God, I feel fucking disgusting. Even after I showered, I still feel like fucking shit.
I wanna get back in bed so bad, but I already have my outfit on.
I mean, it's a cute hoodie and some jeans, but it's already too late. I have to go now.
I am so tired.
I made it to the bottom of the stairs.
Fuck!
I forgot my phone upstairs.
"Baby, come eat! You are going to be late," I heard Theo call out.
"I forgot my phone, just give me a second." I quickly walked back up the stairs, threw open my stupid fucking door. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PHONE?
I feel tired, nauseaous and now I can't find my stupid fucking phone???? Oh, it's in my pocket.
I walked down the stairs, I am so out of it oh my god.
"Did you find your phone?"
"It was in my pocket," I said and slumped down at the dining room table.
Oh. "What's your problem?" right so after traumatizing me yesterday with your fighting, we are just gonna be holding each other in the fucking kitchen, I see how it is.
"Nothing, I just feel tired."
"Are you sick?"
"I mean I feel sick."
"Do you wanna stay home?" Theo asked.
"Hell no! So I can hear yall bone all day, yeah fucking right."
"Does bone mean to have sex?" my dad asked.
"Yes dad," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Don't roll your eyes at me."
"I'm sorry."
Theo slid me my food and then the 3 of us started eating. I think I stayed up WAY too late last night, because holy fuck.
Y'all are nasty, I swear.
"Did you and your boyfriend stay on call late last night?" this bitch.
My dads face dropped. "What fucking boy friend? You aren't allowed to date…" my dad started to scream his head off at me and suddenly I don't wanna go to school at all.
"Theo is joking, he is just a friend, oh my god," I said and my dad rolled his eyes.
After 20 minutes of me fading in and out of consciousness I somehow was sitting in my first period class day dreaming about Nate.
Who I actually didn't see at all this morning, which was weird.
Like I feel like I always see him in the morning but I didn't.
I wonder if he's okay after the late call.
We shouldn't have done that. Oh my god.
Why am I spiraling so much?
And Jasper's stupid ass fucking friends hate me, oh my god.
I can't even tell him because he doesn't even notice when they do it, I am actually losing my mind right now.
This is why I don't get close to people.
This is why I can't.
I understand.
Like when you make fun of people for personalities or stuff they can't change, well I don't really understand, but I do in a way.
But making fun, AND MAKING JOKES about stuff I can't change, when we are hardly even friends, is just awful.
It makes me feel like fucking fool and I think that's why they like doing it so much.
Making fun of the fact I am a human.
The fact I am black.
The way my hair looks.
And now my body. They are talking about my body. God this is why I don't get close to people.
Oh my god.
And I was just getting happy with myself, happy with the way I look and then people have to come and ruin it.
They always come and ruin it.
This is why I don't get close to people, don't have any friends, friends make things complicated, so fucking complicated.
We might have homework, I wouldn't know, though, because I was OUT the entire class.
Zoned the fuck out, stressing about shit that doesn't even matter.
I need to stop being so insecure and weird. Fuck.
"Hi, baby," Vincent said.
"Hi," Jasper said with a small smile.
"Can I hold your bag?"
"I'm okay, you head to class, I will text you later," Jasper said, and Vincent waved him off.
Now the two of us were walking together.
"Hi Nate," Vincent said.
"Yo," he said with a half smile.
We locked eyes and his smile died and.
And he walked away.
Oh.
Okay.
Vincent didn't react and kept walking.
Okay, so I shouldn't.
I shouldn't react?
We sat down together and sat in silence.
Did I say something wrong last night?
Why…I am not going crazy, I know he ignored me, but why?
I shouldn't have come to school today, oh my god. I should just die, oh my god, I cant. I hate school.
Vincent's journal was out again and this time it was flipped to a new page.
Emotions.
When I look at you, I can't help but feel happy, and when I get happy I get weird, the weird you hate baby.
And I am so sorry.
You make me happy beyond recognition, you make me crazy, you make me horny.
I can't get your gorgeous body out of my head… "Cassidy?"
