Time passed slowly, at least it seemed slow to Nova, but as strange as it was to admit…she didn't mind. Yes, it was not without difficulty seeing herself not progressing those first few days, but as time crept on like crawling ivy, she found she enjoyed the company of others.
There were times she told stories or jokes, and then there were times she quietly listened to everyone else. When she became quiet, it seemed an unspoken rule amongst those in the room that she needed a moment to herself of silence. In those moments, she didn't feel bothersome. She felt…understood.
Her time with Hollis grew, as did her understanding of his personality. While he could often be shy and a bit awkward, much like Peter had been, the more often they played chess or she watched him train in the arena, the more zest he acquired in his attitude. He'd never been disrespectful, of course, but she didn't expect his retorts to Cassian one frigid morning when he'd said in retaliation to not staying still when Kole charged him, "Well, not all of us are the size of a mountain." He'd said.
Azriel had to dodge a swing from Cassian after he'd doubled over in laughter.
Since the night Kallias had shared the story of the wolves, Nova had made it a habit to remind herself continuously of that lesson. Was she numbly licking a blade, or were her actions justifiable? Each morning, she got out of bed a little earlier, a little easier. She could take deeper breaths, meditate for longer, and spend more time challenging her body. Growth and healing don't happen overnight; thinking back to where she started and where she was now made her smile.
Yesterday, she climbed the stairs by herself. Today she took a shower alone. Who knew what she might be capable of tomorrow? Take the victories, the small and the big, because every step forward was worth celebrating.
Nova sat on the cushioned stool and pulled her damp hair into a tight braid. She weaved the tendrils of her hair back and forth, occasionally pausing as the ache in her arms became too much, then continued when the burn subsided.
Glancing to her left, Nova smiled at the light rap against the door, "Come in."
Inching open with a low creak, her mother poked her head in and smiled before letting it swing simply open. She and her father stepped in wearing wide, matching grins that spread to their ears and sparkled their eyes.
Raising her brows, their smile was infectious, but she curiously asked, "Why are you smiling like that?"
"Happy birthday, Nova."
Her fingers paused on the tail of her braid. "My…" She looked around, but she didn't have a calendar. "How old am I?"
Snorting, Rhys plopped on the end of her bed and shook his head fondly, "You're twenty-six. As is Hollis."
"Right," Nova nodded slowly as she finished the braid and slung it over her shoulder, "Shared birthdays."
On the island, her birthday was celebrated, but not much. Not that she minded. Nesta acknowledged it in passing, then told her to gear up for training. That night, every year, Ana would arrive at her cabin just before midnight with a cake. In the dark of the cabin, she'd blow out the candles, and then she, Ana, and Adira would sit on the floor and eat the cake by the plateful. It was one of the few times in the year that Nova would eat something sugary sweet, aside from sticky buns. She'd never say no to one of those.
Pulling her from her reverie, her mother leaned against the desk, "We know you don't like receiving gifts…or any attention for that matter…" She smiled. "But, well, this is the first birthday we've ever been able to be with you. Aside from the day you were born, and…" Feyre swallowed back her emotion. "I held you for five minutes, and you were gone."
Nova frowned, looking up at her as she pulled a small burlap sack from the pocket of her leggings and offered it to her.
"It isn't technically a surprise," Feyre smiled, "You did pick them out."
Furrowing her brow, Nova took the bag and carefully pulled the contents out. Her breath hitched as she admired the smooth green and jagged red stone.
Balance and courage.
"From our walk through Velaris," Feyre murmured as Nova met her loving gaze, "You wouldn't accept them then, but I hope you feel you can now. They truly are a simple token of our love."
Was the feeling of love supposed to feel so overwhelming that it almost felt like grief? A wonderful ache settled in her chest as she slowly nodded, "I…love you too…" She met their eyes. She meant it. She did love them. Not just for the things they've done for her, but for everything they are to her.
Protector…counsel…friend.
While the time they lost couldn't be resurrected, what they did have was theirs to keep.
Feyre met Rhys's eyes, watching his tears slide in cadence with hers. She didn't realize how much she longed for those words until now, until this moment. Locking it away into her memory, she vowed to cherish it forever. Glancing back at Nova, she smiled with trembling lips, "I'm glad you like them."
