~Hasa Diga Eebowai!~
The whole group of actors was singing around me, their voices rising as they danced across the stage. One of the women handed me a prop baby to cradle, and I held it awkwardly as the cast circled us.
~When the world is getting you down
There's nobody else to blame!
Way oh!
Raise your middle finger to the sky
And curse His rotten name!~
"Wait, what?" I blurted out as the meaning finally clicked. Everyone else kept singing and dancing with full enthusiasm, but I stepped out of the formation and walked up to the leader of the tribe.
"Excuse me, sir," I said, trying to keep my voice even, "but what exactly does that phrase mean?"
He made a dramatic thinking face. "Let's see. Eebowai means God. And Hasa Diga means fuck you. So I guess in English it would be 'Fuck you, God.'"
"What!?" I said, horrified, as the cast behind me continued with absolute commitment.
~When God fucks you in the butt
Hasa Diga Eebowai!
Fuck God right back in His cunt!~
It really showed how desensitized I'd become to all this because I didn't even crack a smile at what was, admittedly, an outrageously funny scene. Whoever came up with this number was a comedy genius. The humor was incredibly dark, but I didn't mind that as long as the audience laughed and had a good time.
~Hasa Diga!
Fuck you God!
In the cunt!~
The cast members playing the villagers closed in around Josh Gad and me, dancing and shouting the lyrics with wild energy. They sang their hearts out and ended the number on a powerful, chaotic high note.
"And scene!" called out Casey Nicholaw, the director and choreographer of the play. "We're done for the day. Before you all go home, I just want to say that everything else was perfect, but you need to show a little more enthusiasm while cursing God. That would add to the hilarity of the scene."
Michael Potts, who played the leader of the tribe, rolled his eyes dramatically. "If we show any more enthusiasm while saying that, we'll be lynched when the show ends. I'm not even sure the show will end."
"Nothing will happen," Casey assured him. "This is New York City. No one here gives a fuck about anything you say. So chill out, will ya? As for the security, I'm sure Troy's people will make sure nothing untoward happens on the stage."
He pointed toward my two guards sitting quietly in the audience, alert and ready.
As if my security team had no other concerns at all. If anyone had to worry about backlash, it was me. I was the biggest target in the building. I had the most to lose, and as the saying goes, the higher they are, the harder they fall.
Still, I kept an easygoing smile on my face. "I assure you, Mike, nothing will happen to anyone here. At least not because of the content of the show. Now, if someone gets diabetes because of how much sugar they're eating, then I don't take any responsibility."
"Hey!" Josh Gad protested loudly. "You ate those sweets too."
Everyone laughed while I raised my hands innocently.
"I never said I was talking about you."
The best part about this cast was how well we all got along. From Josh to Nikki to Michael, we were constantly cracking jokes and having a great time. With a few exceptions like Casey, no one ever brought up my "privilege."
"So we'll continue rehearsals tomorrow," Casey announced, "but Troy won't be a part of them. Andrew will be standing in as Elder Price."
Josh turned to me. "Everything alright?"
I gave him a reassuring smile. "Yeah, everything's great. I have a film coming out in a month, and I've gotta go on a world tour to promote it."
"Wait, that James Cameron movie?" Nikki asked, practically vibrating. "[Avatar]?"
"Yeah," I said with a nod.
She lit up instantly. "James Cameron is my favorite director. I'm so excited to watch [Avatar]. I've been waiting forever."
I chuckled. "You'll be one of the rare ones then. Apparently, despite Fox's efforts, the buzz around the movie is pretty low, and they're not expecting it to be a huge success." Then an idea hit me as I looked around at the cast. "If you guys want, I can get you tickets to the premiere. I don't know how many seats I'll be able to manage, but at least ten should be doable."
Nikki squealed, closed the distance between us in two steps, and wrapped me in a tight hug. "Oh please, oh please, oh please. I would kill a newborn baby to get those tickets."
"Then you'll go to jail, you psycho," I joked. "Don't kill anyone. I'll get you the tickets for sure. As for the rest of you, no promises yet."
"Yay!" Nikki let go of me and pumped both fists in the air like an excited kid.
Working on a stage show was truly an experience.
(Break)
Justin paced nervously around the small changing room, his sneakers scuffing softly against the tiled floor. His mother stood a few feet away, wringing her hands as she watched him. Her expression was equally anxious, a mirror of his own.
"You need to relax," Mark, Justin's manager, said confidently from his seat near the vanity mirror. "If Troy said he'll take care of you during the interview, he'll definitely do that. He's a man of his word."
"I know he is," Justin replied, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm not worried about him. It's just the thought of facing the cameras that's freaking me out. And it's on Conan O'Brien. Then there's my first album. It's nowhere close to flying off the shelves like I thought it would. What if it's a flop? They'll send me back home. Mom will lose her job, and then, and then…"
"You worry too much."
