Wiz: There really isn't any other way we could've started the fight?
Boomstick: I spent 3 whole minutes finding the files for these. Jeez.
SONIC.EXE
SUPER MARIO BROS.
Both games sit side by side.
Boomstick: And now I'll drag this…
He click-holds on the Mario game, hovering it right over the second one.
Boomstick: Now, it's time for a-
Wiz: Ah-ah-aha, you already said the line.
Boomstick pouts, as the camera zooms into the computer screen in front of them. Until it takes up the entire monitor.
Rings spun beside floating coins across a wide, open field where two familiar worlds had been stitched together with all the care of a rushed patch job. Green Hill's endless checkerboard plains rolled beneath warped Mario platforms and cracked brick pathways, while squat palm trees swayed beside leaning pipes that hissed faintly into the still air. Question Blocks hovered above the ground, above item monitors that swapped between mushrooms and shields.
And overhead, the sky stretched on forever in a dim red haze, empty of clouds, stars, or sunlight.
Out of a giant, golden ring, Xenophanes jumps out. His lower eyelids still oozing with blood, he makes his way forward.
Xenophanes: Large, Large! So much Larger than before!
He laughs to himself.
Xenophanes: And it's all mine for the taking!
Then, he stops in his tracks. A shiver up his non-existent spine, as a foreign object seemingly appears a few meters behind him.
M: Ah. But you're-a mistaken. You-a wandered into mine.
He opens his eyes to reveal his opponent.
M: Somari's friend, no doubt?
Xenophanes: I have no friends. Merely servants. And I think you'll fit right in.
M: Oh, the insolence. Nevertheless, I'll-a make this quick.
FIGHT!
Xenophanes vanished.
Static burst across the air as he reappeared directly in front of M, attempting to swipe off his face in one fell swoop. But his body bent backwards unnaturally, spine curving like rubber as the claws passed inches from his nose.
Then, a knife appeared in his hand, and he swung upward.
Xeno caught the blade between two claws before M overpowered him, slicing upwards and cleaving through his face.
However, all that did was leave him open. He creates easy access for the hands within the monster, which shoot out and practically scratch off his face. Then, he is stabbed in the shoulder with a stake and kicked, skidding back.
By the time he had regenerated and looked up, Xeno was nowhere to be found, until he suddenly appeared to his left. Tentacles had erupted from his mouth and shot out.
M vanished.
The tendrils instead pierced into a pipe behind him, which collapsed into corrupted polygons.
A second later, M reappeared above Xeno, telekinetically hurling dozens of spinning Question Blocks downward like meteors.
Xeno laughed.
The blocks froze midair.
Static crawled over them.
Then they twisted into giant golden rings, which became golden stakes, and shot back toward M at impossible speeds.
But he simply raised a hand as the stakes stopped inches from his face, before transforming into very deformed Koopa Troopas. He crosses his arms, as the retract into their shells and fly at him.
But Xeno simply holds out his hand, swirling and compressing them into nothing but paste.
M doesn't stop there, as he tosses a variety of items from the environment. Rather than continue the tennis match, Xeno teleports around them, absolutely giggling to himself. In the midst of his teleportation dodging, he manifests his three slaves and sends them towards him.
A fox.
An echidna.
A machine.
Xeno chuckled.
Xenophanes: Servants. Come greet our guest.
Soul Tails lunged first, only to be stabbed clean through the head and kicked aside before his body even hit the ground. Soul Knuckles struck from behind, but M caught the blow, parried it away, and answered with a vicious upward slash that split across his chest. A simple snap of his fingers ignited the echidna instantly.
Soul Tails dove back in, only for him to grab him mid-charge and slam him headfirst into the dirt before stomping him flat. Meanwhile, Soul Eggman unleashed a wave of rusted Badniks from behind.
He carved through them in quick succession, slicing machine after machine apart without even slowing down, before suddenly rushing forward and driving his blade straight through Eggman's head.
M: Are those-a all of your tricks?
Xenophanes: All is but a woven web of guesses. Besides…
Now, he's right beside his opponent yet again. Gently placing his hand on his shoulder.
Xenophanes: Keeping you in the dark is fun!
And swiftly, he rips off M's arm. M jumps back as he tosses the arm in his mouth with blithe.
M groans, then unostentatiously begins to laugh.
M: You silly freak. I've had you in the dark this entire time.
He snaps his fingers, dispelling the darkness, revealing a small but colourful cast of different Mario's.
IHY Luigi: You thought the Master worked alone?
Luigi, Mr L, Stanley, and Omega now stood across the field.
The moment they appeared, three of them scattered in different directions, leaving only Mr L behind.
Omega charged first, straight at him. His chest split open, peeling apart to reveal a massive maw lined with jagged teeth. Xenophanes reacted instantly, shoving both sides of the creature's torso apart before it could bite down. From behind, Stanley lunged in, trying to take advantage of the opening.
He did not get far. An arm sprouted from Xenophanes' back and caught him mid-strike. With telekinetic vice, Stanley struggled in its grip, but the hand only tightened, slowly crushing him down into a bloody, compact box. With a flick of the wrist, Xeno hurled the remains toward Luigi.
Luigi's eyes widened as he jumped over the mangled body. While still in the air, he summoned several dead Marios and flung them toward Xenophanes like grotesque projectiles.
Xenophanes teleported away from Omega's snapping maw, avoiding the corpses as they crashed into the ground behind him.
Then the background cracked.
And shattered!
A gloved hand burst through the very edge of the world, reaching out from behind the scenery itself. Before Xenophanes could vanish again, the hand closed around him and yanked him out of the air.
The rest of the giant Mr L forced itself into view, looming over the battlefield with a wide, crooked grin. He chortled, squeezing harder as Xenophanes' body twisted in his grip.
Xenophanes: Argh-
Before Mr L could crush him, the trees across the battlefield began to twist. Their trunks spiralled like drills and tore themselves from the ground before launching upward and stabbing through the giant from every angle. His massive form dissolved and reappeared farther back at his normal size.
Xenophanes dropped to the ground, claws digging into the dirt.
Xenophanes: NO! I wanted you to leave them to me!
A dark figure floated behind him.
Lord X: That's no way to address your saviour, weakling.
Xenophanes: How DARE YO-
Lord X ignored him, turning his attention to the Marios.
Lord X: Tell me. Where is your leader?
A green shell shot toward his head.
Lord X tilted slightly, letting it skim past his ear.
Then he vanished.
He reappeared in the middle of the Mario forces and drove his foot into Luigi's chest, sending him flying across the field. Omega stepped back, his chest beginning to split open again, but Lord X was already in front of him.
One movement.
Omega was torn in half. Both halves collapsed into black sludge, but before they could reform, Lord X lifted the remains into the air with a lazy gesture. The sludge twisted together, compressed, and reshaped into a smoothie.
Lord X chuckled.
Lord X: Come now. Make this a little interesting for me.
Xenophanes' eyes narrowed.
Xenophanes: Your left!
Lord X: I'll never heed your warnin-
Mr L's enormous arm slammed into him from the side, swatting him into the air like a bug.
Lord X stopped himself mid-flight, hovering above the field. Mr L stretched upward after him. Each swing tore through the space Lord X had occupied a moment before, but he kept teleporting inches behind every strike.
Finally, Lord X caught one of the oversized arms with a single hand.
He snapped his fingers with the other.
