen.
Even his death feels fake. Not once did I really believe he loved me, so how am I supposed to feel?"
"You're asking the wrong person for advice on how to process your feelings about death," Zai warned. "But... I don't think you have to feel any particular way. Process it however feels natural, and if you ever feel distressed, I'll always be there for you."
His words made my heart race, though I hate to admit it.
I told myself not to spend any more time alone with him... so why am I here, lying in the grass with him again, in the middle of the night?
Zai rolled onto his side, facing me, and added,
"I mean it..."
"I believe you!" I shouted.
"Good..." he murmured.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled.
When I opened them, Zai's face was inches from mine.
"Snowe... are you attracted to me?" he inquired gently.
I felt my heart swell in my chest and struggled to hide my emotions.
"What kind of question is that?" I replied, my voice trembling.
"It's a yes or no question," he said with a teasing tone.
I swallowed hard before stammering out a soft,
"No."
But Zai smirked cockily, as if I'd said the opposite.
He moved closer until the tip of his nose touched mine.
"You're... s-so close..." I whispered.
My eyes betrayed me as they drifted down to his lips.
"Yeah... because I have to be close to you to do this..." he said quietly, before he pressed his lips to mine, fervently.
I gasped, and as soon as my mouth opened, his tongue slipped in.
His hands held my cheeks, keeping my head in place,
but I did not attempt to stop him or pull away...
because it would break my heart if he did.
It was as if I'd been waiting for him to kiss me all this time.
When the kiss ended, I looked up at him.
His eyes locked with mine, then he licked his lips and kissed me again.
I couldn't think about anything except how much I wanted him in this moment, so when he tugged at my clothes, I undressed myself.
"...You're stunning, Snowe," he whispered, his hands trailing down my body.
He pressed light, lingering kisses along my skin, then he lifted my legs until my ankles rested on his shoulders as he removed his pants.
His words flustered me, and I pressed my hands over my mouth to keep my voice down during what happened next... because I couldn't forget we were still outside.
It was the only sliver of rationale I had left.
I felt dirty, but that didn't stop me from giving in to him... over and over, until the sun began to rise.
"Z-Zai!"
The light brought me to my senses.
I alerted Zai, who was busy kissing my inner thigh.
"The sun is coming up!"
"Oh..." he muttered with a satisfied grin.
"RJ is probably wondering where we are!" I shouted.
That's when he stopped smiling—like he had forgotten, until now, that I belonged to someone else.
I scrambled to get dressed and tottered home as quickly as I could, though staying upright was hard.
When I entered the house, two men I didn't recognize were in the living room, talking to RJ. He scowled at me.
"You're home late..." he remarked.
I stammered out several sounds, trying to form a sentence.
Then Zai entered behind me and said,
"Hey, sorry. We were talking and fell asleep outside. Snowe had a lot of trauma to unpack. You understand, right?"
RJ redirected his suspicion at Zai, then sighed.
"Exactly why would she need to do that with you? You know what, never mind. What's done is done. Zai, we need to talk... Snowe, you should go upstairs and actually get some rest."
He didn't ask anything else...
He must really trust Zai...
"Okay!" I replied, rushing to the bathroom first to wash off thoroughly.
I can't believe what I did... and with the absolute worst person.
When did I become so awful?
The other two people in the house were RJ's brothers.
He explained they were creating an open-world video game with advanced AI NPCs that respond to real-time voice input. Some of it went over my head, but it sounded amazing.
"Zai designed the AI," RJ said.
Hearing Zai's name made my heart flutter and re-sparked my attention.
"Valin created the code that generates the world, while I make the story flexible... so it can change with the player's choices. There'll be thousands of possible endings."
"Wow... that sounds impressive," I mumbled.
RJ smiled at my compliment.
"We just... always wanted to create a game together," he admitted.
I hated to ruin the mood... but...
"I... think I want to sleep alone tonight. I hope that's okay," I said quietly.
I was worried he'd be upset, but he just replied,
"Alright. When's your next day off? We should do something."
My heart panicked.
"In three days," I answered truthfully.
"Sounds good... I'm gonna get some more work done. See you in the morning."
Then he pecked my lips, which made my stomach turn.
I quickly left the room.
I need to think of a way to tell RJ everything.
It feels impossible to do without hurting him.
I took a shower and went to my room. About an hour later, there was a knock on my door. I assumed it was RJ, because maybe he wanted to talk more.
"Come in," I called.
But to my surprise, Zai entered and locked the door behind him.
"What are you doing here?!"
"I... feel like we need to have a conversation. Don't you?... Don't worry, Rai put a seal on the lock. No one can get in or hear us once it's turned."
