"I think you might need my special ride service."
Kaecilius' dry humor was rare enough that Mario did a double-take. The sorcerer was already surveying their surroundings.
He walked over and tapped Kaecilius' armor with his knuckles. "You know what? I'm pretty sure I can't live without you anymore. Portal travel is way too convenient."
He observed their surroundings more carefully. The place looked vaguely familiar, like something from a half-remembered dream. Broken equipment littered the floor, shattered monitors still sparking with electricity. Bodies in S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms lay scattered across the room.
"Is this a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility? After all this time, they still haven't cleaned out Hydra completely? Either Fury's getting sloppy or—"
He was about to check the bodies for signs of life when the entire structure began trembling. Deep, muffled explosions echoed from somewhere below, growing louder.
"Portal! Now!"
Kaecilius was already moving. Golden sparks erupted into a gateway just as the ceiling began collapsing. They dove through together, and Mario caught a brief glimpse of the room behind them pancaking into rubble before the portal snapped shut.
A few chunks of debris made it through before the gateway closed.
"Someone really wanted us dead," he muttered, brushing concrete dust off his shoulders. "They can't win, so they blow up the whole damn building. Such a classic terrorist playbook move."
Then he looked around at where they'd landed and froze completely.
Dense forest surrounded them. In the distance, the sounds of nocturnal birds echoed through the trees. It was Central Park.
Except something felt wrong. It looked the same, but his instincts told him this wasn't home.
"Where are we?" he walked toward where the Hulk's massive footprints should have been. Nothing. The earth was completely undisturbed.
"Kaecilius, I've got a bad feeling about this."
The sorcerer nodded slowly. "This doesn't seem to be our original universe."
Mario pulled a torch from his inventory and walked directly to where his underground base entrance should have been. The ground was perfectly smooth, completely identical to its surroundings.
"Shit."
His grass blocks always had minor imperfections. But this was natural earth.
"Goddammit. I'd rather have ended up in deep space than someone else's universe."
Kaecilius approached. "Let's establish a temporary base here first and gather intelligence about this world. If necessary, we can always... ah, politely invite Dr. Erik and Tony to study the Tesseract for us."
"Politely invite with my sniper rifle, you mean?" Mario pulled out his pickaxe and started excavating. "Let's dig in first. I need a secure location before I can think straight."
Thanks to his hammer with Efficiency V and Unbreaking, a suitable underground chamber took shape rapidly. It wasn't as large or elaborate as his home base, but it provided enough space for him and Kaecilius to rest safely.
Kaecilius stepped out of his armor and watched Mario work. "Should we seek help from this universe's Sorcerer Supreme?"
The suggestion tempted Mario for about half a second. "We need to stay off the radar for now. A parallel universe's Sorcerer Supreme might not be the Ancient One. Hell, might not even be human. We can't trust anyone until we know more."
Kaecilius nodded. His time studying forbidden texts in Kamar-Taj's library had taught him enough about the multiverse to grasp the danger.
Mario finished the basic chamber setup and sat on a cobblestone slab. After a long moment of thought, he turned to Kaecilius.
"Let's go topside and scout the area. We need information."
They emerged from Central Park into the steel and glass jungle of Manhattan. He observed his surroundings.
"It's incredible," he said quietly to Kaecilius. "If I didn't know my home base was gone, I wouldn't even realize we're in a completely different universe."
He pointed across the street. "That's the restaurant where we had dinner last week. Same sign."
His initial wonder gradually gave way to unease. Something was off, but he couldn't quite identify what. As they crossed a major intersection, he saw it, a familiar skyscraper.
"Stark Tower?"
In his universe, thanks to Ivan and his own influence, Tony had been pushing construction crews hard. But when Mario had left, the building was barely past the framing stage. Here, it was clearly operational.
"This universe's timeline is ahead of ours."
He grabbed a passing pedestrian, a young man who looked ready to curse him out until he saw the fifty-dollar bill in Mario's hand.
"What's today's date?"
His eyes locked onto the money, and answered under capitalism's magical influence. "May 1st, 2012."
"Thanks." Mario pressed the bill into his hand and released him.
The Battle of New York. And that collapsed S.H.I.E.L.D. facility had probably been where they were researching the Tesseract before Loki's arrival caused everything to go sideways.
"I think we should do some business. The zero-investment kind."
Kaecilius frowned slightly. "What kind of zero-investment business?"
"The kind where you acquire someone else's property without spending money. That's zero-investment."
"Robbery?"
Mario's grin widened. "You've summed it up perfectly."
Far away in Kamar-Taj, the Ancient One's eyes snapped open from deep meditation. Her expression showed confusion.
"The timeline... has become chaotic."
---
Mario strolled leisurely toward Stark Tower, with Kaecilius falling into step beside him.
Along the way, he chatted with Kaecilius about the Chitauri invasion, but Kaecilius' indifferent reaction left him somewhat confused.
"Why aren't you surprised?"
"Why would I be?"
"..." Mario felt his excitement deflate a bit. "Never mind."
They continued walking in silence. In the original timeline, aside from the Ancient One watching from a rooftop, no Kamar-Taj sorcerers participated in the Battle of New York. Their mandate was defending against dimensional threats, not alien invasions. Plus, the Ancient One had probably already seen how it would play out.
