Far in the North, just a few days' ride from Odensby, Anders slept soundly for the first time in what felt like an eternity, his wheat-blonde hair strewn across his face. Meanwhile, Unni sat at the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the wall as she went over memories of her past. Scenes of bloodshed, screaming, and terror flashed rapidly in her mind, causing her to flinch at the mental image of the last memory that presented itself to her.
Well, that's enough thinking of that. I should probably try to get back to sleep, she thought, turning around to tuck herself back into bed next to Anders.
It's been 10 years since then, how am I still affected by the memory of that child? she thought, tugging the heavy quilt up to the tip of her nose as tears welled in her eyes.
Was there really no other way? Was there nothing I could've done? Could I even talk to anyone about this? How do I explain it, or where should I even begin if I tried?
She closed her eyes tightly in an attempt to flush the memories from her mind, to no avail. The silent sobs and minor convulsions she allowed herself were of little comfort anymore, as the memories had begun returning more frequently since King Mads' death.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! she screamed silently into the cacophony of her own mind. Suddenly, she felt a warm hand placed on her shoulder, with its thumb gently rubbing the linen that covered it.
"You know you can always talk to me, right?" Anders said with a voice that could have easily been mistaken for a creature mumbling in a mud and rock language. "I do. I just can't get the words out," she said, wiping away a small stream of tears that now fled towards the top of her ear. "I'm not ungrateful for your offer, just so that's clear," she said, trying to not make it sound like it wasn't as big of a deal as it was to her.
"Unni, love, I've known you for a long time. You've followed me on raids that have rarely ever gone well, and it took you all the way until this last one to fully trust me again. I've seen your exceptional prowess in battle, and I've always respected you for it," he began, turning over to look at her. He was only met with a large amount of hair since her back was turned to him with the covers pulled up to her shoulders.
"But I also know it took you years to recover from that night all those years ago, and I can honestly say I'm proud of your progress," Anders said as gently as he could with such a rasp in his voice. He leaned up on his elbow, and kissed her exposed temple, just barely seeing the tears glimmering in the moonlight from the window.
"I promise, if there's anything you need to talk about, you can always talk to me. I'm not one to judge. I've seen and done plenty of fucked up things in life, so don't think I don't know where you're coming from," he said, trying his best to sympathize.
"But that's just it, Anders," she began, finally turning to face him as her blue irises were caressed by bloodshot scleras. "You can't know where I'm coming from. You don't know the things I've seen, heard, felt, tasted, had to do, had to avoid, not been able to say, had to keep quiet, lie about, witness, and ultimately allow to destroy my sense of self. The only thing keeping me sane the past few years has been you and your mission to kill him, regardless of the failed missions because I felt and relied on your purpose. Now? Now what? What the fuck am I supposed to do now that it's over? These memories haven't gone anywhere! It's like they were just repressed," she paused, trying to take a deep breath to appease the oncoming sobs.
"By the fucking gods above and below, what do I do now?" she asked, using both palms to wipe away a stream of tears from her cheeks. "What should I do? Relive the memories? Relive the taste of blood in my mouth, or the sweat in my eyes from those times that have long since scarred me? Try to sleep at night and pretend I've been fine all of this time?" she asked rapidly, almost as if a floodgate had been opened. Anders remained quiet.
Shit. There's a question I know I don't have an answer for, he thought, unfocusing his eyes while trying to find something to say.
"I asked you a question," she said, her tone growing darker. "I heard what you asked, I just… I don't know. I don't have an answer, and I'd be lying if I said I knew what to do here," he said, defeatedly. "I've fought in countless battles, and slain even more monsters. Through my years of that, I have always felt I've known what the correct answer was for me. With other people and their emotions it's just… different," he said, emphasizing the last word.
Unni sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put all of that on you like that," she said, wiping away another tear. He combed his fingers through her messy hair, pushing more than a few strands back behind her ear.
"No, no. You're fine, love. I just… I'm sorry that I don't have the answers or a way to help you dig yourself out of the emotional hole you're in. Nevertheless, I don't want you to feel like you're alone in this, though. I want you to know that you're heard and that your darkest, innermost thoughts are safe with me. Even if you feel like the world would turn against you for saying them aloud, I'll be here to face it with you for as long as I can be. Is that okay, or is there anything more I can do for you?" he asked gently.
Tears welled in her eyes, as she buried her face deep into his shoulder. He could feel the tears running down his exposed chest, and the small jolts from her silent sobs shook the bed lightly. "You are my world," she said hoarsely.
A few hours passed and morning finally came, with the rays of sunlight gently kissing the rooftops of the small village. With those rays came the sounds of cheers outside the house they were staying in. "Come on, love. They're waiting for us," he said, shaking Unni gently. Her puffy eyes opened slowly, as she nodded her understanding. Within a few minutes, the pair was ready, and performing some final checks near the front door.
"Are you ready to do this?" Anders asked, checking the straps on her armor and cloak. "When I'm by your side, I'm ready for anything," she said, forcing a smile. He returned her smile warmly, opening the door to a full crowd of outcast synners.
I can't believe we've come this far in such a short time since the raid on Odensby, he thought.
He waved his hand at the crowd while Unni simply raised hers curtly with a thin-lipped smile. He halted his raised hand to signal for silence.
"My friends! Today we retake Odensby as its leaders, not its enemies," he began, a loud roar resounding from the crowd. "It has been ten long and arduous years since we were cast out unjustly, but today is a day for celebration! Since the death of King Mads, we have stepped up and made preparations for us to take over Odensby as its rightful rulers. Today those preparations have come to fruition, and as such we will finally have our true homes back!" he shouted. The crowd before him roared once more, as a growing smile began to show on his face. "We ride for Odensby, and to our long-lost homes!" he shouted as the roaring continued.
Within the few days that followed, all had made the journey from their small village to the gates of Odensby. Signs of their raid just a few weeks prior still showed along the ramparts of the high walls. "Heh, I remember climbing down that wall like a thief in the night," Unni said, her disposition a little more cheerful than a few nights prior. "I know you're an expert sword-caster, but I had no idea you could also climb that well," Anders said playfully.
"Of course I can! I grew up climbing the trees that neighbored my house all the time. Did you really think I wouldn't be able to climb like that after having grown up in the Darlig forest?" she asked, lightly punching his shoulder. "Oh, no. I knew that already, but climbing a tree is different than scaling a wall this high with hooks and ropes," Anders said, pointing upward. Just as he did, Mads' former banner was released from the front of the gate.