Alex lay on the bed in Wednesday's room, watching as Wednesday helped Alessa braid her hair. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, glanced at the time, and realized it was already dinnertime. Considering the flight had taken just over five hours, plus the drive to the Addams family estate, a whole hour had already passed since Alex, Wednesday, and Alessa arrived at the Addams house.
During that hour, Morticia had stopped by Wednesday's room once to remind them that a family dinner would soon be served, specially prepared to welcome Alessa into their family. But far more frequently it was Gomez who kept bursting in, far too excited about suddenly having a granddaughter. On his third visit, Wednesday threatened her father that if he didn't stop entering her room, she would tie him to the car at night and drag him down the road. The words didn't scare Gomez at all — they only delighted him — until Morticia appeared and dragged her husband away to help her.
The only thing Alex hadn't expected was such an enthusiastic reaction from Gomez Addams, who normally looked like a refined, gloomy aristocrat. The only one who truly didn't dare enter Wednesday's room was Pugsley — he knew perfectly well what would happen if he came in without permission.
When dinnertime finally arrived, Alex, Wednesday, and Alessa went downstairs to the dining room, where the rest of the Addams family had already gathered.
Alex first helped Alessa into her seat at the table, then sat down himself. Gomez sat at the head of the table with a broad grin on his face; beside him sat Morticia with a soft smile, while Pugsley positioned himself as far away from everything as possible, as though something awful might happen to him at any moment.
Once everyone was seated, Lurch began serving the food.
That was when Alex remembered he actually had no idea what the Addams family ate. Everything he had ever cooked for Wednesday, she had eaten calmly without a single comment. When the plates were placed in front of them, the smile froze on Alex's face at what he saw.
On his plate were black spaghetti that writhed strangely. Alex wasn't even sure if they were really spaghetti or something entirely different. Keeping the smile plastered on his face, he glanced at Alessa's plate — it held what looked like a baked but still-living octopus. Alessa stared at her food, completely unsure what to do. She had never imagined food could look so strange and suspicious.
Wednesday, meanwhile, ate her live spaghetti without any difficulty, paying no attention to the emotions currently overwhelming Alex and Alessa.
Alex looked over at Pugsley, who was eating little pies suspiciously resembling rats stuffed with spider legs. Gomez and Morticia were feeding each other something that looked very much like baked brains.
Alex was certain that if Erina saw these culinary masterpieces, she would have a heart attack.
Trying to ignore the fact that his food was still suspiciously moving, Alex decided to at least try what the Addams family ate.
He noticed Alessa's discomfort — her meal was still alive even after being cooked. Without hesitation, Alex grabbed a table knife, stabbed it into the baked-but-still-living octopus on Alessa's plate, and quickly dissected it, turning it into an elegant, beautifully presented dish.
When her food stopped wriggling and twisting strangely, Alessa let out a quiet sigh of relief, trying not to show it on her face. She hadn't expected such uniquely bizarre cuisine either.
Wednesday briefly glanced at Alessa's plate and gave the tiniest nod, acknowledging what Alex had done.
"Alex, darling. What do you think of my cooking?" Morticia asked with a kind smile, looking at him.
"Mrs. Addams, I would say your cooking has a rather unique flavor — I might even call it a very lively flavor," Alex replied with a strained smile, bringing the live spaghetti to his mouth.
"How lovely to hear. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to gather the last harvest, or I would have made Wednesday's favorite childhood cookies — the ones with black widow legs. She adored them when she was little," Morticia said, glancing at Wednesday.
Alex gave a dry cough at that. Of course he loved trying strange foods he came across, but even for him, eating something with spider legs felt a bit wild.
He looked at Alessa, who had also started eating her now-motionless meal. Despite the bizarre appearance, Alex had to admit that the food in the Addams household, while unique, was perfectly edible.
He glanced at the bubbling black liquid in his glass and had no idea what it was. Deciding to try it, he took a small sip. A whole palette of flavors hit him — very strong alcohol mixed with an acidic hint of poison.
