Who am I?
My name?
My name is... I believe It hardly matters what I'm called right now, though it might be appropriate to adopt an alias like Felix. If I remember correctly, it comes from Latin and means "Happiness and Fortune." Quite a name, actually—it sums up my essence; or at least, that's what I wish to.
Currently, every occurrence I witness is processed by my senses as "reality," though I must admit that I'm inclined to suspect that I'm under the influence of some narcotic substance. Because, I can't believe it!
This figure I'm staring at, this entity, this body, is none other than myself!
In any case, let me refrain from any tumultuous behavior and, instead, strive to recall the events that have transpired....Why am I talking like this?
It was December 24th, and in that morning, I went out for a stroll before stopping by a convenience store—technically, a gas station—to grab some snacks. Specifically, a bag of potato chips and my go-to energy drink, whose dubious quality I've chosen to overlook time and again.
When I dimly pushed the metal door, activating the legendary mechanism of a bell, it was then that I spotted an old friend from elementary school at the counter. He was in the middle of buying some Pokémon cards—was it some Pokemon Cards? Anyway, his name is Isaac.
Isaac and I share a fairly close connection; we also happen to live within walking distance of each other. Occasionally, we hang out, doing little more than wandering around and acting like idiots—though, to be fair, he's the one who really leans into the foolishness. Not me, alright?
I considered calling out to him, because it would be awkward to go unnoticed, but quickly held back, since I knew full well he'd start rambling about something that I have absolutely no interest in. As a result, I did nothing. I'm such a good friend!
Yet, Isaac, somehow—or rather, unquestionably at some point he was bound to do so since the shop was kind of small—noticed that I had entered. Brimming with enthusiasm, he shouted: «Huh? Yo, Felix! What are you doing here?»
His lively voice pierced through the otherwise dull atmosphere of the convenience store, leaving me with no choice but to turn my head and acknowledge him. Even so, it seemed unjustifiable to just ignore and continue with my errands without even saying hello.
«Oh, hey!» I muttered, raising a hand half-heartedly.
At that very moment, I watched him chatting with the elderly clerk, leaving his cards in their care before casually strolling over to me. I got the distinct impression he was about to bombard me with chatter too, especially after anticipating the mischievous glint in his eyes.
«Yo, what's up, man? What're you here to buy?» He asked in his trademark smugness.
There, we exchanged a casual high five, our palms meeting with a satisfying smack, followed by a quick, friendly hug.
«I'm good. Just here to grab a few things, that's all.»
«For your Christmas dinner?»
«Nah, what? Here? It's just for me, man. I'm starving. My uncles won't let me touch anything in the kitchen until midnight, so I asked them for some cash to buy myself something.»
And, frankly, that's why I'm in a bad mood. There was a massive feast laid out on the table, but they decided to keep it off-limits until the designated hour. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with that, but my egotistical self is raging against it.
«Ah, aight, I get it. Hmmmmm, well, guess I'll wait for you then.» He insisted.
I immediately replied: «Nah, I'm good. I don't want to bother on whatever you're up to. I saw you were trying to buy those... cards, right? I don't know what they were, but you're really into that stuff, huh?»
«Yeah-yeah, ha-ha. It's lowkey embarrassing, y'know?» He chuckled sheepishly, running a hand through the waves of his hair. «But don't worry, man, I'll buy them later. Already told the guy at the counter to hold 'em for a bit till we both head to the register.»
With such foresight, are you really set on tagging along with me? I pondered his intentions. Maybe he was just looking for some company or an excuse to talk. How dignified of him, am I really that of a douchebag? I forgot he was my old-time friend.
«Well, suit yourself.»
«Aight', bet. Let's go!» He exclaimed with renewed energy, patting my back twice with cheerful glee.
We both headed to the snack aisle, where I grabbed my bag of chips. After that, we made our way to the drinks section. I opened a fridge and reached down to the bottom shelf to retrieve my favorite energy drink.
«You like that one?» Isaac asked hesitantly, a teasing smirk playing on his lips as he gestured toward the drink in my hand.
Of course, it wasn't a brand you'd see every day. Still, it felt a bit inconsiderate to ask something like that when he'd just watched me pick it up.
