Dana didn't know much about a lot of things. Most of the world was new to her, and most of the words on her mind couldn't be said with her mouth. The few things she could understand were food, family, and fun. The three F's of life.
"Alright Dana, it's feeding time." Yay, drink. She latched onto the source of nourishment from the very nice mom. Nice and soft. It made her feel closer to her mom in some way. "I've forgotten how much I used to enjoy doing this with Luz when she was your age." Why did age mean anything? Mom had two sources of milk. There was enough to share!
Everything was always so confusing for no reason. Like why did the nice boy with all the funny objects disappear? Why did the girl with shiny eyes rock her to sleep when Mom went away during the day? And why did the tiny people in the box never seem to want to come out and play with her? So confusing. "I wish your sister could be here to join us. Christmas is…was one of the few times of the year where we knew we'd be next to each other the entire day."
Then just be next to each other. Dana didn't see an issue there. "It was nice … she was a big help when Manny wasn't here … I didn't realize how much of a help she felt like she needed to be." The girl did seem tired a lot. Those funny dark circles around her eyes made her look sad even when she was smiling. "Even if I don't fully understand her love of fantasy….I do understand her desire to be true to herself… I shouldn't have been worried about her being laughed at… I should've just been there for her when she was."
But laughing was fun, it meant you were content and happy. Why did everyone have to be so complicated? "I swear I'm going to change that. If being with her friends on Christmas will stop her from hating herself for the rest of her life…then I will be fine with that." Her mom hugged her close. "I suppose we should probably come up with our own little traditions together. Does that sound like fun?" Super fun! What about patty cake next to the pretty blinking lights!?
A pink circle popped up onto the sky as a familiar face of her bestest sister walked through. "Hey mom, we-aaaand I can see you're busy." The girl looked away as Mama unlatched Dana and fuddled with the cloth on her shirt. She was still drinking, dang it!
"Wait, Luz, come back!" Mama held her close as they stepped through the pink circle, and with a pretty flash of colors, Dana was soon seeing a lot of white. White powder fell from the sky. Yay, that looked super fun. "… I didn't think it snowed much in Connecticut."
"Heh, that's because you're NOT in Connecticut… or anywhere near Gravesfield for that matter." The bestest best sister in the whole wide world laughed as she hugged them. "...You're in…New York city.."
"....I'm in New York City?" Mama slowly repeated.
"Yep… well… Manhattan to be more precise."
"...Did I go through a space warp?"
"Like Cosmic Frontiers?" A kid with a funny line on his face asked.
"Whaaaat? No, Why would I know anything about something like a 1983's sci book that bloomed into a franchise of movies, shows, animated media and comics that I didn't collect." Mom laughed with a weird smile.
"… Are you all-" Sister was about to say something, before the kid who always brought shiney stuff came up, panting.
"Alright … stole something for everyone …" He turned to mama. "… Dang it!" He shouted, dropping some squares as he ran back off. "I'll get something for you and Dana, Ms Noceda!" Yaaay, more shiney.
"Did… did you warp me here so that we could spend Christmas together?" Mama shook her head and looked at the best sister with a wide smile.
"Well, actually my plan was to bring everyone back home with Spice now up again…" Luz turned to the pink lion… who was now sleeping on the streets as if he was a regular cat. "…Though I guess THAT'S out of the question now."
"We could really use a fur coat with how cold it's getting." Blonde Lady said with a finicky eye. She should really get that fixed.
"No, it's alright Luz. You know we hardly travel. When will I get the opportunity to celebrate the holidays in New York." Mama held Dana up to the bestest best sister. "And I know one little girl that's missed her big sister."
"Awas!" Danna held her arms out.
"Aww, I've missed you, your adorable little dumpling." The best sister in the whole wide world hugged her. "You've been good to mama? You've stayed out of trouble and kept her happy and safe?"
"Bwuu." Of course she stayed out of trouble. Her legs were too weak to do otherwise.
"Oh, you have no idea how good it is to see you guys after all this time." Best sister laughed. "Just last night alone was a wild adventure. We teamed up with a secret clan of Gargoyles and saved the world! I rode a gargoyle dog through the streets like a medieval night!"
"Saved the world?" Mama asked.
"It was almost wrecked because a gargoyle chick wanted to end all of humanity." A pink girl said. Oh, she had three eyes, fun. "I mean, I can understand that, but she didn't have to be such a.." Mama gave the three-eyed girl a funny mean glare. "...You know what about it."
"Uba!" They reached out to the eye, poking it.
"Agg! Oh, you little… !" Mama gave her glare again. "... I'm just gonna go melt some snow out of frustration."
"Hehehe." Dana clapped her hands as she watched the girl walk away. Playing with her seemed fun.
"Yep, you're definitely my little sister alright." Her bestest best sister laughed. "Do yourself a favor and try not to poke too many hornets' nests. Your youthful cute charm can only allow you to get away with so much." Nah, the magic box people said you could do anything if you put your mind to it.
"Hey Ms Noceda?" A girl with poofy hair asked. "Are the gems alright? I haven't heard from them in a while."
"Sorry Vee, I haven't seen much of them." Mama shook her head. "I just know the beach side of town has been a lot more noisy lately. I think they've been fighting some of those gem mutants that were at the hospital."
"Great, as if they didn't clear up before." A really thick lady grumbled as she lifted a tree with a pink lady with a really big smile. "Could have sworn we snagged them all."
"Christmas tree, takin a christmas tree." The pink lady hummed. "Rounding up a pretty little christmas tree. Gonna take all them christmas trees."
"...Is that the Christmas tree that they put up in Times square?" Best sister asked.
"It felt like too much of a shame for a tree this big to be chopped down, so I'm gonna replant it someplace secure." Thick lady nodded.
"How did you sneak it quietly past the police without Lucci?"
"Who said anything about sneaking it?" The pink girl pointed to smoke in the distance.
"... I see your friends have been very… lively in the past month." Mama laughed funnily again.
"You can say that … we should probably move somewhere more hidden before the officers trace the giant tree to us." Big sister sighed. "You ready for a fun Christmas, Dana?"
"Awa!" Of course … whatever that was.
