PERCY.
The night air feels heavier than it should, pressing down on me as I sit in my car, overlooking the city's shimmering skyline. But I don't feel the glow of the lights. Instead, I'm swallowed by a gnawing ache that twists my stomach and clutches my chest. What am I doing here? I just left Gemini—mid-dinner, in the middle of a conversation. My hands tremble as I grip the steering wheel, my mind racing, racing, racing.
How did I get here? How did I let it come to this? I stare out at the city's sprawling lights blinking in the distance—what's wrong with me? I've become so selfish, so pushy! It's borderline crazy.
But what's the alternative?
To pretend I don't feel that flutter in my chest when he looks at me, or the way my heart hammered whenever he brushed my hand? No—it's too late now. I've already crossed that line, and I don't even know if I can find my way back.
Is this what liking someone feels like?
I thought I knew what I was doing—thought I had it under control. I was content with just the thought of him being around, of having him in my life as a friend. We had an arrangement, a thing that worked—well, mostly for me since he refused to take any payments for helping me.
But now, I've realize something. It has always been about me. Always my rules, my needs, me calling the shots. He helped me sleep, kept my nightmares at bay, and I never once asked if he was okay with it, if he was happy. I just assumed he was fine, because he never complained. Never once did he say, 'Hey, Percy, maybe we should stop this' or 'I need more from this.' And me? I just took it—took him—for granted.
I've been taking advantage of him all these while, haven't I? That thought slammed into me, sharp and painful.
He's just a kid, really. First year in college—barely out of his childhood, still figuring out who he is. He should be out there, having fun, chasing sunsets with friends, maybe even dating someone—someone his age. That thought stings hard, like a bitter pill lodged in my throat. When did I start liking him like that? When did I stop seeing him as just… the kid I called when I needed a good night's sleep?
This is all my fault. I got used to having him close, to the comfort of his presence, and I took things too far.
The first time I held him in my arms, the way he melted against me like I was his safe harbor. The first time I slept without my sleeping pills, his warmth coaxing slumber from my restless limbs. I should have stopped there. I loved it too much—greed slipped in, and now look where it has landed me.
Penelope was right from the very beginning. She always is. Why didn't I listen? Why did I brush her off when she asked me what I wanted from him? I should have seen it coming. I thought I could handle it, that I was in control. But I wasn't. Not really. I never am when it comes to feelings.
And now? Now I'm sitting here, my heart pounding like a drum inside my chest, and my phone suddenly blares to life. The screen flashes with Penelope's name.
"Speak of the devil," I mutter under my breath, a bitter smile twisting my lips I swipe to answer, and her voice bursts out, cheerful and urgent.
"I hope I'm not interrupting something? I just wanted to know how yesterday went. Did you two have fun? Did Gem like the surprise? Wait...are you inside your car?"
Her eyes squint at the camera, as her bright face fills the screen. Her voice a whirlwind of curiosity, concern, and that signature twin sharpness.
She was over the moon when I told her I wanted to do something special for Gemini for Valentine's Day. She even gave me lists of fun activities and contacts to call, so of course she'll want to know how yesterday went.
I sighed, running my hand through my hair—my hair that desperately needs a cut, but that's a battle for another time.
"What's wrong, Percy?" Penelope asked, her tone shifting from playful to serious in a heartbeat.
Damn her sharp intuition. I can't hide anything from her. I hesitated, the words caught in my throat.
"What makes you think something's wrong?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but I know she sees right through me.
She tilts her head, eyes narrowing. "Well, for one, I see how unhappy you look. And two, you're in your car without Gemini. So, yeah—I know something's wrong. Is it Gemini? Did something happen between you?"
Her voice is gentle but insistent, and I feel the weight of her concern pressing down on me. Penelope has always been the one with the high EQ—she sees through my excuses, my pretenses.
She's been out of town for fashion show, yet she still manages to have time for me.
"You were right, Pen. I like him."
The admission came after a long pause, heavy and taut, like a tightrope strung between two cliffs. Almost instantly, Penelope lets out a squeal of delight, doing a little happy dance, but it only heightens the anxiety gnawing at my gut.
"Did you tell him how you feel?" she asked, eyes shining with excitement and I shook my head.
"Well, I didn't exactly tell him that," I admitted. "I told him to date me." I can't believe I didn't tell him I liked him—God, did I really just assume he'd just get the hint?
Penelope's eyes widen in disbelief, and the silence stretches between us like an abyss filled with unspoken thoughts. She grits her teeth, frustration etched onto her features.
"What did he say, Percy?"
"He asked if I even liked guys," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper. "Then he told me I wasn't serious about dating him."
"Of course he said that! I can't believe you!" she replied, exasperation lacing her voice. "The poor boy must've been so confused!"
My heart races as I defend myself. "It wasn't planned, alright? I just thought—I thought if I told him to, he'd see how serious I was." But even as the words left my mouth, they feel hollow. I glanced at her worried face, and all I see is disappointment. She paused, letting out a sigh that seems to echo through the air.
"Percy, that's not how feelings work. You have to tell him how you feel, not just tell him to do something. It's confusing for him. He's by himself—he's still trying to figure out his own life. You're rushing in, trying to force something that needs time."
I looked away, feeling the shame creeping in. "I didn't mean for it to go like this. He's obviously going through some things because of what people are saying about us, I thought he would break things off. I just... I've gotten so used to having him close, I don't want to lose him. I guess I thought asking him to date me would help. I love the way he made me feel—understood. And I guess I got greedy."
Penelope's expression softened. "You love the feeling of being with him, Percy. That's natural. But love isn't just about what you want. It's about respecting what the other person needs, too. You can't just say, 'Hey, date me!' and expect him to understand what's going on inside your head. That's not fair to him. What am I even saying? This is all new to you."
I swallow hard, feeling the weight of her words. "Tell me about it!" I thought bitterly, my frustration bubbling beneath the surface.
I thought dating was supposed to be easy—I've seen people switch partners like it's a game, friends laughing over new crushes like they were changing shoes. So why is this so complicated? It feels like I'm standing on a tightrope, balancing between what I want and what I fear.
"Percy, where is Gemini right now?" Penelope asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
"I left him at home," I murmured.
"Good," she says, after a pause. "Now, you need to think about how you're going to fix this. You need to talk to him—really talk, not just tell him what you want. Show him you care. You're lucky to have someone like him, Percy. Don't mess it up."
And that's just it—this is how my sister operates. She's always ahead, tackling my problems like they're stubborn weeds sprouting in her garden of solutions. But I keep spiraling. How can I make it up to him when I'm the one who caused the mess?
"Pen, what if he doesn't want to see me again?" I blurted out, my voice trembling. The thought claws at the edges of my mind.
"Then you'll give him some space. Let him think things over and then you'll keep telling him how you really feel again until he gets it. Don't overthink it, Percy. Just be honest with him!" Her words resonate deep within me, but the fear lingers.
"Yeah, honesty, I think I can do that." I thought leaning against the steering wheel, the weight of my thoughts pressing down like a heavy fog.
How do I even begin to untangle this jumbled mess of feelings?
"I know he cares about you too, Percy. He's just scared. That's why you have to show him that you'll always be on his side. I don't want you to walk away from this." she said, her tone turning serious.
"I know…I know…" I whispered, though I'm feeling less confident with every passing minute, the knot in my stomach thickening.
"Will I be able to fix this, Pen?"
"I know you will. Just tell him how much you care about him. That you want him in your life, and not just as a friend."
I nod, feeling the truth settle deep inside me. My sister always knows what to say, even when I don't want to hear it. She's always one step ahead, and right now, I wish I had listened to her from the start.