When Cale opened his eyes it was already morning.
He had fallen asleep in his study, sitting on the chair, with his head on the desk.
Nobody came to disturb him and he had quite the peaceful sleep.
'How much time has passed since the last time I slept so relaxed?'
Cale had always slept in alert since a certain point in his life as Kim Rok Soo, to be more precise since the day of the apocalypse, after all he didn't know when he would be attacked by a monster and he was really weak.
And his previous life as Cale Henituse wasn't better; when all his family died he was haunted by nightmares when he fell asleep and when awake he lived a life of constantly fighting from place to place against the White Star and his pawns.
He didn't have time to rest.
Cale got up, feeling his body aching for sleeping on the hard hood of his desk he started stretching.
He felt refreshed and more stable after resting.
"Ugh..."
"This reminds me of the past."
When he was Rok Soo he had a lot of paperwork to do and he had to sleep in his office a lot. But now his body is weaker than the one he had back then.
'It's better to sleep on bed from now on'
Knock. Knock.
Cale eyes became sharp as he moved his gaze at the door. He knew that the only one that could sense that he was awake was Ron.
And his guess was right after Ron sensed that he was awake he made some lemonade and knocked the door.
Cale sat down on a couch in the study.
"Come in."
Ron entered with a cup of lemonade and put it on the table in front of Cale.
"Young master, you're awake. The master wants you to join breakfast."
When Cale saw the lemonade, he chuckled, he knew that Ron made the most sour lemonade he could do. It was probably a revenge for yesterday.
'He really didn't change'
He took the lemonade and drank it calmly as if nothing was wrong.
"Tell him I will be there."
'Time to ask for some money'
Cale finished the lemonade, gave the cup at Ron and got up.
"Ron prepare a bath."
Ron looked at the empty cup and at his young master that was still in his pajamas.
"I'll prepare it right away."
Cale then started to walk toward his bedroom. He needed to wash up and dress up to meet his family.
Cale also had to think what to do when he would meet his family.
He knew that he promised himself to never cherish anything again, but this was different; his family, that he had seen dying, was alive again.
He had thought about how to handle his emotions, but because of his damned 'record' ability nor getting rid of them or sealing had any effect on him; he just needed to go through a memory and the trowed away emotions will come back and the sealing will be easily destroyed.
Cale now didn't know how to face his family without breaking down. He didn't know which expression and emotions will show after seeing them again.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice that at some point he was following Ron toward the dining room.
"I will now open the door."
Cale snapped out of his thoughts and took a deep breath; he was now standing in front of the door of the dining room. Behind this door was his family.
'Okay calm down, I can't break down now. I need to control my emotions. Remember the more you stay away from them the more they'll be safe'
This was what he told himself before responding to Ron.
"Open it."
"I hope you enjoy your breakfast."
"You too."
Cale walked past Ron into the dining room. He could see his family sitting there.
His father the count, Deruth; his step mother the countess, Violan; his younger step brother, Basen; and his youngest step sister, Lily. The four pairs of eyes looked at him.
Cale froze. His mind went blank. He stood there and didn't know what to do. But his face remained stoic, a difference of his eyes that trembled from holding too many emotions.
"You are late again."
Cale looked at his father. He didn't know what he was feeling. No, he felt so many emotions inside that he didn't know what this mixture was called; was it positive or negative? He simply couldn't put a sense to it. He had always been bad at those things.
"Take a seat."
"Yes, father."
Cale sat down and tried to calm down. Then he looked at the feast on the table that they called breakfast; in his life as Rok Soo a breakfast like this was unthinkable, especially after the apocalypse; and as Cale, after his territory collapsed at the start of the war he didn't even had a place to call home anymore.
After having those random thoughts he calmed down and started to pay attention to his surroundings. Then he felt something odd and lifted his head.
Cale could see that they're staring at him and looked away almost instantly after he made eye contact with them.
When Cale saw their eyes he felt like something breaking inside. Then realized something; he was so focused on his emotions that he forgot something very important.
He had never felt part of this family.
They tried to hide it, but Cale had seen it. The nervousness, fear, uneasiness in their eyes. And then the inspecting and judging looks that they gave him.
'This is so suffocating'
Cale tried to ignore this bad feeling that was growing inside and tried to talk pretending he didn't notice anything.
"Is there something you need to say, father?"
"...No I don't."
Then there was silence.
Cale looked down to his breakfast trying to be as nonchalantly as ever; but inside he was a mess. He also didn't know why, he knew that he had caused it as he acted as trash and distanced himself from the family. But he did nothing to them and they heard only rumors about him, other than acting drunk, he insulted the food but he never shout or trowed anything in front of them. He also knew that he'd leave them soon and try to remove the affection feeling that he has for them. But maybe deep down he was still expecting something.
'It hurts'
He really didn't know why he was feeling like this. No it was more like he didn't want to know, his instinct was telling him that he will get more hurt.