"So, how do you like my poisoned champagne, Alex? I've been waiting for the right occasion to open it. And I think the arrival of a granddaughter is the perfect excuse. My grandfather made this champagne himself. When I was a boy, he took me to Australia to hunt rare venomous snakes," Gomez said with a light smile, raising his glass of poisoned champagne.
"Which snake's venom was used in this champagne?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow slightly.
"You won't believe it. It was an extremely rare taipan. Unique because its scales were red, and its venom is five times more potent. Even Grandfather said that taipan was as unique as this champagne," Gomez replied, stroking his mustache.
"Indeed, a very distinctive sour aftertaste. Though I'm afraid this champagne isn't for everyone. One glass would be enough to kill several dozen people," Alex said, taking another sip.
Gomez laughed heartily and launched into the story of how he hunted the red taipan that eventually became the key ingredient in this champagne.
Alex looked at the black, bubbling liquid in his glass — extremely poisonous champagne — and thought that in his own family, there would definitely be someone who would want to try it. Especially Loki — she would never pass up the chance to taste something like this.
While listening to Gomez's hunting story, Alex noticed Wednesday take a sip from his glass and then calmly put it back. Morticia, watching this, continued to smile.
She couldn't help but feel joy at how much her daughter had changed since leaving home — even deciding to adopt a child.
Morticia was curious about how Alex and Wednesday had spent their travels and what they had been doing all this time.
Gomez had already moved on to another childhood story — the time Fester gave him a cursed bicycle.
Listening to the tale of the cursed bicycle, Alex couldn't help but smile. It felt entirely in the spirit of the Addams family.
"Ah, I still remember how I broke my arm trying to jump over Great-Grandfather's grave. Then I fell and broke it again. I still have the scar from the compound fracture — want to see?" Gomez said, rolling up his sleeve to reveal the scar from an open fracture.
"Chéri, please, not at the table. Every time you tell the story about the bicycle Fester gave you, you get carried away. You remember what happened last time," Morticia said softly, placing her hand on Gomez's arm with a gentle smile.
"Sorry, Cara mia. Today is such a wonderful day that I couldn't resist telling stories from my childhood to our granddaughter," Gomez replied, stroking Morticia's hand.
"I understand perfectly, darling. But I think the children should also tell us about their adventures… Wednesday, Alex — would you like to share how your travels went?" Morticia asked in a gentle tone, turning her gaze to Alex and Wednesday.
"Last week we flew to Korea to visit a haunted psychiatric hospital," Alex said after thinking for a moment about where to begin.
"Oh, a family visit to cursed places. How romantic… I still remember when Wednesday was just born, Tish and I took little Wednesday to a similar place. I can still see that cold look on her tiny baby face the first time she was in such a location. So — how was it? Doors slamming by themselves? Voices of patients moaning from locked wards? Or something even more exciting?" Gomez asked with a smile, reminiscing about old times.
"It was interesting. Far more interesting than tracking down a serial killer's lair. Their attempts to scare us or lock us in were fairly predictable," Wednesday said calmly, lifting her gaze to her parents.
"The important thing is that you spent time productively and with your family, Wednesday. Where else did you manage to go during this time?" Morticia asked with a light smile, resting her hand on her cheek.
"We hunted a terrifying clown that fed on fear. We wiped out a cult living in a cursed town. And some smaller things," Alex said, lightly stroking his chin.
"I adore stories about terrifying clowns. What was he like?" Gomez asked, chuckling slightly.
"I would say he was rather pathetic and boring. All his attempts to scare us were so mediocre that I'm still disappointed. I'd rather have gone to a normal school again," Wednesday said in her usual calm tone, though her eyes were full of contempt.
Alex smiled at Wednesday's words — he couldn't deny them. After all, she hadn't been scared of Pennywise; if anything, she had scared the terrifying clown.
Since Wednesday didn't like to talk much, Alex ended up recounting their encounter with Pennywise. Even Pugsley, who had been silent until then, started asking questions and joining the conversation.
Alex had to start from the beginning — where they currently lived, and so on.
Gomez and Morticia expressed understanding about Alex and Wednesday living in a bunker filled with knowledge on every subject imaginable — including cursed objects. They even thought such a place suited Wednesday perfectly.