Mr L's arm snapped off completely.
Lord X: Come now.
The giant reached from behind the background again, cracking through the scenery with his remaining hand. Lord X simply kicked the arm aside, sending it crashing into the ground.
From below, Xenophanes followed up with a storm of golden stakes. They shot upward and skewered the massive monster, as it cried out.
Lord X: I told you to make things interesting.
Lord X raised one hand.
A massive item box appeared above Mr L and dropped. The box crushed him flat, leaving nothing but a large pool of blood.
Xenophanes grinned, stepping forward.
Xenophanes: Finally, this world-
Lord X: Don't say anything rash, subordinate.
Xenophanes froze.
Xenophanes: Tch…
Lord X looked out across the battlefield, his grin spreading.
Lord X: Besides, there are many more souls here to conquer.
Xenophanes: What?
A voice answered from above.
???: Who said my soul was for conquering?
Before Xenophanes could react, a floating head crashed into him, dragging him backward through the air. Glitchy chains erupted around his body, binding his arms and legs as the entire screen tinted red. Across the sky, the same word flashed over and over.
HIM.
HIM.
HIM.
The Forest King hovered above Lord X.
The Forest King: You talk big for a false god. But the king of this reality isn't you!
Below, more red static tore open across the ground. Mr Virtual stepped through first, followed by Super Bad Mario and Beta Luigi.
Beta Luigi immediately sat down with his back to the fight.
Lord X stared at the newcomers, amused.
Lord X: I believe you'll give me a lot of fun.
Then, a very ugly Sonic leaned onto his shoulder from behind.
Needlemouse clone: Yup yup!
The air split open.
They poured from the trees, the pipes, the cracks in the ground, even the item monitors. They swarmed the battlefield in a giggling flood of twisted faces and twitching limbs. Some would occasionally jump and take swipes at the floating King.
Super Bad Mario yelped as the stampede rushed past him, missing him entirely. A question mark appeared beside his head.
Then the clones began merging. One by one, they piled together until they formed a massive monster of mayhem.
A clone on top of them pointed forward.
Clone: Fire in the hole!
The giant creature opened its mouth and began firing clones like a gatling gun.
The Forest King twisted through the air, weaving between the incoming bodies while dodging trees hurled by Lord X. Each Clone that missed crashed into the ground, laughing as it bounced back up and scrambled toward the nearest enemy, which happened to be Super Bad.
Super Bad: Mama MIAAAAAAAA!
He begins to dash until IHY Luigi manages to call out for him, on top of a speeding, very angry-looking Bullet Bill.
It destransforms, and Super Bad manages to jump onto a speeding kart as well, as it tore across the field, plowing through Majins like a hot knife through butter.
Racist Mario: AND TAKE THAT, YOU UGLY FUCKS!
Several clones suddenly lifted into the air, their bodies twisting and compressing together. They transformed into a single giant green boot.
The boot slammed down.
Racist Mario and the Kart were crushed flat beneath it. The other two barely managed to leap free, tumbling across the ground and landing hard on their backs. Begrudgingly, they looked up.
A new voice rang out over the chaos. The owner of these extra bodies.
Needlemouse: Wow! My own personal hell, it's SO much larger than before!
She spots Beta Luigi and snaps her fingers. A bunch of clones rush over to him, and by the time they leave, he's just a skeleton with a Luigi hat. He sighs regardless.
Xenophanes struggled against the glitching chains, his limbs twitching uselessly.
Xenophanes: I can't move, HUGH!
The green shell from earlier bounced off his head.
Super Bad: Yippie!
Needlemouse landed nearby, smiling as her eyes swept over the battlefield.
Needlemouse: And I see it's still littered with weaklings and victims. Unfortunate.
Xenophanes snarled.
Xenophanes: Get me out of these things already!
She goes to do so, until a club stops her right in her tracks.
Needlemouse: … what?
It smacks her in the face and falls flat to the ground.
Someone walks up and picks up the club.
GRAN. DAD!
With Somari posing right behind him!
Then, the camera pulled back from the chaos and drifted far across the corrupted landscape, away from the battlefield and toward a lonely castle standing a while away.
Inside, Day Out Mario and Day Out Luigi crept through a dim corridor lined with cracked stone, flickering torches, and blank paintings whose colours had long since bled away.
Day Out Mario: What the fuck even is this place?
Day Out Luigi: I-I don't know, but I've got a feeling we shouldn't stay.
Day Out Mario: Well fuck you, AND your feelings!
They continued forward, passing an empty painting hanging crookedly against the wall. For a moment, nothing moved. Then, two red eyes opened inside the frame. The gem on top of its head flashed, as Tails Doll floated into view behind them.
Back outside, one of the Needlemouse clones hopped through the battlefield, giggling to itself as the war raged around it. It bounced a little too far from the others and bumped into something cold, round, and red.
Starved stared down at it with wide, hungry eyes.
Starved: Ah. I get to savour this taste again.
The Needlemouse clone tilted its head.
Starved reached for it, only for a long tongue to lash out from the side, wrap around his body, and yank him away. He hit the ground hard, sliding across the dirt before looking up.
Turmoil Mario stood there, hunched and silent, his massive eyes fixed on him, as he chewed.
Starved slowly rose, brushing himself off.
Starved: You… stole my food. Oh, you poor thing.
Turmoil did not seem bothered. If anything, it looked hungrier. And angrier.
Starved pulled out a small button.
Starved: You don't even know your fate.
He pressed it.
Before Turmoil could react, Furnace Sonic rocketed into him and kicked him across the ground. Turmoil growled, digging its claws into the dirt, then snapped its tongue out toward another Needlemouse clone. The tongue wrapped around the clone, and with a violent jerk, Turmoil hurled it toward Starved, now hovering above the field in his Egg Mobile.
Starved maneuvered around it with ease. Turmoil ran full speed, preparing to butt the mobile, but completely underestimated its strength, as it slammed into it midair, knocking it straight toward Furnace Sonic's open stomach.
FSSSSSSSH!
Elsewhere, Needlemouse's patience had completely evaporated.
Needlemouse: STAY. STILL!
Spiked chains erupted around her, launching in every direction. Somari and GRAN.DAD scattered, dodging and jumping around the attacks with surprising ease. Somari sprang off a tilted pipe and launched himself upward, curling into a homing attack. She raised an arm to shield herself.
Then, of all people, Sanic blasted across the battlefield and met Somari head-on with his own homing attack, the sound effect of "smoke weed every day" blaring with him as both bootleg speedsters then crashed to the ground, dazed.
Sarah stared.
Needlemouse: Huh.
Before she could process that, GRAN.DAD leapt behind her with his club raised high. He smashed her across the head so hard her entire body popped into a Flintstone vitamin, which bounced once before landing flat on the ground.
Sanic tried to scramble up, only for Somari to grab him by the arm and fling him into GRAN.DAD's path. The club came down again, turning Sanic into a vitamin too, then sending him flying so far he looked like he had just been hit out of a baseball stadium.
NICE SHOT!
Somari and GRAN.DAD jumped into the air and high-fived, completely unaware of the very short figure standing behind them, whose eyes glowed red.
A while away, the Forest King continued darting through the sky, weaving between the smaller clones fired from the massive clone monster's mouth. He twisted around one, ducked under another, and phased past a third as it sailed through the air, laughing.
