Lynx swallowed, wincing, gritting her teeth as she began to wake. It was hard to wake, and visions flicked behind her eyes; musty tunnels, moss, ice, ice, cold- a field of swaying grass… and then she was awake, staring at the ceiling. Throwing her arms out to either side immediately; she was alone, in her underwear and under the comforter.
"Ugh…" Slowly, she sat up, looking around- and as she did, her heart sank a bit. Alone. There was a small box at the foot of her bed, though; red and green, with a little ribbon on top of it, and a note. Don't open until Alice arrives.
"Ugh…" Lynx swallowed, hating the pit in her stomach, and stood, grabbing a couple of razors and towels as she shuffled toward the shower. She glanced at the mirror in passing; mud and grime and blood, she probably stank as though she'd spent a week in the sewers. Ouch, Lynx, come on, literal jokes like that aren't even funny.
Her body didn't hurt, it just felt so stiff, exhausted… sighing, Lynx sat down on the floor of the shower, not even flinching as the cold water blasted onto her chest, her toes cinching around the handle to turn the water on. "Sleepy…"
The blonde sighed, beginning the arduous task of cleaning and detangling her hair, eyelids heavy.
"Must be clean…"
Who knows how much time passed, but Lynx was awoken by the sound of knocking from outside her door. Sitting up and wincing, swallowing, trying to shake the thoughts of grinding rat poison into Kato's eyes, the feeling of nausea in her gut, as she sat up fully, pushing hair out of her face.
"Sup?!"
"It's us- myself, and Alice, that is." Nara's voice, light, lilting, and Lynx sighed, wincing again as she sat up, back aching. Slowly, she climbed to her feet, swallowing.
"I'm glad the bathroom is by the front door- otherwise I probably couldn't hear you from the shower. Go ahead, come in."
"You have cat ears, you'd hear me anyway," Nara spoke matter-of-factly as she and Alice stepped into the bathroom, former sitting delicately on the counter, latter sitting on the toilet seat, stretching.
"Take your time, by the way," Alice hummed tiredly, still stretching. "If you wanna enjoy the hot water a little longer, then by all means. You didn't open the box, did you?"
"No, I didn't. What's the deal with it, it's… a gift?"
"Oh yeah, you're from Pempa- have you heard of Ravens Day?"
"Nn… it rings a bell…?"
"It's a Ravenwood holiday meant for lovers, and gift giving. It's the day that the first birds returned to the frozen wasteland that had, until then, been completely unlivable."
"I…" Lynx sighed, guilt flickering in her chest. "I didn't get you anything…"
"Oh no," Alice snorted mockingly. "The two Pempan girls who have never celebrated Ravens Day didn't get me a present, whatever will I do… you can get me something nice next year, don't make this complicated."
"Mm…" Lynx nodded, wincing again as she stretched, looking down; there was a faint scar on her right arm, where a wound had healed too quickly. Wrinkling her nose, she reached back, rubbing her shoulder, tail flicking.
"How are you feeling, by the way?" Nara asked. "Alice carried you back here and laid you in bed. She wanted to join you, but I suggested that we play it safe, and make sure that you could not feel threatened, when you woke."
Lynx swallowed, taking a breath, and Nara continued.
"You do not need to lie. I imagine I know what you are truly thinking."
"Yeah? What's that?"
"Nara, Alice you fools. Why are you wasting your time on a - well, sorry, no. For you, it's more like… Yo, why the hell are you two wasting your time on a traumatized, messed up bitch? You know how many people I've killed- and all you do is pick up after me, while I do nothing in return for you?!" Nara snorted, decidedly unladylike, and even through the frosted glass, Lynx could see that eye roll, brow furrowing, scowling. "Then, Alice and I shall remind you that love is not about grand gestures, but how the little moments fit together, and that getting trapped underground was not your fault, but Aerendyl's. You were too busy surviving to buy us flowers, and that is nothing to feel sorry for. So, might we please skip the part where you tell us not to love you, or that we've done enough, and get to the part where you tell us how you're feeling?"
"Um. Well." Lynx cleared her throat, laughing. "First off, jump off a bridge. Second… I'm. Fine. Just sore. Exhausted. Not sleeping well. Nothing you wouldn't expect, all things considered. Don't worry about me, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, clearly there's no reason we ought to worry-" Nara started, until Alice slapped her arm gently and spoke.
"Hurry up and get done in there Lynx. We want to go and see a movie. You're holding us up. Bitch."
