I'm in whatever outfit I can find because my mom can't get off work early to come pick my loser-ass siblings up, and I had one air pod in as I screamed at Brandon on the phone.
"You better get your dumb bum ass out here before I beat your ass!" I screamed into the phone as I walked.
I don't smoke around kids, so I was fighting everything in me to not reach for my cigarettes right now. Is it an addiction or is it a side effect of lung cancer? Probably both.
"We are coming; actually, I am coming. I don't know where Elizabeth is currently," Brandon said.
"Well, go fucking find her…" My train of thought was cut off as someone ran into me and my phone dropped to the floor.
"I'm sorry," I said, looking up at the girl I had run into. She was taller than me and looked like she was maybe a sophomore or junior.
"It's okay," she said, sort of bowing to me.
"Baby cakes, are you okay?" I looked up, and this guy in a full-on suit was hunched down to check on her.
Wearing a suit in this hot ass weather is insane, but by his reaction, I take it he was her dad.
"Yes, daddy-o, now back up," she said.
"Hey, that's my line. Boss, tell her that's my line," a guy said, coming from behind the other guy.
The guy stood up and gave the other guy a weird look.
Holy fuck, he was tall.
Like…I have never seen a man that tall in my 21 years on this earth, kind of tall.
I looked down at his hand; he had a little bit of a tattoo peeking out.
I looked back up as the guy continued to yell, "Leo, I will fire you; now get your ass in the car!" And the other guy that I assumed was Leo nodded. "Of course, Dom."
The giant man turned back at me.
"I'm sorry about that. You have a nice day." The giant man was now looking at me. I nodded and pushed my way past him while picking up my phone at the same time and not saying a word to him.
"Hola, hermano." I turned to my left, and there my two siblings were.
"Hi, are you guys ready to go?" I asked, and the way they quickly dumped their baseball and track bags in my hands, I took it as a yes.
"I don't understand why…"
Eliza interrupted me. "Who was that guy you were talking to, and why was he looking at you like that?"
I turned around. "Who? There is no one here?"
"That guy you ran into. One, he was huge, and two, why was he giving you that, like, look of love? Fucking nasty ass," Elizabeth said.
"He was just confused and probably trying to figure out if Ryder was a kid or a 40-year-old man," Brandon said. I looked over at him and smacked him on the back of the head.
"You are lucky I am even taking your ungrateful ass home."
"Yeah, not my fault smoking makes you age like 30 years," Brandon said, swiping my keys from me, unlocking the car door, dropping in the front seat, and putting his stuff in the passenger seat.
I shoved their other shit in the back and slid in the passenger seat next to him, and Eliza got in the back.
"Surprisingly, it doesn't smell like smoke in here," Brandon said, looking over his shoulder as he backed up.
Brandon actually had his license, unlike me, who has been driving since I was 13 with no permit or no license, so I would drive to their school, and he would drive back.
They also HATE IT when I smoke. Which I guess is understandable, but I love it.
Also, I still can't get over that weird, giant guy. Why did he look at me like that?
"Stop doing that with your hands."
I looked at Eliza in the rear mirror. "Doing what?" I asked her.
"That fucking nail thing."
"This?"
"Yeah, stop."
"My bad," I said, and I put my hands down on my lap.
"Side effects of smoking," Brandon added.
"Oh my fucking god," I said, rolling my eyes and also rolling down the window to get some fresh air.
We stayed in silence for the rest of the car ride because Brandon's stupid ass had somehow broken the radio a few months ago.
"Was he one of the old guys you used to hook up with when Dad lost his job?"
"Now, why would you even say that?" I asked, reaching back and smacking Eliza, who put her hands up like I was in the wrong.
"And NO. I stopped doing those," I said, sighing.
This is why people smoke; these dumb ass kids stress people the fuck out.
I rolled up my window.
Brandon pulled into the driveway, and I got out, got my knitting, and lit a cigarette as I started to knit a scarf that Mom had wanted.
