I always seem to fall from bad to worse, descending into a world of filth, murder, and rape.
I remember 14 years ago, I was the leader of a powerful gang, feared by everyone. No one dared to utter my name.
But even then, I was falling apart mentally and morally. The title was that I was human, but everyone knew I was a monster.
I still remember the eyes of the girl I raped the last time. They were beautiful and bright, like sacred jewels.
I imagine they are now dark and dim, but I didn't do anything wrong. I just did what I wanted to do.
She couldn't protect herself; she was weak, not me.
As I lay dying, I recall hearing the sound of her mother crying. Why was she crying as she killed me? Was she sad for me? Did anyone cry when they learned of my death, or was she crying because she, too, was falling?
And now, I continue to fall, but this time, I fall in the literal sense, plummeting from a high mountain to the ground to meet my death.
Is this the end?
The sensation of falling is both strange and somewhat exhilarating. In those fleeting moments, you feel an unparalleled sense of freedom, as if no one can control you. Yet, inevitably, this sense of freedom ends with a harsh collision with reality. There is no escaping it.
That bitch, she's the reason I'm falling now. I have no idea why she did it, but in the end, it doesn't matter.
I'm going to die, again.
Falling has always brought back bad memories for me.
I remember the first time I fell. I was just a small child, playing around, and I hurt my hand. Back then, I wasn't this monster standing before you now.
My mother saw me crying. She looked at me, then smiled. That was the first time I saw my mother smile since I realized I was alive.
She picked me up, carried me into the kitchen, lit the fire, and placed a knife on the flame.
And she told me, "I don't want to hear you scream," and pressed the knife against my hand.
Whenever I screamed, she would hurt me more. So, I kept quiet. I didn't want to be tortured any further.
That's why I hated falling since that day, even though it really is a beautiful feeling.
That strange world, despite the repetition of its stories and tales, everyone in it keeps making the same mistakes, repeating the same events, and feeling the same pain.
Everything in human life revolves around:
Hope... Pain...
The same damned letters.
And the same curse.
But the worst thing that can destroy anyone's life is to give them hope and then take it away, replacing it with pain.
That's why I learned a lesson:
We should trust no one, and love no one. Everyone is bad, so you must be worse.
Free falling.
What's new about it?
Since I was born, I've been in free fall.
Everything I was raised on, everything I loved, all my morals and dreams...
They all gradually diminished until the final moment of collision: death.
So, I asked myself an important question:
Do I really want to fly?
Do I want to feel like a bird without any restrictions or gravity?
Or do I crave that dark ending?
She is still standing there, looking at that wretched creature.
I don't want that end.
Not in front of her...
All I kept searching for was that feeling of freefall...
Of freedom and release from pain...
I had felt everything...
Without actually falling...
In that moment, I thought of her words just before I fell completely...
Before my head hit the ground...
I remembered...
"Control the mana and transform like it."
I did just that. I controlled the mana with all my might, with every ounce of energy I had within me.
I shaped it into a form, a specific form I had always loved.
"Learned the Shapeshifter specialty."
I opened the skill menu and navigated to the Shapeshifter specialty. I unlocked the first skill and leveled it up to the fourth level.
Then, I closed my eyes.
And whispered,
"Transform."