Willow did her best to stare out the window and ignore the mess happening in the back. The first day was funny, as Lucci was simply in a butler outfit the whole time bringing whatever Boscha asked for. That was fine… until everyone realized that Boscha's idea of punishment was making Lucci live out her various…. fantasies, demonstrated by how on the second day, she had him shift into semi-manticore form… the ideas for tongue use disturbed her more than anything Belos could ever think of.
"I don't remember Boscha being this … depraved." Gus shivered at the noises coming from the back. It was decided after day three that it needed to be quarantined. "Did hell affect us more than we thought?"
"I think it's a bit more like she's feeling less uninhibited and shameless." Amity winced, placing pillows around Luz's head to mute the noise for her girlfriend. "You know how much the ghost thing drives her crazy."
"Plus Lucci is still a bit clueless about anything beyond kissing, so she's probably taking the time to teach him…" Luz shivered. "If he doesn't know where babies come from after this I'll be legitimately surprised."
"She's not going to …" Vee turned to their driver. "You'll stop them before they get too far … right?"
"I stopped by the pharmacy for protection." Everyone stared at the woman with dumbfoundment. "What, between driving; warping, therapy on luz, repairing the bus, I can't be everywhere at once."
"And yet you still stop me from cuddling with my girlfriend at night." Amity muttered.
"That's different. I was ordered by Camila to specifically make sure you two keep it in your pants."
"I'm sorry Luz, I know you love your mom, but she is losing points with me." The Blight muttered.
"Have they even breathed in the last two hours?" Vee asked in legitimate concern.
"Two hours? They've been making out all night. I think they didn't even sleep." Luz winced. "Plus side, we know Lucci is immune to oxygen deprivation, so he'll be fine … probably." Another plus side, Boscha might die of oxygen deprivation. Please, almighty Axolotl in the sky, let that happen!
The noise stopped for about five minutes, and just for a brief second, Willow's hopes were higher than they've ever been… until the three eyed demon herself walked out. "Now you know.." Boscha smirked as a totally dazed and dopey eyed Lucci followed her. "…You belong to me; and me alone."
Luz took off the pillows. "Lucci … buddy … you okay?"
"Yep … gonna … get back at … Golden …" He fell to the ground.
"... I thought you said one of his powers was super stamina and endurance?" Vee asked.
"It is..Boscha's just a life sucking parasite that can out-leach a basilisk." Willow chuckled, ducking under the fireball coming her way. "Worth it."
"What did you do to him?" Gus poked the barely conscious boy now resting on Boscha's lap.
"I decided that if he's going to play around, it's finally time he learned the full extent of love." She smiled, patting the boy's head.
"You do realize that it wasn't his choice, and had Andrea not kissed him, he would've been a ghost forever, right?" Amity pointed out.
"Exactly. He got to be a ghost for the whole day, and not once did he even try to possess me!" Boscha yelled out, before calmly breathing and kissing the boy's face. "But that's in the past, and now whenever he thinks of another girl or boy, he'll have to compare them to me…in every way possible."
There was a moment of silence. "... I'm so glad Masha and Connie aren't this forward." Vee said in mild horror.
"Any sense of satisfaction I got out of yesterday was not worth…this.." Hunter winced, holding his hand over his mouth. "..Doesn't help the motion sickness at all."
"Hopefully karma balances out in the next town." She turned to Sasha. "Where are we stopping now?"
"Some place namedPeach Creek. Don't know if we'll find anything here; but this is the longest Spice hasn't warped us in a while, so I'm taking advantage of it while we can." Their bus driver sighed in relief. "Vee, can you smell anything unusual?"
The Basilsk girl took in a deep breath. "Barely. There's a faint magical trace; but it's almost unnoticeable."
"Well it's something." Amity sighed. "Who wants to carry Lucci around? Or are we leaving him behind for this trip?"
"Mama I don't wanna go to school …" The boy whimpered as his head was buried in Boscha's shirt. "I gotta.. I gotta kill golden boy… turn ashes… into pie…"
"Oh; don't worry sweet crystal, I'll be holding onto you all day." The three eyed girl squeezed the boy like he was a teddy bear.
"Hunter… next time Lucci is stuck under a curse keeping him as a ghost… let him get you that corn dog." Willow grimaced.
"Understood."
========================================================================
"Alright guys, here's the plan." Eddy grinned. "First, Ed acts as the dummy, getting hit by their van." High pain tolerance and could never tell when to stop putting on an act. "Then Double D comes in with a highly aggressive stance with threats of lawsuits." Since he felt the need to argue with absolutely every and all of Eddy's plans. "Then I'll come in and sweeten the deal, saying that they can get off the hook with some nice moola."
