Eliot sat on a lopsided crate with his legs crossed elegantly, looking entirely out of place in the grimy cabin. Outside, the debate was reaching a fever pitch.
Penny's voice drifted in through the porthole: "Just toss 'em! We strip the Sika for parts, leave them the lifeboats, and let the sharks decide their credit score. We've got a schedule, Eliot!"
Then came Kady's more colder voice that sent chills down his spine: "Or we just end it now, they tried to take the Muntjac by force. They don't get a pass for raping a sentient being."
Eliot winced while swirling his wine. He knew why Kady was being so definitive, the trauma of what Reynard had done to Anya and other unfortunate women still lingered like a bruise on their collective psyche. To Kady, a predator was a predator, whether they walked on two legs or sailed on a hull.
Eliot turned his attention back to the Pirate King. She was bound tightly to a support beam and had a heavy silken rope coiled around her mouth.
"So," Eliot mused, leaning forward. "My friends are currently debating whether to turn you into fish food or a cautionary tale. Personally, I'm leaning toward something more... diplomatic. But the wine is making me indecisive. What would you suggest I do? Hmmm?"
He paused, then tapped his forehead. "Oh! Right. Sorry. Bit hard to give a sage opinion with a mouth full of hemp."
With a casual flick of his fingers, the rope around her face loosened and fell away.
The Pirate King didn't gasp for air and the very first thing she did was spit on the floor and hissed like a cat at him, "I'll kill you. I'll kill every single one of your crew, and I'll burn that ship until there's nothing left but ash and splinters."
Eliot, who was halfway through a sip of wine, paused. He held the glass to his lips, blinking slowly at her. "Uhhhh... okay. I'm... I'm not entirely sure what the appropriate response to that is. 'Thank you for your honesty'? 'Good luck with that'?"
He set the glass down and sighed, looking at her with a sort of pitying concern.
"See, here's the thing, Captain. I feel like there's a bit of a disconnect in our current power dynamic," Eliot said, gesturing vaguely at her tied form and then at his own glowing fingertips. "I have magic and you have... well, very impressive rope burns. I'm sitting comfortably here sipping fine wine while you're tied to a pole. I could literally turn your heart into a decorative paperweight or just drop you into the middle of the ocean to see if you can outswim a Siren. The 'killing me' part? It's just not on the menu today. It's physically, magically, and honestly narratively impossible."
He leaned in closer to her and she saw his expression turning serious, "So, let's try again. Give me a reason to be the 'Merciful King' instead of the guy who listens to the girl outside who really wants to see how long you can hold your breath underwater."
Eliot then stood up, smoothing the wrinkles from his trousers with a practiced elegance. He began to pace the cramped cabin of the Sika, his shadow dancing against the salt-stained walls.
"First, I think we need to clarify the geography of this conversation," Eliot said, gesturing broadly to the room. "I'm holding all the cards, I'm holding the deck, I'm actually holding the table the cards are sitting on. I am quite literally the only thing standing between you and a very short, very wet walk off a long plank."
The Pirate King glared at him but knew she spoke the truth and that made her jaw tighten up, "And why in hell would I strike a deal with the man who stole my wind?"
"Ah-ha!" Eliot pointed a finger at her as if she'd just won a prize. "Because I've consulted with my High Queen who is currently contemplating several ways to turn your crew into fertilizer and my Master of Ships, who is just... generally grumpy. And I've decided I want to employ you."
The Pirate King froze as the fire in her eyes flickered, replaced by a look of sheer, unadulterated bewilderment. "What?"
"Work for me," Eliot said simply. "Join the royal fleet. Benefits include not being dead, actual dental if we can find a tooth-witch, and much better wine than whatever rot you've been drinking."
She stared at him for a long beat, then let out a harsh, disbelieving laugh. "I tried to take your ship by force. I would have gutted you and your friends and left your bones for the gulls if I'd had the chance. And you want to... give me a job?"
"Yes," Eliot said, waiting patiently as she continued to laugh. He leaned against a timber beam, checking his cuticles until she finally settled into a ragged silence. "Are you quite done? Splendid."
The Pirate King shook her head, "You're either the most stupid man in Fillory, or you're so naive you think a few nice words will turn a shark into a goldfish. You'd trust me at your back?"
"Trust you?" Eliot let out a soft, melodic chuckle. "Oh, darling, who said anything about trust? I watched Game of Thrones; I know how the 'merciful lord' bit usually ends for the guy in the fancy chair. I'm not going to trust you anytime soon, seeing as you did, in fact, try to do away with us and let's be honest, perform some very questionable ship-on-ship intimacy."
Her brow furrowed in genuine confusion. "Then what is this? Some kind of royal joke?"
"I'm being respectful," Eliot countered while his voice dropped into a more serious, measured tone, "I'm offering you a career change, but it comes with a few... terms and conditions. Think of it as a very aggressive NDA."
He reached into his coat and pulled out a rolled piece of parchment. He unfurled and it glowed with a faint, pulsing violet light, and the ink seemed to writhe on the page like tiny, trapped insects.
