(Maia's Pov)
What the…
I slammed the doors open.
Going in first, mom and dad silently followed me and closed the doors, but I was the one taking charge now. Cael's head was on her lap, as he slept with her gently caressing his head. She didn't even give us the courtesy of looking at us.
"Eavesdropping is a bad habit to take on, you know?"
"Cut the shit. What the hell was that?"
"What was what?"
I see… so that's how it's gonna be.
"Is this really how you wanted to do it? You said you'd talk with all of them."
"And I did. All of his reincarnations heard me loud and clear. I told them my plans for my future with Cael, so they shouldn't act up anymore-"
"I get that, trust me, I really do. But the way you phrased it… are you sure about that?"
Her composure faltered for just a second when I asked that. Until now, she had her usual serene expression, but now it had stiffened up; into a neutral one.
"What are you trying to say?"
"You know damn well what I'm saying, you idiot."
"You think so? Giving too much credit to someone can be often more troublesome than anything, you know? I'm not a mind reader. Get to the point."
"If you insist so badly on me telling you out flat, then so be it…"
I walked towards her, stopping next to her. She didn't raise her head or anything like that though, simply sideying me.
"You're gonna wake him up if you start a scene this close."
"Even if I burned his head to a crisp, he still wouldn't wake up. That's how strong your spells are."
"He wouldn't wake up for a different reason if you burnt his head to a crisp…"
"Why did you say it like that?"
"Like how?"
Stop it… seriously.
"Mio, you…"
Stop acting so tough…
"You said you'd tell me out flat, didn't you? So go on. Give it to me."
"…why?"
It's not like I was planning on it, you know? Ending up so frustrated right after we won our trial. But I can't help it. These tears going down on my face were simply the materialization of said frustration.
"Why are you still taking in all the guilt on your own?"
I saw it. Even though she tried to hide it, she was still human after all. Her eyes were shaking for just a split second, before she stopped sideyeing, or even looking at me as a whole, as she turned her gaze fully towards her lap.
"I just told him how things really stood."
"Mio, that's not-"
"But it is. Maia… you're aware already. When you guys died, Cael was still ready to fight, and move on through it all. It was my death that caused his downfall."
"Don't give me that bullshit! Of course he'd be more grieving over the death of his lover than his family's-"
"And it's that grief that led to his self rejection, Maia. Every single reincarnation denied his heroism, over and over and over and over… and this is the result."
"…"
"A boy that not only claims to hate his very core characteristic, but puts himself in danger because of it. Not only is he cursed, but he cannot keep himself out of trouble, even though he's doing the same thing he claims to hate."
"Even then, do you really think that blaming yourself is the way to go?"
"It's not about blame, Maia. That's just how things went. If he didn't prioritize me and my dreams back then, you guys would've also lived. Cael… lost everything, in order to give me everything."
"You know that's not how that works-"
"Honestly, I do get why the phrasing may have come off as unnecessary to you."
"What?"
"Mom, dad, I'll open a portal for you, so could you take Cael and leave me and Maia to discuss this alone?"
I looked back at both of them. Dad had trouble even looking at us, while mom couldn't take her eyes off, however both of them shared the same pained frown.
"Mio… you know that we agree with Maia, right?"
"I know. She can fill you in on the details later if you want, but I don't mind telling you the core of what's likely to be our main topic."
Dad then finally managed to look our way.
"Please. I'm sure you're already aware of what we're worried about."
"It's not guilt."
You say that… but then why?
"When I said that, I truly meant it in its literal sense. If only I was stronger, if only he didn't prioritize me. Those are simple facts that dictated the outcome of our tragedy."
I couldn't interrupt her. Neither could mom or dad clearly though, as we all stayed silent.
"It's not guilt. It's simply contextualization. And most importantly, my boundaries that I've set regarding our relationship, are not out of guilt, but love."
"It's because I love him, that this time I won't allow tragedy to strike. It's because I love him that I won't allow his dreams to fail. It's because I love him, that I gave up my rights of being protected by him."
"I see…"
"So that's how it is."
Both of them looked surprisingly accepting of it, although clearly reluctant given that mom's eyes were leaking already, while dad was barely holding on.
I moved aside, as the two of them approached Mio next. Dad was the one to take Cael in his arms, while mom could do nothing but stare at his sleeping face.
"We'll leave the rest to you and Maia then."
"Both of us would love to hear your full thoughts, but honestly, this isn't something you should discuss with your parents. It's best if you do it with your best friend."
