Episode(84) Why am I...
SOVEREIGN OF DEATH~(84)
Born in an ordinary village, an ordinary family with ordinary financial conditions. There was nothing you could say we had more or less than the other person.
No.
Perhaps as a villager we were less wealthy than even those commoners that lived in towns and the capital.
Still, there was nothing special about my family.
No, if you consider the fact that my elder sister who had also learnt hunting from father had become a B-rank hunter, perhaps this was something out of the ordinary?
Considering the fact that village hunters normally never made it to such a high rank as hunters, maybe this really made my family somewhat special.
But, so what?
Even as a B-rank hunter, my sister easily went down facing the siege of monsters.
The curse marked on my shoulder had completely destroyed my life, caused the deaths of my family and all I was left with was a painful reality.
Special?
What a bad way to be special.
So, what was this about becoming a Saintess?
I must be hearing things.
The power of a saint, who didn't know it?
The ability to heal others, to purify lands, to create impenetrable barriers and more importantly the power to save people.
Where was this so called power when I needed it?
When I had to watch my father helplessly cut down, blood spilling from the deep cut opened in his stomach, why did this power not help him?
When mom and sis tried to save her, where the hell was this power that could save the world?!
Now you tell her she is some sort of savior?
Ridiculous!
I can't even save the people I care about, how will I use these powers to save others when I let my own family die?!
It would have been better to be condemned as a cursed witch and executed without mercy.
At least she could still resent the king for unfairly judging her.
Now, she could only resent these weak powerless hands of hers.
But, she had no other choice but to accept becoming the saintess regardless of her wishes.
Even if she felt dying was better they would only toss her into a cold dark cell for several days not letting her see light until she agreed.
She couldn't even sleep in that place due to the insects that might crawl into her head through her ears and mouth. Anyone in that situation would give up.
However as she learnt more about the saints power, she even learnt that when a saints level is high enough they unlock a power to revive the dead.
Of course, using this ability would cause her to lose her ability as the saint but it was a small price to pay.
Even if the world called her a traitor for abandoning her duty, she would give anything to reunite with her family!
All I have to do is level up properly and eventually when I learn the skill I'll secretly return to the village, revive my family and run away with them.
Once I lose my ability as the saint the king will not hesitate to kill me.
***
Training as the saint was never easy.
Reading daily scriptures, praying for hours on end and even the wrong choice of words in a prayer or incorrect etiquette meant she would need to start over.
Not only that, she even had to listen to the troubles of the people and reassure them that things would be okay and the goddess would not allow them to suffer.
There were even the minor paper work a saint needed to handle, it was tiring work.
Then came magic training, this was where the first chink in the armor appeared.
I did not have that much mana. Yes, I had the mark of the saintess and I could even use holy magic, however the magic power I contained was so small to the point that saying it was miniscule would not be wrong!
Even using small heal once a day was already a struggle for her.
I trained relentlessly, put in countless hours of training in order to improve my magic power capacity but even if it did grow, the level of growth was too small to count.
Even leveling up could barely help her tiny capacity of mana.
Why?
I already have a solution so why is the world blocking my path again!?
If it continues like this, then I won't be able to save them....again!
Could you understand this feeling?
It was like buying food from your favorite restaurant and instead of eating in you decided to have takeout, but on the way you miraculously tripped and everything became nourishment for the soil!
Frustration caused her teeth to sink deep into her lips breaking flesh causing blood to ooze.
Why am I always so helpless?
When the temple and king learnt of my 'deficiency' they were flabbergasted.
Who ever heard of a saint unable to even use intermediate class magic?
This one was nothing but a failure!
It was a wonder why they hadn't even fired her from her role. Perhaps humanity needed the saint to be present as an icon regardless of her ability.
But, this caused an issue with leveling up. No one wanted to be a part of a party with a useless healer.
Not even the king tried forcing others, although the king and church wouldn't force her out of her position, her dying would be better as it meant a new saint would be chosen.
Still, I couldn't give up.
No matter how frustrated I was, I wanted more power! I wanted to revive my family.
Even if it meant charging headfirst into a dungeon alone, I did it solely on determination to see my family again.
Additionally, since I didn't need to worry about healing others my mana rarely ran out in dungeons and I could focus on fighting.
And even without enough mana, if a rare item that could increase magical power could be obtained then this would greatly improve her situation.
But, the most I managed was level 50.
Beyond this seemed like a giant thick wall unable to be broken through.
At this point, my mana was nothing but 500mp. Not small but definitely not high enough for a saintess.
It only meant she could perform two mid rank heals or one single high heal.
As for the 10,000mp cost of a full revival, yeah that was impossible!
Hesitation crept in.
The determination she once held began to waver and she no longer spent hours in the dungeon each day, instead at most she spent an hour before leaving.
Sure, physically she became strong but this was not the strength she needed!
Damn it!
No matter how much I searched, gaining that much mana seemed impossible.
To begin with, not even the hero held that much mana so how could she with her mana deficiency gain such mana?
No wonder 'revival' skill was nothing but a myth, how could a human have that much magical power?
So, she gave up.
Every night she would wallow in tears of helpless weakness, but what else could she do?
Continue to fool herself believing she could actually revive her family?
No, it was too hard. Too painful.
If she had to constantly recall how powerless she was, really life would be too painful.
Instead, she focused on completing her role as a saintess.
Whether it was healing ailments or injuries, prayers, fixing barriers around the capital.
Though I didn't have much mana I did what I could.
At the same time I visited my parents every year to ask for their forgiveness.
Forgive me for being so useless, I couldn't even face their graves properly.
How pathetic.
It was around that time, an oracle stating the will of the gods said that she along with the heroes of water, wind, earth and the hero of holy sun were ordered to conquer the dungeon of death that had appeared decades ago.
I was taken aback.
Was the king sane?
The dungeon of death had appeared nearly four decades ago and over billions of hunters had entered yet none returned.
Even for SSS rank dungeons, this mortality rate was too high.
Going to such a dungeon was no different than diving headfirst into a pit of acid.
Absolutely stupid!
But we had no choice, the oracle had spoken and none of us could say otherwise.
Departing to the dungeon, we could only hope for good luck.
The first floor was easier than expected.
With the terrifying death toll, I had expected wyverns and dragons on the first floor but what we faced were simple monsters that even normal hunters could defeat.
The other heroes had also loosened up after realizing the challenge wasn't too difficult and by the 4th floor we had all gained confidence since no one had been hurt.
Only The Holy Sun, hero of light Leonhart wore a solemn expression, wary throughout the entire journey.
Even I could feel something foreboding, but I tried to fool myself that it was just an illusion.
I should have taken it seriously.
What stupid confidence?
We would all come to see that it was nothing but arrogance as the dangers ahead struck us into deeper despair than any of us had ever faced before.