«Yeah, why? Got a problem with it?» I raised an eyebrow, mildly annoyed by his question.
«Huh? Nah-nah-nah, nothing, man.» He stammered, shaking his head rapidly while raising his open hands in a universal gesture of "that's not what I meant." «I was just curious. I mean, I've never seen that, that brand before.»
«There are a bunch I've never heard of either, so I just grabbed a random one and, surprisingly, I liked it. Plus, it's cheap. See? Less than two dollars. And I think the package was eight or nine. Do you think that's expensive?»
«Outta all the ones you saw, the first one you picked turns out to be good?»
«Impressive, right? Anyway, what about you, though? Not getting anything?»
«Hmm, nah, I don't feel like it. I just wanted to buy some of this shit: collectibles, right? Because my lil bro's into 'em.»
«Lil—Oh, I see.»
So they were for your brother, huh? My bad for insulting your tastes, Isaac's little brother. Invite me to play Mario Kart 8 Deluxe again, I'll be nice to you. Can you hear me? Am I muted?!
Finally, we made our way to the counter. I paid for my items with a handful of coins I pulled from my pocket; then, Isaac handed a bill to the clerk—naturally, to pay for his things. After waiting for his change, we stepped out of the store.
«Yo, listen» Isaac began a new conversation as we walked toward my house: «I was checking out some games on the, the Steam and… since I ain't had much else to do, and I'm getting my paycheck at work today, I'm thinking 'bout treating myself to something as a gift, y'know?»
«…For real?»
For Isaac and for me, his "enthusiastic" listener, talking about these things had become a regular routine whenever we were alone. So much so that we got bored if we didn't talk about something remotely comparable.
We both shared a keen interest in games that many would consider weirdly captivating. Alongside that, we had other hobbies, or rather, distractions, that we were equally engrossed in, given our inner geekiness: anime, cars, sports, etc.
Thanks to his job as a cashier at a fast-food place, his income—modest compared to an average salary—still gave him the freedom to make purchases whenever he wanted. And I could ask for some money too, just a tiny portion though...!
However, being underage, I endured a constant stream of updates about his acquisitions, whether they were video games, clothes, or accessories like bracelets for himself or his girlfriend. Thus, listening to his mundane whims had grown tiresome, especially since they sparked a faint twinge of envy in me.
«Mm-hmm. Or I don't know, bro. That's what came to my mind.»
«...Okay, and what game are you thinking of getting?» I asked.
«I-dunno-if I'm being honest,» he answered unhurriedly and intermittently. «Since we usually stick to online games—'cause, y'know, they're mad easy to get into and all that junk—I thought I'd try something different this time, y'feel me?»
«Different as in, like a story-driven game? A campaign?»
«"Story"...? Yeah-yeah, I think so. I've been looking at one that caught my eye, and I think it has a story, ha-ha. But, I think it ain't exactly new-new, I don't know when it came out. You know which one I mean, right?» The corner of his upper lip curled slightly, almost forming a full grin.
«...No, not really.»
If you don't specify which game you're talking about, it's impossible for me to figure out what you mean. On the other hand, based on your description of "not brand new" and "Campaign," could it be Red Dead Redemption 2? I hope so. Should I ask about it?
«Deadass? You?! Hah! I ain't buying it.» He reacted gawkily, raising his eyebrows and flashing a mocking smile. He really loves making that face.
«What are you talking abo—? ...Dude, listen: how the fuck am I supposed to know, bro? Millions of games come out every year, thousands every month, and hundreds every week. I'm not some fat, buttery dude who spends all day scrolling through game releases to avoid getting off his greasy ass gaming chair.»
«Hah, damn. Well, I thought you were. I mean, you look like one, dawg.» He persisted with his unpleasant, widened gesture as he reached out to grab my buzzed hair.
I pushed his hand off me and shot back: «Hah, what? I don't know what you're rambling about. I'm skinny as hell. Unlike you, every time I ask what you're up to, you're always like, "Oh, I'm jerking off"—just like those pot-bellied, discord-moderators slobs. You're disgusting,» I retorted bitterly.
That was an hypocrite comment, but why would I share it too?