Then the entire clone monster exploded. A Banzai Bill tore through its center, blowing the huge mass of bodies apart. The scattered bodies all giggled with glee.
Far away, inside a building overlooking the battlefield, Promo Mario pumped a fist.
Promo Mario: STRIIIIKE! Nice shot there, partner!
Across from him, Secret History Mario lounged at a long table with his feet kicked up, one hand resting near a launch control.
Secret History Mario: Yeah, yeah.
Behind them, M rose out of the shadows as though he had always been there, his eyes fixed on the battlefield beyond the window.
M: Things are-a going well!
Which is when something phases into the corner of the room. Its shoes look awfully red.
M: Oh, patience.
Back outside, the Flintstone vitamin that used to be Sanic came screaming through the air and smacked the Forest King in the head, stunning him.
Forest King: AARG-
That hesitation was all Lord X needed. He lifted one hand, gathering several elements into a spiralling beam of warped energy before firing it directly at him. The Forest King noticed too late, but still tried to counter. Massive plants erupted from beneath, twisting upward to impale him.
Lord X dispersed them with a flick of his hand.
The beam closed in.
Then, inches before impact, the Forest King smiled. The screen flashed white.
When the light faded, Lord X was staring at his own attack.
Lord X: How… ugh!
The beam flew into him and sent him crashing backward through the air. The Forest King laughed and created a portal, which Lord X couldn't stop himself from flying into.
Back inside the castle, the corridor had gone quiet.
Tails Doll hovered over the mangled bodies of Day Out Mario and Day Out Luigi, slurping the last glowing strands of Luigi's soul into its mouth. The brothers lay twisted on the floor, crushed and broken like roadkill.
Then Tails Doll looked up.
A metal screech echoed through the hall, growing louder with every second.
From the darkness ahead, Devil Mario stepped forward, dragging his blade behind him as sparks shrieked across the stone.
Devil Mario: Don't even bother struggling.
Back on the field…
GRAN.DAD sprinted across the battlefield with Somari slung over his back, his legs pumping as fast as his squat little body could manage. Behind them, the short figure drifted after them in silence. Its hands clasped together as bolts of lightning rained from the sky. GRAN.DAD ducked, stumbled, and swerved past the first few strikes, but one bolt landed close enough to blast dirt into his face. He tripped over his own feet, dropping Somari as he hit the ground.
The figure kept floating forward.
Then Chris Pratt jumped in front of it.
Chris Pratt: Koopers…
The short stack flies straight through the PNG without any hassle, leaving a Sunky-shaped hole in its body. It Explodes :(
GRAN.DAD scrambled up and hurled his club. It struck the figure dead-on, only to Smash Ultimate reflected uselessly into the ground behind him. With no other options, he grabbed Somari by the ankles and spun him faster and faster until blue electricity began streaking across his body. With one last desperate yell of "GRAND. DAD!" he launched him forward in a full-force homing attack.
For a moment, the attack actually seemed to hold it back. A brief clash! Then the figure kept moving. Somari Death Jumps and drops off the bottom of the screen.
The figure finally stepped close enough for the shadows to peel away from its face. One foot planted itself forward. Its eyes gleamed in the dark.
Then the screen went black, as text popped up.
"AW YEAH. THIS IS HAPPENING"
Sunky?????
They stare at each other. He reaches for his club, but is immediately struck into a pile of ashes.
Sunky looked up. The sky above him was tearing itself apart with texture glitches, red bleeding through the clouds like a corrupted wound. The Forest King descended now, through the broken air, every inch of him corrupting.
Forest King: You'll look better in red. Blood red.
Sunky blinked.
Forest King: Hmm?
Above him spell the words. Milk and Cereal!
The texture glitches above the Forest King suddenly warped into something else entirely. The red sky bulged, pixelated, and reshaped into a massive bowl of cereal. It dropped before the Forest King could react, smashing him flat into the ground. His head, unfortunately, remained sticking out from beneath the bowl.
Forest King: But… how?
Sunky drew a circle in the air above him. The circle opened into a portal.
Lord X fell out of it.
He landed directly on the Forest King's head, crushing even the spirit's face into a spray of glitching fragments and blood. With a bored gesture, Lord X reached deeper, telekinetically dragging the ghostly essence out from underneath the bowl, and crushing that too, reducing the spirit to nothing.
The chains around Xenophanes shattered. He wasted no time, teleporting back to the rest of the group with a furious twitch in his eye.
Then everyone turned toward Sunky.
Lord X: And you are?
He doesn't answer. But one would think he sunks occasionally.
He tossed a Flintstone vitamin toward Lord X. Lord X caught it between two fingers and crushed it.
Somehow, that brought Sarah Needlemouse back.
Needlemouse: NO FAIR! I'M THE ONE WHO TRANSMUTES THINGS! ME! ME! ME! I SWEAR, IF I-
Xenophanes: Focus! And stop holding me back! All of you! You're ruining my ideal world!
Everyone went quiet.
Lord X stared at him.
Needlemouse stared at him.
Sunky stared at him.
Xenophanes: I-
Lord X: That's what I thought.
Across the field, Super Bad Mario and I Hate You Luigi were trying very, very hard to tiptoe away.
The moment the EXEs looked in their direction, tiptoeing became sprinting. They had barely made it ten feet before a crash shook the ground in behind them, hard enough to rattle the distant building where Promo Mario and Secret History Mario were now trying to balance a Jenga tower. Sadly, it fell over.
Promo Mario: No fair!
He handed Secret History Mario a 1000 naira bill. Enough to buy a meatpie.
A massive shape stood in the crater.
MX: Y̸̜͎͎̏͗o̵̩͆u̷̪̟͖̍̂̋r̸̜͌͜ ̷͕̋a̸̧͔̿̅͛t̸͖̆t̷̘̝̠̀e̸̫̖̯̾̈́̎ņ̶̪͈̋t̴̩̏̌͝i̶̧͒̊͂o̷̯̘̣͒͆n̵̺̮̳̂ ̴̘̩͓̌̈́i̷͈͖̍s̷̢̠̰͒͛ ̴̜̐͌̍ñ̶͙͛̽e̵̤͌̉e̵̖̼̾͌d̶͚̣͗ė̴̤̔d̷͈͓̮͒ ̴̯̤̒h̶͔͔͒ḙ̵̦̉͐̽ͅr̶͍͇͙̀́͌e̶̢̦̓.̷̘͍̚
Meanwhile, inside the castle, Devil Mario leapt aside as Tails Doll burst from a painting and snapped at him. The doll vanished back into the canvas, only to emerge from another frame a second later. Devil Mario parried the next bite with his blade, which caused sparks to fly through the corridor as Tails Doll faded away again.
Devil Mario: Is its plan to wait me out?
Tails Doll answered by appearing behind him.
Devil Mario spun on instinct and sliced its head clean off.
The head flew into the air, but the gem on top of its head flared, firing a concentrated beam straight at him. Devil Mario flipped backward as the laser carved through the stone floor where he had been standing.
He landed, unimpressed.
Devil Mario: Ah. I see.
He pointed forward. Boos poured from his body, as they swarmed Tails Doll's head and body alike. Going straight within, they phased into it and literally began chewing through its spirit from the inside. The doll twitched and twisted, then exploded, as Boos ripped the last of its essence apart and returned to Devil Mario with the gem in tow.
Devil Mario caught it in one hand.
Devil Mario: Now, I'll bring total destruction.