My head shot to the sky almost like clockwork.
I had been caught. "I am sorry," I muttered.
"It's fine." he closed his journal. "Sometimes I write my thoughts down to help regulate my emotions."
"I do that too," I said, making eye contact with him.
"You don't look good."
"Same to you," I said and the two of us started laughing.
"I am stressed out about my baby of course I don't look good. Just the way he is handling everything just makes me feel worse and worse, every time I see him he's happy or he's talking with some guy and I feel like I am still crazy and jealous and nothing I do is working," Vincent said.
"Well I think your whole thing is that you are very jealous and it's natural for us to be jealous, you are just also very aggressive and that can get tricky."
"How?"
"Well, I haven't known you guys for that long but just the way you treat him is more like you own him kind of thing."
"Is it?"
"Yeah."
"Is that what Jasper thinks?"
"I don't know because I am not in his head, but I do think it has something to do with it," I said and he nodded.
"So when I get jealous of him what do I do?"
"Well why do you get jealous?"
"I." He paused and his face became unreadable. "I guess it's a big horn thing…"
"Don't say that." I said, cutting him off, "give me a real answer."
"Okay, well I get jealous when he talks to other demons and I guess humans too, not because I don't trust him, it's because I don't trust them. I don't want them putting their hands on him, touching what's…mine."
"Okay so saying 'mine' makes that weird."
"He's my love?"
"Better."
He nodded. "Okay, okay."
"I think just do stuff that he likes, maybe dates, flowers, car rides, whatever, just do whatever you think feels right and it won't happen overnight or it might, knowing y'all, but you have to mend that trust and that relationship."
"Should I tell my parents?"
I shrugged. "If that is something you want to do or feel comfortable with doing I don't see the harm." he nodded at me.
"Thank you, you are give really good advice, actually."
"You're welcome, I wish I was good at following it," I said nervously laughing.
"What love problems are you having?"
"Not necessarily love…it's just me and Nate."
"Is that why he ignored you earlier?"
"Holy fuck way to be up front with it," I said.
"Oh my bad."
"It's fine. I just…we were calling last night and it went really well and it was fun and then now he is ignoring me, so maybe I said something weird or said something he didn't like, but I don't know what to do," I said. And I am currently asking the worst person for advice, one of his best friends, but instead the non romantically inclined one.
"Do you like him?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? What do you mean you don't know?"
"I don't know, it's that simple. Do you like Jasper?"
He paused. "Yeah he's my boyfriend."
"Took too long with that one."
"I guess that is another thing I am working on, falling for people. Like I think I like Jasper? I guess I have to now, because we are dating."
"I have the opposite problem, because I fall for people too quickly, that is one of my greatest weaknesses."
"Hm."
"Yeah. I think you like Jasper."
"That's good."
"What's your favorite thing about him?"
"His ass, holy fuck its huge, oh my lord."
"Give me something else."
"He's really funny and I enjoy being around him because his personality is very warm. I like it. Also his smile, it melts my body all the way down to my pants, I am getting hard just thinking about it."
Jesus fuck he is down bad. "So you do like him clearly."
"Yeah."
"Good, so I think you just need to work through some more stuff and you will be good, just remember don't jump the gun." That is rich coming from me.
"Thank you, now back to you and Nate, what's up with yall?"
"I don't know. He was acting a little more teasing than normal…WAIT!"
"What? Why are you yelling?"
"You are his best friend, so you should know this, do you know why his chest and shoulders are all black?" Maybe it's that and not me.
Oh god, I hope he's okay.
Vincent paused, again and he shrugged. "I haven't heard of it."
"Oh."
Our conversation was then interrupted by the teacher starting class.
Maybe it is me after all.
I felt my nostrils flare and I blinked away bullshit tears that were forming.
It's whatever.
As soon as that class ended, I booked it to my next class without saying a word to Vincent. Not a single fucking word.
"Cassidy!" Thomas…
I smiled at him softly and he smiled back.
"I like your jeans."
"Thank you," I said.
We walked together and as we got closer to class the more Thomas filled the void in my stupid heart with half assed compliments.