"Eddy, not to rain on your parade.."
"Too late for that, sockhead." Eddy smirked.
"But however do you believe we can make any form of profit in this yard sale? The other residents of the culdesac have seen what we've owned before, and believe me, not once have they shown eyes of envy."
"Because the greatest motivator to buy something, is the guilt that they hurt someone and the fear that they'll be hit with a lawsuit." He smirked. "That way, they'll pay lots of money for something nobody wants to buy."
"You're acting as if we'll get more than our usual goal of at least three quarters."
"Because my dear old Double D, scamming a neighborhood is one thing, but they've learned all of our tricks." He continued. "So I'm banking on the one thing nobody can account for … tourists!"
"... You're banking our jawbreaker money on the fact that we may randomly get people driving in a town that has no tourist attractions?"
"Ed thinks that's a perfect plan!" Their dimwitted but goodhearted friend shouted. "The wind sayeth so … also it ask for pickles."
"Exactly! Ya gotta learn to lighten up Double D, be an optimist for a change. Ladies love a man that's confident with every sentence."
"Oh, because you're clearly the town Cassonova."
He whacked the boy on the head. "I can tell sarcasm when I hear it." Eddy noticed a … RV driving along the street. "Would you look at that, I was right." He grinned, turning to Ed. "That's your cue bud, jump in front of the bus."
"By the power of peanut butter and jelly, I jump on thee!"
"Ed, No, your life is worth so much more than a scam!" Double D tried to ruin the fun like always.
"Hey, you're supposed to get angry at the guys who hit him, not Ed himself." He held Double D back.
Smack
They watched as Ed got hit, flying across the ground as the bus stopped immediately. There was a few seconds of silence, before people rushed out of the vehicle. "OH MY TITAN WE KILLED A MAN!" A girl with glasses shouted.
"Hah! This is working out even better than I thought!" Eddy whispered his cackle. "Double D, lay the vengeance on them."
"Ed! Speak to me! Don't go into the light!" There we go, all the pieces were falling into place. "How could you do this to my best friend!"
"Lasagna … bunions … I want do dance tango."
"And we gave him brain damage!" A girl with purple hair screamed in horror. "Nothing he's saying makes sense!" Nope, that was just the perks of being friends with a moron.
"Hey there." He walked up to the group. "I'm gonna need your guy's insurance, my friend is definitely in need of a hospital."
"Hospitals have crazies …" A curly haired boy groaned sleepily. "No deals …"
"Lucci, wake up!" The pink girl slapped the boy in the face. "We ran over a man!"
"..." The groggy boy looked over Eddy, Double D, and Ed, before turning back to the girl. "... No we didn't."
"Uh, yes you did!" Eddy exclaimed.
"No we didn't." He said again. "I don't see any wounds on that body."
"Ketchup is the best smoothie!" Damn it, can it with the non-secudors lumpy!
"It's not ketchup! Look closer!"
The boy stood up, walked over to the boy, leaning down to the leg until he was nose deep … and pulled back. "Yeah, no injury. Not even a scratch. Are you sure your eyes are okay?"
"I … he had injuries!" Double D shouted. "He rolled around, he should of-"
"You've gotta be careful now." The curly boy went on. "The heat out here can cause delirious hallucinations ." He said … as his fingers stretched out and curled into shapes. "It can do the strangest things to a person's brain."
"..Eddy, please tell me you didn't go into your brother's 'special stash' again."
"Nah, was savin that for next week." He nodded. "Is anyone else seeing this?"
"Seeing what?" The purple girl asked, but her lips weren't moving and she wasn't focused on him at all.
"You gotta be careful." The curly haired kid said. "Sometimes delirious hallucinations can cause people to hear voices and see things." He said, as his forehead popped out with two more eyes.
"Pretty colors, mr koala smiles on us all!" For once Ed's idiotic mumbling was the only thing keeping him grounded in reality.
"As you can see here, your friend clearly suffers from it." The voice of Double D came out of the kid, as his face became koala shaped. "A shame … Of course, I do know the cure … but I doubt you'd be too interested. I'm sure you have access to it all on your own."
"No, please do something,anything to end the madness!" Double D fell to the ground begging as his head actually began turning into a sock.
"Are you sure you can afford it?" The kid asked. "It costs like, five bucks each." That was enough to pay for twenty jawbreakers!
"That's highway robbery, no dice!" Eddy crossed his arms…as his hands began liking more cubby looking…falling off him like they were made out of dice. "Aaaaaagggghhh!"
