"Mimi, where are you going? You know, walking too much is not good for you?"
Wulfe's tired voice asked behind me as he had once more helped me up to walk a bit. I was sick and tired of being bedridden. I was determined to walk, even a bit every few hours as it did wonders to my body, my body was just not meant to laze around, of course, I did have actually motivation here but I was not going just to blurt it out loud, I was hoping Wulfe would leave me in my peace to walk a bit and not hover around me like mother hen.
"I am just getting something for myself, as you know, my digestive system is pretty damn compressed, and it is difficult to give me everything I need."
There was a kind of darker tone in my voice. I was actually walking through one of my rooms to get my dried blood capsules. I needed blood, and since I had virtually no stomach at all, I reckoned that my Uber-strong dried blood capsules would ease a bit this damn burning bloodlust hitting in my brain. I wanted to think, but in this state, it was pretty impossible.
"My unicorn, let me guess, blood, dried one, I have told you, your lab work indicates no vampire anaemia. We have given you Salvatore's blood for every feeding; there's no need to get some more."
His tone really grated on my nerves, making me spin around and hiss at him, my eyes bloodred, veins running to my cheeks.
"Fuck tests, I need blood, and I need it right now. Stop hiding behind medical facts and try to get it. I have bloodlust like no other, and I need blood."
His expression did not waver at all as he calmly stated, "No. Unicorn, no blood, I am not going to let you have those capsules, you can be sure of that."
I saw Lepard walking near us.
Wulfe said to him, "Make a spell, my unicorn has somewhere in that room jars of dried blood capsules, please remove them and get them into medbay, so number four and one are aware of them, they can be useful in certain situations. I need to try to calm this beastie down."
He grabbed my arm and said, "Come on, my love, let's go. I will help you, as always. It's gonna be just fine."
I snapped at him, "I don't need it to be fine, I need my bloods, sure you can say one thing, but what I have seen most of the stuff poured into me is the color of water, I hardly doubt that salvatore's have changed their blood into water. "
Wulfe's jaw clenched; he was tired. I was not easy, not grateful, not docile, but angry, snappy, almost feral at the time, and Wulfe had to be all the time on his sharpest when dealing with me. Number one had not let five, nine, or ten just be with me, as they were most in love with me. Meaning I could get them to yield easily, and my little demands, ideas, as well, were not so good for me, not in the slightest.
I was very pregnant, and despite all the warnings, Damon was convinced that it was soon time to operate on me. But as it was, sickness, babies, preemies, lingering chickenpox, and possible common cold, which was making Mariella now stuffy and achy, stopped him from visiting me as often as he had planned. And despite our rough time, my lack of trust in him or his medical abilities, he was persisting, not giving up so easily. He was convinced that he would be there for me too, but how, when, and in what kind of role it was all yet to be determined.
Wulfe said to me, "I know feeding liquid is transparent, but believe me, you have gotten your bloods, there is no conspiracy here. You are feeling very uncomfortable, heavy, and like you have no control over anything. I am sorry. I am trying to be here for you, but as you know, making this pack function is a whole day's business. And since there are sick ones too, others are worried and are not giving their best. Now, tell me, besides the blood, what I can do for you, to make this even bit bearable."
His voice asked, almost pleaded. He was tired, I could see, and he was stressed, and despite Salvatore's cleaning up their energies, of course, feelings were running high, as no one liked to witness sick toddlers in pain and fever. Plus, chickenpox in adults was not nice either.
I took a breath, pain hit in my low pelvis, making me grunt, and I said, "Nothing, I am sorry. I am all over the place. No position is comfortable, and I have this need to move, as it eases a bit, something I have no idea what. and I am hormonal, angry with myself as I have no control, and nothing works, and this damn pregnancy has been one big mess, and now.."
Wulfe looked at me sharply and asked, "Now what? tell me?"
I said to him. " Well, as you might know, I read that Crystal Witch travel diary, and I found a few similar books. In one of them was a notion, well, it should be such a big deal, but anyway, putting gemstone chips in one's chakra, to strengthen it. And I told Damon this a few days ago. Well, he wanted to do it. I gave him moss agate, and he put it in his love chakra, and I can tell it worked. We watched two-thirds of Titanic just cuddling. him keeping me close, and we slept after that together too, and he does not want me to put chips to others."
Wulfe frowned and said tersely, "You are rambling. Get to the point!"
I said, "What if our bond evolved already? What if that did the trick, and now I am just not sure if I am ready for that kind of intensity, and there are other salvatores? I don't want them to feel like I would have thrown them away or make them feel like I was Mariella, and choosing number one."
My voice was almost desperate. I was freaking a big mess once again, five babies wiggling inside me, weighing a lot, which did not help. I walked slowly, waddling, and it seemed to help. I was not in pain, but I had this weird restlessness, a need to move, and I had no idea what it meant, or whether I should be worried, even.