"I'm sorry... We shouldn't have... done what we did..." I whispered while squeezing my arm.
He sat beside me and said,
"What did we do?"
I frowned.
"You know! Please... don't make me say it," I pleaded.
He shrugged.
"Fine. It was wrong... you're with my brother, and I should feel guilty... but I don't regret it. Do you?"
He's nothing but a bad influence!
"I... don't."
Zai grinned widely. "I didn't think so."
"You should go," I muttered.
But he laughed and leaned in the same way he did earlier.
"Do you want me to go?" he asked, while sliding his hand up my thigh...
"N-no..."
I lost my breath at his touch, trembling.
Why am I trembling?
"That's all that matters to me," he cooed, kissing my neck and stroking me.
Before I realized it, I was on my back, tangled up with Zai all over again.
I was startled awake by my alarm for work, and I was alone. I got dressed and met Zai downstairs as if it were just another day.
"Call me if you're going to be late," RJ said while kissing my forehead.
"I will," I replied, then hurried out the door as if I couldn't get to work fast enough.
Zai kept pace with me and, a few blocks from home, said,
"We should skip work,"
I stopped.
"We don't get many chances to be alone like this," he added.
"But... what about the job? I thought you liked working there—" I began,
"I only took it so I could spend time with you," Zai interrupted, stroking my cheek and staring deep into my soul.
I jerked away.
"You... planned all this... You planned to seduce me!"
"...Well... yes. But it's only because I'm hopelessly attracted to you. You're the only being in the universe who has this effect on me." Zai admitted, his voice honeyed and persuasive, tilting my heart off balance.
As if he knew exactly where to touch, even with his words.
He lowered his hand and asked, "Are you saying no?"
I bit my lip. I knew what was right... But my conscience was no match for my desire.
"I... just feel like such a bad person..." I admitted.
He kissed me tenderly and smirked, saying,
"Me too."
Then he took my hand and led me to a hotel.
I felt pangs of guilt, but I followed him anyway... stood by as he purchased our room... and there, it happened again.
Zai was on me as soon as we were alone, pinning me up against the wall, kissing me... tasting me.
We spent the entire workday wrapped around each other.
Zai's desires were a black hole, never satisfied, and always wanting more.
The only thing that stopped him was the alarm on my phone.
I reached for my phone, but he grabbed it first, silencing it.
"I think we should tell Rai," he said while looking down at me.
While looking down at me.
My heart shook, I was scared of how RJ would react... but at this point, I was more scared of giving up my connection with Zai.
I noticed he was already eager to go again.
But instead, he got up and dressed.
"How... do we do that?" I asked, hugging my knees.
"We'll figure it out," he answered calmly.
Until then, I quit my job, and we met at the same hotel every day when I would have been working.
We even met on some weekends. I slept alone so he could sneak into my room at night. He gave me expensive gifts such as jewelry, hair accessories...
All of which I was too afraid to wear.
But after months of this affair, the guilt wasn't sharp anymore.
It was dull, thick, and exhausting.
I couldn't keep lying to him or myself.
So I told him.
I told RJ everything.
Zai was there, quietly watching me.
After hearing my explanation, RJ shouted,
"You've been doing what behind my back?!"
I shrank away. Zai stepped between us.
"I told you how I felt, and you went after her anyway. I should be the one feeling betrayed!" Zai shouted.
So, at one point, unbeknownst to me, Zai confided in his brother that he was attracted to me? And RJ pursued a relationship with me anyway.
"She told me she wanted me! I wasn't trying to take anything from you!"
"Yeah, sure. The first night you slept with her, you couldn't wait to rub it in my face. You text me to brag about it, so maybe you're just like your father—he is your blood, after all."
He told Zai immediately?!
RJ's rage surged. The room turned hot.
The couch burst into flames.
The TV cracked.
The windows shattered.
Wait...
Is that why Zai came back that day?
"We just wanted to be honest," I added quietly. "I never meant for it to happen this way. You're right. I'm the one who asked to be with you. That was my mistake. I'm sorry..."
RJ looked my way. His cold stare cut through me.
I never knew he could look so heartless.
"I'm nothing like Vetro, because I'd always choose you—my brother—over anyone. Especially some woman who came out of nowhere..." he said. "In fact... I'll prove it. I'll show you just how little I want your woman."
Then he snapped his fingers.
A moment later, I felt intense heat swirling around me, and fire seared my flesh.
"SNOWE!" Zai screamed.
But it was too late.
It happened so fast that I couldn't even scream.
I knew even he wouldn't be able to stop me from dying.