"Atta girl," Lynx snorted, shaking her head. "Sorry, I am trying. To stop feeling so. Alien, when you care."
"Shut up. Stop saying sorry. I'm giving you a massage to help with the pain tonight. Period. Bitch." Alice giggled madly, as she uttered the last word, and Lynx snorted, shutting the water off and rolling her eyes.
"Alright alright, I'm coming…"
-
Lynx sighed quietly as she slid into the passenger's seat of Alice's car, raising an eyebrow, Nara climbing into the back seat and immediately leaning forward with a small pout, as if sad to be in the back seat. "Why do you want to drive? Thought you liked walking everywhere- sometimes I actually forget you own a car to be honest," She added with a small, tired sort of laugh.
"Yeah well, I don't like to flex my millionaire status, but…" Alice replied quietly with a wink. "Anyway, truth? Worried that you'll get hit with another round of reporters. Sooooo… I actually bought us tickets for a movie in Eastbrook, instead of here…? Hope that's okay…"
"Hah. Yeah. Give me a long day out with you two, and no time to be alone with my thoughts," Lynx agreed tiredly, nodding, a tired grin pulling at her lips.
"Do you…" Nara hesitated, continued. "Do you want to talk about what went on down there, Lynx? You are safe with us, after all."
"Thanks, but nah, I'm good," The blonde narrowed her eyes, shaking her head and looking out the window. "I'm fine. Grateful that you got me out. How are you feeling, the both of you?"
"What?"
"I'm not just deflecting, I'm serious. It sounds like the two of you went through hell while I was gone. Are you okay? Nara, arranging that whole event- which, I can never repay, I really am so grateful. And Alice- you didn't make your homunculi to kill, so I'd bet that there was some pretty extensive modification there."
"Mm…" Alice was the first to answer, nodding. "I cut Aerendyl's arm off, funny thing, a-"
"You huh?"
"Cut his arm off. It's fine, I called a healer to put it back on. It's his fault that you got trapped down there, though. Everything that happened to you? Aerendyl's fault."
"Mn…" Lynx sighed, nodding, tapping her coat pocket, where the book still sat tightly in her pocket. Are you still going to leave, soon…? You said you'd have to…
"Hey Lynx," Nara began. "I know that Aerendyl saved you, but you do understand, yes, that it is true? That he is to blame for what happened to you?"
"He and myself both," Lynx sighed, but she was nodding. "I did ask to go. He should have said no. I don't want to think about it right now, if that's okay."
"Mm."
"Anyway," Alice continued. "Yeah, I went and bought up a ton of stuff, and modified all the humunculi with conductive metals injected into their bone marrow and steel wiring. After that, it was simple enough, if risky; found some merchant selling discarded prototypes from a big Alcantorine tech company."
"Impressive. How about you, Nara?" Lynx glanced into the back seat, raising an eyebrow.
"I…" Nara paused, shook her head. "It's not a big deal. I did a stupid thing or two, perhaps, but alas, it succeeded; and truly, my spell did not take much effort, so try not to worry, okay? People showed up, we had a good time- and that sparked the magic again. You, though; you attempted to deflect. Are you truly okay?"
"I said I'm not deflecting,"
"-And you are a poor liar. I thought you were a terrible, unlovable person- should you not be better at manipulation?" Nara whispered affectionately, a smirk in her voice as she leaned back, buckling her seat belt.
"Listen-"
"No, Lynx," Alice huffed, exasperated, forcing a smile. "I did some hard work and came swinging with a small army. Nara had to get over her stage fright. You were fighting gods-know-what down there, in the dark, alone- so stop acting like we have no reason to worry, okay?!"
For a moment, Lynx fell silent, guilt and revulsion warring together in her stomach for a long moment as she shook her head, casting her eyes out the window. She opened her mouthh to answer and saw nothing but J, Elijah, the centipede, the blood, Kato, the rat poison, the illusions, the lamplit paths in the air… the tunnels, the moss, the my Lynx, the blood, sinew… and then she shook her head, forcing those thoughts out of her head, huffing agitatedly.
"I think I'm…" Swallow. Breathe. Come on Lynx. Outside, slushy streets and brightly-colored shops passed by; they hadn't left Ravenhold yet. "Think I'm disassociating. It'll hit me. Sure. Not yet, though. Just keeping my mind off it all. Okay? I am fine. I'm not ready to think about it. I… rat poison and bodies and rot and pain and bleeding, necks breaking, blindness…"
"Hey, hey," Nara whispered, leaning forward, her hand coming from the back seat to rest on Lynx's shoulder. "Okay, okay. You're disassociating, and you're not ready. That's fine."