But Nova had become distracted as she admired the stones, brows furrowing as she stared at the carnelian, and she had this fuzzy feeling in the pit of her stomach that this wasn't meant for her. It wasn't a bad feeling, per se, but it was enough that she questioned if she should keep it in her pocket or not.
"Is something wrong, Nova?" Her father asked, and she glanced at his worried gaze with pursed lips.
"I don't mean to sound ungrateful by any means, because this one," she held the jade to her chest, "feels like mine, but this one…doesn't," she said, staring at the quartz. She grimaced. She shouldn't have admitted that- she should have kept it to herself.
"In what way does it not feel like it belongs to you?" Her mother asked curiously.
"It just feels like it wasn't meant for me. When I was looking through them, both…sang, but for different reasons."
Nodding with a small smile, "Well, Nova, it is your gift, so you may do with it whatever you choose. Even giving it to the person you believe needs it more."
Nova looked up and she saw the intent behind her eyes. It was like she knew before she had said anything. Venturing, she asked, "Do you think so, too?"
With a smile, she rolled her shoulders, "I wouldn't disagree with the sentiment."
So it was settled, Nova smiled to herself. Placed her jade in her left pocket and the quarts in the right, patted each, and nodded.
"Thank you, where did you last see, Hollis?"
On her way down the stairs, Nova took each step carefully. She stretched each muscle as she descended, ensuring she wasn't compensating and wouldn't injure another part of herself. No one helped her, but she sensed watchful eyes, or rather, listening ears, all around. Each time she made it to the floor below, her smile grew a little broader.
"Happy birthday!" Kole called from down the hall. He, Kyra, and Nieve stood at the end, covered in dirt and grime from their expedition in the training arena.
The points of her ears blushed pink as she nodded, "Thanks…is Hollis still in the arena?" She didn't mind Kole and Nieve; she quite liked them, actually. Kole reminded her of Finch in a way, a little less flirtatious, but with the same energy.
His sister, Nieve, never pried or asked invasive questions. She was someone Nova could sit around with without expecting a conversation, but when she did supply information, it was gossip that Nova couldn't stop her ears from leaning into. It was never anything hurtful, but she seemed to know every detail about anyone and everyone within the city, including someone named Reign, who was no longer welcome at the palace ever again. Nova didn't intend to ask Hollis about her, as she had a feeling she wouldn't like the answer.
"Quiet observation is my specialty," Nieve had said one night over a mug of cinnamon whipped cream and a spoon.
"He's in the stables putting Baylor away," Kyra answered with a smile. "He said he'd find you and see if you wanted to do something later, with all of us, so prepare yourself for that question."
Nova couldn't help but smile and nodded, "Noted." She said and started on her slow walk toward the stables. She took a coat from the hook at the door and shrugged it on, something she hadn't been able to do just last week, and trekked out into the blinding snow. A few steps out, she paused, feeling eyes on her from somewhere. Lifting the heavy hood from her head, she looked up and met Cas and Az's eyes as they watched her from one of the second-floor windows. Likely in one of the drawing rooms.
Grinning, she offered them her middle finger, and though she couldn't hear their laughter, she watched them step away from the window to catch their breath. Shaking her head, she chuckled as she moved forward. The snow was much deeper than it had been the last time she'd been outside, which was only a few days ago.
Nova had to lift her leg higher with each step and sighed with relief as she finally made it to the steel doors of the stable. She rattled with the handle, cringing at the bite of the metal against her red skin. She should have worn gloves. When the door finally pushed open, she trod in, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Her lungs stung from the cold as she tried to push with all her might to close out the wind.
"Coming!" Hollis hollered from the center of the aisle and took off at a full sprint toward her. Together, they shut and secured the door against the snow, trying to pile in.
"Thanks." Nova breathed out, the plumes curling out like thick smoke. "What's the temperature?" She asked, shuddering as she hugged herself.
Swallowing, Hollis grimaced, "Colder than yesterday…" And the day before that, and the day before that. Each day dropped another degree.
They exchanged a frown, but neither brought up the thoughts that soiled their mind and quickened their heart.
"Happy birthday…" Nova said at the same time as Hollis.
Snorting, Nova shook her head as he grinned, and offered his arm, "Let's go sit for a second, you might be exhausted."
