The drive back was less enthusiastic, with Nevaeah asleep—having conked out long before anyone else from her food coma, the liveliness that lifted the mood earlier was replaced by a quiet tension.
Andrew wasn't a very big conversationalist, and Julien simply wasn't in the mood to talk—his mind too busy reorganizing what few things he'd managed to pry from Theia's hands.
He had effectively failed at getting rid of his new guard dog, but on the bright side: He no longer needed to worry about what he'd write his thesis on.
Small victories right?
But that only meant his family would effectively stop at nothing to prevent him from receiving any other research offers.
Knowing that just as he was meant to perform research at the lab, his family would have him under their own microscope—scrutinizing his every move while expecting nothing less than absolute perfection—was enough to stifle him even at this distance.
Of course, even perfection wasn't enough for them.
Julien glanced at Andrew through the window's reflection. Furrowing his brows, he thought.
Trust…
Can he be trusted?
Trust may've been a bit of a strong word, but what he did from now on would change based on the answer.
If it really was his sister that his new guard was reporting to, he could accept it to an extent, but how much would he say?
The less he knows the better.
Besides, no matter how much he trusted his sister, wasn't bearing it all to a stranger kind of… He hated the idea of someone prying into his private life like that—even if there wasn't much going on at the moment.
He sighed.
If nothing else, if he was going to be going in and out of one of his family's labs, no, even before that, if he was expected back home without Theia around to keep them in check, Andrew would be an almost 'reassuring' presence—as much as he wouldn't want to admit it.
The only issue with that was that he wasn't exactly comfortable with being seen so…
Vulnerable.
However, Julien still had his suspicions. If Andrew wasn't actually under his sister's control—but an eye planted amongst the other candidates by his family to bypass the blockades Theia had in place—
The thought alone was enough to make his skin crawl.
I'm being paranoid.
But wasn't paranoia the only reason he could've gone on this long? Julien stared out into the empty streets. Christmas. He'd use Christmas to confirm it—only then could he try to rest easy.
I just need to bide my time until then…
The van rolled to a stop in front of Nevaeah's dorm building with a soft hum, breaking Julien out of his reverie. Lightly shaking his sleeping friend, her eyes abruptly popped open like a corpse in a horror movie.
"Huh?"
Wiping her face, she looked around.
"Ah, we're here."
Nevaeah slowly crawled out and yawned.
"Goodnight, *yawn* Goodnight y'all."
Julien used his flashlight to check if she'd missed anything before giving her a small smile, his brows slightly tense.
"Goodnight Nevaeah, text me when you get inside ok?"
She nodded groggily as the door slid shut, secluding him with Andrew once more.
As he watched her disappear into the building, he regretted not talking to her more tonight—even about menial things—but at the same time, he thought that maybe it was better that he was uncomfortable. He couldn't always use her as a crutch, and it kept him sharp enough to ask questions at least.
Though he was slowly losing the willpower to do even that.
Her message simply saying 'safe' came through on his phone, and he nodded at Andrew to start moving again.
Julien watched him put the van into gear, but he didn't turn back towards the window this time.
He was hyping himself up.
There was still something he thought he could get an answer to before he gave up to let things play out on their own. Though he doubted he'd ever get to confirm what he was being protected from until it jumped out and literally bit him in the ass, he figured he could at least get a hint.
But he wasn't in a rush to ask.
Since his fate was already sealed, he had all the time in the world to learn what he needed to anyway or make it out the other side unharmed and none-wiser.
So he started with something small.
"What were you doing before this?"
Andrew glanced at him through the rearview mirror.
"Security, for a friend."
He paused.
"Not far from Mrs Michael's company, there's a club."
So he was a bouncer.
"Before that?"
"Casino."
"Before that?"
Andrew didn't respond for a while.
"…Military."
Julien raised a brow, but he wasn't surprised. More confused about the hesitation.
Is it not something to be proud of?
Julien shoved the thought to the back of his mind.
Since the Q&A shop wasn't down after the first round, he wanted to see if he could get some clarity on one other thing that'd been bothering him from the jump.
"What do you know about me Andrew?"
Andrew waited until they were in the parking garage of his apartment complex before turning to face him completely. Meeting his eyes, Andrew stared at him for a long time as if trying to figure out what Julien was thinking—much like he was doing earlier in the night.
It was a bit uncomfortable, to be under that penetrating gaze, but Julien endured the scrutiny and waited for his response.