"Oof, looks like you began feeling the numbness in your limbs. If you don't get cured soon; we'll have to amputate." AMPUTATE!? "I forgot my knife so …" They pulled out a chainsaw. "Hopefully this will work if I'm careful enough."
"Take it! Take all the money!" He grabbed Ed and shook him down, making all the cash and coins fall out of him.
"Hahahahaha; I'm a salt shaker."
"Lovely. Vee, would you be so kind as to grant these three gentlemen some of our special elixir?"
"... How did he even rope us into this?" The afro girl asked the short kid. "We haven't talked since he regained consciousness."
"Owl lady persuasion I guess." He shrugged as the afro girl handed them elixirs, which they began to drink in desperation.
"Cured!" Eddy screamed.
"The waters of Lazarus have brought me back from the brink! I have been reborn like the chicken from the oven!" Ed shouted.
"…I don't think it worked all the way, he's talking more nonsense than Ronaldo." A girl with a tan said.
"No, that's Ed's way of talking normally." Double D explained. "What in the blue blazes was that most peculiar phenomenon?"
"Why the best … sparkling water!" The kid smiled. "After all, I am a wandering magician."
"... What?"
"Yes, Lucifer Clawthorne is the name, and magic is my game." He grinned. "Check it out, I even have pigeons in my hair." He tilted his head … as a dead dove fell to the ground. "... Okay for the record, I haven't showered in half a week."
"What the … wait, you tricked us!" Eddy realized.
"Counter scam my boy. My mom and I pulled plenty of guilt tripping back in the day. My first clue was that our bus driver realized this and didn't immediately leave the vehicle."
"I'm a therapist; half my job is spotting bullshit when it's right in front of me." The blonde lady in the RV explained. "Plus I've crashed this bus enough times to know the difference between careless draining and someone being stupid enough to jump in front of a moving vehicle." She glared at the three of them. "So, any of you have any excuses for why I shouldn't call your parents, or even the police for planning insurance fraud?"
"... Because we're children?" Eddy weakly justified sweating.
"Hah, that's not an excuse. Children get arrested all the time, just ask these knuckle heads." She pointed to the group. "Make grown up plans, get grown up consequences, that's how real life works, bucko."
"We're going to jail!" Double D screamed as he shook them. "Eddy, I told you the consequences of our actions would've made themselves known to us eventually, but you didn't listen! Why in the name of all that is good and sanitary didn't you listen!?"
"Because no one in this town ever calls the police!" He screamed back, whacking them in the head. "Please, don't send us to jail! I'm too young and handsome!"
"Maybe … for a hundred dollars." The curly haired kid grinned.
"WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY!"
"What a shame, so sad." The pink girl smirked, pulling out a phone.
"NOOOOOOO! Goodbye gravy! GOODBYE BUTTERED TOAST!"
"Okay, can we let them off with a warning? I'm gonna feel sorry putting that damaged kid in jail." The girl with a tan asked.
"Relax, we're not calling the police." The blond lady rolled her eyes.
"THANK YOU-"
"But you ARE going to tell your parents what you just did." The lady scowled at them.
"... Can we go back to calling the police?"
"Nope, parental wrath is the only way to learn your lesson. Trust me, I know all too well." The curly haired scammer laughed. "Anyways, you got talent, kid, but you're too impatient. Learn to see the angles when they show up in the corner of your eyes." He smirked before walking away. "Come on guys, let's head out. We have fifteen bucks to burn and we're running low on proud snacks." Gross, who eats Proud Snacks?
"Wait…" The afro girl sniffed the air, turning to her friends. "Guys, I think I've got a whiff of something important around here."
"Alright Vee, way to go." The tan girl smiled. "Sniff it out bloodhound style!"
"... I can't tell if that's more or less demeaning since I can actually turn into one." What a weird conversation, but at least they wouldn't be going to jail…hopefully.
========================================================================
Vee smelled the air, moving around and trying to figure out where to look. All the familiar scents were there, but they were more overpowering than the small stuff around them. "Come on … it's gotta be around here somewhere …"
"So to be perfectly, one hundred percent clear…you're NOT calling the authorities on us?" The tall kid with the black cap on his head asked nervously.
"Nah, we hate the police anyway. They're pretty incompetent at their job." Lucci shrugged. "Isn't that right Hunter?"
"I can find a way to make you a ghost permanently." Hunter responded.
"Yeah, and then you'll all have to deal with me and my Angel's love….forever." He countered back, making everyone shiver at the implications.
"Like I said, we'll just be telling your parents. They'll be harsher than the police anyway." Amity said.