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Alright, that was one set of bells for Dana, and one cook book for Ms Noceda. That should work for the new arrivals. Lucci sighed as he walked into to the new place he got a text about. "Why did nobody tell me Christmas thievery was such a hassle …" Wait, now he was getting vague flashbacks to that time he traveled back and mom complained … was he going to find a baby and take it in? He wasn't sure he was ready for parenthood yet. He still had to stop the Collector.
"That's because most people… DON'T steal on christmas… and I really thought I wouldn't have to explain that to two people today." Luz sighed as Willow began decorating a really big tree.
"To be fair, all you said was 'big man breaks into a house to give you presents or coal' and all Vee said was 'it should be a meaningful gift'." Gus said.
"Yeah, but I tried to stop you guys from stealing." The girl groaned.
"Yeah, but you always give out terrible advice we ignore." Boscha said, sitting next to a fire. "Titan it's cold …"
"Don't worry Angel, I'll keep you warm." Lucci walked up and hugged the girl, kissing her beautiful face. "You know I'll always save the best gifts for you."
"Oh Crystal… " Boscha kissed him right back. "I made sure to steal plenty for you too."
"Has anyone not committed a crime today?" Ms Noceda asked, looking like she was doing her best to calm herself down.
"I haven't." Sasha raised her hands as she sipped on some of the coco. "Too busy sipping on the coca Amity stole… plus planning to murder Spice." The feline snored at the notion of his life being in danger.
"So we open presents … are there any other traditions for Christmas?" Hunter asked.
"Well we got the coco, we got most of the decorations. Occasional there's a plant called mistletoe where whenever two people are under it, you're required to kiss them.." Luz explained.
"Already got that." Amity held the plant up, looking at Luz with a blush. "It was the… first tradition I learned about."
"Got it.." Luz blushed. "There's the cheesy but classic Christmas specials to inspire warm fuzzy feelings inside everyone.."
"In my research of human culture, I got most of them." Gus said, holding up some DVDs. "There's one I know Lucci will like. 'How the Grinch stole Christmas'."
"He stole a whole holiday… damn, I didn't even know that was possible." Sounded like a relatable hero.
"Damn." Dana chuckled, clapping her hands.
"... Lucci." Luz's mom looked at him with a smile that hid a malicious monster on the inside. "I appreciate all that you've done for your sister and taking care of my Luz, so in the spirit of the holiday, I will forgive you for teaching Dana her first word… and her first swear." She held a flip flop in her hand that looked more deadly than any sword or ax he's ever seen. "But teach her any other words and my mercy will fade, and you will enter a world of hell you shall not return from."
"Heww." The baby laughed. "Heeeewww. Heeeeeeell. Hell. Damn. Hell Damn."
"... I can't tell if she's doing this on purpose or not." Willow said, gazing at the child. "Luz… I think your little sister is a troll."
"Probably Greg's said of the family." Luz's mom sighed, looking disappointed in herself. "Well I've already worsened the damage. Please tell me there's egg nog."
"Gotcha covered Ms. N." Sasha handed the woman a giant mug of a creamy looking drink. "Can't start the holidays without a swig of the good stuff."
"Oh, can I have a sip?" Hunter asked.
"... Hey Luz, how does alcohol compare in the demon realm to the human realm?" Sasha asked.
"Not sure. I just know Eda made sure to keep Appleblood out of arms reach. It was strong enough to make corrupted gems docile." Right, Centi… When would Luz's palisman come out? Wouldn't that be one of those Christmas miracles that people also talked about? "Also it 'might' be genuine acid if the one time she spilled it and smoke came from the floor was any indication."
"Then I think a little sip probably won't hurt. Holiday giving and all." Sasha handed Hunter a small cup. "Happy holidays."
He took a sip … "Hmm … not bad."
"I'll swing to that." Lucci walked over, taking a small cup for himself and Boscha. "Any other traditions?"
"Well other than snow based activities and a Christmas feast, nothing comes to mind." The girl continued.
"What about Christmas Caro-" Vee had her mouth covered.
"Nope, nothing comes to mind." Luz gave a smile, one that was hiding something.
"... Christmas what?" He asked.
"She's talking about Christmas Caroling, where everyone goes around s-" Luz covered her own mom's mouth.
"Nope, nothing else."
Lucci looked suspiciously at the picture. "What are you hiding, Noceda?"
"Nothing! Nothing else comes to mind! There's absolutely NO other traditions that come to mind on Christmas!" Luz shouted.
"...You talking about christmas caroling, where everyone sings the same songs over and over again?" Sasha guessed.
"NOOOOOO!" Luz fell to her knees. "You fool, you doomed us all!"
"... A holiday where I can endlessly sing without remorse or limit!?" Lucci asked, grinning ear to ear. He already went down to his phoon. "I'm going to look up and sing ALL of them by the end of the night!"
"Why do you look more worried than whenever Lucci sings in the Demon realm?" Amity asked.
"Because how likely is it that he's going to take this tradition to the demon realm?" She asked right back, making everyone except Boscha and Vee gasp for some strange reason. "Not to mention…I've HEARD every single christmas jingle ever… they're fun at first, but after the millionth and fifth time you hear 'Grandma got run over by a reindeer', you tend to lose your MIND!"
"Grandma got run over by a reindeer." He started off the night. "Walkin home from our house on christmas eve." Oh, this did sound like a nice little jingle.
"Damn you… damn you all to HELLL!!!" Luz cried out in pain.
"Damn wu o hell!" Dana clapped.
"... Mom, you can't hurt me, she already learned those words." Luz quickly defended herself.
"Today just got a million times better… and I know how to up the ante." Lucci smirked, jumping on a table. "We're gonna throw a Christmas PARTY!"
"... We're already doing that." Willow pointed out.
"I'm carving a turkey!" Spinel shouted, holding a knife next to a bird.
"Gobble!"
"Oh no, we're going even bigger, we are going to make this the best bash ever, and I'm gonna cash in every favor that I got." Lucci took out his book of his special dealings.
"What favo-" Lucci looked down at his book, and scowled at him. "Don't tell me you sold your soul when you were in hell."
"Of course not. I just made a deal with Alastor that he could take a piece of my flesh for anything I wanted."
"Wait, I thought souls in pride were locked in pride?"
"They are, but thanks to a full moon, a voodoo loophole, and help from Raven, we can bring whoever we want topside and downside for one night." He smirked
"…Anyone.." Luz looked at him with wide eyes. "Road trip memory bonzai here we come!"