«Ha-ha-ha! Okay, chill-chill with your fancy-ass words. My bad. But back to the point, okay? You don't know which game I'm talking about, do you? Listen, uh: it's not something literally fantastic or… exceptional, you see, but it's different from what we usually play, y'know?»
No, I don't know. But I'll set that aside and ask instead: «So, what's it called?»
Meanwhile, I pulled my favorite energy drink out of the bag, twisted the cap open, and took a long sip. My throat had been dry for a while, and after chatting with this orangutan, I needed a drink. The refreshing taste hit the back of my palate, and I let out a satisfied sigh.
«"Heart Breaker"! That's the name. It's, uh… a dating simulator.»
«Ghngg—Psssh...Cough, cough, cough!» I chuckled under my breath.
«Oh, you good?»
A dating sim? An eye-opener disclosure. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind—No, perhaps I'm understating it: I wasn't even imagining an extradimensional version where those words were dictated so seriously between us. But I can appreciate his enthusiasm. What a fucking loser, ha-ha!
«What, what were, what were you saying? What game?»
«Heart... Man, get yo' lame, get the fuck out.»
«What?»
«You're laughing at me, bro.»
«What?! No—I'm not, I wasn't! It was just, cough... unexpected: It was totally different kind of game from what we usually play. I don't see any problem with it, I guess. It's okay.»
Heart Breaker, huh? If it is a dating simulator, then in all likelihood the protagonist is some manner of philanderer or womanizer, and the objective is to shatter as many hearts—metaphorically, obviously, or could be also a horror game?—as possible to accumulate experience and rank up achievements.
Although perhaps I jumped to conclusions a bit, didn't I?
«Tell me: what's it about? Do you know the story?» I hoped for a concise explanation as I slowly sipped my drink.
«Uh, yeah-yeah, I know. I was looking at the game description, and it had a lil' intro, y'know? It's not entirely simple to explain 'cause I don't remember everything, but I'll try.»
Huh? I could not suppress a sensation of trepidation at his response.
What does he mean by "try"? He claimed he doesn't remember and it won't be that simple: is it that complicated? It's like Elden Ring? No, that's impossible; however, I had a bad feeling his explanation was going to drag on, and my focus might not hold up for long. Ugh, I don't want to, I don't want to!
«Wait, wait, before that. Don't have your phone handy? Google it instead.»
«Oh, no: I didn't bring it.»
«...Me neither.»
I'm fucked.
«Aight, okay: you wanna listen, or not?»
«Go ahead, man,»
«Alright. Listen: the MC, the protagonist is a handsome guy—like, a really good-looking dude,» Isaac began, and I rolled my eyes at his over-the-top emphasis on the protagonist's looks. «He's a foreigner: white dude, half-American and half-Japanese, who decided to study in Japan 'cause of, you know, the whole better education shit.»
It seemed plausible to me, I suppose. Honestly, I'd like to visit Japan too, albeit purely for academic enrichment purposes. The problem is, unfortunately, my skill on the Japanese language is freaking zero. Just forget your dreams and die.
Isaac kept going: «So, moving on to the school, even though he's obviously popular with a bunch of chicks there, there are these rumors, right? Like, rumors that he dated a ton of women at once back in America 'cause he's got this charm and how he connects with people. And supposedly, he "broke their hearts"; but that's not even true, y'know? The protagonist just be like "chill, leave me alone and shit" and have like a.… proper love, romance, relationship with some of the girls. Like, one of the main women in the game, but they all think the worst of him, you get it? I-It's so, uh… miserable!»
If that's all there is to it, then the narrative is as dull and heavy-handed as a contemporary painting in a national museum. Even if my assumption wasn't entirely accurate and the story took a complete 180-degree turn, the whole "heartbreaker" theme still seemed to dominate.
«Okay...! Huh, y-yeah. I'd say it is miserable,» I replied. «Like: Imagine living your life constantly overwhelmed by rumors that you're some Casanova who tosses women aside like dirty rags. That's awful. Who's that guy think he is?»
«Bro, what are you even talking about?!» He protested incredulously. «It's not awful for that reason… No, okay, yeah—you're right. But it also makes having a peaceful romantic life—or just a life in general—basically impossible when everyone sees you that way, bro. You're being accused, incriminated, and harassed just for being fine. The whole point of the game is clearing up that misunderstanding and building good relationships with your friends, y'know...? At least, that's what I'm guessing—I don't know, bro. At least, would your fucked-ass brain even grasp that? Though, I'm sure it wouldn't by asking those dumb-ass questions.»