"Cruelty of life begins at the home." The tall but probably brain damaged kid said with a dozed off grin staring at the sky.
"So if we're letting bygones be bygones … then let me introduce you to a world of wonderment!" The short but loud kid stood on top of a nearby table. "My road weary travelers, be amazed at various prizes, gifts, artifacts, and never before seen treasures that can only be found at Eddy's roadside trinket town gallery!"
"Oh, so a list of stuff that we can take for free as a reward for not telling on you to the cops." Lucci smirked, making the 'Eddy' kid freeze in place. "Gotta say, not a bad strategy, tricking naive newcomers into paying for junk you scrambled up … reminds me of the good ole days with mom." Vee went over to the piles of junk in question, sniffing around and trying to place the smell. "So, names?"
"Ed."
"Edward, but most refer to me as Edd, or more specifically Double D."
"Eddy."
"Ed, Edd, and Eddy?" Willow scratched her head. "So you're ALL named Ed, you all live near each other, and you're all friends?"
"Best friends for eternity!" Ed screamed out, squeezing the two of them.
"Eternity… might…. Be…. stretching it…" Eddy wheezed, slipping out of the grip. "As you can clearly tell, I'm the charming mastermind leading these two knuckleheads."
"Aka, the guy getting us into trouble on a nearly daily basis." Edd complained. "Not to be a braggart, but I'm what they would refer to in layman's terms as the 'brains' of the operation, though more rather I try to bring logic and reason into Eddy's scams."
"And I like seawater taffy on rye!" The taller Ed shouted randomly.
"... He's really loyal." Eddy added.
"So it's basically like Law, except more innocent, naive and incompetent." Amity summed up.
"Ah shoot, now I almost feel bad for robbing you blind." Lucci commented as he picked up junk … before placing it into his hair. "Emphasis on almost."
"I thank you for the concern." Edd sighed, before turning to her. "Madam, what is particular object of interest that you wish to find? Perhaps we have seen it and can take you there."
"Not sure …" Why were these scents all scrambled … oh, there was something … a plank with a smiley face and wide eyes. "… Aww." She held up the Plank. "You have the same look as Onion. He's a friend of mine, a pretty fun and creative little guy."
"..." Hah, that was a nice joke.
"How did Plank get into our junk pile?" Edd asked. "Johnny never leaves him alone."
"Don't look at me, I told lumpy to grab whatever he could from the scrapyard." Eddy shrugged his head.
"This thing smells like magic?" Lucci asked, looking confused as he picked it up. "Hmm … I don't see anything, but I guess we can figure it out later." He put it in his hair … looking uncomfortable. "Odd, it's like it got bigger." He pulled out the plank … which was now attached to a bazooka. "... I didn't even have one in my-"
BOOM
The object went off point blank on Lucci's face, the force sending the plank flying into the RV, bouncing around before it landed on the pedal, causing it to drive away. "....How the HECK did that even happen!?" Sasha yelled.
"Plank has a whole vibe going on." Eddy shrugged. "We know it's weird…best not to question it, it WILL watch you at night."
"Lucci, you good?" Luz asked the smoking boy.
"Peachy… it was just filled with smoke bombs…" Lucci groaned. "I spent so much time without sleep, I did not need to wake up to that."
"Are we going to chase down the van?" Willow asked.
"I got it, you kids just say here." Sasha took out her swords. "I got a plank of wood to carve into a pencil." She ran after their RV.
"May god have mercy on her soul." Ed saluted. "... Can we play paint wars now?"
"Hm…" Vee kept inspecting the items, looking them over. In spite of that plank being gone, she was still smelling something with magic. "What's causing that….Hey guys, I think I found something else."
Gus came over. "... A bent stick behind a glass case?"
"Ah, the boomerang." Eddy spoke as dramatic music seemed to play. "An apocalyptic instrument of chaos, capable of spinning around one's very soul in the wrong direction." He gazed at them. "When unleashed, it brings about nothing but doom …" He signaled for Ed to cut off the music. "I'll give ya a hundred bucks for it."
"Hm, good design,..nice wood…" Lucci looked it over. "I'll give you a penny for it."
"Nice try kid, but the hundred includes transportation fees." Eddy smirked.
"Fine, two pennies."
"Not that we don't appreciate the lack of calling the police." Edd stated. "But that IS a very dangerous object that needs to be handled properly. Two pennies aren't going to be enough."
"It's a boomerang." Hunter said. "You throw it, and it comes back."
"When you put it like that….three pennies." Lucci smirked.
"Lowest I'll go is fifty bucks."
"A nickel."
"Forty bucks!"
"A dime."
"Thirty bucks!"