Finally, the man spoke.
"Why do you ask?"
Julien shrugged.
"Just curious."
He didn't say anything during the trip up to the apartment. And for a moment, Julien thought he wouldn't say anything at all. But as soon as they were back in Julien's apartment and the pup was released back into the wild, Andrew loosened his stiff vocal cords.
"Your name is Julien Amand Rubane, roughly 183 cm tall, reddish hair, pale blue eyes—"
He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out a small booklet with several pictures lining its interior.
"I received this photo."
He glanced at Julien then added.
"It's a bit, outdated."
Julien looked at the photo.
Is that my high school graduation picture?
Julien touched his eyes and frowned. Flipping the photo over, he pushed it away.
"Not my bios, what did she tell you about me?"
Andrew looked him in the eye again.
"Not a lot."
Julien was starting to get annoyed, but he tamped down his frustrations. He was beginning to recognize a pattern with the long pauses Andrew took to respond to him—the longer the man took, the more he had to say.
No matter how frustrating it was that he had to wait.
Andrew put the picture away and tilted his head, as if thinking.
"You like flowers, you don't have many friends…"
Julien frowned.
Andrew looked away.
"...You shouldn't, need a lot of protection."
Julien didn't miss his hesitation.
Is he lying, or was that some shitty form of reassurance?
More than that though, he was surprised.
At least now we're getting somewhere.
"What else?"
The man stared at him again but Julien turned away, unable to take the staring anymore.
"No alcohol."
Julien's eyelid twitched.
"...Did she say why?"
Andrew looked away.
"No."
Julien felt like that was a lie too.
His heart skipped a beat, and he shifted uncomfortably.
"And there was nothing else? What do I have to look out for exactly?"
Andrew turned back and stared at him, his jaw tightening ever so slightly. But Julien was no longer looking at him.
"There was nothing else."
He paused, looking off to the side and furrowing a brow.
"You…don't need to look out for anything."
But you do?
Julien waited anxiously for the man to continue, but he didn't. Andrew simply disappeared into the study, leaving the door cracked and Julien alone.
He breathed out.
That was more than I was hoping for at least.
Yet simultaneously, still not enough.
Julien stared at the double doors, listening out for the telltale signs of movement before heading up to his room.
—
The next half a month could be described in one word: hectic.
Time passed by in a blur, with Julien deciding to take things one step at a time—starting with his finals.
I still have that group project as well. Did I ever finish my lab report? Does this class even have a final or..?
Flipping through syllabus after syllabus, assignment after assignment, Julien felt like he was dying.
"Agh you maniac! Release me right now!"
Julien grabbed his runaway friend by the collar and pulled her back.
"We need to finish this today."
"It's not due for another week you sicko!"
Luckily, he wasn't dying alone.
Nevaeah was a common staple in his place during this period, and it kept Julien from feeling awkward with the new company. Though it was relatively easy to ignore him, he was also somehow… hard to ignore.
It was almost like he was living with a friendly poltergeist.
Andrew kept out of his way for the most part, bringing refreshments before Julien even had the chance to want them while simultaneously ensuring the puppy-without-a-name remained out of the way.
Add that to the housekeeping he was already doing behind the scenes and the comparison was closer to reality than one might think.
Julien still wasn't sure if all of that was just something he liked to do or if he felt obligated to do it.
Filling out the last of his report, Julien shut his laptop and turned his head to the steaming cup of tea placed at his side. He frowned.
I never asked him to bring these to me.
Staring at the cup for a little longer, Julien cut out the lights and returned to his room. He wouldn't drink it.
The next morning, the tea was replaced by a different brew.
I won't…
Ignoring the mug for the third day in a row, Julien opened up his laptop and started on the next assignment…
He tried to.
With a heavy sigh, Julien picked up the lukewarm liquid and poured it down his throat in one go.
Since he hasn't done anything…
Shaking off the uneasy feeling, Julien called Nevaeah over for another cramming session, ignoring the fact he'd gone against his word.
I just need to focus.
From there, Andrew finally cleared out the storage room that'd become his bedroom and the few chances they had to see each other outside of Julien leaving the house became even fewer. But maybe that was better for him.
Though Julien was remiss to admit it, he was growing accustomed to Andrew's presence—maybe even, in some tiny, secluded, drowned out part of him, he was even enjoying the company.