All three of them turned toward the doorway. Troy was standing there casually, leaning a shoulder against the frame as if he'd been listening for a while.
"Troy!" Justin blurted, eyes wide. "How much did you hear?"
"Enough," Troy said with a grin as he walked inside. "You need to calm down, Justin. For God's sake, you're just a kid. Chill for a bit. Go out with your friends, have fun, that sort of thing. Don't stress about whether the album will be a hit. Let the businessmen handle that part. If I started worrying about the success of every single project or company I run, I wouldn't sleep at night. At all."
Justin swallowed and nodded slowly. "Okay, so what do I do now?"
"First, take a deep breath," Troy instructed. "Come on, copy me."
He breathed in deeply, held it, then let it out in a slow, steady stream. Justin watched carefully, then followed on the next breath. By the third inhale, he could already feel his heartbeat slowing a little.
"Good," Troy said after about a minute. "Now I want you to forget about the cameras and the people. Focus only on Conan and me. No one else matters in that room. Don't use too many fancy words or try to be someone you're not. Just be natural. People can tell when you're being inauthentic, and those kinds of stars don't last. Most importantly, always keep smiling. Don't let them see you not smiling. Ever."
Justin nodded. "Yeah, they covered that in my media training."
"Perfect." Troy clapped once, upbeat and confident. "Then you're ready. Just remember that your first interview will go wrong. It's inevitable. You'll get better with time. If you mess up, don't worry about it. I did too. It is not live, and if things go too badly, they'll let you redo it if we ask nicely. At least you've got the luxury of me looking over your shoulder. I didn't have that. And Conan's a really gentle host for rookies."
"Yeah." Justin nodded again, this time with a bit more confidence than he felt. "You're right."
"Good lad." Troy gave his shoulder a supportive pat and stepped out of the room.
Mark leaned forward in his chair, eyebrows raised. "Better?"
"Loads," Justin admitted with a small laugh. "I didn't realize until now how good Troy is at pep talks."
"He's the best," Mark said. "You're really lucky to have him as your mentor. Most singers won't care about you beyond making a quick buck. Troy doesn't need money, so if he's guiding you, he's doing it because he wants to."
Justin nodded, then glanced at his mother. Accepting Troy's offer had been the toughest decision for her. A pastor at their local church had eventually convinced her to let Justin pursue the opportunity. If not for that, he'd still be making YouTube covers in his bedroom.
"You'll do great, honey," Pattie said with a warm smile. "I believe in you."
Justin smiled back before turning toward the TV mounted on the wall. The live studio feed showed the stage bathed in bright lights while Conan shuffled his cue cards behind his desk.
"Please welcome the one and only, the best, the biggest, the youngest superstar on the face of the planet Earth, Troy Armitage!"
Troy stepped onto the stage to roaring cheers, waving confidently at the crowd. He hugged Conan, flashed a broad smile, then took his seat opposite the host. Their small-talk greetings played out exactly like the ones Justin had studied dozens of times during his training.
"So, Troy, what's new with you?" Conan began. "How close are you to world domination? Planning to buy another company after Twitter?"
Troy chuckled and shook his head. "As much as I'd love to buy all the companies in the world, I don't have that kind of cash. And honestly, I'm not personally involved in most of those businesses. Even on the entertainment side, my parents handle most of the work. I like to physically, creatively do things, whether it's acting or making music."
"Speaking of acting," Conan said as he reached underneath his desk. He pulled out a poster and set it upright so the cameras and audience could see it. "You're about to star in a new musical on Broadway. Can you tell us about that?"
The camera zoomed in on the poster for [The Book of Mormon], showing Troy mid-jump in a crisp Mormon missionary outfit with a hilariously exaggerated grin pasted on his face.
Troy took one look and burst out laughing. "Oh my God, they actually printed my face on it? I thought they were joking about that."
"Of course they did!" Conan said. "This is a face worth billions."
The audience roared, and even Troy laughed harder at the joke.
When he regained control, he said, "[The Book of Mormon] is the funniest thing I've ever done in my life. I don't think I can top it. I used to think [Superbad] was the best one, but this musical easily wins. The three creators are geniuses.
"We did a few internal shows for friends and family, and it was the hardest any of them had ever laughed. Tickets for the previews go live tomorrow, so grab them as soon as you can."
Conan set the poster aside. "Knowing you, all the tickets will be sold out within hours. You also have a movie coming up soon, [Avatar], directed by James Cameron, whose last film was [Titanic]."
A loud whoop erupted from the audience at the mention of the highest-grossing movie in the world.
Conan continued as if the audience hadn't reacted at all. "How does it feel to work with a director who took twelve years to make this movie after [Titanic]? Do you think [Avatar] will reach the same level of success?"