"... Are we messing with satanic rituals?" Ms Noceda asked.
"Not the first time we went down there." Boscha shrugged.
"Besides, Charlie's nice, you'd hardly think she's the princess of hell." Lucci waved off.
"... Alright …" The woman trembled in place. "Then you should … go for it."
"Mom, if it's too uncomfortable then you don't have to stay." Luz said suddenly.
"No, no, there's no need." Ms. Noceda shook her head. "I want to know everyone that my daughter has befriended on her journey."
Sugar gave what sounded like a chuckle at that. "… Plan anything and your present of shedded skin goes in the drain." Lucci warned.
"Hsss." Come on, not even soap in her drink?
"... I was thinking you were going to pull 'mom would disapprove of friends' ploy." He honestly admitted. "And you are definitely not doing that."
"What are you talking about?" Ms Noceda asked.
"Hss." Vengeance.
"Just getting excited for the party." He waved off. "And it's going to go off without a hitch." And hopefully help Luz change her mind about forcing herself to stay in the human world forever.
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"Hello there, I'm Molly! It's lovely to meet you, do you wanna be best friends forever?" She asked, shaking the cute blue koala's hand with the normal amounts of enthusiasm a person should have. ALL OF IT!
"Accata Achi-Baba." The little blue guy responded as he was shaking all over. "Now Agaba." Normally she'd be with her family right now around the fireplace, but when the friends you make are witches from another dimension, and they ask you to join a party that includes aliens, demons, and gargoyles, there was no earthly possibility she would EVER say no to this.
"Why do we have to spend this overblown holiday with hippies Murial?" Asked a man that DEFINITELY needed some enhappification.
"Now Eustice, don't be rude. We're guests, and our hosts went through all the trouble to bring us here. The least you can do is act a little grateful." An old lady, most likely the cranky guy's wife, smiled with a sweetness even Molly might have trouble competing with. "Sorry about Eustice, I promise the bitterness isn't infectious."
"No need for apologies. And a pleasure to meet you Murial." A pale lady smiled and shook the woman's hand. "People tend to call me Grim." Weird, she seemed so happy and upbeat.
A pink dog blinked. "AAAAAHHHHH!!!" Before screaming in terror and running around the room.
"Eh, you see the grim reaper once, the terror loses its edge." Scratch shrugged as he stuffed his face full of candy canes. "So not that I'm one to complain about free food, and believe me, there will never be a time that I will, but why did we come to the city? It's so crowded, even if the pizza makes the traffic worth it."
"Cause Scratch, we were invited by our magical friends to meet their OTHER magical friends! It's like a friendship convention palooza!" And it was rare for Molly to meet up with friends that lived in other states, let alone friends that remembered her so fondly.
"It's nice to have you here Molly." Vee greeted with a smile, petting the pink dog as it looked around in terror. "There there Courage, nobody here wants to hurt you …"
"It's great to be here Vee! I want to hear about EVERYTHING you've been through since you last visited!" Molly shook her shapeshifting friend. "What did you do, what did you eat, who'd you fall in love with, all the good stuff!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, heh, no need to get on the mushy stuff, I already have a special someone… well… someones waiting back home." Vee blushed
"Aww, that's great!" She shouted, hugging the girl. "I'm happy you found people that mean the world to you. It's rare to find that love that tugs on your heart in a special way." She chuckled. "I… kind of got my eyes on someone now… but it's… complicated."
"Are you in the closet?" Vee asked.
"No, nothing like that, I'm openly bi-curious." She explained. "The problem is …"
"He's a ghost hunter that wants all specters gonzo." Scratch said bluntly. "As is eradicated. Whipped from the planet. Exterminated."
"But you're a ghost. Aren't you unkillable?" She asked.
"Can you still see me?" The pale woman asked.
"Yes."
"Then he can still perish." The woman nodded. "The only difference would be that there would be no after-after-life for him to go to. At that point Oblivion takes a hold and … well, he stops existing." She explained. "Personally I prefer reincarnation, but some souls literally ask for it."
"You know it my skeletal friend." A man that sounded like a radio chuckled. "We played our parts and there's no do overs! Can I offer you some jambalaya?"
"Oooh, dibs!" Scratch took a handful. "This is great. What's in it?"
"Onions, Vinegar, Human Flesh, and Chili."
"...What.." Molly froze in terror.
"Now I know what you're thinking… Vinegar would make everything taste so bitter, but it's all in the onions and chili. They bring in that extra kick that makes you go 'WOWZERS'!" The radio guy cackled.
"... I'm not going to hell for this, am I?" Vee asked the pale lady.
"Believe it or not, cannibalism isn't a sin … it's the murder to get the meat that's the core issue." The pale lady… who probably wasn't a pale lady if everyone's reactions around her were anything to go by. "Sometimes eating flesh is the only way to survive, and on occasion you have the kind soul that offers their body to a starving child."
"But most of the time it's the desperate and depraved selfishly going out of their way to ensure their own survival. After all, that's how human nature works." The radio demon cackled again.
"No it isn't." Molly shook her head. "One kind act sparks another, until everyone on the planet is happy!"
The man stared at her, before grinning. "Oh if I had more time on this mortal plane …" He chuckled, walking away. "I suppose I can wait to see that optimism fade into oblivion."
"Don't pay attention to him. He's going by how Hell works, not earth." The pale lady told her. "There's no set way for human nature. It's always changing and molding into something else. Whether good or bad… that's up to you."
Molly hummed, looking around at all the smiling faces in the crowd. "I like to think it's good." She said, grinning back. "If it was all bad, then none of us here would be capable of having fun."
"Alright, we got Bloo and Glandara over there …" She turned to see Lucci and Luz look over a list. "We didn't really make friends with the Eds …"
"The Creek kids still aren't fully aware about everything we do, and I think it's best to keep it that way." Luz said. "Next is Milo …"
The two were silent for a moment. "How about we just send him a gift in the mail?" Lucci asked. "You know, as 'thank you for letting us use your DNA but we can't go near you without risk of death'. He'd understand, right?"
"Totally." Luz nodded. "Alright, that just leaves the Teen Titans, and maybe the Total Drama cast, not sure how chummy Boscha and Willow got with them."