Wulfe said to me, "Maybe, just maybe, my unicorn, you should try to focus here and now, not on your relationship troubles with Damon. You are wringing yourself into knots, and it is not helping you either. This is a demanding time for all of us, so please try to behave, try to focus on getting even some kind of control over your hormones, and it is not many weeks, if any, before it is time to have your babies. Now, have you thought about names? Mariella has Wendy; she is mine. Amanda has Adam. Carlie has Charles. Then Damon's three boys are Dante, Donato, and Dino. So, how about you?"
I took a breath and said, "My girls are Ava, Evie, and Ivy, and my boys are Luca and Jesse. Of course, unless mister Salvatore has his opinion on my selected names, but that is my plan."
Wulfe nodded and said, "Now, my unicorn, I will make sure you get back to bed, relax, I'll go and have a bite, and then it is time for monitoring."
He was not overly loving, as he too was stressed, for there was a lot to do, and he had to make potions and do chores and stress over a lot of things. But it was what it was. As things were so hectic, my monitoring was always scheduled for noon. And it took 15 minutes unless there was something in the readings that might need more checking out, or my state was somehow demanding monitoring.
But as this was, all it did to me was make me feel like I should have done this to myself, to be strong, and just not to show weakness, not to stress anyone. Of course, it was one major trigger of my neurosis and my mental illness, if you call it that, my nightmare syndrome. But all this did was make me hide everything and put up a brave face.
Since Damon had isolated me from those who might have sensed me best, no one really noticed anything as I made it happen. I took control once again, stopped being weak, stopped leaning on anyone, and was determined to do this all by myself, the opposite of what Reddington told me to do. In my life, I rarely get to experience the best parts of it. They usually come after some nasty, long lessons for the entire pack, and this time was no exception.
First thing what come to my mind was to give birth to myself, no operation, just me, and somehow I twisted it in my mind that it would be feasible and relatively safe. All I needed was, when the time came, someone to take those stitches off, and after that, I could do it. Despite what Damon had shown me, told me, done to me, no alarm, no worries, only my instincts triggered by this need to be strong, and I was at the deep end of a pool of shit before my senses could get any hold over my instincts. Meaning, I stopped telling, letting others feel what I felt, and convinced them no pain, no discomfort, and I was just fine. Not wise, but fine.
I let wulfe put me in bed to rest, but my mind as well as my body had changed gears, so to speak. Of course, even if there was a crisis here and there, it just slipped out of everyone's minds. I was the strongest female around at a pretty vulnerable time, and the best of us use my pheromones. So I did use them. I told via my pheromones that I was fine, I was relaxing, and I was docile, no need to watch over me.
Of course, all of this was an utter lie, but as said, it just slipped from everyone's minds. I could not be sure whether Damon had been jealous or whether Mariella had been jealous of my relationship with five, two, ten, and nine, and it was one reason he kept them away from me.
Of course, it was a nice explanation to tell everyone that they were too much in love with me, and I might have somekind of hold over them, but it was what it was, and at this point, what I had just reached, it did not really matter anymore. I had to be strong. I had to do this to myself. I was the only one whom I could count on. And it was one more lesson for Damon, for the pack, but not for me, as I knew myself and my mind. It was no brainer for me to find myself in this situation, in this mental state, disappointing, surely, but no surprise.
To prepare myself as well as my body, I needed a plan. It was pretty simple. Trust my body to tell me when it is time and get someone to take those stitches out of my cervix before that, and then just do it. Sounds simple, well, it could have been, unless I had quite a nastily scarred cervix, weak vessels in my uterus, a narrow pelvis, and an over-stretched uterus, five babies.
But nothing came to my mind that those would be obstacles that would be surmountable. Nope, not for me. For me, they were just challenges, and I lied to challenge myself. So I let my pheromones work. I meditated, it got my mind, and my neurosis calmed down enough for me to get ready for this. I was almost 34 weeks, and all of my babies would be over 4 pounds, not just tiny shrimps anymore, but hey, I could surely squeeze them out; I had had bigger ones in my time.
Again, the fact that my cervix might not get larger than six centimeters was nothing. Surely someone could cut it open, or it might rip a bit, but it was nothing, after all. Did I have a choice? My pregnancy with all of its problems and complications, my attitude had given me enough examples that I had to do this myself. I felt such a big burden for the whole pack, and I just did not want drama. I felt like no one could or would even care about me.
In the darkness of my bedroom and in my own peace, I made my plan, let my pheromones saturate the room, and pretended that everything was just fine and everyone could go be with Mariella or do whatever they wanted, and me, i was not important. This was pheromonal layering that I had used a lot in the past, making myself less, and these pheromones were extremely efficient, and I knew just how to use them. At the same time, I released pheromones meant for my babies, to tell them I am here, I love them, and everything will be just fine. Again, something that adults might not even notice. But this was my life, my choice, and ultimately, my burden too.