wonder, what led me to the highest tower of district one on that day?
Stretching far above the clouds and touching heaven itself, the great platform that stood at the peak of A Corp's headquarters was the one location where not even an arbiter was allowed. It was the core of humanity, the home of the Head.
Arbiters, claws, beholders. None were allowed to enter that place, yet I found myself standing in front of its doors, not long after Zena had been taken from me.
Perhaps I was simply curious, perhaps I wished to find a solution to the ache in my heart, perhaps I wished to reach closure by learning the why.
Perhaps it was all of them, perhaps it was none of them. Truth is a flimsy concept, reality nothing more than a suggestion for those who perceive it.
For the one known as Garion, perhaps she simply believed it to be fate. After all, there was not a thought in my empty head.
I wonder how others would've reacted? When they saw what lay beyond.
There was not a guard in sight, not a single lock upon the door. I simply turned the wooden handle, and walked in.
I saw b̵̤̩̺̼͋̊̎͑͂̅M̵̡̔͒̓̀̑͛̚͝l̶̢͈̲͇̤͔͊͒̓́͜c̶̫̙̫͉̈́W̷̛̛̯̕e̸̡̳̠̅͒͊̇͠A̵̹̅g̴͇̦̫̩̽̍̒̌̋͝Y̸̯̊̌͛̓̐͒͠͝u̴̹̯͋̇͛. It was the truth of the Head, or rather the lack of one.
b̵̤̩̺̼͋̊̎͑͂̅M̵̡̔͒̓̀̑͛̚͝l̶̢͈̲͇̤͔͊͒̓́͜c̶̫̙̫͉̈́W̷̛̛̯̕e̸̡̳̠̅͒͊̇͠A̵̹̅g̴͇̦̫̩̽̍̒̌̋͝Y̸̯̊̌͛̓̐͒͠͝u̴̹̯͋̇͛. That is all that lay beyond.
b̵̤̩̺̼͋̊̎͑͂̅M̵̡̔͒̓̀̑͛̚͝l̶̢͈̲͇̤͔͊͒̓́͜c̶̫̙̫͉̈́W̷̛̛̯̕e̸̡̳̠̅͒͊̇͠A̵̹̅g̴͇̦̫̩̽̍̒̌̋͝Y̸̯̊̌͛̓̐͒͠͝u̴̹̯͋̇͛ is what they had all been following, what they had dedicated their existence to, what they had dedicated humanity to.
Two hands were raised against one another.
In one, the power of false divinity ran rampant, the crimson of her ideals consuming everything that it touched.
In the other, the might of the unknown flowed freely, technology beyond understanding imbued to she who was unwilling.
And there stood a man, wearing a mask of Godhood that devoured him whole with each moment.
Between them was silence, even the air still, bracing for what was to come.
"...For what reason have you sent your agents away? You cannot hope to best me by yourself." The Arbiter spoke for the first time.
"Do not let doubt plague your mind, for my power is absolute." It was a command given to reality itself, the world bending to accommodate the truth that was decreed by He.
"...You still speak of nothing but delusion. Let us end this then, I tire of this nonsense." In spite of her words, she did not attack, the raised hand remaining still. Perhaps she was waiting for an answer, in some vain belief that he would give her the words she wanted to hear.
" Abandon hope. Abandon your dreams. Abandon both victory and defeat. You who dare to oppose me shall find no truth in my being, for fear is your only companion."
There was muted rage at his words. The callousness of the present, and the mirror that was the previous.
She did not honor him with a single word more, fairy beginning to gather within her hands while pillars arose to crush her foe.
Neither did Ayin. Weapons formed from nothing, floating in the air as though someone was wielding them.
"Let the faithful take up arms, let no compromise be allowed within my church."
The reason was simple of course, for there stood thousands behind him holding the crimson weapons aloft, for he had decided it so.
It did not matter if they truly existed. It did not matter if everyone else saw only empty space.
For the goal he wished to reach, for the ideal star that he slowly crawled towards, for the future where both their dreams could come true—he had no need for true reality. It had deigned to reject his ideal, so he shall reject it in turn.