"Thanks, both of you."
She opened a portal in front of the door, and they slowly walked up to it, but stopped to tell us one more thing each before going in.
"I'll be getting started on those tarts, alright? And I will also be making a terribly spicy one."
"Not to mention, I'll also want a cup of tea to go with Isolde's delicious tarts. So that's why, both of you make sure to come home soon."
"Yeah…"
"We will."
And after smiling at us one last time, they both went through, leaving me alone with her.
"Now then…"
I sighed, before making my move. Not wasting a second, I grabbed her by the collar, and stood her up.
"Don't think you fooled them, just because they left."
I made sure to stare straight into her eyes, as seriously as I could. And although it wasn't the most comfortable sight in the world, I was also being glared at with matching intensity. I'd really rather not see my best friend and sister looking at me so seriously, you know? But some things have to be done, and only I can do them, as the older one.
"It's because I never assumed I would be able to fool them, that I asked them to take Cael and leave."
"That so? Glad you're so considerate of them, huh? Even though you lied straight to their faces afterwards."
"What makes you think everything I said was a lie?"
"I never said everything you said was a lie. The core of your yapping was probably truthful after all."
"Then what's the issue?"
"It's the fact that there's simply no way that you thought of these boundaries and rules just because you love him."
"How so?"
Throwing her back down on her seat, I also sat down in front of her.
"Because you are still feeling guilty about it. Putting aside all the effort I put into reassuring you that you're not the only one at blame, it's still irritating."
"Irritating? What, you need some cream for that? I can make some if you want."
"If it was a physical irritation that could get calmed down by a cream, I would've asked you to make me some already, don't worry."
"I see."
"Don't get me wrong, on paper every single one of those boundaries make sense. Start off as lovers from the start. He won't need to worry about protecting you, and you won't need to worry about him not having anyone to protect him. It's a totally fair and mature take on a relationship."
"I know right? I've spent a little too many reincarnations thinking about that specific situation after all."
"I bet you did. Out of guilt that is."
"You sure love that word, don't you?"
"'It's because of my death that he started denying his heroism, so the right thing for me to do to atone is leaving him alone, while he becomes a hero on his own, this time.' Right?"
"Why does it matter so much to you, whether I'm guilty about it or not. The end result won't change. Our mission is the same, and so will be the outcome of our relationship."
It was honestly…hard. It was hard to look at her when she said things like that with such a straight tone and face. But I couldn't afford to look away either.
"You're not exactly wrong. As I said, your plan on paper is actually really good… but it's the reason for which you came up with it that worries not just me, but our parents as well. Hell, even Cael's reincarnations may be worried about you after hearing that."
"I can imagine that much. But it's exactly because I have so many people worried about me that I cannot back off from it, Maia."
"Are you really sure about how you took care of it?"
"Well… I'd be lying if I said there was nothing else I wanted to say. But for the most of it, I did get the point across, which is relieving."
"The point you did get across is a self harming plan though. Do you really think his reincarnations will be fine with that?"
"They don't have a choice."
Yeah. I figured this was the approach you're taking. But it's really not something I'm exactly comfortable with…
"So you're threatening them, huh?"
"I just made my intentions clear. Cael and Luna will never become a couple. But Cael and Mio also won't for a while. They just have to trust in Cael and leave him be until then."
"And they'll listen because they don't have a choice… if stopping your plan isn't an option, all they can do is minimize the damage dealt to you by it, huh?"
"I must look pretty evil to them, don't I? Maybe they'll stop loving me because of-"
"Don't even try."
"…"
"There was no need for you to play the villain's part just to get them to stop letting their emotions flow into him. You know they all most definitely understand your intentions. This is just going to make them worry."
"And it's because they're worried that they'll trust me with the process."
"Mio…"
"Honestly, you may be fixating a little too much on the idea that this is an act of self sacrificing. It's only a sacrifice when there's something to lose. I'm not throwing away my happiness, nor my love. I'm only postponing them for a while, until they're safe."
"Even then. I don't like it. Even if you're strong enough to handle that, both mentally and physically. Even if you're not trying to harm yourself, and even if you're not punishing yourself to atone."
"Then what would you like me to do?"
"Are you really asking that?"
I sighed. It was getting harder to talk. Almost as if my throat was getting pierced by needles, and my voice was leaking through the holes. But I had to say it.
"I just… want you to be happy."
"…"
"We're all aware that you're the one who's suffered the most among all of us. Hell, even more than Cael probably. That's why I just want you to simply live normally, until it's time for our mission at least."
