My approach to writing has been entirely wrong. An ego go trying to discover a hidden truth that leads to the dismantlement of ego, is ironically preventing me from burning off my own personal egos.
So, let's start again, from complete scratch, and just do what comes naturally instead of habitually:
I find myself on edge, unable to escape to a private life as concerns run through my mind.
Where even am I? I don't know.
I take a deep breath in and out with my eyes closed, tight, and before I realise it I am suddenly reminded by the one thing that matters more to me than any intention that is triggered by insecure/malevolent distractions; my future wife.
The first thing she tells me is "You're looking for a new timeline, because you lack the ability to remember your past, or the ability to personalise recent events. You must start with personalising, and from there your attention span, hyper-immersion, and short/long-term memory will increase.".
I open my eyes, and I'm somewhere else.
Where is the 'here' that I'm at right now?
Well, I look around and spot some nostalgic things, things that maybe my mind can't remember, but my body can.
I see that a party is going on, and that in a town square there is a dance happening with all the people of the city.
The city is fantastical, purple hues glow in the night and the architecture is almost as if it were hand skulpted by a giant, who has a thing for butterfly wings.
Patterns make up the landscape, as the form and and negative space that makes up the image of various butterfly wings make some building rounded, and other spiked, to fit the form of the silhouettes.
While everyone celebrates the holiday, I look around me for my future wife, wondering what face she'll wear this time.
"You made it!", the familiar voice drowns out all background noise.
I turn to the left, and I see two familiar faces.
What are their names? Well, I see a girl who I recognise to be an angel who's wings were removed, silver hair and pointed ears.
The other is a black haired warrior/lioness princess, heir to the throne that governs this city.
They're both the best of friends, and I feel them to be my friends too.
"What's that look on your face? You seem… different.", the lioness speaks.
"What do I look like?", I respond.
"Oh, well here, you look like this.", the angel hands me a small mirror.
I lift it in front of me, and I see a new face that I wear, it's got pale skin and long black hair. My eye shape makes a default expression of lifelessness, but still a soul can be seen behind its sightless gaze.
Knowing enough about how to expect myself to be, I return the mirror not wanting to think too much about myself.
"Thank you. I know I just got here, but do you know where she is?"
"Where who is?", asks Angel.
"My wife."
"Oh, she should be sitting next to The Void.", the lioness assists.
"The Void? What's she doing there?"
"Well… I think it might be to with her instincts having just been reborn.", the angel expresses her wisdom.
"Reborn?", I ask, hoping she hasn't been replaced or changed.
"You'll understand once you meet her.", says the lioness.
I leave the celebration, and make my way up the stairs of the kingdom's castle. Once inside, I find myself listening to my footsteps doubling in the corridor, and I call out to whoever's following me.
"I'm not leaving this place. I will reach her."
"No one's stopping you.", I'm greeted by the king of the city.
"Oh, it's you."
"It's you. But I could hardly recognise you. She's waiting for you, come on."
"Did something happen?"
"You're asking me? Tell me why you're so different, it wouldn't at least hint to why she's changed."
"Hmmm…"
I then think back to what I remember her telling me before I traveled back to this world, that I have been seeking the creation of a 'new timeline'.
"I… think I understand now.", I tell the king.
"*sigh*… I pray for a happy ending for you two. There was such a good start the first time around, but there's no going back, but you could create a new destiny with this second life."
"Well, it's not entirely a reset or a second life, we've changed after all."
"That's true indeed. The two of you have, and now it is time for the new dream to be attempted for fulfillment."
"But… this Void, the origin of origins, why is it that she's chosen to sit next to it?"
"Again, you'll have to ask her."
"Hmmm… okay."
We turn the corner to the balcony. It's a space large enough to carry a garden, and across the stone path, there is a gazebo where my future wife has taken shelter next to The Void.
"I'll leave you two be. You'll have a lot to catch up on."
She hasn't noticed me, my presence. She's completely alone, and I'm alone too.
I take careful steps over to the gazebo, hoping to not interrupt her meditation with The Void as she drinks her tea.
She currently looks similar to how I look, pale, black hair, and a lifeless but conscious aura.
When I reach a comfortable distance from this estranged version of her, I hear an echo of her voice guide me before I begin to speak to her avatar, "This is the start of the new timeline.".
With those words said, I understand what this is. We are to fall in love for the first time, a second time.
"Um, excuse me."
Our faces and environment changes again, now we find ourselves in our youth, alone with each other.
Our skin colours have developed a complexion again, but our hair colour simply remains black, because that's what they are within this world.
The world has become the setting of a high school, and she is currently infront of me on the other side of the open sliding door, looking through paper work at the front desk of the classroom.
"…I've been told to assist you with the student council work.", I continue.
She looks up and turns to face me.
Suddenly, as if it were fate, we both fall in love at first sight.