"Hah — stand-up comedy?"
The sudden plot twist stunned the audience, who had been expecting a cute idol-style dance performance.
Jonouchi tilted his head. "Going off the beaten path, huh? Since everyone else is doing dance performances, they decided to do… stand-up comedy?"
"Akasha I can understand," Shizuka added. "But… I feel like she just didn't want to practice dancing."
Given Akasha's habit of grinding mobile games every spare minute in the dorm, expecting her to spend hours rehearsing choreography was the least realistic thing imaginable to Hoshino.
"But can they actually pull it off? Don't be fooled by how easy Akasha makes teasing Jaden look. Performing good comedy is way harder than dancing…"
"Hahahaha! Now this is fun! As expected of my proud little sister—her choice of performance is as unique as she is!"
Even the host, Atticus, burst into laughter, full of anticipation. "Then let us all witness what kind of stand-up comedy the dream duo—Obelisk's Fairy and Obelisk's Sprite—will bring to the stage!"
Opening Act —
Akasha: "(￣▽￣)~* So, for a comedy routine, you gotta start with introductions. I'm Kashar Hawkins. Most of you already know me. And if you don't—well, that's fine too. I'm not that big a deal. But this one right here is different…"
To everyone's surprise, the delivery was actually pretty solid. Cute girls doing comedy—honestly, in its own way, even more refreshing than dancing.
Akasha: "(≖ᴗ≖)✧ This here is Alexis Rhodes, the top student of Obelisk Blue! Her test scores are insanely perfect—so perfect that if she told me she didn't cheat, I'd have trouble believing her."
Alexis: "I so did not cheat! Apologize to all the students who study hard every day!"
In traditional comedy style, Akasha clearly played the clown while Alexis was the straight man. Honestly, the roles fit them way too well.
Akasha: "ヽ(･･´ﾒ) I was complimenting you! I meant you score so well it looks like cheating!"
Alexis: "Somehow that doesn't feel like praise… Anyway, enough stalling. What are we performing today?"
Akasha: "Since you're the resident genius, I'll test your knowledge about Duel Monsters. Think you can answer my questions?"
Hoshino raised a brow, surprised. "I thought it'd be a normal comedy routine… didn't expect them to tie it into Duel Monsters. That's actually pretty thoughtful."
Akasha: "Okay then—Alexis, what are your three sizes?"
Alexis: "How is THAT related to Duel Monsters!?"
The audience—both boys and girls—immediately perked up. As expected of Alexis, universally appealing.
Akasha: "|ू･･`) I was just curious… If you're too embarrassed to say, then forget it."
Alexis: "What do you mean embarrassed!? Why does that annoy me so much coming from you!?"
Akasha: "Fine, fine, let's get serious. Since you're a genius, here comes a hard Duel Monsters question."
Alexis: "Ask away. No matter how hard, I'll answer."
Akasha: "Question: What is the ATK of Blue-Eyes White Dragon?"
Classic Blue-Eyes harassment. The entire venue burst into laughter.
Alexis: "How is that hard!? Of course it's 3000 ATK! Same as Nobunaga's battle power! Who doesn't know that?"
Akasha: "Don't get cocky. The real question comes next."
Akasha folded her wooden fan and began pacing dramatically across the stage.
Akasha: "So, you said Blue-Eyes has 3000 ATK. Then answer this—how much ATK is in its head, and how much in its body?"
Alexis: "What kind of question is that!?"
Not just the audience—even Hoshino and pro-duelist Jonouchi were baffled.
Akasha: "o(￣￣*) Was I not clear enough? How much ATK does its head have, and how much does its body have?"
Alexis: "Who divides a dragon like that!? You'll have Kaiba Seto after you!"
Akasha: "So… they don't divide it like that?"
Alexis: "No, they don't!"
Akasha: "Then you can't answer it. So you admit defeat, right?"
Alexis: "Hah!? You're acting like you can answer it!"
Akasha: "Of course I can. I came up with the question—why wouldn't I know the answer? Admit defeat, and I'll tell you. And also let me copy your answers on the next exam."