When dinner ended, everyone moved to the living room. Alex sat on the sofa next to Wednesday, placing Alessa on his lap. When Lurch brought drinks, he sat at the piano and began playing a gloomy melody that perfectly matched the atmosphere.
While Alex recounted what had happened to them, Wednesday occasionally inserted comments in her signature dry style about how Pennywise had tried to scare her.
"My little raven. And how exactly did that terrifying clown try to frighten you?" Morticia asked, leaning against Gomez's shoulder.
"Normal life, Mother. Seeing you dressed as an ordinary housewife filled me only with disgust. It was pathetic and revolting," Wednesday said, looking at her mother with a cold gaze.
"And me? Did the terrifying clown try to show me?" Gomez asked, chuckling lightly.
"Yes. You had a beer belly, a bald spot, and stubble. At least it wasn't as disgusting as Mother in a pink apron," Wednesday replied, folding her arms across her chest.
"And what about me?" Pugsley asked with a wide grin.
"The clown thought I would react somehow to him eating my first test subject. If it were that easy, I would have fed you to crocodiles long ago. But you're too slippery a victim. You always managed to escape me, Pugsley. You must be delighted that I'm not at home. Aren't you?" Wednesday said, turning her gaze to Pugsley, who began trembling under her stare.
"Wednesday, darling. You'll have plenty of time to play with your brother later. Alex, and how did that clown try to frighten you? I never imagined such a creature existed. How fascinating — and what a pity we couldn't see him ourselves. Isn't that right, Chéri?" Morticia said, leaning against her husband's shoulder.
"Indeed, Querida mia. I would have loved to see what horrors that terrifying clown could show me. It would have been so thrilling," Gomez replied with a soft smile, looking at Morticia.
"He tried to scare me by killing agents under my command, attempting to show me that nothing would ever change," Alex said — just before Gomez and Morticia once again began displaying affection toward each other.
"And how did you kill that clown?" Pugsley asked, eager to hear the ending.
"I smashed his legs with a sledgehammer, then we gutted him. But he didn't die even after that. So we had to beat him until his head turned to mush," Alex said with a slight chuckle.
"Cool," Pugsley said, bouncing in his seat.
In the Addams family, stories of torture or brutal killings were ordinary conversation — so Alex's words only brought them pleasure as they listened to what he had been doing and how he solved problems.
Meanwhile, Alessa quietly listened to the conversation, mostly focused on her phone. Her sisters kept sending her new photos and videos from their travels — including the sweets they found and the gifts they would soon send her. Alessa only occasionally looked up to follow the discussion.
Surprisingly, Alessa felt very comfortable in the Addams household — the familiar dark atmosphere felt more pleasant to her than anything else.
Alex and Wednesday continued talking with Morticia and Gomez, though Alex did most of the talking to keep the conversation going.
When Alessa began showing signs of sleepiness, Alex realized it was time to head to bed. Gomez and Morticia didn't mind that Alessa spoke very little; on the contrary, they thought she took after Wednesday — both in temperament and in her habit of saying little.
Alex picked up the drowsy Alessa and carried her to Wednesday's room.
Once inside, he used magic to change Alessa into her pajamas and did the same for himself. By then Wednesday had already changed and lay down on the bed beside Alessa.
"Quite an eventful day," Alex said, stroking Alessa's hair. She was almost asleep already.
"I hope my parents don't invite the entire family because Alessa appeared," Wednesday said, turning her head toward Alex.
"As much as I would love to meet the rest of your family, my love, now isn't the time. Millennium has already started taking its first steps. I think I'll have to head to Britain soon," Alex said with a light sigh, continuing to stroke the now-sleeping Alessa's hair.
"Artificial vampires, then. I would love to dissect one — see what they look like inside and how long they can endure torture. Are they really as resilient as Sam and Dean claimed?" Wednesday said in a thoughtful tone.
"I can catch a couple when I'm in London. Or steal the materials from that mad scientist's experiments — the one creating the vampires. Or do you prefer live specimens?" Alex asked, looking at Wednesday.