"Oh, don't forget about Alex, the girl wizard that was actually helpful." Lucci pointed out.
"Wouldn't her brother call the magic police if he knew our location?"
"Good point … I'll add her to the 'send gift' pile." He wrote down in his notebook.
"We're not doing anything… too illegal, are we?" Molly asked. "I'm in for mild lawbreaking, but there's a limit."
"Nothing more illegal than we've already done." Vee answered honestly.
"Playtime!" She turned to see a stretchy pink girl messing around with a gray moth woman, laughing.
"Just because you can't kill us doesn't mean you can force us to play games that huuuurtt!" She screamed as she was tossed around. "Chaaaaarrrrliieeeeeeee!"
"In a minute honey, I'm still a bit awestruck…" Another pale woman, this one with blonde hair and rosy cheeks smiled brightly. "Earth… on Christmas. The most magical place in the most magical time of the year!"
"Definitely one of Al's better decisions." A cat demon grinned as he chucked a bottle of eggnog, looking down at Courage. "What are you lookin at, mut?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" The dog fainted.
"Pussy." The cat scoffed.
"Dark Irony at its finest." Even Molly had to admit that.
"Vee?" … She turned to see some scared looking snake thing with furry ears, looking at Vee.
"... Ivan?" The girl looked at him, shifting in her own snakey appearance. "Is that…really you?"
"Vee… you've grown so much!" The furry snake glomped Vee with a stream of ugly but beautiful tears of happiness."You were so small when we broke out, I tried looking for you but I couldn't find you!"
"I turned into a bug and hid under leaves!" She screamed out. "I did everything to run and hide from them!"
"I'm glad you did! You survived, you survived! I'm glad out of all of us, you're the one that got to live!" He screamed out more tears. "I almost believed Lucci wouldn't keep his word!"
"He did… he has a messy way of doing it, but he has!" She teared up more.
Molly decided to just pat the girl on the back, walking away from the tearful reunion as she made her way over to a girl in a Hawaiian shirt and what looked like a normal teenager. "Do you ever think we'll ever top the weirdness these guys go through on a daily basis?" The older girl asked.
"Life finds a way." The Hawaiian girl shrugged. "I was only ten years old when I stopped all of Jumba's experiments from turning evil. I'm sure something else will come along eventually."
"Yeah, sounds about right." The older girl nodded. "After breaking things off with Dijonay and Lacienega though, I think I could use a little crazy."
"Hello there!" She jumped to shake their hands. "I'm Molly Mcgee, do you wanna be best friends!?"
"... Eh… why not?" The older girl shook back with a small smile. "Name's Penny Proud."
"Lilo Pelekai. Nice to meet you." This was ranking in the top five best days ever!
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Husk took a swing of Eggnog. "Now this … this is the good stuff." Husk was indifferent to the idea of coming to earth. He had a shit life on top and he had a shit life down below. It hardly mattered where he was. But he was slowly warming up to the idea given that he was starting to remember ONE good thing about being topside. Non-cheap… strong… liver damaging alcohol. Best part… He was dead, so none of it would hurt him in the morning…. Not too much anyways.
"You're telling me!" The old man, Eustice, chuckled as he took another sip. "Another!"
"That's like…your fifth round." That blonde lady, sashy or whatever, said.
"You're not the boss of me! I'm going for ten rounds! Ya know how hard it is to get some decent booze in the middle of Nowhere!" The struggles of the common man. A struggle he knew far too well.
"... You can tell us if you need protection." Some stone man said to the old fat lady.
"He'll pass out on his seventh. And don't worry Goliath, the hangover in the morning will be karma enough." Fat lady giggled. "Eustice is his own worst enemy. I'm just here to pick up the pieces."
"Ah self destruction, the funniest kind of destruction." Blitz chuckled as he chugged his own carton.
"So Goliath … you in the market?" And Angel was back to going after anyone with enough muscle and a dick. "I can personally show you how they party down in hell."
"Pardon me?" Oh shit, dense. "I'm still getting accustomed to modern language, I'm not quite sure what you're asking of me."
"Okay, I'll make it nice a'uh simple for yah, big guy." Angel smirked evilly. "I wanna suck ya d-"
"No, no, none of that!" Another fat lady, one that looked like Luz, slapped Angel in the back of the head with a sandal. "My baby already picked up two swear words, and I am NOT going to expose them to any more, god help me."
"Trust me, we've tried." Vaggie groaned. "He tends to make terrible jokes about it too."
"You say that like I have horrible humor."
"Never makes me laugh." Husk deadpanned.
"That's because ya humor is about as dead as you." Angel cackled. "Nice arm lady. I take it you're the Egg factory of the little firecracker with the pink sword?"
"Egga!" The baby in her arms giggled, clapping her hands.
"There is not enough alcohol in the world that can help me deal with this."
"Something we agree on." Husk nodded as he gave her a glass. "But you can get pretty close after thirty bottles."
"Not sure if I'll make it that far, but thanks." She happily accepted. "And yes, I am Luz's mother."
"Oh, so you're the mom of that wonderful girl!" Charlie shook the woman's arms excitedly. "Let me tell you, between dealing with my dad and sinners, it was nice to finally meet someone sane and rational down there. She was an absolute delight to talk to."
"That's … great to hear." The woman said with an honest smile, as a sparkle seemed to spill in her eyes.
"A wonderful and well mannered one too." Al grinned as he took a small sip of his drink. "At least compared to the Clawthorne boy. The disrespect of that one."
"Respect in hell, that's a laugh." Cherri Bomb cackled. "He's the only one who knew how to get any crap done when thrown into hell. That and he's the only one of them that knows how to party the fun way."
"Craaap." The baby giggled.
"You know, profanity really is the lowest form of insult. If we're going to be on top, maybe raise the barbs to something more eloquent?" He pointed everywhere. "Just look around you! We've been given a once in a blue moon opportunity to traverse the living realm, the stage where life begin, where humanity failed over and over again and again and made them stumble into the fiery pit! A fantastic opportunity so few get to witness!"
"I assumed not all souls are destined for that hole of despair." Goliath narrowed his eyes.
"True … just the majority." He looked over at the kids, who were singing a Christmas song while Luz banged her head against a wall. "Prettty sure all of them are going to end up down there."