Wow, what the fuck? Why out of the sudden he start insulting me? His vitriol instantaneously enraged me, quite a bit: «...!? I swear, I don't know what the hell are you talking about. I'm gonna punch you.»
I threatened, clenching my fists in anticipation.
«What? Heh, w-who's this kid even talking to?» He asked sarcastically, looking around as if searching for an audience. «Oh, deadass? Me...? Okay: go ahead, then. Try it, bitch!» He taunted, that same derisive smirk plastered across his countenance.
Those proved to be his final words.
At that juncture, I adjusted my shopping bag with my right arm.
«Pfft. I'm just kidding. I wouldn't even hurt a fl—»
Then, in an instant, I executed a backhand swing—extending my arm towards Isaac's flank—aiming for his stomach. With considerable force, my knuckles connected squarely with his gut.
«Wha—A-Arhg! S-Shit...!» Isaac, momentarily folding over himself, clutched at the side of his abdomen to safeguard it from further assault as he gasped wretchedly for air.
«Hahahahaha! You thought I wasn't going to do it?»
Oops, I just laughed. That's a declaration of war. What's more, I really wasn't planning on attacking him; yet, for some reason, my instincts kicked in and my limbs moved on their own. That wasn't my fault!
«What the fuck? ...Wow! You're a.… pussy...» Still endeavoring to regain his composure, he positioned himself near a light pole, his right arm propped against it.
«I'm gonna beat yo' ass» He cooed.
Notwithstanding that animosity and dangerously aggressive words, he apparently wasn't going to provoke me anymore, as evidenced by his weathered appearance; and the fight was over before it started. Did I really hit him that hard or he's trying to counterattack me?
«Yeah, yeah.»
Nonetheless, I was unable to contain this exasperating, mischievous smirk out of my face, so I discreetly covered my lips with the palm of my hand, crinkling my cheeks behind my nails as I proceeded to inquire: «So, are you going to buy that shit for Christmas? I mean the game.»
«Oh, so you're changing the subject. Think you're clever, huh?» Isaac seemed to catch on quickly: «...Yeah, I'm gonna buy it», then he sketched, fatigued.
«Oh, for real? I thought you were into games like Horror or shooters like CS:GO, Valorant? Roblox, heh?! Maybe NBA:2K too? Your favorite.»
«What's that supposed to mean?»
«Who knows?»
«Whatever, man, you're racist. For real,» he mumbled while crouching down, leaning his back against the same light pole. «I'll probably just scream right now: "A white man just hit me!"»
«You won't do it.»
«Bet...» He screeched, inhaling deeply, expanding his thoracic cavity with air and feigning an imminent outburst. Yet: «U-Ugh, cough, cough...! Goddam! Man, what the fuck?» A sharp spasm coursed through his chest.
«Oh shit, ha-ha. Hey, are you okay? Calm down! Take a deep breath, c'mon.»
«W-Whose fault do you think this is, huh?! Bitch! You hit me hard as hell!
«I have no idea what you're talking about,» I feigned ignorance.
Sorry, but watching Isaac like this is just too amusing. Is that what they call "Guilty pleasure"? I somehow correlate it with sadism, and even homoerotic interpretation based solely on this context. What the hell am I thinking...? Whatever, if it's like this...!
«Alright, you good now, babe?» I asked pleasantly, as if genuinely concerned about his well-being. «What were you saying earlier?»
This sort of follow-up only happens if I feel like I might've gone a tad too far. Even with someone as the irritating, antagonizing, vexatious, pesky, bothersome, and ol' punchable Isaac. Who would he react, though? I'm curious.
«What? Ah, you're gay.»
As expected.
«Yeah, I'm fine, baby.»
That was unexpected.
«Fuck! Okay, I was saying... Huh, wait, where was I?»
This guy's a total buffoon.
«You were going to explain something about the game,» I jogged his memory.