Meanwhile, Starved took another thoughtful bite of his brand-new delicacy: Souris bouillie, or, less politely, a Needlemouse Clone. Furnace watched closely beside him, wiping away sweat like a contestant on a cursed cooking show.
Starved: Ethereal. Almost otherworldly. I predict he would taste better… alive.
He produced a Time Stone. Its glow spread across the battlefield, and time began to decelerate. Super Bad Mario and I Hate You Luigi, unfortunate enough to be caught in the crossfire, shrank backwards through their own timelines until they were reduced to screaming babies.
Starved took another bite of the rawer, lifeless corpse in front of him, then glanced back at the babies with faint disgust.
Starved: I'm never that hungry.
Regardless of his feelings towards Cannibalism, Devil Mario scooped up the reverted Marios and sent a pair of Boos to carry them out of danger. Then he turned his attention to Starved, who was already climbing back into the Egg Mobile.
Starved: Not any closer. Not while I'm having a meal.
Furnace Sonic shot forward like a missile. Devil Mario drew twin Uzis and opened fire, but the bullets only clanked uselessly against the robot's metal frame. Trust me, they don't begin to work any better. He dove aside as Furnace tore past him, then spun around as the machine circled back. This time, Devil Mario ducked beneath the charge, swept Furnace's legs with a low kick, and followed with a rising punch that knocked the robot into the air.
Furnace recovered fast, swinging both fists in brutal arcs, but Devil Mario slipped between the blows, countering with a punch to the face and a kick that sent it skidding backward. He raised Tails Doll's gem and fired. The beam struck Furnace head-on, and although the robot managed to block with one hand, the force still pushed it back inch by inch.
Starved sighed and lifted the Time Stone again.
Devil Mario threw up his guard as the Boos circled around him, preparing for the temporal wave.
But MX stomped the ground.
Before Starved could activate it, a green shell cracked against his hand and knocked the stone away.
Super Bad Mario stood nearby, somehow restored and as obnoxiously intact as ever.
Devil Mario glanced at him.
Devil Mario: MX?
IHY Luigi: Indeed.
Devil Mario's eyes shifted back to Furnace.
Devil Mario: Take the red thing.
The two nodded, then charged into battle.
Meanwhile, Devil Mario turned his back. His aura began to flare as he held up a power star.
In the distance, Sunky stopped assisting the other 3 with their MX trouble and glanced over at him.
Devil Mario: You never stood a chance to begin with.
IHYL creates more Mario bodies and launches them at Eggman at torpedo speeds.
Of course, he is able to dodge around those, right up until his machine suddenly fails. He smacks the controls twice and looks up.
Missing for almost the entire duration since his inception here is Mr Virtual.
Mr Virtual: Feeble and plump. The perfect victim feigning Predator.
Meanwhile, Furnace, sparking, takes more blows from the Star-empowered Devil Mario. He can't even find the power to defend himself, but flails his arms in an attempt to do so anyway. Devil Mario grabs both of them and rips them off.
He lets his energy pulse again, before punching through its fiery torso, and ripping it in half.
A while away, Starved reaches out, as Super Bad simply spins his neck, splitting his head from his body.
Of course, he hits a peace sign.
Devil Mario: What next?
M (Telepatically): I'd want you to-
The background spins around like a revolving door. The signal is cut, as the 4 of them find themselves back in the lobby of Peach's castle, with Sunky simply staring. Then, he begins to wave, cartoonishly.
Devil Mario: What is this?
Meanwhile…
The word RUN pulsed across the sky. Lord X hovered above the torn ground, one hand raised toward MX, but his grin had begun to thin.
Lord X: Xeno, can you feel that?
Xenophanes: I don't feel any pressure! All I feel is a rush!
With that, he flew back in.
But Lord X was hesitant. His eyes kept drifting away from the giant in front of him and toward invisible cracks splitting open somewhere beyond the world itself.
Something was moving between Dimensions.
Lord X: Slipping from one layer of reality to another. The arrogance to do that in my presence.
Lord X's fingers twitched.
Lord X: …What are you?
MX answered by lunging.
The ground beneath Lord X vanished into a square, bottomless pit. He floated in place easily enough, even staring with disappointment for a bit. But the space warped upward around him, turning into a vertical tunnel lined with broken flagpoles and impossible stage geometry. The tunnel snapped shut like jaws. Lord X raised a hand to tear it apart, only for the space to loop, folding his own gesture back into and through his chest.
His eyes widened.
MX stood completely still in the centre of it all.
The word RUN still pulsed across the sky behind him.
Xenophanes snarled and vanished, reappearing behind MX with a storm of golden stakes already forming around him. They shot forward from every direction at once.
MX did not move.
The stakes froze inches away from his body.
Then the level rotated.
Suddenly, Xenophanes found himself standing sideways as gravity shifted with the map. The frozen stakes all dropped at impossible angles, missing MX entirely and piercing deep into the terrain. One even finds its way to his head, which forces a giggle out of him.
Xenophanes: SO CREATIVE!
MX tilted his head.
Then he lunged.
The ground beneath him vanished as he moved. Xenophanes barely teleported out of the way before MX's fist crashed through the space.
The impact generated no explosion. Just absence. A chunk of the battlefield simply ceased to exist.
Needlemouse took this as an opening. Her clones burst forward in a screaming wave, glitching around MX's legs and clawing at his massive frame from every angle. One leapt for his eyes. Another tore into his shoulder. A third sank its hands into his back and tried to rip out whatever passed for a soul. MX barely reacted.
MX responded by pointing up, as a now-present HUD began to change.
LIVES: 0
Every clone froze.
One by one, they collapsed into static and disappeared.
Needlemouse: NO! NO, NO! I'M THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE!
She snapped her fingers. More clones poured from the red static around her, crawling out of the air itself, each one twitching with the same spiteful grin.
Needlemouse: AND I'LL DO THIS AS MANY TIMES AS I NEED TO!
MX turned his head toward her. The word RUN burned brighter.
Before either could move, the sky above them burst open with water.
Classified Luigi appeared in the distorted clouds, as a tidal wave tore down from behind him. It slammed into the battlefield with enough force to rip pipes from the ground. Needlemouse dug her claws into the dirt, holding strong against it, as some of her clones were swept away. Xenophanes teleported above the wave, snarling as the water clipped through the world in low-resolution sheets.
Xenophanes: Gotcha!
Classified Luigi slowly looked up.
That was all the time Xenophanes needed. A simple Axe kick split its head open.
MX moved again.
He charged again, as did the clones. But he didn't stop this time. He just kept on going, crushing each and every one under his feet as he ran single-mindedly.
Xeno sent a massive knife spiralling at him. It hit, but didn't stop his momentum in the slightest.
Lord X was still trapped in the looping tunnel, his expression finally darkening. He almost seemed deep in thought, laser-focused on this.
Lord X: I've identified one. It moves beyond the edges of this stitched-together abomination. But there's another. Farther away. Hmmmm
And because Lord X noticed that, he noticed MX one moment too late.
A giant fist tore through the tunnel and slammed into him.
Lord X crashed into the ground hard enough to split the checkerboard earth. MX appeared above him in the same instant, one foot raised like an executioner's axe. The word RUN disappeared from the sky.
It was replaced with:
GAME OVER
Something struck MX from the side, knocking his stomp just off course. His foot came down beside Lord X instead, collapsing half the field into a void. He instantly teleported out of there.