The Pirate King's eyes widened. She didn't have a lick of magic in her blood, but anyone who sailed the Fillorian seas and traded in black markets knew a Magical Contract when they saw one.
"You've got to be kidding me," she hissed, looking at the paper.
"I rarely kid about paperwork," Eliot said, flashing a sharp, devious grin. "It's a binding oath, you break the terms, you don't just lose your job; you lose your ability to, say, breathe or even exist in three dimensions. Despite what most would think, I'm not stupid or naive. I'm just a King who prefers a talented pirate on his payroll rather than a corpse in his wake."
Eliot stepped out of the cabin with the jaunty stride of a man who had just won a high-stakes poker game with someone else's money.
"See?" Eliot said, gesturing toward the cabin door as he approached Kady. "The soft touch works every time. I now have an additional ship and a seasoned captain to add to my burgeoning royal fleet. It's called growth, darling. Scaling up."
Kady looked at the cabin door as the Pirate King emerged. She wasn't tied anymore, but she looked like she had just swallowed a pint of salt water. She was free to move, yet she walked with a stiff, begrudging gait.
"First things first," Eliot chirped as he suddenly made a sharp, intricate gesture with both hands, his fingers tracing a glowing violet sigil in the air.
A sudden, visible ripple of energy surged from him to the Sika. And the crew still tangled in the living rigging let out a collective scream. They arched their backs as a cold, phantom sensation crawled up their spines, settling into their marrow.
"Whoa!" Penny jumped back, his eyes darting between the crew of the sika, "What the hell was that? It sounded like you just branded their souls."
"In a manner of speaking," Eliot said casually, "I've bound the crew to the Sika. They are now physically and metaphysically incapable of leaving the vessel without my express permission or the Captain's, though she'll find her tongue gets quite itchy if she tries to order them off-ship without informing me first."
He shot a pointed look at the Pirate King, "No sneaky midnight shore excursions or 'accidentally' drifting into a neutral port to escape, understood? You're on the royal leash now."
Penny blinked, looking at the pirates who were now slumped against the masts, shivering. "Wait, so they can't leave their boat? Ever?"
"Not without a hall pass signed by yours truly," Eliot confirmed. "It's efficient, it saves us the trouble of building a prison, and they get to keep doing what they love: sailing. Just for a much more stylish employer."
Kady watched the Pirate King's simmering rage and gave a slow, appreciative nod. "Total lockdown of the crew and the ship? Nice. Very 'Davy Jones,' Eliot."
"I was going for more of a Blackbeard vibe from Pirates 4, you know, the whole 'the ship obeys the sword' aesthetic but I'll take the Jones comparison," Eliot joked, flicking a stray bit of lint off his shoulder. "Though I refuse to grow a beard made of tentacles. It would clash horribly with my skin tone."
He turned on his heel, heading toward the gangplank back to the Muntjac. "We've wasted enough time playing 'Capture the Flag.' We have a kingdom to get back to and a High Queen who is probably currently trying to annex a cloud. Let's move."
As he stepped back onto the mahogany deck of his own ship, Eliot paused and looked back at the Pirate King. She was standing at the railing of the Sika, glaring at him with a look that could have curdled milk.
Eliot offered a crisp, mock-military salute with his grin widening. "So glad to have you under Fillory's command, Captain! Try not to scowl too much; it causes premature aging."
With a snap of his fingers, the Muntjac began to pull away, her sails catching a wind that seemed to come from nowhere, leaving the newly conscripted pirate ship to trail obediently in her wake.
—————-
The Great Hall of the Fillorian castle was draped in the banners of the Floating Mountain tribe, a civilization that lived among the clouds and, more importantly for Margo, practiced a strict matriarchal hierarchy. Queen Agate Grey was formidable and blunt, qualities Margo actually respected and her son, Micah Grey, was a certified smoke-show. The fact that he was culturally conditioned to listen to women was, in Margo's professional opinion, the ultimate aphrodisiac.
But the vibes were rancid.
Ever since the Fairies had tried to snatch Fen and Kai had basically rebuilt the castle's security on a molecular level, Margo had been obsessed with boundary spells. She'd spent nights with Julia learning how to weave "intruder-alert" haptics into the very stone of her chambers. Someone had already tried to shiv Micah in his sleep, and Margo had nearly thrown Prince Ess into the dungeon until her magic confirmed he was actually telling the truth.
'Who the hell wants Micah dead?' she wondered. Are they trying to start a war? Ruin the alliance? Just bored on a Tuesday?'
Despite the looming threat, the wedding proceeded. Margo stood at the altar, looking regal and ready to kill, when a heavy battle-axe suddenly whistled through the air. It should have cleaved Micah's head in two, but instead, it hit an invisible shimmer of blue energy and bounced off with a violent clang.
The court gasped as Micah's younger brother stood there, hands still vibrating from the impact, his face was that of a 'caught-red-handed horror'. "What the—?"
"You know, royalties really have the weirdest sense of replacement. It's always 'stab the brother' and 'seize the throne.' Can't you guys just play Monopoly like normal dysfunctional families?"