"I'm not particularly unhappy though."
"But you're not happy either. There's no way you would be. You have to put your own feelings in second place just because you want to bring back the hero in Cael to life."
"Maia…"
"So what if he doesn't go back to being a hero? He'll still be the same Cael!"
Shit… what am I saying?
My legs instinctively straightened, as I stood up. My arms were moving to try and gesture my words, as if that'd make any difference.
I can't stop…
"Mio, Cael is happy even with just being by your side as Luna! Why not just both be happy as an official couple?! You can just laugh it off later when you reveal to him once again that Luna is you, and continue just fine until the mission!"
Seriously… she's not even saying anything, but I can't get a grip of myself.
"I love Cael as much as anyone else in our family, he's my little brother! I wouldn't have dragged myself into this mess of a mission otherwise, but even then!"
"Why must you get sidelined for not just his, but all of our happiness?! Your plan is too mature, Mio! You can just take it easy!"
Stop it. It's just making her uncomfortable… not to mention I'm making a fool out of myself.
"Cael will still act like a hero even if he doesn't accept that he is one, no?! That's just his identity! It's not like it's gonna kill him if he just has someone by his side, even if it's not the strongest, and even if it's before he integrates himself…"
What am I even saying?
"And…a-and! You're already doing enough, Mio…"
Shit… I'm really being pathetic here.
"H-huh? W-what's going on with me? Haha… I thought I wouldn't cry anymore…"
"T-this isn't what I wanted to-"
"Maia."
Startled, I looked back at her. She had stood up, and walked to me. I couldn't even take a single step, neither backward or forward.
"You keep talking about how I'm doing too much, and I shouldn't put my own happiness in second place…"
And as soon as she reached me, she hugged me so tight that there was no escape from it.
"Yet look how you ended up, while worrying about anyone but yourself."
"T-that's not…"
"Ever since I unsealed your memories, you've been a little too busy now that I think about it. Amidst training Cael, meeting up with me in secret at night, helping the village repairs, becoming my lieutenant, surveilling over our family while they were getting here, and even offering your house as their home."
"T-that's nothing… I'm the Eldest- this is just my duty…"
"That's right. But it's also completely wrong."
"…what are you talking about? Seriously…"
"I've already told you that I'm not trying to sacrifice myself or anything like that. It's because my happiness isn't dependent solely on Cael. I have a great family I can rely on, and a best friend that's as much of a real older sister as she is my sister in law."
"But there's no way that compares to how happy you are with him…"
"You're right. It doesn't. There's no one that can make me as happy as him, and that's just a fact."
"See..-"
"But that doesn't mean I'm unhappy, just because I can't be his lover yet."
"…"
"Do you remember? When we had just reunited after I unsealed your memories. You had set a fairly harsh boundary, for me to not interfere with Cael even as Luna, while he was training."
"That's because…"
"I know. It was to protect Cael mainly. And in fact, I agreed with you in the end. That was for the best."
"…"
"But did you notice? For a while now, you've been a lot more lenient when it came to me and Cael meeting, even if it was as Luna."
"His base training is already done… he's not gonna stop either way."
"My presence cannot interfere with his growth in terms of sheer strength anymore. That's what you're saying, right?"
"Yeah…"
"So you probably thought that it must be fine to let loose a little, right? After all, he'll keep getting stronger regardless of my presence."
"Of course, there's no reason to prevent you two from meeting anymore."
"You're right. But this is also where you've been wrong all along."
"…"
I already know that much.
"Just because I'm not going to stand by his side as a lover yet, that doesn't mean I'm not going to still be by his side as Luna. You already know that. But you're thinking that I'm not going to be happy enough with that."
You're right. You've said it yourself once before. "You can't even imagine how much I've waited to hold him again" "you wouldn't understand." And you were right.
My love and her love for Cael are completely different in nature. Of course, I'm really happy to see him again, I've been ever since my memories were unsealed- no, even before that, I just always loved Cael dearly, as my little brother. But then, I had to put a temporary wall between the two of them when it came to meeting.
Cael still couldn't do any of his skills yet. And while Luna's presence motivated him to some extent, the way he wavered just from being next to her made it painfully obvious. His love for Mio never changed, not one bit.
It's harder to put yourself through a painful and extensive training when the one you love is right next to you, which is exactly why I told her before, to not be near him while he learnt to do those things again.
But after he was done? What reason was there to prevent my little brother and his lover from meeting? None.