"Oh you of little faith." Charlie shook her head.
"You all do know we can just ask the Grim reaper, right?" Angel pointed out.
"No spoilers, my friends." They spoke, drinking something far stronger than eggnog if the skull shaped smoke was any indication. "I'm more interested in the journey before death, their hopes, dreams, their thoughts and reflection on life before I take them away." He heard some gulps from a few of the mortals.
"Oh, and here I thought you were a betting man." Blitz snarked.
"I kinda put a hold on that … those little brats." The skeleton glared at two kids, one big snot nosed boy getting juggled by the freaking pink Fizzaroli look alike while the blonde girl looked like she was in the middle of negotiating with the freaky looking animal creatures that came with the hawaiian girl. "I try not to take delight in those I reap… but the day I can take their souls will be a day I will cherish forever."
"The boy doesn't seem to have any malicious intent." The gargoyle noted.
"He doesn't… he's just too much of a moron to appreciate his own life. Do you know how many times he walks into the street chasing a penny… TEN times a day! He causes so many car crashes… and he doesn't acknowledge a single one because his brain has been dried to the size of a raisin!
"Meh, morons should just die off when they make their mistake." The old man grumbled … before he hit the table.
"… You gonna reap that?" The blondie asked.
"Believe it or not, he actually does have a while longer." Death shrugged. "For some people, life is a bigger punishment than hell."
"Now that, I will drink too." Blitz grinned as he gulped another bottle down. "Loonie! Where you now baby girl?! I wanna get a family pic! Where you at!?"
"I believe the Hellhound is undergoing the ritual known as Mistletoe with Brooklyn." Goliath pointed to the white furred dog lady trading spit with a red gargoyle.
"… I'm sorry Mr Goliath." The imp bowed. "But as an overprotective father, I must do everything in my power to murder that boy."
"… Aren't you overreacting?" The woman with a baby asked.
"Didn't you pay me to stop Luz and Amity from sleeping together?" The blonde woman asked.
"...Well yeah… but… they're kids… and ah…" The woman sighed. "Perhaps I have a little trouble letting go."
"Hey, good parents want to hold onto their babies as long as possible. There will come a day where we have to let them fly on their own." The imp nodded. "But Loonie's time hasn't come yet, so…HEY TALL DARK AND RED! HOW ABOUT YOU KISS THE FRONT OF MY GUN!" Blitz cocked a shotgun and began firing.
"WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN WHEN I GET IN A RELATIONSHIP!?" Drink and a show. This was a spectacularly less shitastic Christmas than he thought.
========================================================================
Willow listened to Bloo finish his story. "And that was how we convinced Hariman to give us presents for Christmas." For an egotistical braggart, he was entertaining to listen to at least.
"You dressed up as three ghosts and scared him into thinking he had to give you what you want or doom you all?" Lucci asked with a smirk.
"Hey, that's what I did with Andrea's dad for the Miss Christmas day parade!" Molly raised her hand. "Except I had Scratch play the part of all the ghosts."
"It's called the Christmas Carol bit." Luz explained. "Unrelated to the songs I'm strangling you later for-"
"They're pretty catchy." Willow admitted while everyone else nodded.
"-It's pretty much past ghost for nostalgia, present ghost for guilt, future ghost for scare." Luz continued.
"It's a bit overused though." Raven said. "If you're gonna use it in the human realm, people are gonna see it a mile away. That's why most retellings in shows and movies nowadays try to mix it up a little, like sometimes it's the ghosts that learn the lesson instead."
"I once saw this movie with the guy who got the ghost of the Christmas present fired." Beast boy said.
"How do you get a ghost of space and time fired?" Penny asked.
"It fails its job, what else?" Scratch asked. "Ghost's get fired all the time… although it isn't exactly the easiest thing to do…believe me I've tried."The ghost sighed.
"Great, now I need to think about having a job after I pass on." Lilo groaned. "I thought it was just an adult thing."
"Nope, jobs are unfortunately something everyone at every age has. For most kids…it's school." Molly sighed.
"For superheroes, it's just…saving the the world." Cyborg sighed.
"And then there's being a criminal, where you are your own boss and get to do whatever you want on a whim." Lucci smirked.
"At the cost of always being on the run from law enforcement." Hunter countered.
"Name one genuinely decent cop other than Elisa that we've met." Lucci raised an eyebrow. "And you can't count yourself, you only barely became decent when you quit."
"Memories of you needing a friend to bail you out on the first few times beg to differ."
"When I say decent, I mean 'not a sack of crap' personality wise, which, yeah, you still suck at."
"....Is anyone else seeing a tiger and dragon flying over them as they glare at each other?" Bloo asked.
"The battle rival effects. Mostly used in Japan." Cyborg shrugged. "It's common for modern day shows that are heavily inspired by anime."
"Even out of your own dimension you still talk meta." Luz pointed out.
"At this point it's what we own, other than random humor created by guys with the cool drugs I stole." Beast boy admitted. "… Anyone want some?"
The second it was put in the air, bullets were shot through it as Brooklyn was trying to fly away. "IT WAS MY FIRST TIME DOING THE MISTLETOE THING! I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL IN GOOD FUN!?"
"NOT WHEN ITS WITH MY LOONEY YOU DEAD FUCK!"
"STOP MESSING WITH MY LOVE LIFE, BLITZ!" Loona shouted as she chased the shotgun wielding imp. "I CAN KISS WHOEVER I WANT WITHOUT YOU GETTING INTO MY SHIT!"
"Fuck….shit…" Dana clapped her hands loudly. "Fuck my shit."
"...Luz, Lucci please hold onto your little sister for me." Ms. Noceda placed the baby into her hands as she took out a red baseball bat, and jumped at the imp, bashing him on the head. "STOP CUSSING IN FRONT OF MY BABY!"
They watched as the man was violently assaulted by the human woman. "… So that happened." Robin said, watching the carnage.
"I suddenly respect Luz's mom a little more now." Boscha whistled. "Like…damn, where was this beast hiding."
"Damn!" The little girl chuckled as the woman finally stopped using the bat on the imp, lifting him up.
"And this is for whoever else curses in Dana's presence!" She screamed as she began twisting his body.
"...I think mom finally snapped." Luz winced. "This is the straw that broke the camel's bat."