Nova glanced down at his arm and pursed her lips. "Try to keep up." She said and turned, walking down the aisle toward the stall he had been at when she arrived. Letting people in was easier said than done, and taking his arm still seemed to intimate. That…and it reminded her of Peter.
Quickly burying those thoughts and the guilt that came with it, she sat on a bale of straw against the wall between Baylor and Winter's stall. While it was meant for bedding the stall, Hollis never moved it after the first time she'd taken a seat there to rest her back. Since then, that was where it stayed, so Nova had a place to rest when helping him care for the horses.
"Here," Nova said, digging into her pocket and withdrawing the quartz. Settling it in her palm, she extended it to Hollis. "It's carnelian."
Blinking in surprise, Hollis slowly shook his head, "Nova, you didn't have to get me anything…" Frowning, he moved forward, staring at the stone in fascination. A strange stirring in his chest brought with it a sweet ache, and he wasn't sure if it was the stone or the gesture. Carefully taking it in his hand, an overwhelming sense of comfort flooded him. "Where did you get this?"
Nova smiled softly, "It's from Velaris, I'm sure you could find it elsewhere, but…it's meant to offer courage."
Glancing up, Hollis met her eyes as she continued.
"When you feel like you can't rise above the fear, it will help ground you." She withdrew her jade and showed it to him. "This one called to me for balance. To regulate myself and keep calm in the chaos."
"Thank you…" Hollis breathed as he blinked the moisture from his eyes. "Your gift is upstairs," he smiled sheepishly.
Nova scoffed, "And you said I didn't have to give you anything, but you got me something?"
Shrugging, he grinned, "Just don't ask how I got it, okay?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, "Alright?" She agreed hesitantly, more curious now than ever.
After checking on Ruby and her belly, she and Hollis braced the winter air as they returned to the palace. They were still shivering as they removed their coats and scarves.
"Do you want to go upstairs, or do you want to meet in the parlor?"
Nova pursed her lips, "I suppose the parlor is fine…if it's empty." No matter what the gift was, the idea of opening it in front of others, with expectant eyes, sounded like her own personal hell.
Smiling, he nodded, "I'll be right back."
As Hollis went upstairs to his room, Nova walked the short distance to the first-floor parlor and breathed a sigh of relief at the empty seats and archways. She slipped inside and slid the wooden doors together behind her. Settled on the plush couch, she let her muscles relax as she kicked off her shoes. Despite the distance of the fire, the radiating heat reached her cheeks and toes, warming her pleasantly.
When the door opened, she glanced over her shoulder and watched Hollis step in and close the door again behind him. In his hands, he held a simple wooden box. It wasn't unembellished, but it was quite plain. The deep cherry was polished to a shiny perfection, bringing out the intricate wood grain. He sat next to her, and she looked at the brass lock, to which he held out a matching key.
"My mother once told me a story about her Hope Chest when she was younger. It was a large box filled with ideals of love and things she wished for her future self. Well, it was mentioned it was predominantly a female tradition, but…I liked the sentiment of it." He flushed pink and smiled crookedly. "I have one as well, I call it my Hope Box. It's not exactly the same, but I keep things that are very special to me inside. Things that, if I ever lost them, I'd lose part of myself. So…I wanted to give one to you. I do have something inside already," he said, his breath hitching with nerves.
He just hoped it wasn't an overstep.
"Oh…thank you, Hollis." Nova managed a small smile. It was…thoughtful. Very thoughtful.
"Here's the key that goes with it."
Taking the key, she glanced at him once more before sliding it through the lock and clicking it open. Lifting the lid, Nova peered inside and frowned with confusion. A small black velvet bag tied with a silky white ribbon sat inside. Nova's heart and stomach plummeted at once as fear replaced her confusion.
Was this what she thought it might be?
Please don't be something she could fit on her finger. She'd made her feelings for Hollis abundantly clear. She wanted friendship, and that hadn't changed. No amount of chess games or late-night hot chocolate conversations could alter her decision. How would she turn him down without being hurtful?
Oh, please don't be a ring.
Picking the bag up with shaking fingers, Nova slowly released the silk, took a breath, and pulled the top apart to peer inside. Furrowing her brows, she couldn't see much of anything inside. Gingerly, Nova reached her fingers in, pinched something soft, and pulled out a bluebell petal.
