Beacon Academy – Cafeteria
It was supposed to be a normal lunch. Students sat around, eating and chatting, blissfully unaware of the storm about to hit.
At the center of it all sat Team RWBY, Team JNPR, Onyx, and Hemera. Conversations were lively, laughter echoed—until a tiny voice shattered the peace.
"Mama, what does 'throbbing manhood' mean?"
Silence.
A fork clattered onto a tray. A chair scraped against the floor.
Blake froze mid-bite, her entire body locking up. Weiss's face twisted in horror, as if the universe had personally insulted her. Yang choked on her drink, pounding the table as she coughed violently.
Ruby, mid-chew, slowly turned to see Hemera holding up a very familiar black-and-gold book.
A book Blake had sworn was hidden.
Ruby's brain crashed.
Across the table, Jaune's soul left through his eyes. Ren slowly set down his tea, looking for the nearest exit. Nora, bless her chaotic heart, was grinning like she had won the lottery. Pyrrha, the Invincible Girl, had turned a shade of red that rivaled her hair. She covered her mouth, torn between shock and sheer embarrassment.
But it was Onyx who had the most terrifying reaction of all.
At first, there was nothing. His fork hovered inches from his mouth, his amethyst eyes locked onto the offending literature with the intensity of a predator watching its prey's last breath.
Then, slowly—very slowly—his mind processed the words.
Throbbing. Manhood.
A muscle in his jaw twitched. His grip on the fork tightened.
Something dark and ominous began to radiate from him.
A shadow curled at his feet. His aura pulsed. His expression shifted from stoic calm to a look of such concentrated, murderous judgment that the temperature in the room plummeted.
Blake, noticing the murderous look from Onyx, panicked. "Hemera! Sweetie, where... where did you find that?"
Hemera beamed. "It was under your bunk, Auntie Blake! In a box!"
A collective gasp rang out.
Yang wheezed, slamming the table. "UNDER THE BUNK?! AHAHAHA! BLAKE, YOU HID IT LIKE A DIRTY SECRET?!"
Weiss looked like she was witnessing the fall of civilization. "Which it was! Really, was that the only place you could think of to hide it?!"
Pyrrha covered her face, murmuring, "Oh, dear…"
Blake turned beet red, her ears flat against her head. "I-I—THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" She turned to Hemera, forcing a strained smile. "Sweetie, that's not a book for little girls—"
"But why?" Hemera tilted her head. "I can read really well! I even read about how the lady's breath hitched when—"
The entire cafeteria stopped.
Someone dropped their tray.
Velvet, a few tables over, choked on her drink. Coco's glasses slid down her nose as she smirked.
Weiss covered her face. "I hate it here."
Ruby, still frozen, made a noise—somewhere between a dying animal and sheer mortification. "H-Hemera—sweetie, l-let's talk about this somewhere private—"
"But I want to see what happens next!" Hemera flipped the page, her eyes widening. "Oh! There's a picture!—"
The color drained instantly from the faces of everyone at the table. Yang's boisterous laughter died in her throat, and Nora froze mid-cheer, her eyes blowing wide with genuine alarm. The playful atmosphere didn't just vanish—it shattered into a cold, panicked silence.
"NO!!" Team RWBY and JNPR screamed in unison, lunging across the table like they were diving on a live grenade.
But the book was already gone.
Onyx had finally reached the "Action" phase of his mental breakdown.
One second he was sitting. The next, he was a towering shadow behind Hemera, holding the book with a grip so tight it might have turned the spine into a fine powder.
His left eye twitched. His aura pulsed like a dying star.
The cafeteria was graveyard silent.
Even Cardin Winchester, sensing a predator higher on the food chain, slowly slid under his table to hide.
Ruby swallowed. "Onyx?"
His voice was low. Dangerous. "Little Light, tell me... Where. Did. This. Filth. Come. From. Again?"
Hemera pointed at Blake. "Auntie Blake had it!"
Blake died inside.
Onyx turned his head. It was a slow, mechanical movement that promised nothing but pain.
Blake felt a cold sweat drip down her forehead as pure, unfiltered judgment radiated off the wolf Faunus.
"I can explain," She squeaked, her voice three octaves higher than usual.
Onyx cracked his neck. His aura spiked.
Weiss grabbed her scroll, her hands shaking. "I'm calling a cleanup crew. And possibly a lawyer."
Yang was once again dying of laughter. "Oh, this is so worth it."
Blake stared at Onyx.
Onyx stared at Blake.
The entire cafeteria held its breath.
Then—
Blake bolted.
Onyx followed.
Chairs scraped against the floor as students scrambled out of the way. Trays flew into the air. Someone screamed, "SHE'S GONNA DIE!"
Blake, powered by the sheer, primal terror of a cat being chased by a very angry wolf, vaulted over a table, using a clone to dodge Onyx's lunge. She kicked off a pillar, flipping through the air with desperate grace toward the exit.
But Onyx—Onyx did not slow down.
His body moved with predatory precision, weaving through tables and students like flowing water. His eyes glowed amethyst, burning with lethal intent.
Blake skidded around the corner, her heart hammering against her ribs. "I'M SORRY! SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO FIND IT!"
Behind her, Onyx's roar echoed through the hall, and oh boy he was furious. "YOU GAVE MY DAUGHTER AN EROTIC NOVEL!"
"I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO HER! SHE STOLE IT!"
"IT WAS UNDER YOUR BUNK! IN REACH OF A FIVE-YEAR-OLD!"
"I DIDN'T THINK SHE'D GO LURKING IN MY STASH!"
"YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO PRAY!"
Blake's spirit left her body mid-run.