I finished the sweater when I got back home yesterday, so I just started on the scarf, which was easy because it was just like a rectangle.
Brandon opened the front door, and he and Eliza went inside as I sat on the porch and smoked while knitting, like an old fucking man.
I saw my mom's contact pop up on my screen.
"Hello, ma'am."
"Hi baby, did you get Brandon and Eliza?"
"Sure did," I said.
"And did you go to the store as I asked?"
"Yep."
"And is the house clean?"
"Yes."
"And how's my scarf coming along?"
"I'm working on it right now," I said, stopping to blow smoke out of my mouth.
"Great, thank you, honey bear. The shop is still really busy, so can you make dinner?"
"Yes, I will start making it when these little fucks are hungry," I said.
"Okay, thank you, baby. I love you. I will text you when I am on my way home," she said, and I nodded.
"Okay, momma," and just like that the call ended.
It burned a little knowing I was a disappointment. Like I know I brought this on myself, but it still hurts.
My mom was happy that I could do busy work around the house, which kept her from blowing a fuse, but my dad, well, I think he hates me.
He doesn't really talk to me unless he has to and always yells at me. And even when he does talk to me besides the yelling, it's awkward and forced, and that…that burns more than my lungs do.
I sighed and put the cigarette out.
Hey, at least I can take a load off their shoulders. I pushed open the front door and locked it behind me.
"What do you guys want to eat?" I asked, not looking up from knitting.
No answer.
I looked up. "Oh, uh, hi Dad," I said, and he nodded.
He was home early.
"Hi," he said. He was eating whatever weird thing I had made before I left.
"Are you home from work?"
He shook his head.
"They let me on my lunch break very late, so I came home, and you cooked something, so I ate it. It's pretty good," he said, and I nodded while standing there, knitting while looking at him.
Disappointment. I could just feel it.
"Nice scarf; your mom has been talking about how she wants one."
"Oh yeah, it's for her."
"Nice."
Awkward as normal. I took my AirPods out, put them in their case, and went back to knitting.
"I'll see you later," he said, pushing his chair and grabbing the plate to put in the sink.
"Bye, Dad," I said, waving him off.
He unlocked the door, opened it, shut it, and then locked it behind him, and I went to wash the dishes.
"Big backs, what do you guys want to eat?" I yelled; from the looks of it, they were both ditching practice and came down in their pajamas.
"You shower?" Brandon shook his head, and Eliza nodded.
"Stop being like a mom," Brandon said, sitting on the kitchen floor.
"One, I am a guy, and two, get the fuck up," I said, and Brandon rolled his eyes and started typing on his MacBook
"Can we get homemade pasta? You make bomb pasta," Eliza said, and I sighed.
"Anything to make my job as hard as possible," I said, grabbing a whole bunch of stuff out of the cabinet.
"Calm down, unemployed." I should kick your stupid ass
"Why can't you just eat the box stuff?" I asked, dumping flour on the counter and making a little mound.
"Because you…" Eliza's explanation was cut short by the doorbell ringing.
I walked over to the door and looked through the peephole.
"Who is it?
"It looks like the right-hand man of the tall guy I ran into earlier. I think his name was Leo."
"Open it before he calls his goons on you," Eliza said jokingly.
I sighed and opened the door, walked outside, and shut it.
"Hi, you're the guy from earlier, right? Leo or something?" The guy looked at me like I had eight heads.
And then his look softened, and he smiled, "Oh yeah."
"Sorry, I ran into uh Dom earlier, at least that's his name. Are you here to ask me for money to cover the fees?" I asked, and he nodded.
This guy looked a little different than the Leo guy earlier, but I think my mind is mixing things up. Side effects of lung cancer probably.
"You are pretty cute," the guy said. I don't think that answers my question at all, but, "Thanks?" I said, in a confused tone of voice.
"Like a doll; that's what he calls you anyway."
"I'm sorry, who?"