"It's exactly because I have a great family and best friend that I can afford to postpone our relationship, Maia. My guilt won't condition me to do anything that'll cost me the little mental sanity I have left. I cannot afford to lose that, because otherwise Cael won't have me by his side when he truly needs me, and it's time to become a couple again."
"Are you sure that's really enough?"
"It's plenty. Not to mention, it honestly just worries me when you put my happiness above Cael's own safety. You know that a hero can't grow with a single focus of protection."
"…"
"And you also know that Cael and his heroism are not separate. They can't possibly be. His heroic side is just a piece of the puzzle that makes up his identity. He needs time and the conditions to accept that the weird looking piece he's well aware of, actually belongs in that puzzle."
"I know that…"
"You're right. I am still guilty about it. After all, no matter how you look at it, there's simply no way to twist the fact that if he didn't prioritize me, he would've been able to save everyone."
"…"
"But I'll say it once again, I'm not trying to harm myself because of it. It's exactly because I'm guilty that I'm doing my best to atone, not by harming myself as much as I harmed him, but by helping him in the most efficient way, even if it means getting a little hurt along the way."
"I'm pathetic, aren't I? I can't even say anything even though I'm the one who started this whole thing. I'm a failure as an older sister."
"There you go again. Seriously, that's why you need a break. You've been too conflicted between choosing our happiness as your younger siblings than your own."
"…you think so?"
"I do. You're so stressed that you really thought I'd be doing something so annoying just because of my guilt. There's no way I'd do something like this for any reason other than the fact that I love him."
"You're right."
"I'll make sure he manages to show the entire continent that he is their hero. If all I need to do is keep being a blonde girl that never starts a relationship with him for a few more years instead of myself, then what's the big deal?"
Birds of a feather really do stick together.
"So in other words, you'll protect everyone by making sure their hero is born?"
I let go of our hug, as I had calmed down enough at this point, and we both sat back down. This time however, next to each other.
"Uhm… I guess? I never really thought of it that way though."
"Is that so? Then I guess that just means you really are that hero of a little brother of mine's lover."
She frowned, but also looked at me confused about it.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I wonder."
I guess I was worried about nothing after all. Of course, I can't really say for sure how much of what she said was accurate… but it does sound like the most Mio-like argument she could've put out. "I'm not gonna harm my already low mental sanity, because otherwise I won't be able to save Cael when I need to" huh?
But also "I'll make sure everyone gets their hero, no matter what I have to do." She really doesn't see it, does she?
Granted, in her mind they are all only centered around Cael most likely, and she doesn't really think about others directly… but that's usually how a lot of heroes are after all.
She doesn't even realize that her own "selfish" desires
are not actually only for Cael's sake, but for everyone's.
If that isn't the mentality of a hero, or at least a protector, then I don't know what is.
After that, for the next 15 minutes or so we kinda just had another cup of tea each, then decided it was time to head back home.
"We're back…"
As we walked through the portal, as soon as we got home the first thing we saw was mom in the kitchen. Dad was also helping her, both of them chopping and mixing stuff.
"Hm? You're back a lot earlier than expected."
"Are you two sure you don't wanna stay out together longer? You're still young and free, you know?"
"What are you two even talking about?"
"And for that matter, both me and Maia are only "young and free" for today… We still have work tomorrow morning."
"I guess that's true, huh?"
"But don't forget that we're also going to be getting really busy soon, ya hear me?! Don't dump your work overload on us, kids!"
"You should really get over that already, dad…"
"Easy for you to say! You're not the one who has to catch up to 20 years worth of paperwork!"
"Well, you're not wrong. But still, I'm pretty sure we're the ones that would be more entitled to complain about our work."
"Hmph, my daughters really hate me! You should be defending your daddy, and telling him to ditch work and take it easy-"
"Dear, you're not cutting the strawberries properly. Focus."
"…yes mam."
"We'll help as well."
"What should we do?"
"I appreciate it, girls. Your dad is a little too focused on avoiding his work than properly cooking for you after all."
"H-hey…"
"Did you say something, dear?"
"…no."
"Great. Maia, can you start peeling the mandarins? And Mio, whatever ingredients you want me to use for your spicy tart filling, chop them up."
"Got it."
"Egh… how many mandarins even are there?"
"It's about 2 kilos total? Around that at least."
"Why do you need 2 kilos of mandarins for a few mandarin tarts??"
"I'm making double the amount we're most likely going to eat tonight. Don't you want Cael to have some to try tomorrow too?"