Meanwhile back at the cafeteria, the rest of Beacon watched in awe.
Jaune stood with his mouth open. "I didn't know Blake could move like that."
Ren nodded. "It is a rare sight. A true spectacle."
Pyrrha, still blushing, murmured, "Should we… help her?"
Nora wiped away tears of joy. "NO! THIS IS PERFECT!"
Yang was wheezing. "GO, ONYX, GO!"
Weiss was busy typing furiously on her scroll. "I'm already drafting the apology letter to the Headmaster. And the bill for the furniture Blake is about to be thrown through."
Hemera, tilting her head, asked, "Is Papa playing tag with Auntie Blake?"
Ruby, still mortified, groaned. "Something like that, sweetie…"
Meanwhile, back in the hallways of Beacon, Blake ducked and weaved, using her Semblance and every ninja trick she knew to stay ahead.
But Onyx was closing the gap.
Blake turned the next corner—
Qrow, leaning against a pillar, taking in Blake's panicked expression. Then he saw Onyx rounding the corner—eyes burning, fists clenched, murder in his aura.
Qrow didn't even move, he just nodded in understanding.
"Yeah, nah, you're screwed, kitty."
Blake let out a choked noise of betrayal.
Then—ONYX LEAPT.
The last thing the school heard was a resounding CRASH, followed by Blake's very undignified, cat-like shriek:
"NOT THE EARS! NOT THE EARS! AAAAAAAAHHHH—!"
Silence.
Then—
Nora cheered. "K.O!"
---
Beacon Academy – Infirmary
Blake lay in bed, covered in bruises, ears drooped in utter misery. A fresh ice pack rested on her forehead.
Across the room, Onyx sat with his arms crossed, still giving her the 'Stare of a Thousand Judgments'.
Hemera, swinging her legs on his lap, asked, "Papa, why did Auntie Blake stop playing?"
Onyx exhaled a breath. "She's… taking a long nap, Little Light."
Pyrrha gave Blake a sympathetic pat. "At least you...survived?"
Blake groaned, the sound of a woman who had seen the light at the end of the tunnel. "I think, I met the Brothers. They told me to go back because they aren't ready for my browser history."
Yang smirked, leaning in. "So, was the 'throbbing' worth the 'robbing' of your health?"
Blake glared. "I hate all of you."
Yang grinned. "Love you too, pretzel-girl."
---
Later – Beacon Academy – Headmaster's Office
Blake sat stiffly in a chair, ears flat against her head, face twisted in utter shame.
Onyx sat beside her, perfectly composed, though the floor beneath his boots was starting to crack from the pressure of his aura.
Across from them sat Ozpin, Glynda, and a very amused Qrow.
Ozpin took a long, slow sip of his coffee. "Miss Belladonna, I have seen many things in my time. Rebellion, war, the fall of kingdoms." He paused. "But I have never had to file a disciplinary report about a five-year-old child reading a smut novel in the middle of the cafeteria."
Blake died inside.
She opened her mouth—closed it—then covered her burning red face with her hands. "I-I didn't mean for that to happen… It was my... research."
Glynda sighed, rubbing her temples. "Research into what, exactly?"
Qrow leaned against the wall, grinning. "Oh, come on Glynda, we were all teenagers once. Though usually, we didn't leave the 'research' where five-year-olds could find it."
"One more word, Qrow," Onyx growled, and the shadows in the room deepened.
Qrow held up his hands. "Hey, I'm on your side! I'm the one who told her she was screwed!"
Ozpin, hiding his amusement behind his coffee mug, turned his gaze toward Onyx. "And you, Professor Thorn… is there a reason Miss Belladonna is covered in bruises?"
Onyx didn't hesitate. "Punishment."
Blake whipped her head toward him. "I HAVE A CONCUSSION—"
Onyx ignored her.
Glynda adjusted her glasses. "Mr. Thorn, we cannot have faculty members hunting students like sport, regardless of the… corruption involved."
"She made my daughter read the phrase 'throbbing manhood'." Onyx stated flatly.
Ozpin paused. He slowly reached into his desk, pulled out a small silver flask, and emptied the entire thing into his coffee.
Qrow finally lost it, howling with laughter.
Glynda, looking at Blake with pure disappointment, said, "Miss Belladonna."
Blake shrunk in her seat. "I'm sorry! I'll burn the box! I'll join a convent! Just make the staring stop!"
Ozpin set his mug down. "Miss Belladonna, you will be writing a five-page essay on why it is irresponsible to leave adult literature in places where children can find it."
Blake paled. "Five pages?!"
Glynda adjusted her glasses. "Single spaced with a detailed bibliography on proper storage solutions."
Blake died inside.
Ozpin turned to Onyx. "And as for you, Professor Thorn—"
Onyx's aura flared.
Ozpin paused. Then, after a long sip of his spiked coffee. "…You are free to go, Onyx. I believe the trauma of the situation is punishment enough, and try to keep the property damage under five thousand Lien next time."
Blake's jaw hit the floor. "THAT'S FAVORITISM!"
Glynda sighed. "Onyx, just… go buy Hemera a coloring book. A very, very innocent coloring book."
Blake gaped as Onyx calmly stood up.
Qrow smirked. "Dad Privilege is a hell of a drug."
Blake, still processing her cruel fate, let out a defeated groan. "I hate everything."
Onyx, walking toward the door, paused.
Then, without looking back, he said one final thing:
"If I hear her say the word 'pulsing'… there won't be enough of you left for an essay."
Then he left.
A long silence followed.
Qrow wiped a tear from his eye. "Man, I taught him well."
Blake?
Blake was already mentally preparing for five pages of suffering.