"Sorry," Alice whispered. "Didn't mean to be a bad partner and-"
"Hush your face," Nara cut in firmly and reached forward, gently swatting Alice's cheek. "Shut your mouth. Both of you- gods, how do you function with so much depression? Come on, we are going to see a movie and have a nice day. We are not going to beat ourselves down and cry about how much we hate ourselves. Just for today, we will only have nice thoughts. Okay?"
"Alright…"
"Sounds good."
As they drove, thoughtful, Lynx pulled the book from her pocket and sighed, looking down it. Curious, she rifled through the pages and blinked rapidly; they were all blank. No, not all- there were a few toward the end, full of text. Confused, she planted a finger to hold her place and glanced at Alice- who was minding the road, before reading.
Lynx,
I am sorry.
To an extent, this is the whole and honest truth. I understand that you were hoping I'd be a boon; a heroic item that would jump forth in a moment of dramatic heroism and turn the tides of battle in your favor- and instead, I only chimed in when I absolutely had to, to guarantee your survival was an option. Even then, I did not guarantee your escape; only the possibility of it. I kept you away from dead ends where you had no chance to move forward… and I suppose that from most in your shoes, this would seem coldness, cruelty, but I also know that you, Lynx, will more than likely understand. About an 82 percent chance you're not upset with me, as it stands.
Let me tell you a story, Lynx. I owe you that much- or leave a story for you, anyway. I've gone from this old journal already.
Once upon a time, there was a strategist in Mir; a famous human war general who's name has not mattered for a long, long time. He was a genius; connecting a network of spies across the nation, and with time, the globe. This general was so well connected that in the event a local mayor in a middle-of-nowhere town in Alcantore woke up sick- he knew. Fascinating, yes? Useless.
The general… his knowledge was overwhelming. It was sickening, and exhausting. He turned the tides of wars, pulling strings as if he were some sort of marionette's puppet master- but the existence was tiring. When this general, strategist, war hero, discovered that there was to be an attempt on his life, he let it happen. He knew when they'd come, and how- and he did nothing to prevent a bullet from slamming into the back of his head. Such an ordinary way to die, isn't it?
However; this human knew everything. This, he truly believed, in his heart of hearts; and he did not die, there. Rather, it was not demon, nor angel, nor human that awoke in that room, soul too stubborn to die- but a god with all of the knowledge in the universe. That is myself; I know all that is, and all that can be. Nothing can surprise me- and it drove me mad, for a time, but when I came to my senses, I realized that even with all of the knowledge in the universe, there was still something I could do to wonder, to empty my mind for a bit. It seems I cannot die, and so I had to find a way to ease my own insanity; I could gamble.
Is it a cruelty to find my way into your arms out of curiosity? Your story- I know every way that it can end. Yet there are so many factors, so many options; I was able to watch, and wonder what options you'd take. There was a 70% chance that Alice would go insane in that library, if I did not intervene, and try to make you accept all of her right then- she was close to a psychotic break, and hauled herself back from the edge. You stood a 6% chance of reaching the underground arena, but a 94% chance of coming out of every fight on savage and only a 3% chance of fully losing your will to live.
Those chances… they're always valid. Always relevant. It excites me to see what will come, and what happens if the percentages flip, if the almost non-existant chance wins out. Do you understand what I mean, Lynx? I'll know, when you answer that yourself- I know everything. I hate it. It's maddening. How cruel, the way that gods are born, no? I'm not even much good in a fight, unless you count how I'm effectively immortal and indestructible.
I wish that I could tell you our time together was special for me- but I take many forms, and I always play the observer, wishing desperately to be surprised. Sometimes it happens; and it did, with you. Alice's success chances for rescuing you were less than 14%; she was so close, the entire time, to sizzling out, to losing her mind believing that the only person she trusts implicitly, had been lost to her. Yet hope shone through, and… well, you know the rest.
It was pleasant, Lynx. We may well meet again, one day; though, I doubt I will be possessing a book, should the time come. Maybe next time… maybe next time I will give you that heroic moment; I'll appear in a flash of light, parrying a blow that would have wounded you, and I'll smile back at you, and say something like 'Long time no see, Kitty Cat'. Would that be more what you were hoping for?