"…fine."
"Speaking of Cael, I'm assuming you two already took him to his room?"
"That's right. While Isolde started preparing first for the tarts, I took him to bed. He's really sleeping like a log, you know?"
"I figured it'd be best if he sleeps the whole night and gets some proper rest."
"That's true. Though he won't remember it when he wakes up, my baby boy did go through a lot earlier."
"…"
It would've been harder to not notice that sulk on her face honestly, given how she didn't even try to hide it. Mom and dad weren't facing her, but I was right next to her so of course I saw it. Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I decided to actually take the initiative as the older one.
"How long are you gonna be sulking for? You did nothing wrong, my dear little sister."
Though she pushed my arm off, it didn't seem like it actually bothered her. If anything she seemed more embarrassed.
"Shut up, will you? Focus on peeling the mandarins."
"Eye, eye sir."
And she also went back to preparing her own filling. Which by the way, the flavors of choice? Spicy peppers, pineapple, raspberry and cherry. Needless to say, I don't think any of us will actually be trying that one… but hey, to each their own.
"Oh, by the way. There was also something I wanted to talk about with you guys."
"Hm?"
"What is it, little one?"
"It's about Cifer. I think it's best if we also take the joint banquet for you guys and Maia as an opportunity, and introduce him to the public."
"That wouldn't be a bad idea. Not to mention, it would loosen things up since his birthday, and therefore the birthday banquet is close."
"I'm thinking of organizing your guys' banquet within the next 10 days from now. But it would be a little awkward for the twins and Cael if the adoption is finalized the same day or the day prior…"
"We do also need to look out for how Cael and Cifer may react to seeing each other after all."
"Then I'm assuming you already have an idea for when to bring him home?"
"I was thinking of doing that in about 5 days or so. That way, Cael and the twins will have a few days of getting used to him, but it also won't be happening right after the trial."
"Well, it's not like we mind or anything, but what about the paperwork?"
"There's no need to worry about that. Mio already asked me to do that in advance a while ago. Legally, Cifer is already adopted. It's just a matter of letting him know and bringing him home."
"Then I guess it's settled. We'll tell Cael and the twins about it tomorrow morning at breakfast, so you should stay over tonight too, Mio."
"Haha, I was planning on being here for breakfast tomorrow regardless."
Oh, that's right…
I guess we all sometimes forget about it. After all, on the outside she seems like a completely normal girl when she's with us.
"That's good to hear, sweetie."
"Let's just focus on making these tarts then."
"Ah, speaking of which, shouldn't the twins be back soon?"
"Sylara and the fake twins contacted me a few minutes ago, they said it would be around an hour or so until they're home. I told them to take it easy since we're busy with the tarts either way."
"I can't wait to see my little angel and all the clothes she bought!"
"And not to mention, I can only imagine how happy my boy was after they brought him to that library."
We decided to not mention it any further. Simply moving on from the topic as a whole, and focusing on our joint task.
After all, it's not something that should be brought up so lightly. Not even us as her family had the guts to do it, in all honesty. It's even worse when we actually sometimes do forget about it after all. The guilt, that is.
Mom and dad found out about it only recently, but they've also been unable to say or do anything about it. On the other hand, I've known for a while, since I found out the hard way, during one of our previous joint reincarnations.
Mio can't sleep.
I can joke about it with her, and I have done that once before when she asked me to go and eat out with her. But this wasn't a great time to bring it up again.
Mio has stayed over very often, that's nothing unusual. But unless either me or our parents were awake, or if she had something to do here… "staying over" only meant making sure to be here by breakfast.
So it's best to just not talk about it sometimes. I'm sure Mio would treat it as if it's not a big deal even if I did ask after all. But in reality? I don't even want to imagine how it feels to be her. Her body and brain are working 24/7, not just to suppress her mana that leaks just from her being alive, which in her case would be dangerous to her surroundings, but she also has to constantly recover stamina with mana.
I've asked her before, just once.
"When was the last time you slept?"
A memory, coming back to my mind as we all silently ignored the topic.
And her reply, that was crushingly overwhelming.
"Ah… don't worry about it. I'm fine even without sleep anyway."
Said with a smile.
After that time, I've never tried to ask her again. Perhaps out of simple fear of getting a similar answer? But mostly, out of guilt.
I guess that looking back on it, my early reaction really was uncalled for.
Going at her for being guilty about everything, while being too guilty to even ask a simple question like that.