"I don't know. I don't really feel like torturing Nazi parasites. They're too boring in my opinion. And the Major's plans are boring too. Kill Dracula. How pathetic. All that grandiose, noisy scheming just to prove what a monster he is. He reminds me of those boys at school who scream 'I'm a psychopath!' so people will notice them," Wednesday said, showing clear contempt for the Major's plans.
"I think it's envy, my dear. The Major is simply jealous that someone else is taking center stage. He wants to prove that a human can kill a monster — except he's already no longer human. The Major's soul is in Hell right now. What calls itself the Major is just a mechanism filled with the original Major's memories and obsessions. But he's right about one thing: a human really can kill a monster. You just have to be a human with purpose," Alex said, gently stroking Wednesday's cheek.
"That still doesn't change the fact that he's pathetic and looking for excuses for his pathetic actions. Classic loser. If you want to kill someone or take revenge, you don't shout about it on every corner. You don't turn it into a whole performance. It quickly becomes boring," Wednesday said, pressing her cheek against Alex's palm.
"I agree, my dear Wednesday. But I think he'll make an interesting toy in my hands. And if that's not enough, the Church will get involved in this war eventually anyway. Worst case, I'll drag the Major's soul out of Hell and throw him into the Red City. It'll be interesting to see how his cunning holds up when he has to escape a place full of monsters," Alex said with a slight laugh.
"Give someone false hope of victory, then take it away. That's one of the things that makes me love you even more," Wednesday said, looking at Alex with her pitch-black eyes.
"It's rare to hear words like that from you. I'm practically blushing. You've embarrassed me," Alex said in a playful tone.
Wednesday gave him an empty stare, clearly indicating that his latest joke was stupid. Alex smiled lightly, kissed Wednesday on the lips, then closed his eyes to sleep.
Wednesday looked at Alex's face for a moment, then closed her own eyes to fall asleep.
As he drifted off, Alex had no idea what tomorrow would bring — but he could feel that the next day would be very eventful.
Alex woke the next morning to the sensation of his nose being pinched shut. Opening his eyes, he saw Wednesday standing over him, pinching his nose with a cold expression. When she saw his eyes open, she released his nose and withdrew her hand.
Sighing at being woken up, Alex stretched slightly and noticed Alessa, already dressed and standing beside Wednesday.
"Get up. Time for breakfast," Wednesday said calmly.
"I hope breakfast isn't something that's still moving. I don't mind that kind of food, but it's still weird to eat something that's twitching," Alex said, stretching and yawning.
"Possibly. My parents already have something planned for today. So get dressed and let's go," Wednesday replied with a slight shrug, showing her indifference.
Sighing, Alex quickly washed up and changed into his usual clothes. Down in the dining room, he was pleasantly surprised to see what looked like a fairly normal breakfast. Compared to yesterday's bizarre dinner dishes, a simple breakfast in the Addams house almost felt odd.
After seating Alessa, Alex started drinking coffee to fully wake up.
As Wednesday had said, Morticia and Gomez had planned a family outing for everyone. Right after breakfast, they were all in the family limousine. Alex had no idea where they were going.
Soon the limousine entered a small neighboring town. From Morticia's words, Alex realized they were heading for a perfectly ordinary family picnic in the park. Of course he wasn't going to comment that for most people a simple family park outing meant something completely different — he kept that thought to himself. The Addams family was well-known in this town, though not particularly popular due to their unique style.
"I can't wait for the family picnic to begin. It's been so long since we all went out into nature together. I even brought fishing rods and bait," Gomez said as he stepped out of the limousine, offering his hand to Morticia.
"Did you choose this place on purpose? Or were you forced to pick it?" Wednesday asked, taking Alex's hand as he helped her out of the limousine.
"Your father and I decided yesterday that we could try having a family picnic like a normal family — whatever that means," Morticia said with a light smile.
"Gomez, you do realize that on a normal fishing trip people don't blow up fish with grenades, right?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.
"What? Really? Then I wonder why last time when Fester and I went fishing, all the other fishermen ran away. And I even made the bait myself — from animal entrails," Gomez said, genuinely surprised.
"And what were you hunting?" Alex asked, holding back a smile.