"Fifteen cents."
"Twenty bucks!"
"Two dimes!"
"Ten bucks!"
"A Quarter!"
"Ten Bucks!"
"Ten Bucks!"
"A Quarter!"
"Eddy!" Double D tried to butt in.
"Ten Bucks!" Lucci said. "I demand that you give me that boomerang for ten bucks!"
"No, you're paying a Quarter and that's final!" Eddy screamed.
"Fine! Here's your quarter!" Lucci slammed the coin into the boy's hand. "You drive a hard bargain sir."
"Haha in your fa- … wait …" They blinked.
"Snooze you loose my friend." Lucci smirked. "Too easy."
"Gah … fine, but we're not transporting it! That's on you!"
"Oh no, I have to carry a boomerang, oh my." Lucci said sarcastically as he opened the case and picked it up. "So hard to … to …" He trailed off. "So hard … too hard …" Wait, what?
========================================================================
"Lucci?" Edd watched the girl known as Vee ask in concern. "You alright?"
"Hmm … what's the point?" The curly haired scammer asked. "Building the portal door is pointless, it'll just lead to a nightmare realm. We should give up going home." He fell to the ground. "Life is nothing but disappointment and misery, we should just listen to the law and live like cogs in the actual machine known as society."
"...What kind of dark magic is in that thing!?" The girl with a tan shrieked.
"We tried to warn you carrying this thing isn't easy." Eddy shrugged.
"I'm not sure of the scientific principles … but the boomerang causes your personality to … 'spin' for lack of a better term." Edd tried to do his best to explain.
The boy reached into his head, pulling out what looked like a guitar. "I don't know why I carried this around, music is just noise played by miserable people."
"Lucci, snap out of it!" The girl known as Willow tried shaking the boy. "Don't start talking like an emo, we're beyond Emo Lucci, you hate being Emo Lucci!"
"Black does sound nice … much better than pink." He nodded slowly.
"How do we fix this!?" Pink girl screamed with so much anger she almost seemed on be on fire.
"Don't hurt us!" Eddy screamed, using Ed as a shield. "Just drop the boomerang! It only works when it's on you!"
"... Hey Lucci." The girl with purple hair said. "Doesn't it seem useless to hold onto that thing?"
"You're right … my life is nothing more than the sum of everyone making mistakes… my womb donor's mistakes … My sperm donors mistakes, Mom's mistake … .It's pointless to hold onto anything now." The boy dropped it. "Why even hold onto life-" The boy blinked as it hit the ground. "...Did I fall asleep standing up? I know I was tired but …"
"Crystal, you're back!" The pink girl squeezed the boy, planting his face with kisses that gave Double D flashbacks to the Kankers various displays of 'affection', the horror. "Don't you ever leave again!"
"...Did I go anywhere?" He asked.
"Yeah, you actually sounded somewhat reasonable for once." The boy with the scars smirked."You picked this thing up and-" The heavily scared boy took a hold of it next, blinking for a moment before giving a relaxed smile. "Why are we so worried? We're traveling the world! Few people get that opportunity! We needed to seize the day!"He leaned in close to the glasses girl. "So babe, how about we head to a small little diner, just the two of us."
PUNCH
"Ah, sorry, instinct!" The girl apologized as she hit the boy in the face, causing him to fall to the ground as the boomerang went flying. "Never been asked out before, didn't know what to do."
"Never been what now?" The boy asked, rubbing his now black eye. "What did I do?"
"You were waaay to open for comfort." The curly haired boy said as the boomerang looped back around. "What happene-"
"Look out!" The girl with the afro grabbed it, as she paused, before growling. "Witches … bastards …" Scales seemed to grow on her body. "You all ruined my life….you brought me back just to suffer…"
"Vee, you might wanna let go of…" The short black kid tried to speak up, only to get whacked away by a …. Tail growing out of the girl.
"Why would I listen to scum like you!" They screamed, inhaling as light seemed to come out of the people there.
"Lucci, the boomerang flips personalities!" The tan girl screamed. "Get it out of her hand!"
"On it!" He kicked it away, causing the scaled girl to blink.
"What just happened …" She asked as the others recovered.
"It's coming back!" The pink girl screamed as it flew at them.
"No more!" The girl with purple hair snatched it, and immediately looked into the eyes of the dark skinned girl. "Kiss me."
"Amity-iiiiiiieee!" Oh, oh my, they were touching each other so….. so…. suggestively!
"I'm tired of holding back everything I feel, Luz. You want it, I want it, I don't care if people are watching. We are going to the next level, right now." She kept kissing the girl, refusing to let her get a word in. "Sasha's gone, You're mom's not here, when we were in hell some succubi gave me some ideas for things we can do together I've been wanting to try, so we're going all the way to tenth base."