"I think it's reasonable. If anything, she looks like she could fit in with the Boiling Isles now." Amity nodded. "… Your sister is enjoying the show."
"She's a Clawthorne. Violence is as thick as blood." Lucci smiled.
"..But isn't she related to you on Greg's si-" Gus tried to point out.
"She's a Clawthorne." Lucci reaffirmed.
"If you really want her to be a Clawthorne, there is a simple solution." Starfire said.
"… Really?"
"Yes." She smiled. "Why not have the Camila and the Eda combine their names in matrimony?"
"....No." Luz shook her head with a shiver. "I do NOT want to imagine my mom and Eda getting together like that."
"Plus side it'd be an improvement to Greg." Willow pointed out.
"That's like saying Jasper is an improvement to Belos." Lucci groaned.
"...She's less powerful than Belos." Hunter brought up.
"But she's more annoying in the fact she only cares about 'avening pink diamond'. It's like apples to lemons, there's barely a difference to me." Lucci groaned.
"I'm starting to believe that children might be even worse if we're talking about levels of annoying." Boscha glared at the Billy lodged halfway into the wall.
"Unfortunately, they were a packaged deal when inviting death." Luz sighed.
"I can't believe you guys managed to make friends with death." Lilo said.
"… I'm a little concerned with that sentence's implications." Penny said. "Like, wow. Is that even okay to do?"
"Death isn't essentially evil. It's a neutral force in the universe." Amity explained.
"Yeah, but friendlessness with said force implies you guys either constantly get close to dying, or kill people on the regular."
"Your point?" Willow asked.
"...Well I did ask for craziness." Penny continued to drink her coco.
"Yes, behold my great magic!" Glandara shouted to Stich. "For art hast made the fluffy marshmallows appear in thou's drink!"
"...Okay, tell me right now if that's real magic or fake, because I will kill them depending on the answer." Molly said.
"They're an imaginary friend created from positive feelings in a certain town." Luz answered. "She does real magic … if a bit overdramatized."
"And it's good … you know, making it pointless to abandon them." Spinel said spitefully while glaring at the girl.
"Wait, she's a recurring character in your story?" Cyborg asked, confused. "Weird, always thought she was going to be that one off character because Sarah Stiles was too expensive for them to keep bringing back."
"Fanfiction, remember? They can use her whenever they want." Raven muttered. "Anything can happen off cannon and they'd never know." Just gonna ignore that one.
"Ooh Star." Robin walked up to the alien girl, holding up a mistletoe lead. "What's this, we're under-"
"Oh, I was looking for the mistletoe." She picked the leaf from his grasp. "Hunter, Willow? Would you two care to join me?"
"Oh look at that, someone's calling me far far away from this conversation." Hunter stood up and began speed walking in the opposite direction.
"And I think….ah…a tree is being murdered again in the same position, I'll go and not be apart of what you're doing right now." Willow made her way out of there. "... I called it waaaay too soon when I said we wouldn't see her again."
"Absolutely." Hunter sighed. "Please whoever's listening, let us avoid her until the nights over."
"Like seriously, who just up and tells two people to kiss her at the same time? How would that even work?" Willow questioned.
"Kiki and Cherry?" Hunter asked.
"How would that work for normal people?" She rephrased.
"Exactly, we're normal people, so we're not interested." The boy nodded. "If I'm going to kiss somebody, I'd rather it be one person, and between you and her, I pick you in a heartbeat." ….He what?
"...Uh…"
"I mean, hypothetically speaking of course!" He laughed brokenly.
"Right, hypothetically!" She chuckled quickly. "Obviously, just the hypotheticals."
"Yeah, I mean, why would the two of us even kiss in the first place?"
"Right, ridiculous." Completely ridiculous, not something to think about, nope. "Not like either of us are holding in unsaid feelings for each other, right?"
"Right, if we were, then we'd just out and say what they are." Hunter nodded. "What's the point of holding it in when everyone else already does that?"
"Right, completely out there in the open." As friends … yep. Willow looked up. "Huh, one of those Mistoe is above us.
"Ah … so they are." Hunter nodded. "… You know, it's a really stupid tradition."
"… Think so?" She asked.
"Yeah, what would happen if you and Boscha walked under one?"
"...Good point, I'd probably be completely fine with burning a plant if that happened." Willow chuckled. "People should kiss because they want to kiss, not because some plant tells them they need to."
"Exactly, it ruins the free will stuff we preach on a daily basis to kiss just because a plant is hanging above their heads." He said.
"Right, completely opposite of everything we tell people about not doing what they need too." She nodded. "So we shouldn't kiss just cause a plant right over our heads."
"Right, we shouldn't kiss." There was a tense silence. "You know…because neither of us wants to kiss."
"Yeah.." Is that what she wanted? "But… hypothetically… what if one of us… wanted to kiss the other?"
"Well … hypothetically … we would do so." Hunter blushed. "You know…because hypothetically… if one wanted to kiss the other… they would be okay with it… because hypothetically… both would want it."
"Yeah…." Was she beating around the bush too much? "So… Hypothetically…. Would you be okay with it?"
"I … wouldn't be … opposed … hypothetically." He blinked. "You know, all these hypotheticals are sounding like alternate universes."
"Guess that's what alternate universes are really… different decisions made at different times." Was that all her crush on Hunter was? Just something for another Willow to do? Was that….screw it, she was going to do something about it.
She began leaning in close. "Um … captain, what-"
"This is an order … keep still." She said, moving to meet him face to face, closing her eyes, moving forward …
Before the boy in her grip suddenly vanished. She opened her eyes, and saw him launched into the wall, an unfortunate victim of being in the blast zone from Camila tossing Blitz's possible corpse. "I regirt…..notham." The imp moaned.
"Of course." Willow picked up the now unconscious Hunter. Maybe that was a sign that it wasn't meant to be. Maybe.. "You okay Hunter?"
"Nebar butter capham." Hunter responded in a daze.
"I'll get you someplace you can rest." She picked up his pretty light body… And when she knew no one was looking, pecked him quickly on the cheek. "Merry Christmas Hunter."
"Maybe rice mist to yob tube, Pillow." Was it wrong to think he looked cute when so out of it?
========================================================================
Charlie smiled as she watched the Christmas special. "I knew it, Christmas movies up here DO have happy endings!" It was only a myth, but she knew it was right.