«Ah, right. Hmm, like I told you, I like other stuff but I also want to try some others that are not of that genre, very different from what we usually play, like dating sim. It's not some weird shit, it's just curiosity, you know? Although, I wasn't going to explain anything to you—I told you!»
«What do you mean you told me? You didn't say nothing. But, anyway, why would you buy that when there are better genres available in the stores? Is there something special about this game that makes it so unique?»
«Well, first of all, the fuck do you care? It could be good.»
«I really don't give a shit; you're the one yapping about it. Besides, I'm lowkey against your stupid logic. In the end it will turn out like all the anime shit you come across: pedo-bait slop.»
«You play OSU, what right do you have to talk about it?»
«That's different: it's a rhythm game, dumbass!»
«But it's strongly related to anime, right?! I remember you told you bought the uh... Doki Doki Literature Club? That game with the fours girls and something like that. That's hypocrisy.»
By law, he's an adult, yet here he is, arguing about stuff like this. Ridiculous.
«What, really? You think that's the same? You're so stupid. It doesn't even have the psychological label on its list, does it? On your game.»
«Ah, I don't know, bro. You got me—I haven't checked. But I'm just, like, interested because it's different than usual. Plus, I'm sure you'd buy it too, bro.»
«No way, man. I don't like dating games, that's weird.»
«You keep lying, you're just playing around with me.»
«W-what? Who's gonna want to play with you?» I delivered a brusque denigration. «You'd better make an effort to recognize who you are and accept your position as a natural nuisance.»
«Tshh, back to that way of speaking. How did you learn that fast? Is that why you're so explosive and mean to me? Wait—Maybe... you're a Tsundere?»
He questioned me incredulously, exaggerating his astonishment like in Edvard Munch's "The Scream," foreseeing a type of stereotypical attitude from me in some other way. No seriously—what kind of reaction was he looking for?
Likewise it was my fault. Despite his sporty appearance, I forgot that this guy is a straight-up "otaku". How is he so popular acting like this?
«...?» The only response he got from me was a disdainful expression as I looked at his eyes imperturbably with indifference and repugnance.
«Ok, forget that.»
«That's why she cheated on you.»
«What, what?! Nah-nah, what?! Repeat that! What did you say?» His face reddened with vexation.
I provoked him by blurting out a sentence I shouldn't have mentioned, but the redress I get from annoying him makes me generate a soft contentment. «Haha, I'm kidding, kidding. Just don't talk any more stupid-shit.»
«Tsk. Well, I'm not a pussy like you—I can control myself.»
He accompanied his word with a gesture of a scolded kid, while slightly leaning his body down in dejection. In the end, I think I pretty much destroyed him emotionally. I'm surprised he didn't punch me throughout the course of this walk, and I'm kind of glad.
***
Before I knew it, we had already arrived at my house. Just before saying goodbye, Isaac mentioned: «Well bro, uh... I'm going now but, If you want, I can lend you the game after I buy it. Just call me.»
«Hmm, what? No, you don't have to do that. I've seen how much you want to play it first. I don't want to ruin the experience for you or sum.»
Not that I want it anyway.
«What are you talking 'bout, man? You won't ruin anything. The thing is, by the time I buy it, I won't even be able to play it 'cuz I'll be spending all day with family for like, weeks I think? We're going on a trip, y'know?»
«Wait, what? Really? Where are you going?»
«A quick visit to my grandparent's house in Wisconsin. It's a visit for Christmas and New Year's.»
«And you're just telling me this now? That's crazy.»
«Yeah, no, my fault. I forgot.» What a terrible friend. «We're leaving tomorrow morning.»
«I see. Good trip, then. But still, if you're going to buy it, you can play it whenever you want. Don't be so whiny. Doesn't your grandparents' house have a computer? Or, I don't know... you have a laptop? If so, you can just log into Steam there.»
«What? No, it's not a Steam exclusive. You can buy it there, fo'sure, but the game also comes in disc format for Play Station.»
«...Wait, what?» I asked, dumbfounded. «The PS4? You're kidding, what the fuck? No way, dude. Wait, no, that's not the question: are you serious gonna buy it for the PS4?»
«Yeah, and what? Something wrong with that, huh?»
There's nothing inherently wrong with it. It just caught me off guard, that's all. How he chooses to spend his money is his prerogative.