"There's te-MMMMM!?" Agggh, they were taking off their clothes! Someone censor this, he wasn't even allowed to watch PG-13 movies without adult supervision!
"Oh gimme that!" The pink skinned girl grabbed it from the purple one's hands.
"What happe-" Said girl asked, realizing her compromising position. "....Well we're already halfway there." And continued kissing.
"How is that the reverse of her personality?" Lucci asked.
"Emotional block." The short kid responded. "I think it's more about how limited she was to express herself under her mom's evil eye."
"... You okay Boscha?" The glasses girl asked the pink one. "You haven't said anything."
"Why wouldn't I be, bestie?" She asked, giggling in a high pitched voice as she hugged the buff girl. "Hey, how about we go shopping later, my treat?"
"....I think it was better when she hated me." Willow shuddered.
"Well, this is the best outcome we have so far, unless we want to take the risk and let Gus hold it." The Hunter boy pointed out.
"Or Luz." Vee added in.
"I'm not sure if I'd want to know what the inverse of my personality is." Said girl chuckled sheepishly.
"I wonder…" Lucci smirked, stepping forward. "Ooops." He 'accidently' bumped into the pink one, and made the boomers land on top of Luz's head. "Heads up Luz!"
"....Willow…never speak of this hug again." The pink one shoved the buff girl away.
"Lucci-!" The girl groaned as she grabbed it….and smiled. "Wow…..I feel…so much lighter.." She twirled Amity around. "Amity Blight, my beautiful girlfriend, I love you and I'm going to fight to stay with you forever and ever no matter what!"
"I-Im so-so glad!" The girl chuckled with a bright red face.
"How is this inverse, she's acting like…" Gus asked.
"Like how she was when we first met her?" Lucci smirked. "I figured since Luz was already acting like the opposite of herself with the mopey phase.…it would swing right back
"Heck yeah!" The girl shouted. "Bring out Spinel and the Palismans! I'm gonna bond with them right here and now! Let's get this over with!" She moved over to a cat on Amity's head. "We're gonna hug it out!" She grabbed the small creature, even as it hissed and scratched. "It doesn't matter if I'm losing gallons of blood, you will be my friend!"
"... So transportation costs?" Vee asked.
========================================================================
Boscha, still recovering from the evils of that boomerang, watched as the bleeding Luz hugged a very violent Flapjack. "Be … best … buddies …" It was a beautiful sight to behold.
"CHIRP CHIRP!"
"Did you take into account that when we first met Luz she was very … into ignoring consequences?" Willow asked.
"Yeah, in retrospect, I may have oversimplified in my head just how far back it would set her." Lucci winced as he kept healing the girl.
"Okay, twenty bucks. Feel free to transport it." Vee offered to the Eds.
"A pleasure doing business. Ed?" The short one asked the tall one.
"Righty oh." He snatched the boomerang, blinking. "Once again, the thought of knowledge enters my head, as I am forced to ponder the temporary but shining nature of my of own existence."
"So he's just a general lunk head?" Boshca asked the other two.
"Rather rudely stated, but accurate." The sock-headed one nodded. "We've tried inspecting his head … and this is me being completely factual and not insulting … it somehow functions without having anything in it."
"This town is weird even by our standards." Willow muttered. "... Also possibly raw evil if the plank and boomerang are any indication."
"Do we even need to bring the boomerang? It seems more trouble than it's worth." Gus pointed out. "It's like it locks your mind into one state for as long as you're holding it.."
"Lock Mind… Mind … Guys, that's the Mind Lock we need!" Luz exclaimed. "... Also, why am I bleeding all over?"
"Long story we rather repress for years to come rather than explain." Hunter shuddered, rubbing his eye. "Though I guess all we have left to do is wait for Sasha to get back with the RV."
They watched as a broken up Bus rolled by, followed by their therapist falling out of it. "... How … how in the nine hells did he GET AWAY!?"
"There are many mysteries to this world, the psychotic depths of a wooden plank's mind is one that should never be understood." The sock head winced. "So terribly sorry for your misadventure, Plank gets the best of us no matter what day of the week it is."
The tall one walked inside the RV, quite for a bit before he walked back out. "My head is a pickle!"
"So lucky for us, we got that Mind Lock, so today hasn't been too much of a detour." Luz sighed happily. "So barring any natural disasters or living forces of nature, I say we're about good to go."
"Oh booooys!" Some voices shouted out, causing the Eds to all tense.