Such a feat was impossible of course, such empty grandeur could never hope to last. Lie upon lie a mountain will arise, each word of power that was spoken adding weight onto the pile until it all came crashing down.
"Remove every lukewarm heart, every double-minded soul and make my disciples a holy army, shining with the light of my truth!"
But until then, his falsehood shall continue to be spoken, reality bent to fit his narrative.
It did not matter that the force of a pillar reached his organs, it did not matter that his divine weapons could do nothing but delay the wave of fairy, it did not matter that the blood flowing from his head did not come from a true martyr, but a man of limited body.
He shall gouge out his eyes to see no longer, to blind himself to the truths of the world.
He shall cut off his tongue to speak no longer, to express his doubts no more.
All he had was his unwavering vision of the future, and the will to see it through.
All he needed was a delusion of power, and those with the strength to crystallise it.
A storm of fairy was weathered, the impact of a pillar endured, the damage of a shockwave ignored.
Pressing through pain and exhaustion that did not exist in his world, he marched onward to swing his staff. The sheer simplicity of the move was perhaps the antithesis of his false grandeur, for he had no other action to offer.
But perhaps that was its strength. As pillars and fairy raged against unending waves of crimson weapons, all that truly mattered was the two of them in the center, struggling against one another with stick and fist.
A swing of his staff landed upon her face, a crack forming within the mask of the duty imposed. A fist to his stomach was returned in full force, the pain felt chipping at the delusion of absolute power.
A hand gripping her wrist would not let her escape, she shall face her fear here and now. A gaze encompassing his being would not let him hide, the lies he speaks shall not be allowed to flourish.
On and on it went. There were no more tricks, no more bending of reality. With the simplest method of speed and mass the layers they donned upon their being were torn down, leaving two naked souls in the eye of the storm.
Perhaps that is why the battle did not end in blaze. There was no great shockwave, no commanding word of power that collapsed the department.
Their barriers could simply endure no longer.
The mask of the Arbiter was shattered, leaving only her behind.
The crown of thorns was dried of blood, leaving only him behind.
With a small thud the mask fell to ground, with a wisp the crown disappeared without a trace.
Neither of them would hide any longer, the storm of destruction surrounding them finally reaching tranquillity. The only thing remaining were their bloodied forms, exhaustion settling into their very bones.
"..."
"..."
Neither of them spoke a word for a long time, simply staring at one another. It was a familiar situation, not so different from the thousands that occurred over the millennia, simply the two of them attempting to come to an understanding.
The silence never lasted, this time was no different.
"What did you see on that day beyond the door?" It was a pointless question, he already knew the answer.
After all, he already knew everything. He was the one to probe her mind, he was the one that caused her to forget.
"...The details are expunged, the memory erased. Leaving only the phantom of experience behind." Was her answer to his rhetorical question.
She saw b̴̖̖̓Ḿ̵̨̗̓́l̸̮̲̍̀̒c̵̠͈͑Ẅ̶̭͊̕ẽ̴̙͑͐Ā̴̫̩̻g̶̢̩̾Y̶̺̔͗̽u̵̪̿̐͊. What it was she did not remember, yet the fear cast within refused to leave her soul, haunting her existence forevermore.
Ayin closed his eyes for a moment, before speaking once again.
"Beyond the door was…"
I wonder, what led me to the highest tower of district one on that day?
Stretching far above the clouds and touching heaven itself, the great platform that stood at the peak of A Corp's headquarters was the one location where not even an arbiter was allowed. It was the core of humanity, the home of the Head.
Arbiters, claws, beholders. None were allowed to enter that place, yet I found myself standing in front of its doors, not long after Zena had been taken from me.
Perhaps I was simply curious, perhaps I wished to find a solution to the ache in my heart, perhaps I wished to reach closure by learning the why.
Perhaps it was all of them, perhaps it was none of them. Truth is a flimsy concept, reality nothing more than a suggestion for those who perceive it.
For the one known as Garion, perhaps she simply believed it to be fate. After all, there was not a thought in my empty head.
I wonder how others would've reacted? When they saw what lay beyond.