"That time Fester and I went to a convention for the mentally ill in Florida — they had invited Fester. And since it was Florida, how could we miss the chance to catch some alligators?" Gomez said with a smile, walking beside Morticia toward the park.
"Dad, isn't that the time Uncle Fester tried to catch an alligator bare-handed and it nearly bit his arm off?" Pugsley asked in a slightly thoughtful tone.
"That's the one. Not only was the convention fun, but the fishing turned out just as good," Gomez said, nodding.
Alex listened to their conversation while walking beside them, carrying Alessa in his arms and holding Wednesday's hand. Their strange group naturally attracted attention. Lurch followed behind, carrying all the picnic gear — including fishing equipment.
When Alex glanced back, he noticed there were no fishing rods in Lurch's hands, and he realized the "fishing" was going to be explosive after all.
All Alex could do was simply enjoy the picnic in the company of the Addams family, as if everything was perfectly normal and none of it concerned him.
Listening to the whispers of the local residents, Alex calmly looked around, thinking that small towns always had the most pleasant and quiet park atmospheres.
When they reached a secluded spot by the lake, Lurch spread out a black blanket on the ground and set up a table for drinks and snacks. Gomez removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, already beginning to enjoy the picnic. Alex set Alessa down so she could explore.
He himself thought this was the perfect chance to fully relax and stop thinking about upcoming work or anything else. So, as he always did in such situations, Alex took off his black coat and simply lay down on the blanket to rest.
Wednesday looked at Alex and slightly raised an eyebrow, noticing how relaxed he looked. It wasn't hard for her to guess why he had suddenly unwound so completely.
She sat beside him and placed his head on her lap. Morticia was already enjoying a glass of wine while Gomez and Pugsley went fishing. The last time Gomez hadn't managed to fish with Pugsley due to an arrest, so this was a perfect opportunity.
Unfortunately, the peace didn't last long. Moments later, an explosion rang out, followed by a splash of water.
Hearing the blast, Alex opened his eyes and looked toward the lake, where Gomez and Pugsley stood on a small pier with delighted grins. Morticia watched her husband and son with a smile as they "fished." Wednesday, reading a book, didn't even react to the explosion.
"Alex, how long will your vacation last? As I understand it, your role in your agency is quite significant," Morticia asked, looking at him.
"Hard to say. Last week there were already signs that I'd soon have to go to Britain. So I think I'll get a call soon and have to leave," Alex said, lifting his head from Wednesday's lap.
"What signs, if it's not a secret? After all, that's why you have to travel all the way to Britain," Morticia asked thoughtfully.
"Someone has started creating artificial vampires. And they've already reached America. Considering your family, Mrs. Addams, I think you know there are different kinds of vampires," Alex said, taking out a cigarette that Wednesday lit for him.
"So it'll be a long trip?" Morticia asked, resting her hand on her cheek.
"Hard to say. People like that usually hide like rats and only come out when they're sure of victory. I think it'll take a couple of weeks overall," Alex said, stroking his chin.
"Don't forget to bring souvenirs. And don't forget to have fun. You get really clingy when you have nothing to do," Wednesday said, looking up at Alex.
"Um… Killing vampires, dismantling two secret organizations, and helping another secret organization. That's always fun. And I'm only resting for a couple of days. And what do you mean by 'too clingy'?" Alex said with a slight smile, staring at Wednesday.
"Exactly what I said," Wednesday replied, placing her palm on Alex's cheek.
Alex opened his mouth to argue but immediately closed it, remembering that when he had nothing to do, he spent time with the girls, constantly getting in the way of whatever they were doing.
Morticia, watching the interaction between Alex and Wednesday, couldn't hide her smile once again. She very much enjoyed observing how they interacted — it brought her no small pleasure.
Alex decided to show that Wednesday's words had offended him. He dramatically stood up like a child in an adult's body, picked up Alessa, and walked away with wide strides.
Wednesday, watching this, merely rolled her eyes slightly as she looked at Alex's retreating back.
Alex himself went to observe Gomez and Pugsley's "fishing," as they continued tossing explosives into the lake while Lurch scooped stunned fish out with a net. Holding Alessa in his arms, Alex watched as Gomez and Pugsley proudly showed off their catch, which Lurch would later prepare.
