"Are you going to sell the club?" Cecilio asked softly
Yea that's what I agreed on, already talked to parez about the moving but he said he's not coming Rosa replied quietly.
I guess I couldn't keep us together in the end, cecilio said his tone faintly sad.
You did your best, there aren't much people in world that would do what you did cecilio" Rosa answered
I'm sure there'll find there way sooner or later....just like I did.
Can I ask you something? Cecilio said after a pause.
"Sure"
What was your life like before my father took you under his wing? You were sixteen at the time. You must've had a family before that, right?"
Rosa went silent. She turned to face the other side of the bed.
"You don't have to answer," Cecilio murmured.
My mother was a very kind hearted soul...Rosa started, voice shaky
She cared about everyone around her and took care of people willingly,
But she had One flaw...she craved love.
She fell in love with a man who she thought had loved her but he only sucked on her love to fuel his ego.
He was controlling and obsessive, he wanted all her love to himself,he would threaten to leave everytime she helped someone or was kind to someone and she'd fall on her knees and beg for his forgiveness like he was a God.
Even after she succumbed to all his desires he still wanted more, he was greedy of love and my mother had so much to give.
To the world my father was charming...the kind of man who could make a whole room laugh but when the doors closed the world shank to his temper,
" worlds best husband"
He'd buy her flowers after every argument, whispers apologies that sounded like poetry after every hit,
The words
"I do this because I love you" sank into her like poison.
She slowly began to go mad....mad of love
She needed him to function cause he had drained all the energy in her,
Couldn't even do something as simple as bath herself, she needed him for everything...to bathe, to eat, to breathe, to feel loved.
He reminded her everyday that he was the only one that could love her the way she was, that he was all she could ever dream of
Rosa let out a dry laugh."and me?"
I was only there for appearances,
a living proof of this beautiful love story they shared, I had to play my part everyday...what I wore, who I talked to and what I said were all decided by my father, when my mom couldn't leave the house anymore my dad had me fill in for her, "put a smile on your face and tell anyone who ask
"My mother is on a vacation to rest from all her hard work"
And all the naive people bought it.
Her tone darkened
You're such a good husband, letting your wife rest.'
'Your dad's such a good man.'
'I wish my husband was like him.'
Those words made me so sick everytime I heard it, but I couldn't do anything, from the day I was born I was raised as a puppet
Perfect posture yet hollow inside, every word rehearsed, polished devotion performed not felt.
One day my mother finally spoke to me out of the blue,her voice all shaky
"I'm so sorry, Rosa," she whispered. "If I wasn't such a lovesick fool... maybe you'd have had a better life. If I'd been braver...if I'd learned to stand on my own...maybe it wouldn't hurt this much."
Her hands, cold as river stones, cupped my face. Her voice shook, trembling with every tear that escaped her eyes.
"Love is painful, Rosa... if it isn't, then it isn't real. All those things writers talk about...they're lies. Don't fall for them the way I did."
She picked up a knife and pressed it to her forearm, carving slowly, deep enough that it almost tore the flesh away. There was no scream, no flinch, not even a tear. She just lay back on the bed like she'd been waiting for this moment her whole life.
And I sat beside her, watching the blood spill out in steady rivers.
I didn't move. I didn't cry.
No one had handed me a script for this scene.
I don't remember what I felt watching her die..did I hate her? For making us suffer, for just choosing to be a coward and killing herself before looking for other options?, for clinging to a devil,
I don't know!
How do you feel now? Cecilio said finally breaking his silence
Pity...I pity her and I hate myself for not helping her, at the end we are the same person with different fonts,
The words I love you sounded like heaven to her but a warning to me,
Reminding me of the love she gave and the love he took.
That night my father came home and panicked asking me what happened,why I killed my mom, there were a lot of questions asked that night but I still didn't have a script for this scene either, his rage built and he resulted to hitting me, his punching bag had just died anyway he was going to need a new one
but then a switch flipped in my head " I don't want the kind of life she lived" without thinking I pushed him so far across the room he hit his head of the wall, that was when I realized I could write my own script....I could run
And I ran,
I could do everything my mom couldn't do...tell the world he was evil
As I ran towards the village I yelled to everyone that he killed my mom, " he's a devil" pushing everyone that tried to stop me
" Let me go and take that man instead he killed my mother" I yelled as I fled the village the heaviness that I carried that one night made me resent love more than anything in the world.
Without a care for what would happen to me next, I fled the village and never looked back.
Can I hug you? Cecilio asked calmly
And Rosa nodded in approval.
He got up and hugged her from behind, " that must have been a lot for little Rosa" cecilio said warmly.
It was! Rosa replied her voice barely a whisper
You escaped one hell only to fall into another, I really should have tried to pull you out harder,
I don't think your mum would want you to hate yourself, I believe that she wants you to live happily as much as I do, you where really brave...you deserve to live happily rosa.
You've done a lot for me cecilio, I want live longer with you, that's the only way I would be happy.
If anyone should die first,it should be me, "cause I would never be happy without you"
cecilio said pressing a kiss on her lips and Rosa returning it.
This is the love my mother should have known. If her heart had landed in hands like Cecilio's, she wouldn't have had to break herself, confusing a monster's craving with tenderness, draining everything she had just to satisfy his hunger.
But Cecilio... he stepped into my darkness and didn't try to drag me out...he sat with me, held me, reminded me I still had a pulse.
Maybe the stories lied about love being soft and easy. But what he's shown me is a love that has weight, that has hope.
This is what love is supposed to feel like.