«Aight, whatever. So, what you're gonna do then?»
«First, I'm heading home, then hittin' up the mall. I want to browse the stores and see if it's available.»
«Yeah, bro, that sound like a waste of time...» I retorted, laced with skepticism. «Nobody knows about that shit but you, am I wrong?»
I wasn't entirely incorrect. The game was obscure, "niche" if you're willing to cope. Still, I had no intention of dampening his enthusiasm; I care about this kid.. Tell me: am I joking or not? Comment down below!
«Honestly, I dunno. But I'm not losing anything tho, not even time—I got the whole day free. My schedule's wide open today. If I manage to find it, I'll snap a pic for you. Then I'll let you hold onto it for a bit.»
His insistence was almost admirable in its absurdity. «I already told you, I'm fine. Just stash it in your room or something. It's not that complicated.»
«Nah, but don't it ever hit you? Like, when you buy something new, you just gotta check it out right then and there. Like, it don't even matter what it is—a collar, clothes, games, whatever. That anticipation, y'feel me? Same way you try on clothes before buying 'em. If you look good, you rock them the same day or the next. It's the same thing.»
I hesitated, momentarily caught off guard by his logic. «Uh... yeah,» I murmured, suddenly at a loss. He's just saying words.
«Plus, I want you to play it too.»
«Play it?»
«Yeah. I swear on my soul, it'll be something new for you. And if you don't like it, it's aight—you just gotta tell me. I just... want you to have some fun, man.»
«...What?» So, that's the meaning of all this pushy behavior?
«Every time I pass through your class, you always look down. I know your story, bro. And... I feel you, you know? It's lowkey... I don't know, I just want you to be more of yourself, and the only thing that gets you hyped up is talking about what you like, as in games, anime, and your hobby of judging people. That's sad but... that's why we're always up all night online, right? C'mon, man, gimme a smile.»
I see, an unusual soft-sounding gabbing. So, that's really the meaning behind this go-getting intention. Should I stifle this sublime rebuke with a mockingly critical and completely unrelated comment?
However, from what I consider to be certainly remarkable in others, and those who are closest to me, or at least, through some circumstance in life know about that past—my past—, it's not really important.
It's not important, really. Yeah, not in the slightest—that's what I consider. Thus, telling me this, it won't affect me at all. I've already gotten over it, and I'm quite encouraged to forget it.
Now, why is this guy talking like my counselor? Shut the fuck up!
In spite of, to reward that low-keyed demonstration of worryness, I forced a weak, unsavory smile, letting out a half-hearted: «Heh... You happy?»
«Yeahhhh, good boy!»
«Say that again, and I'll break your ass.»
«Pfft! Pause. Aight, aight: You won't do nothing, either way.» He raised his hands in mock surrender, grinning. «But real talk—do you want me to give it to you? I ain't pressed if you say no, but I'm gonna cop it for myself either way. I'm real curious about it. Plus, it's cheap, so no big deal.»
Isaac, Issac. You really got me thinking—Congratulations.
Taken aside your disquiet: truth is, I rarely lower my guard to new experiences—I'm far too content with sticking to what I know. A conformist mindset is what I like, and that's not bad I believe.
Regardless, the idea of something crafted so perfectly to captivate the minds of today's youth, particularly in the realm of romance, and especially tailored for a male audience, stirred a flicker of inquisitiveness within me. It made the concept of "giving it a try" feel like a solid yes.
That said, I must state upfront: if I reach the point where it bores me or disgusts me with its overly saccharine depictions of impossibly cute characters and tiresome, immoderately voice acting, I'll never touch anything like it again.
«Alright,» I said with a resigned sigh. «I'll take it.»
«Knew you'd say that,» Isaac grinned. «Tryna practice how to get a girlfriend, with the 2D huzz!»
«On second thought, maybe you should just kee—»
«Okay! I'll hit you up the second I've got it!» His grin faltered into an awkward smile, but there was no mistaking the satisfaction on his face. He was genuinely happy to see one of his friends willing to try something he enjoyed.
It's just a shame that friend had to be me. How cruel is life.
After we parted ways with a friendly fist bump, I turned toward the door, key in hand, and stepped inside my house.