There was not a guard in sight, not a single lock upon the door. I simply turned the wooden handle, and walked in.
I saw nothing. It was the truth of the Head, or rather the lack of one.
Nothing. That is all that lay beyond.
Nothing is what they had all been following, what they had dedicated their existence to, what they had dedicated humanity to.
Was I crushed by the sight? Was I terrified? Was I enraged?
I struggle to recall those moments, I cannot say for sure what Garion thought.
Though I do know how I'll feel now.
I would laugh.
I would laugh until I could no longer breathe, I would laugh until I could no longer live.
What else could I do as I look upon the truth of our existence?
Yes, I would laugh. Though I'm sure it would be a bitter thing, born from the futility of struggle rather than happiness.
Perhaps that is why I chuckle, perhaps that is why I find such great joy in their suffering.
All of those who lay below—the rats, the syndicates, the fixers, the wings.
Their struggles are meaningless to an Arbiter such as I, their existence no different from an insect writhing in the mud.
The futility of it all compared to the existence of an arbiter, how could I not chuckle knowing how deep that pointlessness truly ran? How could I not smile as I watch them beg and cry for her mercy?
Irony is truly the greatest form of humor.
The Head was nothing. Humanity was nothing.
They lived without that knowledge, yet they gazed upon me with such fear and hatred as though I had taken something from them, not realizing I would rather rid myself of everything that belonged to 'Garion'.
Haha, hilarious. Truly hilarious indeed.
"...Nothing. I saw nothing. Just an empty room covered in centuries of dust." Her words were bitter, holding a twisted sense of amusement that could only come from realizing the patheticness of oneself.
"There was no great overseer, no grand plan, no great enemy to overcome. Humanity feared the unknown, they feared meaningless existence. We wanted to live with purpose, so we created the Head—a sad pile of human beliefs cannibalising itself to uphold an image of divinity and truth." She brought her bloodied hand to her face before chuckling softly, barely heard over the silence of the department.
"We never wished to see the truth for what it was, that we are here for no purpose. Not to suffer, not to be happy."
The rage filled roar of a beast could be heard even in the pits of hell. The eye was blinded.
"In our creed for meaning we even fabricated an enemy, an artificial conflict with those deemed 'not human' by arbitrary values that hold no consistency."
Another followed soon after, this time painted by unbearable pain. The mouth was shut.
"And in our sheer stupidity we couldn't even bring ourselves to live with fulfillment, instead creating the epoch that is the city—all for the sake of creating a constant goal to strive for, to make sure no one would take a moment to question the current state of humanity."
The final roar did not reach their ears, for it was nothing more than a whimper. The rabbit had escaped its clutches to reach the egg. The head was lowered.
"Yes, perhaps it could be argued that it was for the best. The people had something to strive for. The backstreets for those of the outskirts, the nests for the backstreets, the wings for the nests, profit for the wings, a grand purpose for the arbiters. I envy them, for I who stand at the peak am left with nothing. No purpose, no goal, no dream. There is only I, and the city of unknown."
A finger was pointed at Ayin, steady in spite of the wounds inflicted upon her.
"I had once believed that through feat of strength I could wash away this fear, that she who stood at the peak had no need to fear anything. Yet I was brought low by you and the Red Mist, defeated and once again enslaved."
A small snarl slowly formed upon her face, there was only one who could hope to bring so much emotion out of her muted being.
"And now, you can't even crush me fully. I'm still not subdued, I still stand here. If you will not allow me contentment at the peak, will you not at least offer me purpose through subjugation?" Not once did the callous finger drop, accusing him of all that was wrong in the world.
Ayin took a moment to gather his thoughts, then finally spoke.
"A sense of purpose. That is the disease that plagues humanity. We look for it in the outside world, searching for a higher power that will grant meaning to our lives—systems, Gods, corporations. There is none of course, you know that better than any other. To truly bear the burden of existence, one must accept the unknowable, uncaring nature of the world, then choose to find purpose within themselves instead."
She narrowed his eyes at him. "Yet you exclaim yourself God to your followers."