The voice cut through the silence like a razor and looking back, the occupants of the room saw Kai, he stood at the grand entrance, leaning against the doorframe as if he'd been there for hours.
"Hi," Kai said with a lazy grin. "Miss me?"
He didn't wait for an answer as he waved his hand, a surge of telekinetic force slammed the younger prince across the room. The boy hit the stone wall with a sickening thud and crumpled. Kai turned his gaze to Queen Agate, his eyes roaming over her regal stature.
"Queen Agate, I presume? Your majesty, you are a vision. Truly. I've always had a thing for a powerful MILF," Kai said, shooting a wink toward a horrified Margo before his gaze shifted to the corner of the room where the Fairy Queen stood, cloaked in her usual shimmering arrogance.
"And look! It's the winged pests," Kai chirped, but his tone sounded sour. "Margo, I'm hurt. Truly. You invite the literal bugs to your wedding, and yet I didn't get an invitation? I thought we were trauma-bonding."
The Fairy Queen stepped forward, her voice like ice. "You—"
"No, no, no," Kai interrupted, wagging a finger. "Stop. That word has been used for me way too many times. Be original. Call me a 'bastard' or 'insignificant ant' or 'you dare!', you know, like those over-the-top Chinese cultivation novels. Give me some flavor."
The entire room stared at him in utter confusion. Margo rubbed her temples. "Kai, what the actual fuck are you doing here?"
"Oh, right! First things first," Kai said, clapping his hands together.
CRACK.
A blinding burst of white light exploded through the hall, radiating outward from Kai in a massive shockwave. High-pitched, ethereal screams filled the air as the light washed over the room. When the spots cleared from Margo's vision, the hall felt... emptier. The oppressive, itchy feeling of fairy presence was gone.
"What did you do?" Margo asked, "I just banished every single fairy out of the castle," Kai said, checking his nonexistent watch, "They're currently sitting on the front lawn in the dirt. It's a literal 'No Fly Zone right now.'"
Margo's jaw dropped. "Forever?"
"Oh no, the spell only lasts for twenty-four hours," Kai said, strolling toward the buffet table and snagging a grape. "So, if I were you, I'd finish the 'I do's' and get to the 'I don't' part of your military strategy before they find a ladder."
———-
The wedding chaos was still humming in the background as furious fairies pounding on the castle's invisible shield boundary but Margo, Julia, Alicia, and Kai had sequestered themselves in the royal study.
Kai leaned against the mahogany desk, "I sent Alice and Quentin on a little vacation," Kai said with a light voice, "Back to the past. Now, I'm just waiting for the ripple effect of that trip to catch up to the present."
Margo frowned, swirling a glass of wine, "Catch up? What does that even mean?"
"It means the timeline is currently buffering," Kai said. "And I need you to do something for me. It's a bit tedious, but it's vital."
"Spit it out," Margo commanded.
"I need you to retrieve the next key," Kai said with his eyes darkening slightly. "It's hidden in the remains of Jane Chatwin."
The room went deathly silent.
"You want me to what now?" Margo stared at him, aghast.
Alicia crossed her arms, her face contorted in disgust. "You want to desecrate a corpse?"
Kai rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. It's barely a corpse; it's practically historical geology at this point. Besides, I can't do it myself. I have pressing business elsewhere and specifically, I have an appointment with a very much alive version of Jane."
Julia blinked, her head snapping toward him. "Wait, what? You're going to see her, how?"
"All will be explained," Kai waved a hand dismissively. "Chop chop, ladies. Margo, once you have the key, take your royal self to Brakebills. Stop Quentin and Alice from ever stepping through that clock. Here." He tossed Margo something, "That'll lead you to the exact place you need to be. Now, off you go."
"Where the hell are we?" Alicia asked, "We're veering off the linear path," Kai said, marching out the castle, "And to the Clock Barrens where time doesn't work here. It just kind of... hangs around, waiting for something interesting to happen. Now, move it, people! We're burning daylight."
They walked for what felt like hours through Fillory untill they reached a clearing. Julia stopped, throwing her hands up. "There's nothing here, Kai! It's just dirt and fine grass."
Kai just laughed. "Up ahead Jules."
They stepped forward and suddenly felt their bodies passing through a cold, invisible veil. Suddenly, they were in a secret garden hidden in the middle of nowhere. Sitting in the center was a small, quaint house. An older version of Jane Chatwin who was kneeling in the dirt, placidly picking berries.
She didn't look startled and simply looked up, her eyes twinkling with a strange knowing look.
"Oh, hello, Julia," she said softly. She glanced at Alicia, tilting her head. "I love the darker hair color. Only a few of your alternate selves have chosen to be brunettes. It suits the timeline, Alice."
Alicia corrected her, "No, it's Alicia."
"Oh, I see," Jane said, unfazed. She shifted her gaze to the man standing behind them. Her expression change a bit as a little smile blossomed on her face,. "Hello again, Kai."
Kai offered her a sharp smirk with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, "Jane, It's always such a pleasant surprise to see you again."