I was pretty sure I was dead.
But, if you asked me how or why, I couldn't tell you.
I was stuck in this place. There wasn't really much of anything here, just darkness stretching on endlessly. A void, if you will.
And since I woke up in this void, I'd been floating here, like some sort of wandering spirit.
The void was an odd place. When I first opened my eyes, I felt a strong temptation to stare into the distance, long past the stretching darkness my eyes were fixed onto a distant point I couldn't quite make out. I felt entranced—almost hypnotized—and I would've stayed staring forever if it wasn't for what happened next.
Deep in the darkness, something began to churn. Like slithering tentacles struggling to fit into a tightly confined space, all moving forward in a singular writhing mass.
Oh shit, I thought. But I couldn't look away; the thing demanded my attention as the mass got bigger, closer, and all-consuming.
Then the pain came. A deep splitting pain, like someone was actively prying my skull open with a crowbar.
The writhing mass was closer now; at this point, I couldn't tell if it was moving towards me, or if it was pulling me towards it.
The pain intensified, sharp and electric, striking like lightning. And every time it hit, the mass crept closer.
Finally, when it was mere meters away—when I could clearly see the individual forms that made up the entity—well, "entities" was more accurate.
What I saw were vague outlines. Tentacles, twisted limbs, and maws all dressed in black, writhing, of course, calling to me… though they weren't speaking. Closer and closer, till my mind grew thin. Then closer still, till my chest felt heavy—suddenly, with my last bit of sanity I snapped my eyes shut, and all was calm.
Holy shit, I thought. "What the hell just happened?" I croaked, though my voice instantly faded into the void. At least I could still speak.
But there was nobody to answer my questions in the void. It was just me…
If that wasn't enough, my once solid body was now made of pale, wisping smoke. Sure, it resembled my figure, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't always like this. I knew for certain that I used to be made of something more solid.
Once I had built up the courage to open my eyes again, I almost had a heart attack when I saw my ghostly form. The funny thing being that I wasn't even sure I had a heart anymore.
I was sure of two things, though. One, I was most definitely dead. And two, the darkness wouldn't get me if I didn't taunt it with my gaze. So I kept my eyes on myself, and when I got tired of staring at my ghostly shell of a body, I'd close my eyes.
And those were about the only things I was sure of. And the only things I did for—who knows how long.
I had nothing else. No memories of where I was before this, no idea what this place was, and I didn't even remember my own name.
But that was fine. I wasn't panicking—yet. If I just waited a while, something… anything would definitely happen.
***
Nothing happened.
It had been ten days or so.
Had it?
I wasn't really sure. Maybe just ten minutes had passed—or ten years—or ten millennia! It was really hard to tell in this fucking void, 'cause nothing was fucking happening—
Breathe, I told myself… this place was messing with my head, making it hard to think or stay calm.
I don't remember who I was or where I was before, but surely I didn't cuss this much… Did I?
This place was just getting to me. For all I knew, ten seconds would've been all that had passed and I was already losing my sh—… cool. Maybe a little patience was best… yes, patience, I thought, just relax. So I closed my eyes and tried my very hardest to relax.
***
I tried my best, I really did. But I was getting really tempted to open my eyes and stare into that damned void again.
You'd think I was suicidal, 'cause I was, another minute like this would spell my doom. This body was numb, it was driving me crazy. I closed my eyes to meet darkness and opened them to meet—can you guess?
More darkness. One of them being more dangerous than the other, but both equally driving me mad.
Staring at my ghostly body, on the other hand, was seriously ticking me off. And I felt nothing, saw nothing, smelt nothing.
Sometimes, when I'd get really irritated, I would scream curses into the void, just to feel or hear something back, maybe an echo. But the void would smother and mute the sound. And it would be gone, just like that.
I spent another thousand years like this, or was it just a minute?...
If I could feel, I would've felt my eyelids begin to flutter. I was gonna do it. I was gonna open my eyes and stare into the darkness.
Sure, everything in me told me not to; I felt the faintest sensation of a flare, like my ghostly form was protesting against the destruction I was about to invite.
But the tentacles couldn't be that bad, could they?... At the very least they'd give me sensation. Regardless if it was pain or terror. Anything would be better than this numbness.
I had decided, and I would follow through—that's just the kinda person I was… I think.
So as my eyes fluttered open, ready to receive whatever came of me, something finally happened.
A golden shining light descended into the darkness from who knows where, like it appeared just in time for me to behold, and it slowly lowered itself.
My eyes followed it—down, down—till it stopped before me. Floating right in front of me.
I could see it clearly now. It wasn't an "it," it was a woman bathed in a golden halo of light around her. Blonde, billowing hair, soft features, and striking blue eyes. She smiled.
She was dressed in plain white sneakers, blue jeans with a button-down long-sleeved blouse tucked into the jeans. The basic white girl fit.
Thinking that, I felt a pang of offense hit me—'cause, it was like looking in a mirror. I had seen this woman before; I knew her well—her eyes, her curves, and her smile. It was me, goddamn it.
Then she opened her mouth, and out came a low, soothing, gentlemanly voice that made the slightest warmth bloom within me.
"Were you really going to stare into the void?" it asked, a bit mockingly.
Me? Flabbergasted, I didn't respond. She—it—looked like me. But that wasn't me.
Who the heck was this?