"... You just had to jinx it didn't you?" Boscha asked.
"Snap Snap." Yes Maya, they'd get some vengeance later.
"AHHHHHHHH! THE SIRENS OF DISASTER BRING ABOUT CALAMITY ON US ALL LIKE LETTUCE TO A SANDWICH!" The idiot of the idiot trio began digging a hole in the ground, actually taking out a large section of the front yard to bury himself under. "ONLY THE UNDERWORLD CAN PROVIDE US SALVATION FROM OUR DOOM!"
"Hide us in your van, before it's too late!" The short guy screamed, grabbing onto her Crystal.
"Come on, whatever you're hiding from can't be that bad." Lucci rolled his eyes … as an entire house flew over their heads. "....How strong doesadrenaline make you humans?"
"Strong enough to lift a car for about a minute tops." Luz responded with wide eyes. "Then again, steroids can do some crazy stuff too."
"I'm afraid it's much worse than that… what comes before us is a trio of walking disasters that threaten life as we know it with every step that they take!" The sock head shrieking, hiding his face in that black beanie. "The cruelest, most evil of evils that know no mercy, no kindness, no boundaries to their torture!"
"I thought the Plank was the biggest evil?" Hunter asked.
"For an individual being, yes, but we're talking about a large-scale disaster that only hurricane survivors can possibly relate to!" Eddy coward. "They're vicious, they're…theyr'e…."
"Hello there, hot stuff." A girl with curly red hair popped up from behind the short guy, along with some bucktooth blonde and a blue haired punk looking girl.
"KANKERSSSSSSSS!"
"....So are they a legitimate threat or are you guys just afraid of cooties?" Luz asked.
"Oh, I see we got some new twerps hangin around our turf." The red haired one said. "Aww, did you get us a present little Eddy." She asked, planting kisses on the boy.
"LET ME GO! HELLLP!!" He screamed, trying to escape. "I'LL GIVE TO CHARITY! I'LL GIVE FREE CANDY TO BABIES! JUST LET ME LIIIIIIVVVVEE!"
"ONLY DEATH CAN SAVE US FROM THIS TORMENT!" The stupid one began ripping apart concrete as he was being dragged away by the blonde bucktooth.
"Please, no! I'm still a minor!" Sockhead squirmed as the blue punk wrestled them to the ground.
"Wow, so this town has three Boscha's." Willow muttered. "What a nightmare."
"Hey, I at least make sure there's consent." Boscha crossed her arms. "I don't just force myself on Lucci."
"This week put that into question." Amity deadpanned.
"I think I have about ten different fetishes now." Lucci nodded.
"Alright, I've seen enough." Sasha groaned, popping her back. "Hey you three, stop it." She ordered the three jerks.
"No can do, Hag, us ladies need quality time with our boyfriends." The red head responded, continuing tosqueeze the short one.
"Or we can buy us a date after stealing these kids' wallets." The blue one pointed out as they squeezed the sock hat one.
"Hehehehehe, steal from us, funny." Lucci chuckled.
"Don't mock them, it only makes them stronger with rage!" The idiot screamed. "No one can hope to face them head on!"
"So these girls just come in and do whatever they want…and no one does anything?" Boscha asked.
"They once broke every police officer's spine in five hours." Short kid trembled.
"Where the heck are the adults in this neighborhood?" Sasha asked
"Work." Idiot spoke without explaining anything.
"Do you know these guys need consent to date?" Luz asked.
"Why?" Yellow hair asked. "Mom didn't need conscent when she got knocked up by our dads, now we're here."
"....Okay, filing away that for a social service call later…" Sasha shook her head. "Look, how bout you just leave right now.."
"Yeah….how about, you all skedaddle before things get messy, after we take all your money of course." The blue one walked up to the van. "After all, people tend to break…" And sent a punch at it that made it roll over three times. "So easily."
"..So should I start punching them away?" Lucci asked as he yawned.
"Get your rest sweetie, I got this." Boscha popped her neck, walking up to them. "Hey, you with the ugly red hairball all over your head, listen up!" She pointed up to who she sensed was the leader. "I let a lot of things slide, after all, I've hung around these idiots for four months…"
"Gee thanks." Luz rolled her eyes.
"But I got this thing about asshats and consent, so stop now, before I stop being nice and tip those ugly masks you call faces off and feed them to my crab."
"I see you're new around here, so I'll make it short and sweet for ya, sweetheart." The red head went up in her face. "This is Kanker territory. Whatever we say goes."
"Alright… but what if… I don't give a damn about what you think and I smack you to the ground like the bitch you are?" Boscha retorted.