He needed to protect himself.
So he tried to make this situation at his advantage and proceeding with his plan. Already suppressed his emotions.
'We see each other as strangers so it'll be simple'
This will help him distance himself from them.
He again ardened his resolve from leaving this place without remorse.
Finishing his breakfast in this awkward atmosphere, Cale saw his father getting up and after him the rest of the family followed.
***
Deruth was happy that his son came to breakfast this morning and ate quietly.
It was rare that Cale joined them. Even if they lived together they could catch only a glimpse of him every one or two weeks. So they treasured those moments were they could see him and try to have a conversation.
Today Cale surprised them, usually he would be the only one talking, insulting the food while they remained silent, happy to hear his voice. Today no insult come out; he was silent the whole time and if wasn't he was polite.
This worried them. They exchanged glances.
'Is he hurt somewhere?'
'Is he feeling well?'
'Did something happen?'
They stared at him to see if something was wrong. But as breakfast was ending he seemed unhurt and more relaxed.
So Deruth looked at Cale and asked.
"Cale, is there anything you need?"
This phrase wasn't new to Cale. Deruth asked this sometimes but Cale never said anything. But this time is different.
"Give me money and a spatial bag."
"Sure. I'll give you that and a lot of money."
At the mention of a lot of money Cale's eyes lit up a bit and smiled a bit.
"Great. Give me as much as you can."
Deruth and family seeing his smile were dumbfounded, they stared blankly at Cale.
"...Sure."
That was the only thing that Deruth could say. It had passed so much time since he had seen his son smile. He couldn't even remember when was the last time. Maybe when Cale was young and his mother was still alive but at the thought of the previous countess, he suppressed his feelings and put everything at the back of his mind.
Instead Basen and Lily were surprised it was their first time seeing their older brother smiling. They couldn't look away from Cale as they were shocked at how he looked so soft.
While they were on their worlds Cale was observing the reactions of the family in front of him. Seeing the constant change of expression on their face from: blank to reminiscence and then calm (Deruth); from: surprised to shock (Basen and Lily); and the eyes of the countess trembling almost imperceptibly without looking for it.
Cale decided to not care anymore. Got up and left the dining room. Leaving behind the family.
Cale was tired.
***
Closing his bedroom door Cale threw himself on the bed. He didn't want to do anything anymore, and sleep for the next 10 years. But he knew that he couldn't do that. He needed to move fast as he didn't have much time.
'Counting today I have 6 days before Basen departs for the capital'
He needed to do everything in those 6 days. The list isn't that long but he needed time and a lot of energies.
He fought his urge to sleep and started to get up.
"Let's go to mother's grave."
He opened the door and found Ron smiling benignly at him. Chills got over all his body. Ron's eyes were more cold than usual.
'What the f**k! Why is this old man looking at me like that?'
Cale was petrified.
Was he going to kill him? But why? He still didn't do anything to upset him. Is it because of this morning?
While Cale was sweating cold, Ron was thinking of what he had just heard.
'Why is his puppy young master going to his mother's grave that he didn't visit in years?'
Ron had noticed that his puppy started to act differently since yesterday; his eyes also changed. Even if Cale has great acting skills and could hide almost perfectly his emotions; Ron was an expert assassin that had gone through many life threatening situations. He could recognize those eyes.
'His eyes are tired and in despair'
Ron was worried that he would try to do something irreparable. He had seen many with those eyes that had taken their own life. The problem was that this someone now is his puppy young master.
'I'll tell my son to keep an eye on him'
Ron snapped out of his thoughts and saw his puppy petrified in front of him while avoiding his eyes. Ron seeing his puppy trembling, softened his expression.
Cale felt the cold gaze vanish. He looked at Ron that was looking at him like nothing happened.
'I was wrong. I will never tease him again. He's too scary'
Even if Cale now was older than Ron, he felt like a kid compared to him.
After all Ron was trained as an assassin since he was born and has a lot of experience while Cale only had a total of 40 years of surviving and fighting in a Battlefield.
Cale took a deep breath and tried to calm down.
'Before proceeding with the plan I need to shove him away'
After this Cale decided to never go out with this old man if not ABSOLUTELY necessary in those last 6 days that he will have him around.
"Ron. I'm going out. Don't look for me."
Don't look for me. That was Cale's code for telling Ron that he was going out drinking. Whenever he did this, Ron just smiled and told him to have a safe trip. But this time was different.
Ron's eyes sharpened hearing the familiar code. Ron knew that today Cale won't go drinking.
"Will you not go to the study today?"
"No, I'll go out. No need to be too curious."
Cale took the question as Ron being suspicious of him and let go. Instead Ron looked sharply at Cale. This time Cale didn't feel nothing wrong.
Cale bypassed Ron and headed out of the Henituse Estate. He decided to walk to his mother's grave that was on the hill right behind the Henituse Estate.
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2178 words
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