Nova gasped softly, and it trapped itself in her chest as she stared at the wrinkled remnants of Peter's flowers. She'd know these particular petals anywhere. Tears gathered in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks as she looked at Hollis.
"How did…where…"
"They were the only bits I could find, but I'd rather not talk about how or where," Hollis said gently.
Nova's throat constricted as she fought for words and placed the delicate petals into the safety of the velvet bag, tied the top, and gingerly placed it back. In a hoarse voice, she murmured, "I don't know what to say…"
"You don't have to say anything," Hollis said gently, watching her, fighting back the tears that threatened him. Just knowing that she had them in her possession spread a relieved warmth through his body.
"Thank you…" Nova looked up as she closed the box with care and locked it. Grief and joy intermingled through her chest, and while she wanted to cry for what she had lost, she also wanted to celebrate the memories she'd kept.
This was the sunshine Peter had told her to reach for.
Lunch came and went, as well as a few silent tears that neither of them mentioned, and now they sat on the floor around the coffee table. A puzzle was strewn across the surface, and while Nova sorted through pieces by straight edges, Hollis sorted colors. Nova glanced over at the pile he was working on.
"I think those two pink pieces go in separate piles," Nova mentioned, putting another straight edge in her pile, then snagging a corner piece as if it were gold and putting that in a pile of its own.
"No, it's pink," Hollis said, holding it up, "Just like the ones already in the pile."
Nova nodded, "Yes, but there are lines that cut through it."
"So?"
"So? So, it probably goes to a different portion of the puzzle."
Hollis furrowed his brow and settled a look on her, "Why wouldn't the pink go with the pink? Even if there are lines, these wouldn't be any different than the others."
"It would be if one is of the sky and the other a reflection. Sky above, reflection below. Those lines look like ripples in the water."
"Nova," Hollis fought a smirk, "You're being a little controlling right now."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't graduate from the academy of dumbassery."
"Nova!" Hollis cackled.
"I'm sorry," she immediately responded, "That was too far. Sorry."
In their snorting laughter, they didn't hear the door open, nor did they see Kyra standing in its frame.
"Hey, dumbasses," Kyra smirked, Kole and Nieve standing just behind her.
With wide eyes, Hollis and Nova slowly turned their heads toward them. She continued, "Come here. They're ready for you."
"Who?" Nova furrowed her brows.
"Come here!" Kyra exclaimed again, though she smiled as they turned and left.
Exchanging a curious gaze, Nova and Hollis stood from the ground and followed. It was just entering evening, perhaps there was a special dinner. She didn't know what Hollis's birthdays were like; maybe this was typical.
Sure enough, Kyra led them all to the dining room, but as they entered, it was not just a spread of food on the table that caught their eyes. There was the massive three-tier, rather lopsided cake, with candles that stretched haphazardly from the bottom to the top. Nova's jaw dropped as Hollis's smile stretched into a wide grin.
The layers were uneven, and the white frosting had been globbed on like peaked shaving foam. Yet there were intricate designs of dark green vines and yellow flowers that blossomed all over, adorned with soft white edible pearls. Nova knew Ana's piping anywhere, but who had created the base of it?
Her father smiled from his place at the table, where everyone from the palace was seated. "Cas and Az took it upon themselves to make the cake."
Beaming brightly, Cassian nodded, "I promise, it will taste better than it looks."
Nova grinned and laughed as they approached.
"Happy birthday, both of you," he raised his wine glass, "And to many more to come," Az smiled, which was followed by a chorus of the same from the others. Even Nesta smiled fondly during the festivities, though Nesta wouldn't meet Nova's eyeline. She wasn't sure if she was ready to delve into conversation with her. That would have to be a private matter, and she was certain Nesta would be grateful for that too.
While everyone began to dig into the food and cake, Hollis sat next to his parents, and Nova sat next to Ana, offering a small smile —a white flag of surrender to their silence. "Thank you…The decorations are beautiful."
Ana grinned, took her hands, and squeezed.
Even as the sky grew darker with night approaching, the candles that lit the dining hall cast a spectacular glow. Lighting everyone's faces, allowing some of their joy to seep through. It was a memory Nova never wanted to lose; one she wished she could store away in her Hope Box.