"... Then we break your spine." Blue hair said while dropping the boy, cracking her knuckles.
"Oh, I like to see you try. Probably be as good as your half-assed gothic punk look." She popped her own fingers. "Trust me lady, the blue dye job ain't hiding how terrible you look all over."
"It's natural!" Wait it was wha-
Smack
They punched Boscha in the face. " … Alright … that was your one freebie." Boscha shrugged it off, spitting out a tooth. "Now there's no more miss's nice girl."
"Hah, like you can do anything, pinky. Just get to beg-"
POOOW
Boscha hit the redhead in the face, sending them into one of the nearby houses.
"... When was Boscha capable of fist fighting guys who could throw houses?" Hunter asked.
"Since she's started playing grudeby, duh." Lucci smiled with a dreamy expression. "It's all about conserving your energy for brutal blows. My angel is capable of anything."
Creeeeeeeeeeek
They watched as the buck tooth blonde pulled out an entire street lamp, and began swinging it around like a baseball bat. "Hey! No one puts our sis in the hospital but us!"
"Are we sure they're normal humans?" Luz asked as Boscha dodged the swing.
"Normal or abnormal, I'm putting them in the ground today!" Boscha shouted, grabbing the other end of it. She lifted up the blonde and swung them into the ground. "Come on already, all at once!" She lit her hands on fire.
"What the hell kind of steroids are you messing with!?" The Blue one shouted in confusion as Boscha launched herself at her.
"All natural!" She beat the girl's face into the ground. "So come on, lets have some fun!"
"... So you guys have your own Kanker sisters, huh." The short loud mouth one said.
"It's mostly her, but she's toned down just a bit." Amity shrugged. "So are we joining in or do we just let Boscha have her fun?"
"It's just humans, let her go wild." Lucci waved off. "... No offense Luz."
"None taken, the fact we're not dealing with giant cicada monsters or anything like that is just a relief… that and I'm pretty sure that plank of wood is the bigger threat."
Boscha gripped the redhead, spinning them around into the others like a staff, before slamming their face through a wall. "Get it through your thick skulls, bitches. You're nothing. You're nothing to me, to this town, to everybody. It's one thing to rule by fear and strength, it's another thing to own it." She kicked them into the road. "Now get the hell out of my face before I stop being nice again." Ah, how cathartic this felt.
========================================================================
Ed smiled as the others got on their bus. "It's a bit banged up, but it should last." The general driver lady said as she got on. "If this thing is still in one piece by the time we get to Gravesfield, I'll believe in miracles."
"It's a miracle to see anyone actually get one up on those Kankers…like….wow…" Eddy stated in disbelief. "No one has ever done that before….ever."
"Pfft, those jokers? I've fought harder in my sleep." The pink skinned demon girl laughed. "How they rule this place is beyond me." Crazy lady.
"I'm more surprised no one's calling the police over the property damage." The only human of this strange fellowship of mythical warriors.
"They did call the police." Double D said. "Did you not hear us earlier when they beat them all into pretzels? After that point they just stopped caring all together."
"Can't believe I'm agreeing with Clawthorne….but law enforcement is useless." The obvious clone of a dead man made from ancient magic wood grumbled.
"Anarchy is the way to go." The boy with an alien rock in his stomach smiled … before shivering. "I was half asleep so I didn't notice, but it's really getting colder."
"We're in winter, close to Christmas." The general driver lady answered.
"We're close to what now?" The short illusionist asked. He made lots of pretty colors, so cool.
"Upcoming holiday." The troubled swordswoman teen explained. "We'll explain on the way into town….today was just weird."
"Everyday is weird." The rocky boy rolled his eyes. "See ya later, scammer in training." He said while waving with a twenty dollar bill.
"What the-HEY! Those are the twenty bucks you owe us!" Eddy screamed, looking through his pockets. "You stole my wallet!"
"Snooze you loose." He chuckled. "Goodbye kids."
"Goodbye witches from another dimension trying to go home with tree animal partners and assorted companions!" Ed waved earnestly.
"Ed, seriously, you just come up with the most ridiculous lines." Double D patted him on the back.
The people just stared at him. "… Yeah … crazy …" The shapeshifting basilisk nodded in calm silence. "Well, nice meeting you all, stay safe, and try not to jump in front of buses in the future. Cartoonish laws of physics can only help you out so much."
"I figured they were just guidelines after Fosters." The girl with plant magic muttered as she went into the van.
They watched as the vehicle slowly drove away. "… So, ready to try our next trick at getting our lost money back?" Eddy asked.
"You never quit, do you?" No he did not Double D, but that's what made life fun.