But all I could think about was Nate.
God I am so stupid, I am so fucking stupid.
I feel so empty and I swear I counted every grain of dust that was on the windowsill until the class ended.
Just like Vincent, I didn't say bye to Thomas and just walked out as fast as I could.
That was the one thing I said I wasn't going to do anymore.
Just fucking shut down and spiral.
Go through my days not listening or talking to anyone.
And just being socially awkward.
I said I wasn't going to do this shit anymore and here we are again with this shit.
This same shit.
I just am bad at confrontation when it comes to crushes or just anyone for that matter.
I don't know.
I feel like I have always been like this, all clammy and weird and I just push it down with being nonchalant or a too cool for school vibe, but deep down I just find it hard to mesh with people and I don't really know why.
I think it's because no matter where I go I will be left out.
Left out in human school because I am part demon.
Left out in demon school because I am part human.
Left out in life because I am black.
I somehow make it to my 4th period and the crazy mental spiral I am in is telling me not to ditch and go see Nate.
So I don't. I just stay and do pop corn reading because I know he won't wanna see me.
My eyes are starting to prick up again like a little fucking loser.
I haven't paid attention in any of my classes I keep fucking being on the brink of tears, I don't understanding, oh my god I don't understand.
The pit in my stomach is starting to bubble and it's making my throat dry.
What is wrong with me?
Holy fuck what is wrong with me?
After class and a whole bunch of rubbing my eyes so the tears don't fall, I got my lunch and made my way over to sit with jasper and his fuck ass friends.
At least I get to see Jasper.
He smiled and waved at me and I smiled back.
I sat down in front of him and…and almost like clockwork, like they planned this shit his friends get up and leave.
My smile faltered and I swallowed the lump in my throat.
The world doesn't revolve around me, they probably got up to throw their food away or go wander around, I'm not special.
I'm not.
"You good?"
"Yeah," I said, mustering up a small smile as I rubbed both my eyes.
I am gonna cry.
I am gonna cry.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, just hungry."
I watched as Vincent walked over and put a bouquet of roses on the table.
"For you." When did he even have time to get that?
"Thank you baby, that is very nice of you."
I want to be happy for them but for some reason I can't.
For some reason I am so terrible that I can't even be happy for my own fucking friend, oh my god I am the worst.
I quickly stood up. "I am gonna go throw this away."
"You barely ate it."
"I am not very hungry."
"But you just said you were?" Jasper said, laughing.
"Well I am not anymore!" I didn't even mean to snap at him.
"Geez, okay." he was just being nice.
And I snapped at him.
I am the worst oh my god.
I couldn't muster up an apology before the tears started coming and I quickly walked away, god I am awful.
I threw my food away and I started to walk.
I tried to blink the tears away but they wouldn't stop coming.
I am such a cry baby oh my god.
After what felt like forever I feel myself looking at this stupid bathroom. This stupid fucking bathroom I have seen Nate in for the past 2 days.
ONLY TWO DAYS.
And I am this crazy, this weird.
I thought I stopped doing this, oh my god, I need to stop.
I pushed open the door and I…he wasn't there.
Oh god.
I went into one of the stalls and sat down on the toilet.
Oh god.
Now I am fucking crying.
And I don't know if it's over not seeing Nate, him ignoring me, or just because I feel like shit, but I am bawling my eyes out right now.
The more I rub the tears away the more they come down.
Oh god this fucking sucks.
I open my phone.
I shouldn't bother Theo.
God he would be so worried.
I closed my phone and just let the tears fall.
I am so overwhelmed and I think I'm getting sick, because I am never this fucking senetive, even over a guy.
Fuck.
I heard the bell ring.
Fuck.
I got up off the toilet, grabbing my backpack and putting my phone in my pocket.
I stared at myself in the mirror.
My cheeks were flushed and my eyes were red and puffy.
AND I AM LATE TO CLASS.
And it's with Vincent and Jasper.
Oh my god, I just shouldn't go, oh my god, I can't do this.
This is awful.
I am such a cry baby.