Alas, I'll say once more… I'm sorry for disappointing you. You mistook me for an ally and a tool when I was only barely on your side, and largely just an observer. I do appreciate your time, though- and your understanding. I'd bet you're reading this with half-closed eyes and a tired little smirk- oh don't straighten your expression now, ah ah, that's cheating.
Lynx had to pause, snorting, not noticing the curious glance Alice shot her.
Alright, now that you're focusing again- your company was pleasant, and I thank you for allowing me to ride along in your pocket, rather than watching your tale as insects and rodents stalking you. You will not be angry- there's no chance of it- but I recognize leaving so suddenly must feel a bit strange. However, a certain woman with fiery hair has decided to flee the Elevated's ranks, and I just had to know if she'd make it out. She's smitten with your little angel brother man guy!
Lynx,
I wish you nothing but the best.
Sincerely,
A tired god who wishes he could have done more to help you… but isn't any good in a fight.
P.S.: Alice melts for kisses on the back of her neck, and she wants to sit in your lap. Nara wants you to brush her tail. If you really think you're worthless, there are some more things you can do to make them feel safe and comforted.
P.S.: Aerendyl isn't a very good person, but he wants to be good. He just doesn't understand how; and that's changing. You can trust him, going forward- there's a 3.6% chance he betrays you, and if he does, it's for the good of the nation.
Final P.S.: Sorry, maybe I liked you more than I thought. Don't befriend Timio. Stay away from him. Ever consider practicing your balance on ice?
"Hm…" Lynx sighed, closing the journal and slowly putting it away in her pocket, swallowing.
"You okay?" Alice angled her head, and Lynx nodded, glancing out the window. The buildings around them were more sparse now; nearing the end of the city.
"I'm fine. Apparently for one hundred percent certain," Lynx answered, smirking and glancing sideways at Alice. "I love you two."
"I love you too," Nara answered as Alice opened her mouth, looking back to the road.
"I love you too. What's that book?"
"Message from a friend. Guess I had a god in my corner, kind of," Lynx snorted, laughing. "I'll explain some other time. Makes me wonder if I've got some wicked strong plot armor or what."
"Well, we are the main characters of a story, after all," Nara hummed, snickering.
"Do you think the Playwright is anything special?"
"He looked pretty normal, at least to me." Nara shrugged. "Blonde hair, beard; could have just been any random person. They… they were strange though. Constantly shifting- sometimes black, sometimes white. Sometimes male, sometimes female; they kept coming back to the same form, but it was as though their soul did not know who they wished to be. I always call him a man because that is the form he took most often, but in truth, he was interesting, to say the least; flowing like water."
"Or like blood," Lynx laughed. "-if these are the sorts of stories he wants to write. Do you really think there's some grand design here? I can't imagine I'll be faced with a chance to save the world, you know?"
"Who knows. Right now, I don't know of anything that could obliterate the world." Nara hummed thoughtfully, stretching, hands pressing flat to the roof of the car. "Maybe world is metaphorical? You're going to save all of Ravenhold, or something."
"What if you've…" Alice spoke up shyly. "Never mind. Sorry, the Playwright is your two's-"
"No, I'm curious," Lynx cut in. "-and I value your thoughts. What were you going to say?"
"What if you've broken free of the script? What if you were meant to die down there and become Nara's motivation to turn into a villain or something?" Alice grinned lazily. "Don't be scared you can't make your own choices; you could technically open the car door and throw yourself out. Doesn't mean you will. That God might try to guide you, but your choices are yours, at the end of the day. Try and keep that in mind, yeah?"
Lynx nodded, remembering the nightmare from what felt like a lifetime ago; throwing herself out of the car only to be chased by Aerendyl, choked out, ordered to… what had he said? Something about breaking the cycle… Elevated and their manipulation, but was it really about them…? Only cycle I see is CA preying on its people.
Would it be so wrong to rip it apart? CA is a cancer as it is- kill them and start over, she thought, heart starting to hammer, and then she shook her head, wincing.
"R-Right. Yeah, yeah. Think I can take a nap while we head to the movie Alice, Nara?"
"Yes, yes, get some rest," Nara answered quickly.
"Mm. What she said," Alice agreed. "It's just nice to see you wanting rest instead of passing out. Love you."
"Love you too," The blonde sighed, curling her tail into her lap and leaning back, suddenly feeling as though she was already nodding off as she leaned back, closing her eyes and letting her head loll to the side, already halfway gone.