From the smoke, Faker stepped forward, brushing loose static from his arm with a wide, unnerving smile that helped absolutely no one feel better.
Faker: I found you!
Lord X: Ugh. You disgusting creature.
Faker: Now, now, we're on the same side, aren't we?
Lord X: An inferior being like you should never stand alongside me.
The smile doesn't leave his face. Man, I really wish it would.
Lord X teleports away.
Back in the castle…
Devil Mario deftly hopped away from the spikes erupting from the ground in rapid columns, each one narrowly missing him as Sunky lazily waved an arm through the air. With his other hand, Sunky casually flicked away another green shell fired by Super Bad Mario. The shell flew back twice as fast, embedding itself deep into the ground beside him. He widened his eyes.
Above them, I Hate You Luigi suddenly appeared midair, hurling volleys of fireballs downward.
Sunky responded by pulling out a bowl of cereal.
Every single fireball landed inside it.
And from the side, even Devil Mario's energy blast vanished harmlessly into the bowl, swallowed without resistance. Against all odds, it remained a perfectly normal breakfast.
Sunky took a bite.
Then he pulled a hyper-realistic spoon from nowhere and flung it forward.
The spoon shrieked through the air fast enough to scratch Devil Mario's cheek before curving around him entirely. Its handle hooked around his arm and slammed him face-first into the ground. Before Super Bad or Luigi could react, the spoon spun back around and smacked both of them away in a single sweeping motion, knocking them both out.
Behind Sunky, another spoon rose up and smashed apart the Virtual Boy Mr Virtual had almost forced onto his head.
Mr Virtual: Bullshit!
The spoon cracked across his face hard enough to crater the wall behind him and knock him unconscious instantly.
Then, it multiplied. And those spoons multiply more spoons, and those multiply into more spoons. Up until he's standing in front of an army. You know. Of spoons.
Sunky takes a bite. And the screen goes black, as text appears.
"Let's have some fun"
When the world returned, Peach's Castle was gone. The blood-stained floor, the broken walls, the battlefield outside, all of it had disappeared. In its place stretched a long, dark hallway, its walls swallowed by shadow and its end nowhere in sight. Every spoon dropped to the floor at once with a synchrony of clatters layered on top of each other. My ears.
Sunky looked around, his face finally changing expressions. This time, to one of confusion.
Devil Mario slowly pushed himself upright. Immediately, he sensed something deeply wrong. Without hesitation, he grabbed Super Bad Mario and IHY Luigi, booking it.
An enormous face begins to move forward from the darkness behind him. It emerged teeth-first, wide and grinning,
Wario Apparition: You want FUN?
He looks back. The outer tails of his brows droop downward
The screen went black again, as Sunky replies with text.
"It was just a prank bro"
CHOMP!
Wario grabbed him with his teeth, tossed him in the air, and swallowed him whole.
The apparition laughed, the sound booming down the endless hallway. But the laughter stopped almost as quickly as it had begun. For behind him.
Majin: OOH! OOH! I WANT FUN! I WANT LOTS OF FUN!
Wario turned, befuddled. A tiny Majin Sonic stood there, practically vibrating with excitement. Wario lunged forward and snapped his jaws, but Majin simply reappeared on top of his hat.
Majin: LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN!
Then, he flipped upside down and crashed into the floor, leaving a crater in the hallway. He expected to see Majin crushed beneath him. Instead, the little monster phased up from the ground directly in front of his face, smiling far too wide.
Majin: INFINITE. FUN.
He overrides the Corridor instantly with a simple snap. Almost as if Wario's world was a movie set, as it peeled away. The sky is a dark, swirling abyss punctuated by neon-bright, ever-shifting colours. loating checkerboard platforms stretched into infinity, broken by moss-draped ruins and warped flora. Across the endless dark, distorted faces of Sonic bloomed and vanished like video wallpaper.
And out of the woodwork, more Majin, who looked to be hiding, began to rush forward with glee. They crawled from the ruins. They split from behind the platforms. They dropped from the sky, rose from the ground, and poured out of the dark as if they had been hiding there the entire time. Everyone of them giggled, muttered, chanted, or whispered some variation of the same word.
Fun!
His massive eyes darted from one side to the other.
A few Majins collapsed with nosebleeds the moment they got too close to him, but it barely mattered. There were too many. They kept coming, climbing over each other, laughing through the pain as they forced themselves toward his mouth.
Devil Mario glanced back. Pools of Majins were already chasing after him and the others, surging over the platforms like living slime. Without stopping, he fired several eye lasers into the swarm. But with a sharp shake of his head, he turned forward instead.
Majin: AND WE'RE GOING TO DO THAT FOREVER!
Wario's face began to swell. More and more Majins forced themselves inside, inflating him from within. His cheeks stretched too wide. His eyes bulged. Then dozens of hands burst from below and dragged him into the ground as he screamed frantic, glitching "WA"s.
Devil Mario notices something behind him.
Majin Sonic rode atop Majin Wario like a horse, bouncing happily on the apparition's massive, EVEN UGLIER grin.
Majin: GIDDY-UP!
Devil Mario stared for half a second too long.
That was all it took.
A Majin disguised as a rock sat patiently in his path. He tripped over it, hitting the ground hard. Boos burst from his body on instinct, grabbing Super Bad Mario and I Hate You Luigi and carrying them farther ahead, but Devil Mario scrambled back.
Majin: AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
Grey hands tore through reality.
Two of them grabbed Super Bad Mario and I Hate You Luigi, yanking them out of the nightmare before the Majins could reach them. Devil Mario turned just as another hand punched up from beneath him. It wrapped around his body and pulled him down through the floor.
Majins: Awwwwww :(
The Majins all went quiet.
For one brief moment, they looked almost disappointed.
Then Majin smiled.
Majin: OH, DON'T FRET, BOYS. REMEMBER, FUN. IS. ENDLESS!
Mr Virtual: W-what about me?
Majin: See?
A hoard begins to chase after him. He staggers, almost slipping, as he begins to run away.
The camera slowly pulled away from the warped dimension as the Majin Sonics scattered throughout the ruins, happily preparing to enjoy their brand-new home forever.
Meanwhile, between dimensions, Devil Mario forced himself upright, one hand pressed against the fractured floor beneath him. The space around them was unfinished, an endless dark web of glitching geometry and loose textures drifting in silence. Otherwise known as outside of reality itself. GB held his wrist tightly.
GB: I'm merely following orders.
Devil Mario exhaled sharply through his nose.
Devil Mario: …Right.
Somewhere away from there, the battle had become almost incomprehensible.
MX stood unmoving in the center while a Spin Dash from Xenophanes crashed against his palms from above.
The camera shifted forward.
In the foreground, Lord X's eyes widened. Not from fear. Not quite. His smile only stretched wider as he looked past the stitched-together world itself. Something was moving in the places between places.
Which is when an arm reaches out, breaking through the dimension, and grabs all of them.
And within dimensions, the space around them split open.
A colossal hand burst through the reality seam and closed around GB and Devil Mario. Another hand followed, cupping the broken reality from the other side. The purple "palms" rose into a void lit only by red eyes and teeth, and slowly, Lord X's internal form pulled itself into view.
A Large, Dark void enclosed around them.
For one brief moment, everything was still.
Then Devil Mario stood.