They reached Stark Tower just as the building's lights began illuminating from bottom to top. A figure in red and gold armor descended from the sky and disappeared into the penthouse level.
"Tony Stark," Mario said. "I wonder if this universe's version is any different from ours."
SCREECH.
A red sports car braked hard behind them. A familiar figure in a black suit emerged, Coulson, looking serious and rushed as he headed toward the tower entrance.
As he passed, he glanced at Mario, who smiled and nodded in greeting.
Coulson hesitated for just a moment, returned the nod, then continued inside. But Mario noticed him pull out a phone and start typing something.
Filing a report already. Such a good agent.
"That was this universe's Coulson," Kaecilius said, showing actual emotion for the first time since they'd arrived. "Now I'm curious, if I hadn't met you, what would I be doing right now?"
Mario's smile became awkward. He turned away, staring at Stark Tower.
Should I tell him that in canon, he'd be plotting to murder the Ancient One and make a deal with Dormammu? Probably not.
"Loki heads to Germany in a couple days," he said instead. "We'll intercept him there. Right now he's hiding in some sewer somewhere, not worth the effort to track down."
Kaecilius accepted this without argument. Beyond resurrecting his family, very little interested him anymore.
"We should head to Germany now and take it easy for a few days. Consider it a vacation."
---
Two days passed in a blur.
Mario sat on the edge of a fountain on Königstraße in Stuttgart, Germany, watching the crowd gather for Selvig's gala. It was a typical gathering of Germany's upper crust, dressed in their finest clothes and sipping champagne.
"So this is high society," Mario muttered, unscrewing the cap of his thermos like a retiree at the park. He took a small sip. "I bet five bucks that guy's wearing a toupee."
Kaecilius followed Mario's gaze to an older gentleman with suspiciously perfect hair, then turned back without commenting.
Mario didn't mind. He sat quietly, waiting for Loki to make his dramatic entrance.
"AHHH—"
Screams erupted from inside the gala. The crowd transformed into a panicked mob, flooding out of the building while abandoning all pretense of dignity.
Loki emerged behind them, dressed in his iconic green and gold armor, carrying his scepter and wearing that ridiculous horned helmet. He strode calmly across the red carpet.
Mario straightened up. "Finally! There you are!"
Loki's face wore his trademark expression of amused superiority as he surveyed the chaos he'd created. Multiple illusory copies of himself appeared around the plaza, surrounding the crowd.
He slammed his scepter against the ground, the Mind Stone glowing brightly.
"Kneel before me!"
The crowd fell silent, staring at him in terror.
Kaecilius silently pulled out a five-dollar bill and handed it to Mario without a word. The toupee bet had been correct.
Mario chuckled, pocketing the money. He leaned closer to Kaecilius. "Can you tell which one is the real him?"
Kaecilius shook his head. "His illusion magic is very advanced."
Loki raised his arms dramatically. "I said, KNEEL!"
The crowd slowly dropped to one knee. Mario sighed at the cultural differences on display.
Loki smiled, clearly pleased with himself. "Is this not simpler? Is this not your natural state? The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life's joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity—"
His monologue cut off abruptly as he noticed Mario sitting by the fountain, occasionally sipping from his thermos.
Seeing Loki's attention shift his way, Mario set down his drink, stood up, and cracked his neck. "Time to work."
One of Loki's illusions appeared directly in front of him. "Mortal, I said kneel!"
The scepter's gem began glowing brighter, the Mind Stone's power focusing on Mario.
Mario didn't even look at the illusion. A staff materialized in his hand, and he aimed it at Loki's real body on the raised platform.
"Freeze!"
Ice erupted around Loki's form. But the real Loki had vanished the instant Mario's staff appeared, leaving only an illusion trapped in ice.
Fast reflexes. But not fast enough.
Mario's mini-map showed Loki's position clearly, rushing toward him with the scepter raised, clearly intending to stab him through the heart.
He switched staves without missing a beat.
"Sixth Sense!"
The spell was straightforward, it marked all hostile creatures within a twenty-meter radius. In the real world, it was even more practical than the game version.
After casting, he could see Loki charging straight at him, scepter aimed like a spear. Loki smiled, clearly believing he'd caught Mario off-guard.
A wizard playing assassin? What is this, some kind of hybrid build?
Mario stood perfectly still, letting Loki close to within two meters. Then his staff flared with brilliant light.
"Slow Time!"
[Slow Time:
Tier: Master
Element: Sorcery
Mana Cost: 100
Effect: Upon casting, creates a field of temporal distortion around the caster. Time within an eight-meter radius slows dramatically for 15 seconds. If equipped with the Peculiar Pocketwatch accessory, time within the field stops completely.]
Unfortunately, he had never found that particular accessory.
A strange ripple spread outward from his position, encompassing everything within eight meters. Loki's expression froze, his steps slowing to a near halt. The scepter's tip moved toward Mario's chest like a snail crossing pavement.
"Much better."
Mario walked around the time-slowed Loki, grabbed the Mind Stone scepter right out of his hands, then drove his boot hard into Loki's abdomen.
The moment the kick connected, time snapped back to normal speed. Loki's eyes went wide as his body rocketed backward, slamming through three tables before skidding to a stop twenty meters away.
He examined the scepter in his hands.
"Thanks for the donation, Loki. I really appreciate it."