This is what I fucking get.
This is what I get for liking guys.
And for bottling up and pushing my emotions down so much.
I just get overworked and overwhelmed over little things that shouldn't bother me.
Fuck.
I washed my face. I somehow look worse now.
Whatever.
I pushed open the bathroom door and slowly made my way to this dreaded class.
I just need to keep my head down, and be happy, stop being weird.
I need to stop being weird, oh my god.
"You're late."
"I'm sorry, I was just calling my dad," I said, lying through my teeth and quickly went to sit in my seat.
My favorite love birds are talking and I won't interrupt them.
Jaspers probably still fucking mad at me from earlier, oh my god I'm terrible. Fuck
I was currently sniffling up and storm trying to fight back fucking tears.
"You good?" Jasper turned to me and I nodded.
"Just feeling a little sick," I said and he nodded.
Our conversation died and I continued to look down at my desk.
I can't say anything, I can't do anything and I zoned all the fuck out.
"Why are you pouting?" The three of us were walking down the hallway, because they wanted to drop me off at my dreaded 6th period class with Nathaniel.
"I am?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"I didn't realize I was," I said to Jasper.
"You should do it more."
I couldn't help but laugh. "What are you talking about?"
"You look cute."
I gave him a side eye. "You have a whole man next to you."
He put an arm around my shoulder, "I don't even need him when I have you."
I push him off laughing. "You know how to make a guy feel special."
He started laughing and then he stopped.
Oh no.
He stopped me.
Vincet turned around. "What are y'all doing?"
"Hey." Jasper mumbled in my ear. "Me and Vincent are on a break you know? You like guys don't you? Am I your type?"
I gave Jasper a mortified look. "YOU HAVE A FULL MAN!"
He started to cackle as he continued to walk.
Oh my lord.
My heart feels warm.
He feels comfortable enough to fake flirt with me.
That's what friends are for.
I felt a swift hand hit my ass as I walked into class.
I whipped around and it was Jasper licking my lips. "Stop!" I said a little too loud.
He waved me off as I made my way into the class.
Glad they didn't notice I was crying.
Thomas was there and he smiled at me, and I did the same.
I sat down next to him.
"You do get close to people easily, why aren't you doing that with me?" probably because you keep asking me stupid fucking questions.
"It takes time."
"Does it? Because Jasper just smacked your ass and you've known him for what 2, 3 days?" Thomas said and I couldn't tell what his tone was.
Was he angry? Happy? I don't know.
"I don't know," I said, laughing slightly. "I guess being around him makes me forget about life even if it's just for a moment. That's what friends do right?"
Thomas nodded. "Yeah I guess."
"I consider you maybe a friend."
"Maybe?"
"Yep," I nodded slowly.
"Hey, I'll take it." good.
I heard the seat on the opposite side of me scratch on the floor.
I don't wanna look.
The lump in my throat was back.
Oh god, oh god.
Against my better judgment, I turned and I looked at him, I had to, part of me fucking had to.
His face dropped when saw me. "Have you been crying?"
I quickly turned my head to the front of the class. "No." I mumbled.
"I can't fucking hear you."
Bitch. "No!"
He rolled his eyes at me.
I gulped again.
The professor once again had us in group discussion and of course I was with Nate and Thomas.
Nate was snapping at the both of us and I was fighting back tears.
"No, no that's a good idea," Thomas said as he rubbed my thigh.
Nate snarled. "Fucking meat ridder."
What is his fucking problem? Oh my god.
"That's a terrible idea." Everything I was saying Nate would say that, or something along those lines.
I fall too hard and too fast.
I do this too much.
Nate's not even gay, what is my fucking problem?
Oh my god, I am crazy.
Now he doesn't even like me as a friend.
I wiped my tears before they could fall, before they could embarrass me even more.
We got assigned a bitch ass project and of course I was with Nate and Thomas.
And the three of us walked to basketball in silence.
I felt heat rising up my neck and I felt awful.
Now we were doing scrimmages, jesus christ this whole day is fucking blutt.
Oh my god, what a fucking blur.