He planted one foot against the giant palm, drew his blade, and vanished in a flash of red. Lord X's fingers twitched. Before he could close his grip, both hands dropped from his wrists in a storm of slashes, severed cleanly at the palms. Devil Mario landed in a crouch as GB crashed behind him.
Devil Mario: Finish your goal!
GB didn't think twice and crashed into reality again. His hands had already grown back.
Lord X: Fascinating! So very fascinating!
Devil Mario rose, sword held low at his side.
Devil Mario: There's nothing interesting about what I'm about to do to you.
Lord X: Please. Do your h̸̨̛̛̗̞̣͇͚͇̖͉͔͖̓̈́́͊̑̄̈́̇͒͊̽̈́́̕͝͝ä̴̮͚̹͖̘̥͙́̌͊̓̒̅̌͂͂̑̌̽̉̆̀͘͝r̴̝̠͉̱̺̮̖̙̩̺̝̜̻̠̈̈́̿̋͗̓̋̚̚͘͠͝ͅd̵̛̩̮̠͉͈͒̔͐̈̇̂̎͒͐̐͒͠ͅe̶̛̩͚̪̓̇̆͌̊̊̏̎̓͐͂́̃͑̇̍́̌̍̓s̸̢̞̱̠̲̀̀̀̓͐̈̍̚͠͝ͅt̷̡̛̲̦̥̳̮̣̫̭̪̟̒͌̒͊̏̋̏̇̓̾̌̊͐͜͝͠.
The action switches again. Needlemouse is now actually forcing him back. He flies into him, two times with two different blows. The third blow lifted MX's chin, and for the first time, the giant actually staggered.
She smiled.
Then she teleported above him, only to be replaced midair by Faker.
Faker's grin split too wide as he rained antimatter beams down on MX's head and shoulders. He raised both arms and pushed through the barrage anyway. Behind him, Xenophanes rushed in with a shrieking laugh, sending a tinder of fire to its back.
Minor cracks in the sky were beginning to appear.
Devil Mario front-flipped over a wave of darkness as it consumed the ground beneath him, hit the void running, and parried three shadow-beams with his katana before sliding to one knee. Twin Uzis flashed into his hands. He fired point-blank into Lord X's chest until empty.
Lord X: That almost tickles.
A giant arm slammed down. Devil Mario rolled aside as it crushed the guns into sparks, then sprang on top of a second hand as it tried to swat him out of the air. He landed further up the curve… arm… sprinted up it, and carved a glowing line from wrist to shoulder before Lord X's body rippled and swallowed the wound shut.
He turns his back, as his aura pulsates even harder, before jumping forward.
Across the battlefield, MX roared. The shockwave blasted Needlemouse, Faker, and Xenophanes backward as the giant's voice tore through the air.
MX/Devil Mario: YOU MUST DIE!
Lord X laughs.
Lord X: Did you just try to command me?
Needlemouse whipped around, fury overtaking even the pain in her face.
Needlemouse: DON'T DARE TO COMMAND ME!
Xenophanes threw his head back and cackled.
Xenophanes: You must not know this.
The three voices overlapped, distorted, and crashed into each other like 3 split screens.
Lord X/Xenophanes/Needlemouse: But I. AM.GOD!
Faker: Uh…huh…
Needlemouse made the first move. She became a red streak across the field, fast enough that the fabric of the game tore behind her in ragged strips. Every fragment, every hateful echo of Sarah poured into the charge at once.
Needlemouse: THE ONLY ONE! YOU'RE MIIIIIIIIINE!
She slammed into MX's arm with everything she had. The impact shook the map. His feet carved tiny trenches through the ground as she forced him back, inch by inch. For a moment, it actually looked like she might push him over.
But from below her foot, a small bit of reality shatters. A grey arm reaches out, fraying against her energy as it grabs her leg. The corruption spread instantly, crawling up her leg in square, dead pixels. Her scream began as rage, then broke into static halfway through.
Needlemouse: I REFUU-UUU-UUU-UUUSE!
She pushed harder. MX still slid back. The corruption kept spreading.
GB pulled himself fully from the broken ground, laughing as more grey hands rose around him. Xenophanes moved to interfere, only to be frayed himself by a dark pillar of darkness. With a grunt, it left him steaming on one knee.
Xenophanes: What?
Faker appeared beside him, still smiling.
Xenophanes glared.
Xenophanes: You.
Faker tilted his head.
Faker: Me.
He rushes in for a lunge, only to phase completely through him, as with the simple outward movements of his hands, he rips him in half. Both halves fall to the floor and are binded there, yet again.
Outside, MX planted his feet. Needlemouse was still screaming when he raised both hands. The second he could finally out-push her, a wicked grin flashed across his face. RUN, changed to GAME OVER.
Then he clapped.
Blood dripped. Needlemouse vanished between his palms in a burst of static.
A while away, Devil Mario aimed the gem.
A row of red lasers shot toward him. Lord X slipped between them, teleporting from one impossible angle to the next, but Devil Mario was already moving before he appeared. A kick caught Lord X across the jaw. A slash followed. Then another. Then two laser beams from the gem.
Lord X vanished again.
Devil Mario turned before he reappeared.
The blade was waiting for him.
Lord X's eyes narrowed as it carved across his chest, making the X a tad bit wider.
Internal X: How is he predicting my movements?
Devil Mario answered with a brutal uppercut. Lord X flew upward, only for Devil Mario to follow, striking him midair with a chain of punches and kicks. In the midst of things, Lord X tried to distort the space between them. Only for his opponent to cut through the distortion and drive a knee into his face.
He really was something else. Lord X began to fall.
But not before Devil Mario caught him by the throat and hurled him further downward, crashing into the "ground". Devil Mario dropped after him, landed on his chest, and raised his sword.
Devil Mario: The destruction of creation is what I seek. If you truly are a deity, then all you do is stand in my way.
Lord X's smile twitched. His eyes widened, pupils shrank.
Internal X: I AM GOD OF THIS REALITY!
His chest split open before he could finish. Another internal form erupted from his stomach, driving an uppercut upward. Devil Mario jumped away from it, as the blow tore through the edge of his aura. The second Lord X laughed as its body collapsed inward, folding into a black hole.
Gravity reversed. Then multiplied. Chunks of broken reality, stray code, and shattered terrain within the void were dragged toward the newborn black hole. Devil Mario tried his hardest, slamming his sword into the ground and gripping the hilt with both arms, as the pull tried to rip him loose. Even the boos were vacuumed out of his body.
A pair of red-and-black shoes planted themselves right at the edge of the pull. Somehow completely unfazed.
Devil Mario looked up.
Coldsteel: Heh. Nothing personnel, kid.
Then he kicked him.
The kick wouldn't be powerful enough to beat him. But it did not need to be. It broke his grip for one single frame, and in that frame, the black hole won.
He snarled, reaching forward. The Boos burst from his body, trying to drag him back, but the pull swallowed them one by one. His power flashed once, twice, then vanished into the dark.
For a moment, the void went still.
Lord X's internal form shrank, twisting back into his familiar shape as he landed lightly on the ruined "ground". Then he threw his head back and laughed, long and loud.
Lord X: HAHAHAHAHA! At last, something worth-
Something stabbed through his chest.
The laughter stopped.
Lord X looked down slowly.
Flagpoles.
Dozens of them.
They had erupted from beneath him all at once, breaking through the void and skewering his body from every direction and pinning him in place like an insect on display. More spears of broken level geometry burst through his arms and shoulders, anchoring him to the ground hard enough to crack the surrounding void-space.