"They don't have happy endings down there?" Vee asked, sitting next to Ivan, who looked positively glad and happy for a change.
"Christian holiday down in hell?" Angel Dust asked sarcastically. "Happiness is in such short supply the freakin bible is considered a bedtime story for baby imps."
"I'm still not completely convinced there is a god." Blitz nodded. "I mean sure, I damned some cherubs to never enter the holy gates again after causing them to be involved in the indirect killing of a mortal, but capital g man? Please." … Why was she friends with this man?
"I think we're all forgetting we're in the same room as someone who's seen the great man in the sky." … At Al's point, they turned to Death themselves.
"God isn't much of a conversationalist these days." Death answered. "He's overworked from the large scope of his creation, so much so that there's a lot of loop holes and internal conflict between Heaven's hierarchy."
"So in short, he overshot his goal and is now horribly understaffed for the job?" Luz surmised.
"I mean … would explain the heck out of the platypus." Molly nodded. "Like seriously…who can even begin to explain that."
"A duck, a beaver, and it has poisonous ankle barbs … How weird." Gus said with boundless fascination.
"And they apparently sweat milk." Lucci muttered. "Honestly I'm more into the poison. I wonder if it's tangy."
"We have the answers to life's greatest mysteries … and we ask about the platypus." Ivan said with raised eyes.
"What, you can answer the why of everything and still not be happy." Lucci pointed out. "It's what you chose that brings you happiness." Wise words from a little criminal.
"True … hey, where do animal souls go?" He asked.
"All dogs go to heaven." Charlie happily answered. "They're naturally good and loyal, and oh so sweet!"
"And all cats go to hell." Alastor spoke. "Not for being punished … they just like to watch."
"And every other animal becomes a ghost." Scratch continued
"Or they reincarnate." Death shrugged. "Most people refuse, but I personally like the concept."
"That does sound nice." Amity nodded. "Knowing if you make mistakes in one life, there's a chance to be better in the next."
"Personally I like enjoying the moment and making the most of the life I have now." Molly nodded. "I already made the ghost world a much happier place."
"Against our wills, I might add." The ghost rolled his eyes.
"Happiness is always the answer, Scratch, against one's will or not." So many positive spirits on earth. It made Charlie more optimistic about the future of mankind.
"I say there should be a healthy balance." Luz countered. "There are times to be happy, times to be sad, times to be mad, emotions exist for a reason."
"Or you can ignore sad things and smile!" Spinel shouted while juggling some jingle bells, causing little Dana to laugh.
"Demons, ghosts, gargoyles, aliens.." Penny snickered. "So many contradictions yet we're all together."
"At this point we should really set up a bingo sheet." Vee nodded.
"Yeah…" Lucci snickered. "Makes one want to sing." Oh, that sounded like a wonderful idea!
"No, no more Christmas songs!" Luz yelled out.
"I don't know, I think I got one more song in me." Molly smiled.
"We went through three hours of Lucci singing!" Willow shouted. "No thank you!"
"It's not that bad, it's just all a part of the Christmas spirit." A nice little reminder of the best in humanity before the cleansing came. "I used to think that I was sure …" Charlie started. "Of what made people tick …"
"Guess princess has a song in her." Angel Dust groaned. "May satan have mercy on us all."
"Amen to that." Scratch sighed.
"You strip 'em down right to their core.." Molly began singing along. "And find a self-centered…." The girl paused, looking at the baby that was clapping along. "Something that rhymes with brick."
"Like Dick?" Angel dust snickered. Camila approached them with a bat in hand. "… Noted mamaceta." Hah, who knew an angry mother would make Angel sweat so much?
"I thought when the push came to the shove, I knew just what I'd do." Lucci turned to Luz. "I'd put me before you."
"Annoyance by the singing aside… you didn't." Luz gave a small smile.
"I guess I didn't." The boy smirked.
"You can be a cynic and a sinner , Who can only see the flaws." Charlie went on. "But even if you lost your way , You don't have to stay a lost cause."She sang, hugging Vaggie.
"Oh you." The moth woman blushed.
"So can we do a little good?" Molly jumped on a table and hopping on top of Scratch. "Maybe give a little more? "
"Work a little harder than we did the day before." Lucci hopped on top of Spinel as she bounced the two of them into the air. "It only takes a little good…And some doing what you can…!"
"Taking every chance to make the choice to be a better man!" Even when people kept messing up, the chance was always there. "So do a little good!
"Lucci should not be singing this song." Boscha said bluntly.
"Because he sang all day?" Willow asked.
"No, because it's about doing the right thing when we've clearly chosen the opposite."
"Just getting into the spirit angel. Don't have to agree with something to enjoy singing it." True, Charlie did sing a lot with Alastor. "Besides, right and wrong are very subjective when it comes to us."
"Well, I used to spend each and every day…Obsessed with wrong and right.." Charlie kept going.
"You kind of still do Hon." Vaggie smirked.
"I thought change could only work one way…that it could happen in one night." Molly went on.
"But now you know, oh, now you know…The line of good and bad is not so clean…" Lucci smirked as he sang. "And what we are is something in between!"
"Okay, now that's a lyric more in line with this group." Boscha pointed out.
"It's an everyday decision. Two steps forward, one step back!" Charlie continued on. "But if you try to do what's right, You're on the right track!" All it took was doing good one step at a time.
"Suprised you're not into this." Vee said to Gus.
"My 'backup showmanship' ran out five musical numbers ago." The boy sighed. "Even I have to say there's something as too much theatricality."
"Then you're going to despise your time in hell my boy." Hopefully Charlie can monitor the deals Alastor makes with sinners. And maybe possible work to break whatever deal he had with Husk and Nifty.
"We all know there's no magic wand." Lucci climbed to the top of the tree with Spinel. "And there's no magic switch to flip!" There was no easy path to the path of redemption.
"Some days you may soar beyond!" Spinel shouted out in the air as she bounced from head to head. "Some days you may soar beyond!"
"And some days you start to slip." Molly snatched a stolen cup of eggnog from Scratch, handing it back to Sasha. "You can give the world some good."