Toward evening the family picnic came to an end, and it was time to return to the estate. The day had been surprisingly eventful — in true Addams family style. Alex even managed to take a walk through the park with Alessa and Wednesday, simply enjoying the stroll.
After another strange dinner and some time by the fireplace, Alex, Wednesday, and Alessa went to bed, ending another day.
The next morning Alex woke to a phone call. With difficulty opening his eyes, he looked at the caller ID and saw Jesse's name.
"What happened so early in the morning, Jesse?" Alex asked, answering and rubbing his eyes.
"Can you come to the Oldest House? We need to talk," Jesse asked. Her voice sounded quite tired.
"Jesse, you sound exhausted. What happened there?" Alex asked again.
"In short — it's about what we talked about during your last visit to the Oldest House," Jesse said with a heavy sigh.
"Nazi vampires?" Alex asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing his face.
"Yes, Nazi vampires. So I'm waiting for you at the house," Jesse confirmed.
"Alright. I'm currently in New Jersey. After breakfast I'll head to the Oldest House. I'll be there as fast as I can," Alex said, ending the call.
After saying goodbye to Jesse, Alex sighed lightly and rubbed his face. These were not the kind of news he wanted to hear first thing in the morning. As much as he didn't like this news about the upcoming trip, he would have preferred to wake up, drink coffee, and only then get the call.
Stretching slightly, Alex noticed that Wednesday had woken up and was looking at him.
"It happened sooner than I thought," Wednesday said, getting out of bed.
"Don't you want to come with me to London?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No. I don't see the point in this trip. There's nothing there worth my time. If I didn't already know what would happen, I would have enjoyed watching the upcoming war and the burning city. But the ending is already known, and that makes the trip boring and meaningless," Wednesday said, taking off her nightgown.
Alex nodded understandingly, perfectly grasping the reason behind Wednesday's words. She was only interested in things with unpredictable endings, and since Alex had already told her everything about how it would unfold, Wednesday had lost all interest in going to London.
Alex got out of bed, walked over to Wednesday as she was changing, hugged her from behind, and rested his chin on her shoulder. Wednesday looked at Alex and placed her palm on his face, pushing him away to show that she needed to finish changing and wasn't going to stand around in just her underwear.
Alex chuckled lightly, kissed Wednesday on the cheek, and quickly changed using magic. By then Alessa had woken up, yawned slightly, and climbed out of bed to get dressed. Alex snapped his fingers, changing her into her usual everyday clothes. Sleepily nodding, Alessa took Alex's hand, holding her Frankenstein-like plush rabbit — stitched together from various stuffed toys — in the other.
Wednesday had finished changing by then and packed her things into the suitcase.
When Morticia and Gomez learned that Alex and Wednesday were leaving, they understood everything and didn't try to persuade them to stay longer.
After breakfast, a round of hugs, and wishes to visit more often, Alex, Wednesday, and Alessa got into the Addams family car so Lurch could drive them to New York.
Sitting in the car heading toward New York, Alex immediately texted Alice, Lucina, Samantha, and Enid that he would most likely head straight to London after visiting the Oldest House. The girls expressed understanding and told him the same thing Wednesday had — to have fun.
What Alex didn't yet know was at what stage the events in Hellsing currently stood — whether Alucard had already turned Seras Victoria into a vampire, or if that hadn't happened yet and it was only the beginning. But Alex knew he would find out everything upon arriving in London.
Thinking about London, Alex decided to resolve the issue with the British branch of the Men of Letters as quickly as possible.
Realizing he had a lot of work ahead, Alex sighed and decided to relax before the upcoming trip — as much as possible.
To be continued...
(Here we are, approaching Hellsing. It took me a while, but I was able to figure out a rough timeline of the events that take place in Hellsing Ultimate. As I understand it, everything from the initial attack on Hellsing to the war in London takes place over just a couple of weeks. As I've said many times before, I'm incredibly annoyed by timelines that don't properly specify them. Oh well. Everything we've been waiting for is already waiting for us.)
Early access to chapters on my patreon: p*treon.com/GreedHunter