But even then, this uneasy feeling just wouldn't disappear, and the more harmless Andrew appeared, the harder it became to justify it.
Entering his Monday morning class, Julien turned to give Professor Zorro his half-hearted greeting—something the old-fashioned fuck forced the students to do—only to see Professor Vale nodding at him instead. Stopping for only a second, a confused smile crossed his face as he moved to sit next to Nevaeah.
Has it already been two weeks?
Listlessly staring at the front of the class, Julien couldn't help but think the professor looked even more worn down than the students. It even seemed like he'd burnt the pies he always smelt like—if the faint charred smell was anything to go by.
Turning away, Julien focused on hammering in the last of the information he needed for finals week and before he knew it, it was over.
Now, he could finally enjoy some much needed alone time.
As Julien geared up to go to another plant exhibit however, the jingle of keys reminded him that he wasn't actually alone. After their return, Julien looked at the new plants for his collection and took a deep breath.
Even if his freedom was caged he still had fun goddamnit.
Unfortunately, that feeling was as short-lived as a mayfly, because shortly after his finals, his nightmares came back in full force—Like the dam of busyness he'd built up was overwhelmed by a sudden flood after a storm.
But Julien refused to be weak with someone else around, even if that meant pushing himself more and more as the unrelenting nightmares burdened his psyche. Even if that meant pushing himself to the edge of exhaustion.
Pressing his thumbs into his eyes to help with the migraines, Julien looked down at his reflection in the tea on the counter. Huu… Using it as a guide, he continued to compress, sieve, and hide his unease in the corner of his mind.
He wasn't weak. And this feeling wasn't real.
…
Throwing up into the flower bed meant for his mints, Julien pressed into his stomach before standing up like nothing happened.
I don't have time for this.
He was going home tomorrow.
—
Julien woke up that morning in a fit. Coughing and hyperventilating as though he'd just climbed ashore after his ship was torn asunder, drowning him at sea.
He clutched the blanket tighter around his trembling form as if it would serve any relief for his aching body, and used it to wipe the sweat off his brow.
He felt cold, so so cold.
This one was different.
He wasn't sure how, or why, but he knew it was. He could feel it as deep in his bones as the marrow and as clearly as the chime of silver bells, ringing in eerie warning.
Something…
Swivelling his head towards his bedside, Julien rifled through the drawer until his fingers grazed a familiar yellow packet. It wasn't anywhere close to 10 yet, but he couldn't wait that long.
Practically inhaling one of his slow release tablets dry, he clutched his throbbing head while waiting for the effects to kick in. The recoil of his nightmare wasn't subsiding.
Something terrible, something terrible is going to happen.
But what?
Forgoing his slippers, Julien stumbled out of bed and rushed downstairs. He needed to check. He needed to… He… Shoving the guest bedroom door open, Julien glared at the bed, his chest still heaving in a strained, erratic breathing. He was shaking.
Andrew squinted as hall light hit his sleep-weary eyes, but he was quick to move—alarmed by the panicked expression on Julien's face.
"What's wrong?"
Andrew looked around the apartment while holding onto Julien's shoulders. Seeing the coast was clear, he crouched down, bringing Julien down with him. Scrutinizing Julien's frazzled appearance he asked again, softer this time.
"What's wrong?"
Julien didn't respond, he just kept staring at Andrew's face.
No, he was staring through him, with eyes red like they'd been burned by the sun.
Andrew, unsure of what else to do, stiffly wrapped Julien's body into a hug and patted his back soothingly. Julien listened to the rhythmic beating of his heart.
One beat, two beats, four.
He's alive.
Julien felt a rush of relief, causing the tension to seep out of his body and the adrenaline to fade to a quiet murmur. That relief was quickly replaced by exhaustion and confusion.
What am I doing?
Hurriedly pushing Andrew away, Julien stood up.
"Nothing. It's nothing."
He backed away.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you."
Julien practically ran for the stairs. Locking the door behind him then moving to the greenhouse and locking that one as well, Julien slid to the floor and took several deep breaths.
Why did I do that?
He was calmer now but even then, the answer was lost on him. As the anxiety plaguing his mind fell to his subconscious with the effects of the tablet, Julien clutched his chest. His heart was still beating too fast.
I've been back so many times already so why…? Is it because someone's coming with me? But…
Julien looked at his scarred palms, an illusion of red coloring their rough surfaces.
Why did he need to know if he was alive?