Alexis: "Hey hey—professors are watching from down there! Don't spread false accusations!"
Akasha: "So? Do you admit defeat?"
Alexis: "Fine, fine, I admit it. I wanna see what nonsense you're about to say."
Akasha smirked, opened her fan with flair, and declared with absolute confidence:
"Here's the answer. Blue-Eyes White Dragon's head: 750 ATK. Its body: 2250 ATK."
Alexis squinted. "You're totally making that up. Give me the reasoning."
Akasha: "Hey, at least I gave an answer. If this were a test, you'd only write 'solution pending' and pray the teacher gives sympathy points. Of course there's a process—"
Akasha glanced at Alexis's head… then her torso.
Akasha: "Blue-Eyes White Dragon has how many heads?"
Alexis: "One. So what?"
Akasha: "One head is 750 ATK. The body is 2250 ATK. 750 + 2250 = 3000, right?"
Alexis: "That's just simple arithmetic! Anyone can split 3000 into two numbers!"
Shaking her head, Akasha pressed on.
Akasha: "How many heads does Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon have?"
Alexis: "Three…"
"And its ATK?"
"4500…"
Akasha snapped her fan. Proof complete.
"There you go. Three heads = 2250 ATK. Add one body. Total: 4500. Simple."
"Three heads… plus one body… That does total 4500… Wait—so it can be calculated like that!?"
"Glad you understand. Thank you for attending akasha's Duel Monsters Math Class today."
She folded the fan and bowed gracefully to the cheering audience.
—End of Act
"Why are we even trying to calculate the difference between the dragon's head and the dragon's body's ATK? It's not like everyone cares about Blue-Eyes White Dragon the way Kaiba does…"
Although the two were a bit stiff in some parts, they still did their best, and the audience seemed to enjoy it. After all, thanks to the natural appeal of cute girls, even a completely pointless topic like this could keep everyone entertained.
In the end, being cute is just too much of a cheat!
However, maybe because Akasha and Alexis's performance was too memorable, every group after them felt bland to Hoshino. By the end, she still couldn't remember any of their names.
Once the final group finished, the host—Atticus—spoke emotionally:
"Good times are always short. Our encounter with Duel Academy's lovely girls must also come to an end. But the pure, lively figures you all displayed on this stage will forever be engraved in my heart. It's because of all of you that Duel Academy is such a wonderful place!"
"Kyaa~! Atticus-sama is so cool when he gets emotional!"
"Atticus-sama, we'll love you forever!"
Hoshino shot an annoyed glance at the increasingly delirious Atticus fangirls. "Honestly, maybe we should call another Shadow Rider to kidnap him. Keeping him in the Academy just attracts more weird chaos."
Atticus continued, "Now, staff members will hand out your voting cards. Please use your precious vote to choose the girl you find most charming. After tallying the votes, we will select Duel Academy's first-ever Duel Queen!"
The so-called "staff members" were basically just the other Obelisk Blue students. Since this was a school-wide event, of course it couldn't be only the girls doing the work.
"≖_≖ What kind of voting card is this supposed to be…"
The card handed to Hoshino looked exactly like a Duel Monsters card—but the artwork showed Atticus's sparkling, sunshine-bright smile and blindingly white teeth.
[Voting Card]
①: Activate one of the following effects:
● "Use this card to cast your precious vote."
● "Bring the card home and secretly keep it as a treasure."
"Who the heck would want to secretly keep this thing?!"
Despite Hoshino's complaint, the Atticus fanclub was already scrambling to collect as many cards as possible.
"I'm truly overwhelmed by everyone's passion~" Atticus said dramatically, clutching his chest. "But each person may only receive one voting card. Please don't let my overwhelming handsomeness corrupt the sacred rules of this competition."
If you know that, then why print your own picture on the cards? Just use blank ones!
"Hey, Hoshino, the rules… you can only vote for one girl, right?" Jonouchi asked, looking between his voting card and the boxes.
Alexis and Akasha had performed together, but the final vote separated them into different boxes.