Lord X: What?
The void opened up, almost nonchalantly. Behind him, MX stepped forward, as the word GAME OVER, flickered once again.
Coldsteel stared at the scene. And with the survival instincts only military training could provide, he skedaddled.
An omnidirectional burst shot from Lord X's body, blasting the flagpoles apart. Instinctively, he turned and raised an arm. An antimatter blast slammed against his palm, forcing him back half a step. His grin curdled.
Lord X: Nooooo cheating, Faker!
Faker floated nearby, balancing lazily in the air with one hand behind his head.
Faker: Your left.
Lord X: Stop the childish tri-
Lord X vanished mid-sentence, attempting to teleport casually out of the incoming strike, only to reappear in the exact same spot. A giant error message flashed in front of his face.
ERROR: INVALID POSITION
The blow that came launched him out of the void entirely and smashed him through layer after layer of corrupted terrain before burying him into the checkerboard earth below.
Lord X snarled and kip-upped instantly…
ERROR
He found himself in the same position. And looking up, he could see that MX was already descending from above, both feet together, the massive stomp prime and ready.
Lord X: What?
BOOM!
A stomp, essentially flattening him further.
Lord X's eyes burned red.
Faker: Tell me now, X.
Lord X: YOU INSOLENT LITTLE SH-
Faker: Who's the failure?
SMASH!
The flagpoles bent.
SMASH!
Lord X's body distorted between forms as he tried to pull himself free.
SMASH!
The ground forgot what shape it was supposed to be. Or was that just within his mind? He forced an arm upwards-
SMASH!
Lord X's roar broke into static.
Which was mitigated by one more.
Faker kept his arm strained, helping hold him there as MX struck over and over and over, until the shape of Lord X finally collapsed beneath the punishment. What remained tried to rise as shadow, as code, something honestly. A mismatch of shapes, swirling spirits all in one.
Faker was waiting. He laughed gleefully.
Faker: I GOT YOU!
Then he crushed it.
With his telekinetic power, he crushed it completely into nothingness.
Then, from the ground nearby, a pipe rose.
It emerged slowly, almost politely, pushing through the corrupted terrain as if the world itself had made room for it. A white-gloved hand appeared on the rim. Then another.
M climbed out.
He stepped onto the battlefield with calm, victorious grace, dusting off his gloves.
M: Well-a done. All of you!
More pipes rose behind him in perfect rows before tipping forward one after another. From them stepped IHY Luigi, GB, and Super Bad Mario, bruised but alive. Yes, he kept them alive to aura farm.
Across the battlefield, Xenophanes giggled to himself.
M: Hey! It's been a while, hasn't it?
Xenophanes: So you only bother showing your face when all is said and done. What a coward.
He twirled a knife lazily between his fingers, as now, an army of Omegas (Remember? The dude from before?), rises from the ground behind him.
M: I only wanted to save you for last. That's all.
Xenophanes sneered.
Xenophanes: With these playthings?
M: Drop the act. I saw how they treated you.
Xenophanes: Tch.
M: Which is why I'll give you one chance to-
CRAASH!
??? : GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Every head turned upward.
The crack in the sky had finally ruptured completely. Golden light poured through, bleeding into the stitched-together world below.
Fleetway Sonic: WOW! A COLLAPSING WORLD?! THIS IS PRIME FOR DESTRUCTION!
Fleetway Sonic floated there, surrounded by a storm of burning gold energy.
Even M recoiled slightly.
M: What the FUCK is that thing?
For the first time in the entire battle, Xenophanes stopped smiling.
Fleetway's gaze wandered, vast and aimless for a moment, almost childlike in curiosity. Then it locked onto the clustered army below.
Xenophanes: THERE!
Fleetway vanished.
Not teleported.
He launched forward with flight alone, crossing the battlefield so fast the sky tore open in his wake. The shockwave alone obliterated three Omegas instantly.
Then, Omega after Omega burst apart upon contact, with some of their bodies being pasted by the pressure of his passing alone.
He continued to tear through the backline, laughing hysterically, flying in crooked loops, smashing through bodies with no rhythm or pattern whatsoever. One moment, he was above them, the next underneath them, then suddenly spiralling directly through them like a living drill.
M slapped a hand against his ear.
M: Mario!
Far away, Secret History Mario jolted upright in his chair and slammed his hand onto the detonator.
Rows of Banzai Bills rocketed across the battlefield, concentrated on one spot.
The fireball swallowed him whole, only for the flames to split apart. Fleetway burst out of the center spinning wildly, laughing even harder than before.
Fleetway Sonic: JUST WHAT I WANTED!
He slammed into Super Bad Mario before the poor idiot could even finish screaming. Fleetway stomped the ground, sending him upward with the shockwave, then spun after him and delivered a single blazing kick that exploded the parody into red paste.
IHY Luigi froze.
IHY Luigi: OH GOD N-
Fleetway appeared directly in front of him mid-blink, floating upside down with a cheerful wave.
Then he flipped.
The axe kick drove IHY Luigi clean through the battlefield and straight into the lava below.
IHY Luigi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The scream echoed for several seconds after he vanished.
Grey hands burst through reality from behind Fleetway, clawing open space as GB reached for him. Fleetway's head snapped toward the distortion instantly.
Fleetway Sonic: OOOOOH! WHAT'S THIS?!
Instead of avoiding the hand, he grabbed the tear in reality itself and ripped it wider with brute force alone.
GB barely had time to react before Fleetway reached inside and seized him by the face.
Fleetway: SNEAKY!
Then, he karate-slammed him back into the battlefield, shattering any bones (assuming he had any). Before GB could recover, Fleetway curled into a Spin Dash and drilled straight through his torso, splitting him apart in a spray of corrupted data.
Fleetway Sonic: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHO'S NEXT?!
Behind him, MX rose from the ruined terrain and swung.
Fleetway leaned backward just enough for the massive hand to miss him by inches, continuing to guffaw.
MX roared and attacked again.
And again.
And again.
Fleetway danced around every strike effortlessly. At one point, he stopped moving entirely just to yawn in MX's face before sidestepping another blow. A second later, he somehow produced a ping pong paddle with a string and ball attached, and fiddled with that for a bit.
Then he pulled out a book.
Fleetway Sonic: BORING!
MX swung downward again.
Fleetway finally moved.
The impact shattered the battlefield beneath him, but Fleetway slipped around the attack in a spiral so fast he seemed to duplicate mid-motion. Half a dozen afterimages ran across MX's arms and shoulders simultaneously, before darting up into one real Fleetway, laughing.
Then the error message appeared.
ERROR: INVALID POSITION
Fleetway froze midair, and the manic grin disappeared, for exactly one second.
Then, it widened again.
His arm jerked upward.
His fingers dug into the text itself, tearing through the box like wet cardboard. The warning shattered into red fragments around him.
Fleetway Sonic: WHAT? SURPRISED?!
With a violent roar, he ripped his own arm sideways through the glitched restriction. The error box shattered apart around him like glass.
For the first time, MX visibly hesitated.
That was all Fleetway needed.
He exploded into motion, preparing a straight spin dash into his torso, only for Faker to reappear, holding him back with all his might.
Faker: NO! STOP! THIS IS MY WORLD, YOU HEAR ME? ALL FREAKING MINE!
