After school, behind the old school building, I found myself standing in front of the boy who had just confessed his feelings to me. His words still lingered in the air, heavy with an emotion I couldn't quite respond to. "I'm sorry," I murmured, bowing my head apologetically, feeling a wave of guilt wash over me for having to turn him down.
He forced a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Don't worry. I understand," he replied, though the hint of pain in his voice was unmistakable. As he turned to walk away, his shoulders slumped, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just witnessed a small part of him wither away.
"No matter how many times this happens, I can't get used to it..." I murmured to myself, my heart feeling heavy. I puzzled over how people could confess their feelings to someone they barely even knew. I didn't even know the boy's name.
With a deep sigh, I lost myself in thought as I made my way back to my classroom to gather my belongings. Just as I was about to reach the corner, a flash of crimson caught my eye, drawing my attention. *Ah, it's his turn now,* I mused, feeling a mix of skepticism and curiosity. *But I doubt anyone will actually show up for him...*
After hastily collecting my things, I noticed the time slipping away. Instead of heading straight home, an unexpected urge pulled me back toward the old school building. What if the sender of the letter actually did show up? Would I witness a moment out of the norm unfold?
Peeking around the corner of the dilapidated structure, I saw Yukiya-kun standing alone in the middle of the empty courtyard, surrounded by the worn bricks and faded graffiti that adorned the walls. The desolation of the place mirrored the solitude I felt for him.
*Just like I thought. He's still here. Alone...* I couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for him as I observed his stillness, waiting. Time trickled by, and almost an hour passed without a sign of the sender, leaving me in a mix of pity and desolation, viewing this scenario from a different perspective.
*Either the sender is incredibly late, or this is truly a punishment game,* I mused, chastising myself for lingering and silently stalking him for so long.
Finally, unable to bear the silence anymore, I approached him, "How long are you going to wait there? They're obviously not coming," I asked, my voice laced with a hint of pity for his meaningless resolve.
He met my gaze with a calmness that belied the situation. "I think I'll wait a little longer," he replied, his tone steady, as if he had made a decision well beyond the moment.
"Why?" I asked, genuinely curious about what kept him anchored in this lonely spot. Surely we reached the point where waiting longer became futile.
"If there's a one in a hundred chance someone will come, I don't want to waste their resolve," he said, with a hint of hopefulness shining through his quiet demeanor. [Translation: I've got time on my hands]
"I, I see... good luck then," I said softly, waving him goodbye, my heart threading confusion, sadness, and small admiration as I turned to continue on my way home, leaving him to his vigil.
*I still think it's pointless, though.* thinking he looked pathetic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's now June, and I can confidently say that my social life is thriving like never before. My popularity has soared to heights I never thought possible, and it feels exhilarating.
One fateful morning in homeroom, our teacher announced, "The date of the field trip has been set." She then instructed us to "Group yourselves into six members." As if a fire had been lit beneath us, everyone sprang from their seats, eagerly recruiting whomever they wanted to join their field trip group.
For me, the decision was straightforward. We, the members of the WHSG (the Weekend Hangout Study Group), gathered in a lively circle around Satoru-kun's desk, near the window, animatedly discussing our plans and how much fun the trip would be. Our laughter echoed through the room, creating an atmosphere of excitement.
However, from the corner of my eye, I noticed Saito-kun, staring vacantly into the distance, his gaze fixed outside the window. I couldn't help but wonder what captivated him so deeply out there. *Isn't he going to find a partner?* I mused, but quickly reminded myself that it was none of my concern. Unlike him, who seemingly had little regard for his appearance, I made a conscious effort to be well-liked by everyone. Each morning, I styled my hair meticulously and dedicated time to my skincare routine, ensuring that I looked my best. I also endeavored to engage with everyone, taking care to slowly earn their trust. After all, it's my role to foster harmony among us, but Saito-kun's choices were entirely up to him.
...In the bustling moments between classes, my friends and I continued to chatter excitedly about our field trip plans. Yet, amidst the usual banter, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off—*Izumi-kun has been acting strange lately.* Not to boast, but I'm quite observant of my surroundings, though I admit decoding social cues isn't my strong suit; I can be a bit air-headed in that department.
When lunch break rolled around, I made my way to the restroom. As I stepped outside, I couldn't help but notice a murmur of voices drifting from the boys' restroom. Curiosity piqued, I paused, straining to catch snippets of the conversation. It felt oddly familiar, and when I focused intently, I heard a voice that was unmistakably Satoru-kun's. "Are you really going to confess to Hitomi-san on the field trip?" he asked, a hint of incredulity in his tone.
*Whose confessing to whom?* I pondered, a knot tightening in my stomach. This couldn't possibly involve me...could it?
"Yes," another voice—one that resonated with determination I recognized as Izumi-kun's—replied confidently.
As the two boys stepped out of the restroom, I instinctively ducked away, out of sight. My heart raced as I clutched my chest, a wave of anxiety crashing over me. "This is not good," I thought, feeling the weight of the situation settle heavily on my shoulders.
Momozono-san, one of the girls in our WHSG, has feelings for Izumi-kun. How do I know? She told me herself. I began to piece together the implications of Izumi-kun's confession.
What does it really mean to maintain a friendship? Trust, honesty, mutual respect, empathy, and consistent effort—these are the essential elements that sustain healthy relationships. But if Izumi-kun confessed to me, what would that mean for Momozono-san? She might feel utterly betrayed, given her feelings for him. Even in the event that I rejected Izumi-kun, the dynamics of our group would inevitably shift. I could picture both Momozono-san and Izumi-kun grappling with their own emotions, and I feared it could threaten the friendship we've built.