"The rules were set by the Blues. Looks like you can only choose one."
"Who will you vote for then? I'm definitely picking Akasha—her comedy act hit all my weak points!"
Shizuka didn't hesitate and quickly slipped her card into Akasha's box.
Jonouchi stroked his chin, agonizing. "Akasha was great, but that Alexis… she's just so b— I mean, so cute."
"Jonouchi, honestly… After all these years, you still haven't matured." Anzu sighed as she cast her own vote for Akasha.
"Alright, decided! I'm voting for Alexis. Akasha, don't hold it against me—you're the one who tricked me so many times when we dueled."
In the end, desire won, and Jonouchi put his vote into Alexis's box.
"I really like both of them… it's hard to choose." Hoshino was even more conflicted than Jonouchi. "But since you two—Anzu and Shizuka—voted for Akasha, I'll vote for Alexis. That way it feels fair."
A quick glance showed that Alexis and Akasha had about the same number of votes, far more than the other contestants. It was clear one of these two freshmen would walk away as Duel Academy's Duel Queen.
As for which one… they would have to wait for the final count.
"Doesn't it seem noisy over there?" Anzu rose on her toes and pointed toward a nearby crowd. "Looks like some students are arguing. Hoshino, do you want to check it out?"
"For events like this, stuff like that is inevitable." Hoshino shrugged. Young people all had their tempers, but as the Academy Head, she still preferred a peaceful campus.
"—Of course it should be Akasha! Comedy is all about punchlines! I admit Alexis's reactions were great, but Akasha carried the main act!"
"≖_≖ That voice… sounds really familiar. Didn't I just see him earlier?"
Even through the crowd, Hoshino instantly recognized Minazuki's very distinctive yelling.
"—You Red Dorm rejects know nothing about comedy! It's three parts funny man and seven parts straight man! Alexis's performance was flawless—she deserves the crown!"
The other voice was unfamiliar, but Hoshino could guess it was an Alexis fan clashing with Minazuki.
"You keep calling people 'rejects' like it's a catchphrase—what are you, Professor Crowler?"
Minazuki, unable to stand being insulted, snapped back: "You think you're so strong? For your information, I just fought the Headmistress today and it was fifty-fifty! Can YOU do that?!"
"Minazuki… that's a stretch." Jaden wanted to back him up, but this was the kind of bluff anyone could see through instantly.
"I told you—just a teeny-tiny bit more and I would've won! Doesn't that count as fifty-fifty?!"
"Hahaha! Typical Red Dorm—daydreaming in broad daylight!" Chazz spread his duel disk with a loud mechanical click and challenged, "If you're so strong, then fight me!"
Minazuki snapped open his duel disk. "I've been waiting for you to say that. I'll beat you so hard you'll finally understand why flowers bloom red!"
Both men leapt onto the ornate stage that had just been used for the performances. The audience hadn't even dispersed yet, and was immediately drawn in by this sudden follow-up event.
"Isn't that Chazz?"
"I heard he used to be No.1 in North Academy before transferring here."
"No.1 from the branch campus… he must be strong. Challenging him takes guts."
"But the other guy's wearing Red… is this a suicide mission?"
"I think he's the same Red who beat the Yellow Dorm elite—Bastion—during the Dorm Tournament."
"Oh! I know him! The guy who always says 'No problem with Kansai!'—Minazuki!"
Watching the two face off, Jonouchi tugged on Hoshino excitedly.
"They're gonna duel, right? I've never seen students from the Academy duel before—I wonder what level they're at!"
Hoshino didn't stop the duel. In Duel Academy, resolving disputes through dueling was the most natural thing. Honestly, it wasn't just the Academy—the whole world ran that way.
"Of course their level won't match that of a Pro Duelist." Hoshino shook her head, then added:
"But who knows—maybe you'll see something so insane that even pros rarely pull it off."
Minazuki's system-given "?" rating was probably due to his unstable dueling strength. Unlike normal duelists who performed consistently, Minazuki was the type who could be anywhere from E-rank to EX-rank. Even the system couldn't give him a proper evaluation.