:
I experimented for a few more days, continuing my exploration of this world. It's truly breathtaking, beyond imagining.
Looking at yet another breathtaking sunrise, I realize—of course—it looks different now. The sun doesn't burn my eyes because, well, I don't have any. I see this world through mana. Don't get me wrong—the sun still appears as a brilliant ball of yellow and red, but to be honest, I've never seen a star so awe-inspiring.
I can control the flow of mana more easily now. It's almost second nature. It becomes easier the more I remember will.
Don't misunderstand me—I'm starting to remember, but it's mostly fragmented pieces: mathematics, sciences, memorized knowledge. Things I could recall if tested. But the memories of who I was? They're still so blurry. The more I grow stronger, the clearer they become. For now, I can only focus on growing stronger and remembering.
I put my head in my hands. Adjusting this makes me feel more human—less… whatever I am now. You never realize how much of your emotions are based on hormones until you no longer have any.
Regardless, this form has its benefits. For one, my memory is impeccable. It's perfect. My ability to grasp new information has expanded greatly, as if I'm some sort of supercomputer.
But sometimes, I feel like I'm going to lose my humanity. I still think about it—surrendering to the endless sky. It would be so much simpler, wouldn't it?
But for some reason, I feel like someone would be very disappointed in me if I did. So, I persevere, one day at a time, to learn to fight for myself. I've always been a people-pleaser. If it would make someone happy, I'd do nearly anything. I wonder, though, if this world would be even more breathtaking if I could see again, if I could feel like a human does.
In my previous life, I imagined being as free as the birds, soaring into the endless sky. Oh, what that would have been like. Sometimes, the weight of it all is overwhelming. Before I know it, I'm drifting. The only entertainment I get is watching nature at work. It seems the same in every world—you must kill to survive.
I watch a strange bird, covered in spikes, swoop down and attack a fire-breathing lizard. The lizard swings its tail in a desperate attempt to defend itself, nearly missing the bird. But its tail is severed by the bird's razor-sharp talons. I see lightning surge through the lizard as it is struck, and it's torn in half—no chance of survival.
I remember hunting with my dad. It was the only time I ever went hunting, the first time I had to face it. I could never stand sitting in one place for that long.
A Dear wide eyed, bushy tailed emerged from the woods, locking eyes with me. He told me to take the shot, but I couldn't.
"Slow your breathing. Take aim. Then fire," my dad whispered in my ear.
The deer stared at me, and I stared back. I wonder—if it could feel that I couldn't would not
I wonder if I was able to pull the trigger would've made me feel anything at all
But in the end
I didn't want to kill her, especially when she took two steps closer to me.
I raised the shotgun, took aim, and slowed my breathing. One shot. I aimed behind the front leg, into the lung.
I pulled the trigger, but all I heard was the click. The deer bolted, escaping.
I made an excuse, claiming the safety was on, but the truth was—I just didn't want to kill it. It's never as simple as it seems.
if we were in separate places would've done the same
I wonder, though—will I have to do it in this world? And if push comes to shove, will I be willing?
Mmm
I guess I'll know when I get there.
On another note, my core, once the size of a fingernail, is now the size of a golf ball. I feel something coming—a qualitative change in the mana itself. There's an increasing pressure, like something's building up. The more pressure there is, the harder it becomes to condense it further. I hope I'm heading in the right direction, but then again, it's like throwing money at a problem, hoping it'll fix itself.
After studying mana, it seems quite empathetic—meaning it reacts to emotions, will, and intent as energy. It's fascinating. In fact, I wonder if it's alive. Is there a will of the world here at play?
But in the end, that's all speculation and hypothesis.
What I do know is that I see no incompatibility between the technology of my world and mana. However, I haven't been here long, and there's still so much to explore.
Back on Earth, technology could be categorized into things like information technology (computers and communication systems), mechanical technology (machines and tools), energy technology (generation and storage of energy), biotechnology (use of biological systems), material technology (manipulating materials for various uses), and medical technology (tools for healthcare). Each category serves specific needs, and many technologies overlap or evolve as science advances.
Now, it's a matter of figuring out which categories apply in this new world.
I suspect mana may have existed on Earth as well, but not in any significant amounts. Perhaps that was the connection I was feeling.
Then again, it's just a hypothesis. As best as I can tell, mana exists within the framework of certain rules—some rules, anyway. But it's also highly possible those rules are wrong. Perhaps I should forget about the rules of my previous world. After all, every hypothesis can