"Can't I just miss my kids?"
The old water serpent said sheepishly.
"You've all been gone from Greece for years and haven't visited once—I really missed you all…"
Its voice trembled slightly. If snakes could cry, Cohen was sure this one would've burst into tears right then and there.
"Sounds pretty heartfelt," Cohen nodded, then turned to the Chimera, curious to hear what the three-headed beast thought of this whole thing.
"Did you kill the head of the Greek Ministry of Magic?" asked the long-horned serpent tail.
"That escalated quickly," Cohen frowned.
"A hundred and thirteen years ago," the goat head explained, "it broke into the Greek Ministry just to eat a glowing sea crab that had been captured."
"Doesn't sound too bad," said Cohen. "Eat while you can, that's what I always say."
"The crab escaped, wrecked half a ministry building, and the Greek wizards chased after him for twenty years—until Leonidas, the Department Head for Magical Creatures who lost half his arm to a lion, was imprisoned for abusing magical beasts. That's when they gave up."
"Wait—whoa, too much information," Cohen held up a hand. "Wrecked half a building? How big was that glowing crab—and did you just say abusing magical creatures? Lion? Wait, this lion?" He pointed at the lion head currently gnawing on a ball of yarn.
"The crab's full name is the Ionian Fluorescent Sea Giant Crab. Adults are usually fifteen to twenty feet long," said the goat. "As for Leonidas, the creature he abused was another chimera. Sadly for him, that chimera was this lion's best friend, so the lion helped it escape."
"That's... actually kind of hardcore," Cohen said with respect.
"We don't care what weirdos the wizards have or what losses they suffered," the long-horned snake growled at the old serpent.
"You told us that crab meat was the most delicious thing ever, made us help catch it—and after one bite, you said it was gross and ran off, leaving us with a giant mess! Wizards chased us nonstop—I didn't get a wink of sleep for days!"
"Okay, look, not to defend myself, but it really was tasty—" the old serpent said quickly, "I just wanted to save it for you kids…"
"Let's skip the excuses. You said this time isn't so bad. So who did you piss off now?" Cohen asked, sounding like someone who's seen this happen too many times. "And don't leave anything out."
"I'd rather just tell my fellow snakes…" the old serpent said nervously, sensing Cohen's uncanny lie-detection instincts. It tried to pull the Chimera aside to whisper in private.
"He is a fellow snake," said the long-horned tail firmly. "Remember what we told you when we left Greece?"
"Oh come on, I laid those eggs myself, I'd know if he was one of—" The old serpent froze mid-sentence as Cohen morphed into the Chimera's form and sat calmly on the grass beside it.
"Go on," said Cohen. "Depending on what kind of mess you got yourself into, I'll decide whether you're allowed to stay here."
"He's right," added the serpent tail.
The goat nodded solemnly.
"Rrrowrr…" said the lion, licking Cohen's mane affectionately.
"My sweet little grandson!"
The old water serpent immediately changed tone, sidling up to Cohen with a big grin.
"I missed you so much! I knew that giant squid wouldn't just bring some random person to me—"
"Don't change the subject," the long-horned tail pulled the serpent off Cohen's neck. "Who did you piss off this time, and why can't you stay in Greece anymore?"
"Well, uh… nothing major… I just ate a couple of small fish from a temple…"
"Which temple?" the snake asked.
"The Erechtheion…" the old serpent mumbled.
"They put this massive fish in front of the statue like it was about to be dried into jerky. You didn't see it—it was flapping around so pitifully. I couldn't stand it. So I disguised myself, threw on a cloak, went invisible, and snuck up to the statue to liberate it…"
"Liberate it into your stomach?" Cohen asked. "Very noble of you."
"At first the wizards reacted fine—they even started bowing! Just like the first time I met wizards a thousand years ago—oh, those were the days. You'd just lie in your cave and they'd bring you food… sigh…"
The old serpent sighed deeply.
"I was munching away while they were still bowing. Then one guy recognized me and started yelling. Next thing I knew, they were all firing spells at me like lunatics. Honestly, the other snakes might be right—wizards are dangerously unstable."
"This really sounds like you impersonated Poseidon, ate his offering, and got caught," Cohen said, barely holding in a laugh. "Not the first time either, huh?"
"I waited years before going back!" the serpent said defensively. "But clearly one of those wizards remembered me. They're supposed to rotate every three years—crafty, deceitful humans! Now they're turning over every rock in Greece looking for me, so I thought I'd lay low for a while…"
"Do they really need to go on a manhunt over a single offering?" Cohen asked. "Seems like a lot."
"Humans are petty like that," the serpent said sagely. "I've been dealing with them for centuries. Stick with me, grandson—I'll teach you how to blend in among them like a pro…"
"…"
Cohen wasn't sure who should be teaching whom about Human Studies.
"Whether you can stay here is up to Cohen," said the long-horned tail. "I don't mind—but don't expect me to help catch fish again. I eat rabbits now."
"So, sweet grandson…" the old serpent looked hopefully at Cohen.
"What else can I say…" Cohen morphed back into human form and sighed. "Fine. But you have to stay in the box and not wander around. If you scare the students, some terrifying white-bearded wizard will come for you."
"I swear I won't! I don't even eat people!" the serpent promised quickly.
"Make him say he won't leave the box," the long-horned tail reminded Cohen, clearly having been burned before.