"I can't know that, Conan," Troy replied. "I'd definitely like that, but it's not exactly in my hands. I agreed to do this film for a few major reasons. First of all, James Cameron. I'm a huge fan of his, and I had to work with him at all costs. When I heard he was looking for a lead, I contacted him. The way he explained his vision for the film left me mesmerized. He's so intelligent that it's impossible not to be impressed when you're talking filmmaking with him."
"Tell us more about the film," Conan urged.
"It's a sci-fi story set in the far future," Troy said. "Whenever we think of aliens, we picture them having advanced technology and invading us. But what if the roles were reversed? What if we had better tech and we invaded them? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that's exactly what would happen. I mean, I'm British, look at our history."
The audience cracked up at the joke about the British Empire's habit of invading more than half the world.
"While that's an interesting concept, can you tell us how the hell you turned into a tall blue alien halfway through the film?" Conan pulled out another image, this one showing Troy as his Na'vi character, the blue skin unmistakable, yet still carrying his facial features.
"That," Troy said, pointing at the screen, "is the third reason I had to do the film. I've done a lot of CGI acting for [Harry Potter], but I wanted to try motion capture. I was a little hesitant about how authentic it'd look, but I watched the film recently, and I can confidently say it's better than I expected. Cameron and his VFX team have done an incredible job."
Conan nodded enthusiastically. "I haven't seen the film yet, but I'm eagerly waiting for it. Let's take a small break. After the break, Troy will introduce us to his new protégé, Justin Bieber."
As the show cut to commercials, Justin felt sweat prickling at his forehead. His heart thudded in his chest. It was his turn.
"Justin," a crew member peeked into the changing room, a headset on his ear. "They're calling you out."
Justin stood quickly. Following Troy's advice, he took a deep breath, straightened his posture, and fixed a bright smile on his face.
He walked to the entrance wing of the stage where he'd be making his debut. A makeup artist rushed in and dabbed his face lightly, fixing any shine under the harsh studio lights. His pulse was racing louder than the muffled applause from the studio audience.
Finally, the stage manager pointed at him, just as Conan addressed the audience.
"Please welcome Troy's discovery and the latest teen sensation around the world, Justin Bieber."
Justin walked onto the stage and tried to emulate Troy by waving at the crowd. They didn't wave back, offering only polite applause. His stomach tightened for a moment, but before he could dwell on it, Conan got up and hugged him. Troy followed with a warm, reassuring hug of his own.
"So, Justin," Conan began as everyone took their seats, "how old are you?"
"I'm fifteen," Justin replied.
"Fifteen. My lord," Conan said dramatically. "They sure do start young."
"I started at nine," Troy added helpfully.
"It's people like you who give me an inferiority complex," Conan joked. "Tell me, Justin, how did you meet Troy here?"
Justin hesitated and looked at Troy, unsure how much he should reveal on national television. Troy gave him a small, encouraging nod, so Justin took a breath and said, "I used to upload covers of other singers' songs on YouTube. Troy found one of my videos and liked it. Next thing I knew, his lawyer was knocking on my door, wanting to sign me. It felt like a dream for a long time. It still feels like a dream."
"I'm sure it does," Conan agreed before turning toward Troy. "And what did you see in young Justin that impressed you so much?"
"His voice, honestly," Troy said. "There's so much emotion and honesty behind his vocals that I knew he'd go far if he was nurtured properly, and that's exactly what I intend to do."
"He did more than that," Justin cut in before he could stop himself. Troy had told him to be honest, after all. "He basically handed me my first album and wrote most of my songs."
Conan's eyebrows shot up, suddenly even more interested. "Oh? You did?"
Troy chuckled. "Yeah. Most of the songs on Justin's first album, [My World], were originally meant for my fourth one, but I gave them to him because they didn't suit my voice. Not every song is meant for every singer, and when Justin tried them, he sounded way better than me. So it was a no-brainer to give them to him."
"Now I definitely have to buy that album," Conan said before turning back to Justin. "How was your experience working with Troy?"
Justin didn't need to think about that. "Beyond my imagination. He taught me more about music, both vocals and composition, in a month than I learned in my whole life. He's the best teacher I've ever had."
"Before we end the show," Conan continued, "we'll play one of Justin's new songs, 'Baby', along with a never-before-seen music video. But before that, give a huge round of applause to Troy Armitage and Justin Bieber!"
The audience burst into loud applause, far bigger and more energetic than Justin had expected. Then again, this was the kind of reception Troy received, not him.
"You'll get it in a few years," Troy said quietly, as if reading Justin's mind. "Just be patient. As soon as we release 'Baby', you'll rock the world."
Only then did Justin realize the cameras were off now.
"Did I do good?" he asked nervously.
"You did great," Troy reassured him. "Now let's see if people like 'Baby' before we debut it on YouTube tomorrow."
____________________
AN: Check out my second story, 'Swimmer to Superstar (A Hollywood SI)', which is now publicly available.
Link: www(dot)fablefic(dot)com