Inexplically, Ayin wore a tired smile. She knew the reason, even if she didn't wish to see it. "As you've said before Garion, the stupidity of the Head knows no bounds, something as flimsy as truth cannot hope to overcome it. I instead raise a mountain just as idiotic, set on a course to crash into the Head, that both of us may sink into depths of hell and free humanity of our delusion."
From break and ruin, the most beautiful performance begins. Every person shall be their own instrument, conductor, and orchestra, connecting together to become a single chaotic harmony.
And there Angela shall find her own tune, freed from his grip. And there Carmen's dream shall come true, a world where people are willing to face their own hearts.
And there…Ayin shall rest, along with all that is wrong with the world.
He stretched out a hand towards his one and only companion.
"This is the purpose I have found for myself. I invite you to partake in my delusions, and be the hand that will build this mountain."
She stared at it for a long while.
Belief that change is possible, belief that she could escape from the burden of meaningless existence. Deep within her being the flicker of a soul screamed out with all its might to believe, to trust the words of the fool in front of her.
Yet, her wisdom overgrown had long become doubt, and there was no such thing as truth.
"For all your grand posturing, I cannot bring myself to trust in such a vision. Your words still ring hollow, as attractive as they may be."
Ayin did not back down from her rejection. "There is no need for faith, I only ask you to partake as you have so far. Gaze upon the vision I see far beyond the horizon, and see if you believe it then. Stand by my side, and be there for the day of my undoing."
Slowly, he put one knee down on the ground.
She continued to stare. There was no argument to be made against that. She had already decided long ago that she'll bear witness to his journey in its fullest after all.
Yet she remained frozen.
An all consuming emotion, one that's haunted her since the first moment of her existence. Fear of the unknown, fear of what shall become of her should she walk forward. Perhaps that is why she preferred to remain impartial to all things, that she may not face the fear of an unknown self.
Perhaps that is why she took in Zena on that day. She saw someone not so different from herself, and wished to see what would become of her, that she may face that unknown by proxy of another.
Perhaps that is why she turned away Zena on that day, for she saw a being no different from the others, blindly trusting in a false purpose.
She found no solution to her existence, Zena merely affirmed her fears further. There was no one else like her, there existed no solace for one such as she.
Did she feel guilt for having victimized that girl due to her cowardice?
Who could say? She still wasn't sure if she truly cared or not.
That tiny girl who clung to her uniform, those curious eyes that questioned everything around her, a lack of fear that would've gotten her killed had she not taken her in. She couldn't say if she missed them.
She had no answer, not a single one.
But…
"Then I shall accept this proposition of yours." She placed a hand upon his own.
She had already decided. She will no longer run, she will no longer hide.
If this fear shall haunt her forevermore, then she will face it fully, and perhaps find an answer to her question.
"I shall bear witness to your journey in its entirety. For better, for worse, I shall stand by you, and ensure the path reaches its final conclusion. Till death do us part, this vow I swear to uphold." She chuckled, and perhaps it held just a little less bitterness than it did before.
Ayin spoke. "Then I shall walk this path unflinching, that you may find your answer. For better, for worse, I shall stand tall, and ensure the journey is completed."
There was an awkward moment of silence, his companion staring at him with slightly raised eyebrows.
"...Till death do us part." He finally said after a moment.
She chuckled once more before taking off a ring that decorated one of her joints, normally worn by the beholder assigned to an arbiter. His name appeared upon its surface.
"Then this shall be the chain that binds Ayin to his vow."
He stared at it for a second.
A crimson crown flashed for just a single moment, the blood that poured from his head never fell to the ground. Instead, the crimson solidified to take the shape of a ring.
"Then this shall be the chain that binds Garion to her vow."
She hummed for a moment before shaking her head. "No. Garion is not the name of a person, it is a designation given to an arbiter. I shall don the name of Binah until this journey of yours is completed. It is quite fitting is it not? All of those above received a corresponding name after all."
'The Eye Facing the Fear; Breaking the Cycle.'
"Then this shall be the chain that binds Binah to her vow."
This vow of chains, this ideal of absurdity.
Until the very end, at least he shall not be alone. Never again.
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