Exhausted by this realization, I stared at the ground, muttering softly to myself, "So this is why people are afraid of confessing to someone they're close to."
The intertwining of feelings and friendships is always a delicate dance, and I couldn't help but feel caught in the middle of it all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**[On the Day of the Field Trip]**
As we rode the bus, I was seated next to Izumi-kun. The guys on our back, Haru-san and Shizuku-san, teased us.
*This is hell...* I thought, as Izumi-kun and I haven't said a word to each other since leaving the station.
After the tour guide finishes touring us to the historically significant spots, we are left with free time.
Everyone took pictures, went sightseeing, visited stalls, bought souvenirs, and made the most of their free time before regrouping at the hotel we are staying in.
As for Izumi-kun's confession. I waited, and waited, time flowed slowly as I waited for that dreadful moment. However, Izumi-kun didn't make his move, and the day had already ended.
[Later that night, at the hotel we are staying.]
After bathing at the open hot spring bath, the inn's best known for, I headed straight to the girls' dorm, preparing for roll call as the girls' class representative.
After many people had gathered, we rolled out the futon from the cabinet, preparing for bed. But before we slept, the other girls gathered, eager to play games, pillow fights, ...and have girl talks.
I did my best to lay low, but the spotlight was forced on me, pressuring me that it was my turn.
"What type of guys do you like? Class Rep Hitomi-san?"
"I, I guess... someone who can see through the future." is what the random excuse that I made, a full contrast to Izumi-kun, who is all about living in the moment and not thinking of the consequences.
By the time it was lights out, I lay on the futon next to Momozono-san's, thinking about how I should respond to Izumi-kun's feelings without widening the bridge between our group.
"Hey, Hitomi-san. You awake?" Haru-san, who lay on my other side, silently uttered, a voice not loud enough for everyone to hear.
"What is it? Haru-san?" I replied, curious to hear what she wanted to say this late in the hour.
"Do you like Izumi-kun?" She asked, straightforwardly, which surprised me. Well, Haru-san isn't the type to tiptoe around personal subjects, so this isn't out of character for her to do.
"Nope," I responded.
"I figured." Haru-san accepted my answer, too quickly; it's suspicious.
"Why did you ask?" I inquired, feigning ignorance of what I already know.
"No, it's nothing. Just a lot of things in my mind lately." Haru-san said, as if trying to be secretive about the subject.
Not to disrespect, but Haru-san doesn't like thinking deeply about personal matters. So right now, this is a bit out of character for her.
"Eh~ Haru-san is thinking deeply? How suspicious." I teased.
"Haha. Just know that, no matter what happens, we're still friends. Okay?" She assured me, as though comforting me for something that has yet to happen.
"Where is this coming from all of a sudden?" I chuckled, thinking how odd she is acting right now.
"Anyway, I'm sleepy. Goodnight."
Haru-san turned her face away from me and proceeded to drift into a heavy slumber.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[The next day.]
Wanting to take time to think for myself, I separated from my group and proceeded to wander around and find a good place to think, a place to relax before that dreaded moment happens.
After walking a bit, I found a secluded resting spot with beautiful scenery.
However, *What is he doing here, alone? Oh, yeah. This guy doesn't have any friends. So that's probably why.* I thought to myself, discovering Saito-kun had arrived at this place before me.
Out of the blue. "Seems like the little kitten is a little lost." He uttered, unaware he was talking to a literal kitten that was out of view, blocked by the bench.
*How did he know I was here?* I thought, thinking I didn't even make that loud a sound walking here.
Now that my presence has been compromised, I stepped out. "How did you know I was here?" I curiously asked, the little that I didn't know that was there before ran towards the bush, making me unaware it was even there before.
As if actually aware I was there from the start, Saito-kun gazed at me sharply, replying with confidence. "Just intuition."
"How about you? What are you doing here? It's strange to see you walking alone by yourself," he inquired, as if indirectly telling me it was probably a part of my concerns.
"Sometimes, I like to take some time alone for myself," I replied a a bright smile, trying to keep a brave front.
He glanced at me with a piercing gaze, then proceeded to look away. "Ha. Don't worry. You don't have to tell me. I already know." He told me, as if he had an exact idea of what was going on. [He just wanted to sound cool since she didn't want to tell him]
"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied, feigning ignorance as this guy can't possibly know the exact details of my concern.
He grinned and stared at me with an all-knowing gaze. He told me, "I know a lot more things than I look. Just know, I'm always watching." He said, as if saying I'm a lot more observant than you think I am.
Catching his bluff, I proceeded to excuse myself. "Anyway, my group is probably looking for me. If you'll excuse me," I then stepped back and proceeded to walk away.
As my back was turned, he opened his mouth and told me.
"I'll come for you in your time of need." He told me, as if saying I was about to need his help soon.
I'm not sure what he's thinking about. But he can't possibly know my exact dilemma. Right? [He just wanted to sound cool]
...
After regrouping with my friends, we toured the area, took some more pictures, and bought souvenirs at the souvenir shops.
I waited, and waited, savoring the moment before it all fell apart due to one confession of feelings.
As the sun was about to set, we walked up the Fushimi Inari Taisha.
"Hitomi-san. I got something to tell you." Izumi-kun called out to me, halting my walk, and grabbing his chest full of resolve. Behind him were our friends, who could not believe he was actually going through with this.
Standing inside the tunnel of thousands of torii gates, I found myself in a position of having to choose how to save this friendship.