Hey, Folks.
How goes it!?
1325K views overnight is crazy talk!
I can't thank you all enough for the attention you give this humble little series of mine.
Your views are like tiny little soul pennies.
A potent, nearly palpable, invisible source of both love and currency.
From you all, I am spiritually rich, even if this book and my others bring me no real-world income.
You all reading along weekly is payment enough in itself, you know?
Mayhap one day I will have a physical edition for you all to hold.
Mayhap not.
What is meant for me will come to me; what is not, will not.
I am fine either way!
I love and appreciate all of you for hanging around these weird little stories of mine for so long, lol.
Seriously!
What a parasocial relationship, lol.
I suppose the only difference is I KINDA know you all exist, lol.
I don't know you nearly as much as you know me at this point, but shit!
This is my story, yeah?
I guess it only makes sense that you all would know much more on your end.
That doesn't bother me.
Had it been a problem, I am sure this series would have been killed off after Volume 01, lol.
Wanna know something?
Well, too bad!
You have no choice, unless you skip ahead!
LOL.
I am moving soon!
Combining my living space with my significant other.
That scares me a bit, you know?
Not so much the idea of moving in with someone, but more so the act of moving in general.
I guess I still have some unresolved trauma around that from being in foster care as a kid.
Moving about has always been emotionally difficult for me.
I used to have dark and heavy dreams as the day of relocation drew closer.
It was always a weird and recurring dream in which I am walking past my bathroom and some strange, ebony-skinned, long-armed, pale-eyed woman reaches out from the ceiling and tries to drag me into the darkness.
I know, I know, I probably should talk to someone professional about that, lbvs.
Oh, well.
It hasn't happened yet, and I haven't been as anxious as I used to be when it comes to these things.
Hmm.
I suppose we will see as the time grows nearer, yeah?
I'll keep you all posted.
I hope that this weird-ass post finds you all well, lol.
I hope it brought you a laugh!
Or even a fright!
As long as you felt something, I've done the better part of my job.
Let's get to the other part, yeah?
Lol.
Let's go see what Young Me was up to 16 flippin' years ago!
(Roll back the clock! Turn back the clock! Come along for this ride, and sing this song with meeeeeeeeeeeee! Anyone else remember a movie about time-traveling dinosaurs, or am I just trippin?)
-----
November 3rd, 2013.
Journal #109.
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It was a good day.
I worked all day to pay off what I owe.
Almost done.
Then me, XXXXX, and XXXXX went for a late lunch.
That was the highlight of my day.
She's going through a lot right now.
All I can do is play my role and be there.
That's what I do.
What I'm supposed to do.
Right?
XXXXX's boyfriend is a cool guy.
He's down-to-earth and intelligent.
I'm tired...
I'm sore...
I hate how XXXXX likes to step on other people to lift himself up...
Selfish.
Is it selfish that I am looking forward to him going to jail?
I don't think so.
I think about the future.
I think about "one day".
I think about how things will/would change.
And I look forward to it.
All of it.
"You should turn this into a book."
She said.
I think I should.
Just change the names, maybe.
I think that would be pretty interesting.
-----
Hmm.
Hmmmm.
Hmmmmmm.
Hmmmmmmmm!
- I don't recall what or who I owed at that point in time, but I still can't stand owing people, you know? I would very much rather suffer than ask for help, because I have yet to meet a soul as giving and charitable as mine.
I do for my friend when I can because I can.
I never ask for anything in return or expect anything.
I am a very selfless friend, and I wish more people were that way, you know?
- I went out to eat with the woman who is now my ex-fiancée, and a guy that I was mentoring at the time.
He was a good kid, if not a bit misguided by the environment that he had grown up in.
I did my best to help him when it came to many things.
As many things as I could impart to his mind, I would try.
I don't know what became of him, but I did see him on the city bus mayhap a year or so ago.
He seemed fine.
A bit detached, but fine.
As for her?
Haven't seen her in years, and I would rather not.
I wish her nothing but the best, as far away from me as possible.
- I still believe that life is very much about knowing your place and role in the lives of those around and closest to you.
This life thing is nothing more than an intricate role-playing game, lol.
Know yourself, and know who you appear to be to others.
That is of great importance, Folks.
- The woman whose boyfriend I met was my ex-fiancés best friend.
They were alike in more ways than I realized at the time.
She was using that guy just as much as my ex was using me; he just managed to escape much sooner than I did, lol.
- That last name was a guy who I had been pretty good friends with, if not best friends with, since our Junior year of high school. I had no idea how much of a shit person he was until we left high school and I let him move in with me.
He was a liar, a manipulator, a thief, and a bully.
He did his best to bend everyone's perception of him for the best while they were all actually pawns in his board game, including me.
He deserved the jail time he did, and it is a shame that he didn't do more.
The guy was just plain selfish.
I did all that I could to help him get on his feet, and all he did was take from me and act like it was what I was supposed to do as a "friend".
Wild.
I have never asked anyone for anything for the help I offered/offer, unless they tell me themselves that they will pay me back, especially if I know that the person will NEVER have the means to return the favor.
That is just my ninja way, lol.
The best example I can give for you all to understand is this:
If you have a Thief, a Mage, and a Knight in your party, you know their roles and abilities, right?
You know and accept the fact that your Thief is a Thief because he/she/they are YOUR Thief.
You trust that they would never steal from YOU of all people.
Your trust would be ill-placed, my friends.
A Thief steals, regardless of who from.
He was not a good person, and I was his friend, knowing that, because people need people...
He couldn't curb his nature, and he hurt me like he hurt all the other people that I never judged him for hurting...
Bah.
"Keep your friends rich, and your enemies rich, and wait to find out which is which."
-Ultron.
- Soooooooo much has changed since I wrote that entry, and as much as I hate some of the events that transpired, I wouldn't change them for anything. I am right where I am meant to be, you know?
I am okay with all of that.
I love the woman I am with.
I love my friends, my job, my life.
I am as okay as okay can get, you know?
I am spiritually rich.
So many soul pennies!
- You know something?
My exe was right...
Here we are.
I turned this old journal of mine into a book.
Is it interesting enough for you all!?
I swear I was just living my normal ass life!
LMAO!
I can't, and I didn't make any of this shit up, lol.
I will post pictures of these old journal pages on my Facebook and Instagram, so you all can see that I am not full of creative bullshit, lol.
I love and appreciate you all, and I will see you all back here soon enough, yeah?
I will do my best to keep up with this series, I swear!
We are drawing closer and closer to the end!
Is there a Volume #03!?!?
HMMMMMMMMM!?!?!??!??!?!?
Lol.
See you all soon, yeah?
Safe travels, Folks.
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.