"Nice white teeth, perfect eyes, perfect nose, perfect chocolate skin, perfect height. You are perfect," the guy said.
No, because why did I leave my phone inside? I looked around. I need to call the cops or something, maybe the National Guard?
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Too perfect," the guy said and sighed, "and easily manipulated."
I watched as he pulled out a…gun. He has a GUN. I felt a bullet rip through me.
Holy fuck.
"What the fuck? Dude, what is wrong with…." I felt another bullet rip through my skin, the bones, and back out the back of my arm.
"Open that fucking door," he said, pointing the gun at my forehead.
"Over my dead body!" I yelled. God, I was being really dramatic. He snatched me by the throat and started to kick at our front door. Sometimes I wish I was taller and had more muscle.
"Don't get…"
"Stop fucking struggling," he yelled. His grip got hardened as he continued to pound down the front door with his foot.
He finally kicked the door down and threw me to the ground inside.
With whatever I had left in me, I stood up. My left arm felt like dead weight, and I was losing my mind, swimming in the worst pain I had ever been in, in my entire life. I put my left foot out and then my right as I swayed from side to side.
I heard screaming, and I looked around.
I stumbled my way over to Brandon, and I snatched him with everything I had.
"Where's…oh fuck…Eliza?" I asked, deliriously, and the guy answered my question by throwing her on top of me.
I grabbed her and checked her. She was okay. I shoved them both behind me with everything I had.
"Anyone else here?" the guy asked with his gun aimed at the three of us.
I shook my head.
"Ryder, what the fuck is happening?"
"I don't know, but my left arm feels like dead weight, and I feel like I smoked too much weed," I said, looking around. The room was spinning. I was spinning.
I felt a hand grab onto my right arm, and I looked at Eliza. She was bawling.
"Hey, are you okay? He hasn't hurt you, has he…" Another gunshot was blasted, this time through our kitchen cabinets, narrowly missing Brandon.
"Brandon, get behind me…" Another bullet ripped out of the gun, this time right through my leg.
"Will you shut up? You have a sexy voice, but not when you are barking and whining like that!" the guy yelled, his eyes scanning the room.
"You got the wrong house, dude; I don't know who you are," I said, and he smiled at me.
"Oh, trust me, I have the right house," he said, slapping me in the face. What the fuck?
He continued to look around as my blood started to go everywhere.
I looked down at Brandon and then at Eliza. I had to fight for them.
"Hey, no one is getting hurt. You guys will be fine," I said. Hey, at least I'll go down as a hero big brother, instead of a disappointment.
"You aren't," Eliza cried, as her tears got all over me. Fuck. I sighed and tried to take big breaths. "I'll go out a hero and not some loser-ass big brother who smokes too much," I said, and I let out a laugh that turned into a fit of coughs.
"Don't say that." My bad; now she was crying even more.
God, my head is POUNDING.
I watched as the guy ripped out one of our kitchen drawers and then another. He grabbed a knife off the floor.
"Look up at me, pretty," he said as he got closer with his phone in one hand and a knife in the other as he sliced my face.
I don't even feel anything. I'm burning so much.
He slashed me again, and I heard Eliza scream.
I washed his eyes and flashed over to her.
"Hey, hey," I said, but his focus was still on her. I spat at him. His eyes started back over to me. There we go. He was focusing on me again.
This time he punched me square in my head, and I felt my head slump down and then back up again.
Fight for them.
He put his phone down and took the gun back out.
"Tell me why this fuckwad hasn't come yet. You're his doll, aren't you?"
"Who?" I asked. And truthfully, I was fighting to keep from losing consciousness at this point.
He rolled his eyes and slapped me again. "You were the dipshit at the park he was looking at, Ryder, right? Why the fuck isn't HE HERE YET!" The guy screamed in my face, getting louder and louder with each word.
"I don't know who you are even talking about right now."
"That's what they all say, you…" His mouth continued to move, as my vision started to get blurry and my head and body started to slump forward.
God, I feel tired as shit.