"In the daily give-and-take!" Charlie used her powers to spread fireworks into the air to light up the sky. "With every ripple, ripple, ripple that you make!" Because every action lead to something, whether good or bad. "And whether it's Christmas Day!" Whatever it lead to was all up to them.
"Christmas Day!" The gang sang together.
"Or a random day in May!"
"Or a day in May!"
"You're gonna wanna say….!" Charlie wasn't naive enough to think world peace would be achieved, or that her goals wordless be achieved anytime soon… but if so many creatures from so many walks of life could join together in celebration for one night… then maybe it wasn't as far off as she initially believed. "That you tried the best you could!" That was all anyone could do.
"And a little is enough." Lucci patted her back.
"A little is enough." Along with Molly.
"A little is enough." She smiled as she repeated the lyric. Three separate and vastly different people coming together for a song…how was that not perfect? "So do a little good, hey!"
"Do a little good!" Molly sang.
"Do a little good!" Spinel jumped in.
"Do a little good!"
"Do a little good, give a little more!"
"Some days you may soar beyond!"
"Hey!"
"Do a little good!" She held off the last note as she let the fire world fly as the guests applauded. "My first trip to earth… it may actually be my best."
"And only." Al held up a chained arm. "I do believe the little trick we used is running out, and the laws of nature are pulling us back in."
"Such a shame." Angel Dust snapped his fingers as he looked back at the admittedly attractive Goliath. "I could've hit that."
"I'd almost want to stay longer for the sake of seeing your head getting ripped off for trying." Vaggie smirked.
"Such a shame. It's rare for me to find people I can spontaneously burst into song with without looking crazy." Molly sighed
"Don't worry about that at all kid." Cherri smiled. "You can always blow up anyone that thinks you're crazy."
"And if you go to the Boiling Isles, you can use music to blow them up, like I do." Lucci nodded.
"... I think I'll take the Vee path of non violence." The girl sweated.
"Suit yourself." Lucci shrugged. "I'm thinking I'll start my own musical troupe once I go to hell."
"... I find your desire to enter that land somewhat disturbing." Goliath spoke with a confused look.
"It's one of those 'you had to be there' things." Luz sighed. "Nice seeing you again guys."
"Take care." Charlie waved, before a familiar flash of hellfire overtook her. This … this was definitely justifying everything she worked for.
========================================================================
Luz walked through the portal, looking around at the familiar cabin. "And we're back in Gravesfield." Her… home. Funny… she felt more at home on the road than in the past few months… but she still missed her mom. It didn't matter what life she chose, she would be missing something no matter what path she took.
"Hopefully for the last time. We can finally make a portal!" Lucci shouted out in the air as he jumped. "I was almost starting to believe we wouldn't be able to do it."
"We got all the equipment, we just need to look over the journal and put it all together." Amity smiled. "Back to the Boiling Isles … good timing too." She looked at a very small jar in her hand. "My abomination muck is about fully decayed."
"Back home… It almost doesn't feel real." Willow smiled as she petted a nearby plant.
"I can finally get back to a reality that makes sense." Boscha sighed in relief. "None of this 'hide away your body' stuff. Just brutally stomping the necks of anyone that insults me."
"For the sake of the human race, it's probably best we get you off this dimension as quickly as possible." Willow smirked as she dodged a fireball. "Still worth it."
"And then we can finally kill Luz!" Spinel smiled without a hint of shame.
"… Or we can get you to the Boiling Isles and focus on having fun and nothing else." Lucci pleaded.
"I'm sorry, killing Luz?" Mom asked with narrowed eyes.
"Long story, don't worry, not the first time someone wanted me dead." And it's not like she'd have to keep an eye out at night … considering … well, she wouldn't be there.
… This was the last day she'd spend with everybody … "Hey." Lucci patted her shoulder. "We're still here. And we couldn't have made it this far without you."
"You guys would've thought of something eventually." She waved off. "I'm just glad I got to be a part of it."
"You're the one who ripped off Demona's skin, when the rest of us could barely scratch her." Gus piped up.
"Or get ripped in half for that matter." Hunter rubbed his side. "I swear something didn't set right."
"You helped out that Star girl back in Echo Creek, and you were genuinely the only one that stayed completely sane, aside from Vee; the entire trip." Amity hugged her.
"The only person who I know for a fact didn't commit a war crime." Vee added on.
"... War crime?" Mom asked.
"Exaggeration." Lucci piped in. "This trip wouldn't be the same without you Luz. Having you around, well, it helped me see that earth isn't half as horrible as I thought it was."
"Yeah … glad to make it better." She smiled. It was a bit better of a prison for herself too.
The door opened up … as a very injured Marcy was carried by Connie and Anne. "That's it, right through here onto the-" The girl stopped talking, looking at the group. "Oh … you're back …" She said with the tone of a kid caught with a cookie jar.
"Marcy!" Sasha ran to her friends and held her up. "What the heck happened to you guys!?"
"Um … tripped on a sewer .. line?" She weakly defended. "Side note … please don't go into town … for a bit."
"Everything was fine when I left." Mom stated with confusion. "I heard rumbling from the beach side, but that was about it."
"Beach side … like the gems?" Vee asked. "Are they okay?"
"Yep, completely fine, dandy, no need to check on them." Connie said in a very nervous tone.
"Connie Mahaswarren…are you lying to me?" Vee looked at the girl with an intense glare.
The girl looked nervous, before Anne sighed. "Every gem lost control and is on an out of control warpath. The Rubies are making their way to here with the Centipeetles as they tear apart anything that moves, Pearl is wrecking some buildings, Amethyst is raiding anything she can, Garnet's beating up the police, and Lapis blew up three people."
"...WHAAAAAAT!?!?!?"
"Why didn't you say anything!?" Sasha shouted.
"… You said the kids needed a somewhat normal Christmas?" Anne answered weakly.
"….Anything else you need to tell us?" Amity glared.
Anne hummed. "Not that I can-" She started.
Then Masha ran in. "I checked the bubbles, everything seems fine but Belos escaped aaaaaannnnd they're here." They paused. "... Hey Vee, nice new look, everything's fine, no need to worry."
"….The first time you two get along…and it's to lie to me about my family!?!?"
"Lucci?" Luz quietly asked the glowing boy covered in fur. "You …"
"Cover Dana's ears, now." He growled as he walked outside. "I'm going to cause an earthquake." Just what they needed.