Chapter 3: King Raymond
The king's private room.
We follow behind the king as we enter. The room has two luxurious couches facing each other in the center, with a low table between them—like a coffee table from my old world.
The moment the knight closes the door, the king dives onto one of the couches, sending his crown flying.
"Aaaaah! So stressful."
So he only wears that ridiculous square crown for formal occasions. He didn't have it in the forest. I look at the redheaded knight—Shannon. She has her palm over her face, looking exasperated, as if thinking:
…There it is…
She lets out a heavy sigh, all life draining from her expression.
When I turn back to the king, he's sitting upright again, gesturing for me to sit.
"Sir Kaijuu, please sit. Be at ease. Let's discuss the rest in comfort."
The moment I sit, he sharply looks at Shannon.
She jumps.
He raises an eyebrow
"I forbid you from raising any objections regarding Sir Kaijuu's behavior or speech."
Shannon bows… then sits right next to me.
Like—right next to me.
I scoot away slightly, crossing my arms over my chest. She notices, looks at me… and beams that terrifying smile again.
The king clears his throat, and we both snap our attention back to him.
"As I was saying before… my daughter Roka."
Shannon tenses, looking like she wants to object, but the king holds up a hand.
"She is certainly a genius. However…"
He sighs.
"If only I had never made that bet with her… she would still be—"
Shannon relaxes a little. Her concerns were heard, at least.
"Sir Kaijuu, let me tell you a bit about Roka, if you'll indulge me. You see, she scored nearly full marks in all her practical and theoretical etiquette exams… but outside of class, she stubbornly refuses to act ladylike.
When I reprimanded her for her behavior—back when she barely passed those same exams, likely hoping she'd be kicked out of class without being punished by me—she challenged me. She said that if she could prove she didn't need the classes, then she'd be free to do as she pleased until I found her a husband.
I was angry. I agreed—on the condition that she scored higher than anyone else."
He sighs again, collecting himself.
"As for your other request about the doors, I'll have those replaced within the week. Ah!"
He interlaces his fingers in front of his face.
"The other door you mentioned."
My face heats up instantly. I cover my mouth with my hand so Shannon won't hear me—but she leans in with her hand to her ear, and the king leans forward too.
"…The women's bathroom."
They both go pale.
"Huh!?"
The king looks stunned. Shannon jerks back, hands raised, retreating to the far end of the couch like I just confessed to being a serial pervert.
I'M NOT, I SWEAR!
You see—two nights ago, I got up to go to the bathroom. The men's and women's toilets both open to the outside. While it was still dark, I walked straight into the corner of the women's bathroom door.
I almost cursed, but after regaining my composure, I figured I was awake anyway… so I opened my Status to check the damage.
Everything looked normal.
Actually—too normal.
Health: 1024 / 1024 (Full)
But past the bar… I thought I saw a sliver of red.
I had hit that door pretty hard, but I ignored it and went back to bed—until the urge to pee hit me again. Don't you hate that?
The next morning, everything was normal again. No extra red. But the thought wouldn't leave my mind. Later that day, during lunch, it bugged me so much I fell asleep. That night I woke up, crept outside again, looking around to make sure no one was watching.
Then it hit me.
This must be a Half-Life Door.
I checked my Status again: 1024 / 1024.
I opened the door hard, slamming my face into the broad side.
1023 / 1024.
Weird.
Maybe it only works on the corner?
I worked up my courage and headbutted the corner lightly.
Nothing.
Harder.
Still nothing.
Harder again.
That time my health reset to 1024 / 1024.
One more.
I slammed my face again, checked—1024 / 1024.
This time the little red past the bar was back.
Confirmed.
This corner does -1 damage, and somehow gives HP above the max.
A bug. I have to get that door to confirm.
But if I request the women's bathroom door directly… they'll think I'm insane. Or creepy.
So I thought:
I'll ask for another door first. Then when they question me, I'll just say I like doors.
Brilliant, right?
…Yeah. No.
Back to the present—Shannon still looks horrified.
"Don't look at me like that!" I blurt, jumping to my feet. I wave my arms wildly. "I'm not a creep!"
I step forward. She leaps over the couch, hiding behind it, peeking at me like I'm a monster.
I freeze.
"I see," the king says, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "I can see why you wanted to make this request in private."
He looks at me… then at Shannon.
"Sit. Back. Down."
She gets up slowly, sidestepping like her back is against a wall, and sits at the very edge of the couch with her arms crossed.
I look at her. She freezes.
I turn back to the king, remaining silent.
"Do you… perhaps like doors?"
Shannon has an Ah-ha! moment and slowly lowers her guard.
"Y–Yes!" I squeak.
My voice went unnaturally high. She narrows her eyes at me suspiciously.
The king claps his hands together, snapping us both out of it.
"Alright then. Granted."
Granted!? He believes me!? Seriously!?
"Really?" I ask.
"Yes. You are my benefactor, Sir Kaijuu."
Ah… Your Majesty… I'm so moved I could cry.
The king suddenly looks past me.
"Enter."
The door opens. The head assistant walks in.
Wait—
I didn't hear a knock.
Was he waiting outside the whole time?
As I think about it, he silently appears behind the king. The king whispers to him; all I hear is:
gotcha gotcha gotcha
The assistant nods. "Understood, my king. I'll make the arrangements."
"And Roka?"
"She's currently at the new section."
The king sighs.
"Well, Sir Hero, I won't do you the discourtesy of lying. Instead of explaining Roka, I want you to meet her right now—even if it makes a bad first impression.
If afterward you wish to reconsider, I would understand. In that case, please choose someone else. However, I must insist that we at least put on a show of handing you a bride, as is our custom."
I raise my hand.
"Before that, Your Highness… why can't I hear your whispered conversations? All I hear is gotcha gotcha gotcha."
The king points upward.
"Ah. That is one of the kingly blessings from above. It's called Encrypted Speech."
He opens his palm, revealing a glowing magic circle.
"When I raise my hand, only the person I'm speaking to can hear me."
I want one. That would be very useful.
"Well then," the king says as he stands.
"Let's depart, shall we?"
He gestures for us to follow.
We leave the room.