Somehow, this forces Fleetway back. But he crosses his arms and flashes his teeth with a smile again.
Fleetway: Your world? But you don't even know who you are.
Faker: Wha-
We zoom into his brain, as it all begins to rot and fry. Chaos Energy trumped the void, even within. Faker's eyes cross.
His laugh simmers, turning into a giggle, as he crushes his hand, spiralling Faker into himself, and turning him into a chilli dog.
Then, dozens of yellow streaks spiralled around MX simultaneously, all laughing at different pitches. Two Spin Dashes slammed into either side of MX's head hard enough to twist the giant sideways…and Xenophanes suddenly dropped from above with a spin dash of his own.
The combined impact crushed inward from every direction at once.
MX's head burst apart in a colossal spray of blood.
The giant body staggered once.
Then collapsed.
Silence hit the battlefield as they both landed.
Fleetway stared at him.
Fleetway Sonic: Wait a second… who the heck are you?
Xenophanes straightened slowly, forcing the grin back onto his face.
Xenophanes: Just fight with me.
Fleetway tilted his head.
Then he smiled wider.
Fleetway Sonic: HMMMMM…
M had already put a good distance between himself and the battlefield. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of looking back. And slammed directly into Xenophanes.
Fleetway floated down behind him, still twitching with leftover energy.
Fleetway Sonic: And where do you think you're going?
Looking back, Xenophanes grabbed M's head with both hands before he could speak.
Xenophanes: Oh, don't waste your last breaths.
With one smooth motion, he ripped the head clean off and tossed it into the air. But before it could even hit the ground, the mouth opened wide.
And souls began to pour in.
Super Bad's soul shot upward first. Then IHY Luigi's rose screaming from the lava below. GB's dragged itself out from the remains of his split body.
Even far away, inside the office…
Promo Mario: I didn't think it'd get this f-
Both he and Secret History Mario slumped over mid-sentence as their souls tore free from their bodies and flew toward the severed head.
The three watched as a swirling amalgamation of souls spiralled inward, feeding the thing faster and faster.
The ones he could still retrieve, anyway.
Xenophanes stared.
Xenophanes: He's… absorbing them.
Coldsteel stepped forward.
Coldsteel: Stand ready, boys.
He spit into a can he brought with him.
Then M regenerated. Life burst outward from the severed head as flesh, and darkness twisted back together into something much larger. Two more arms sprouted from his back.
Ultra M.
Ultra M: YOUR LUCK… HAS RUN OUT!
He slammed back down onto the battlefield hard enough to rupture the checkerboard earth.
Coldsteel immediately stepped in front of the others.
Coldsteel: Not to worry. Hurtin' people's kinda my thi-
He exploded where he stood.
Fleetway shot straight through him so fast his body hadn't even realized it had died yet. The golden monster emerged from the gore cloud, holding Ultra M by the collar, grinning wildly.
But M's expression never changed.
Because something, somewhere in the vast multiverse, was able to clip his hand.
His grip broke instantly.
A streak of light zipped around the world at impossible speed, jumping in and out of reality like GB on steroids.
Ultra M slowly adjusted his gloves.
Ultra M: There's one even I couldn't conquer.
He pointed directly at Fleetway.
Ultra M: And he's already four parallel universes ahead of you.
Then and there, he finally BLGs into the light.
Speedrunner Mario: WEHEE!
He flies straight into Fleetway, who stands his ground. They clash. Harder, and harder, and harder, until the very geometry of the world began to tremble beneath them.
Then they vanished.
A split-second later, they reappeared high above the battlefield and rushed in, colliding once more in a shockwave that tore open everything. The impact folded the sky inward like crumpled paper. Shards spread in every direction, and fragments of corrupted void beyond the game itself showed.
The world couldn't take it anymore.
Fleetway: HA! THIS IS AMAZING!
He and Speedrunner Mario traded punches faster than the eye could process. Every collision generated another shatter in reality. Entire chunks of the battlefield froze, rewound, skipped frames, the full 9 yards.
Fleetway: YOU'RE SO STRONG!
Speedrunner Mario: あなたの力には私も驚かされます!
They spun into simultaneous bicycle kicks, colliding hard enough to send a pulse through the collapsing world. The remaining structures around them began to sink into glowing voids beneath the terrain.
Xenophanes stared upward, transfixed.
Not at the fight.
At the world around it.
Xenophanes: But… my world. My world! MY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD!
M appeared behind him.
M: Ah, but you're mistaken. You wandered into mine.
The two unleashed their telekinetic force against each other at point-blank range as space warped inward under the strain. Even debris, terrain, and fragmented textures spiralled around the clash like a collapsing orbit. M pushed forward inch by inch until, with a violent crack, he shattered through Xenophanes' guard and drove a monstrous, fiery punch directly into his chest.
Xeno stumbled backward.
Before he could recover, M's tongue shot forward, wrapped around him, and yanked him back in. Two massive arms locked around Xenophanes in a crushing bear hug. Xeno clawed furiously at M's face, tearing long streaks across it, but M refused to sell them.
M: Look up. Reality as we know it is failing. Do you know what that means, faux god?
Xenophanes: I DON'T CARE!
M: It means… We'll both die here if we can't escape.
Xenophanes: What?
Above them, Fleetway and Speedrunner crashed through another layer of reality entirely.
Fleetway: What say we take this somewhere else?
Speedrunner Mario: それはとてもふさわしいと思います.
Fleetway spiralled forward in a blazing vortex while Speedrunner BLJed through the collapsing seams of reality itself. They shot off into the distance together, smashing through dimension after dimension as though the boundaries between universes had become nothing but thin glass. Every impact sent another catastrophic rupture cascading back through the battlefield behind them.
Everything is crumbling, glitching, and deleting.
Textures peeled away from the ground in strips. Sections of reality vanished mid-frame. Sound distorted into static. The checkerboard earth dissolved beneath their feet as enormous ERROR messages flooded the sky.
Xenophanes ripped two massive chunks of debris free with his telekinesis and slammed them against M's head hard enough to break free from the grapple. He teleported backwards instantly.
M: Nowhere left to go…
Xeno floated there frantically, surrounded by the dying remains of his "perfect" world as entire sections of existence blinked out around him.
Xenophanes: It's sinking! My perfect, whole wide world!
Then the error messages converged. Layer upon layer of corrupted warning boxes wrapped around him from every direction, binding his limbs, locking his movement, pinning him helplessly in place.
M simply walked toward him through the collapsing void and rested an elbow casually against his shoulder.
M: Don't worry. The assimilation will only hurt a bit.
Xenophanes: The what?
M smiled. Then, of all things, he hugged him.
Xenophanes immediately began to glitch violently inside his grasp. His body stretched, duplicated, corrupted, and tore itself apart frame by frame as agonized screams reveberated through. M, meanwhile, could only laugh louder as the collapsing reality swallowed them both whole.
And then… Everything ended.
The shared game. The battlefield. The worlds. The armies. The collision between two infinite corrupted realities stacked impossibly on top of one another.
All of it collapsed into nothing.
The screen displayed a single message:
ERROR: PROGRAM TERMINATED
Silence.
Then a fist punched through the error message, from within.
The error display shattered apart as M pulled himself through the remains of the program, dusting himself off before taking one final bow toward the audience.
The screen faded to black.
Mr Steal Your Soul: YOU CANNOT BEAT US!
KO!