And IT'S THE STUPID GUY FROM YESTERDAY OR TWO DAYS AGO.
He smiled at me.
"Hi pretty." I was on a team with some bullshit person on our team and we up against this bitch and another bullshit person.
Ignore.
Ignore.
Ignore.
He stole the ball from me and he shot it.
Oh my god this bitch.
"Where's your boy?"
Ignore.
"Answer me, what did you guys fight?"
Ignore.
"Did you not suck his dick good enough? Or what?"
I don't even have the ball right now, he's just being a bitch to be a fucking bitch.
"I mean, I saw you today, you look all fucking pathetic. I mean even in your jeans you look good," I felt him stroke my side and I shoved him back.
"Get your fucking hands off me you bitch. You fucking bitch ass, do not fucking ouch me I swear to god, you ugly bitch. GET THE FUCK BACK!"
Okay, now that was loud.
"Cassidy!" I turned around, it was Coach. "You do not talk to your teammates like that!"
See how the world works, now I am getting fucking yelled at.
Yelled at because I didn't want his hands all over me.
He walked closer to me. "Go sit down, come back when you have calmed down."
I rolled my eyes.
"On second thought, sit out for the rest of practice."
I sighed.
I turned around and walked towards the bench. I felt a pinch on my side and I turned around. "No hard feelings, pretty."
"I am going to fucking kill you," I muttered and walked to sit down at the bench.
I watched as the scrimmages went on.
I should drop out.
Stay in my room all day and just never go to school, becasue holy fuck everything I do turns out wrong, oh my god.
Fuck.
I hate this school.
I hate that bitch.
I hate myself.
I fucking hate everything.
I just wanna go home.
Go home and never leave.
Never leave my room.
Fuck.
I am so angry.
And tired.
And sick.
I can't.
I don't know, "the fuck is your problem?"
I looked to my side, it was Nate.
When did he get benched? What?
"Nothing," I muttered and I felt myself stand up and Nate stood up.
"I need water," I mouthed to coach and he nodded.
And apparently this one needs to get water as well.
I opened the locker door and made my way over to my locker and…I felt my back hit the locker and Nate had my hands above my head.
I can't tell what he is thinking, oh my god, oh my god.
"Get off me," I mumbled, now I was gonna start crying again.
"What the fuck is your problem?"
"I said nothing, leave me alone," I said, trying to push his big ass off of me.
"Hey. Stop." I stopped. "I am going to ask you again, what the fuck is your problem?"
The two of us made eye contact.
No lie essence, no being scary, just this soulless look in his golden eyes.
I blinked.
"Your eyes are very puffy, way more puffy than they were earlier, are you okay?" he…he was being nice.
My heart almost fluttered even though I know it shouldn't, I know it shouldn't.
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, I know you aren't, so what is wrong?"
Here comes the water works. "I don't wanna be a cry baby but I woke up and I felt fucking awful this morning, like sick and I guess I am just overwhelmed. I mean it's a new environment, new people, new everything, and I just don't know what to do. I'm tired and I don't like being overwhelmed and I just wanna be non chalant and normal, but no matter how much I try, I am still such a fucking cry baby."
He blinked slowly and he let go of my arms.
"It's okay to feel that, like I understand being in a new environment can be very overwhelming and I think you don't have to feel bad for crying or hide it, it's okay to cry, it's okay to not be okay, please understand that."
"I know, I know."
He looked at me and I looked back at him. "There is something else?"
"Is there?" I asked.
"Yes, you still look lost."
I wiped my tears. "I mean, it's you."
"Me?"
"Yeah. I mean, I don't mean to overthink everything but that's kind of how my brain works and when you ignored me today I think that was the tipping point and I don't know, I just…" I took a deep breath as I started to cry more.
"Oh god."
"What?" I asked, now I was pouting.
"I didn't mean to ignore you."
"Well you did, and…well it hurt. And you don't really owe an obligation to me or anything but I do wanna know why you were ignoring me."
His face turned embarrassed and I watched as he gulped.
"You know I'm not gay right?"
I rolled my eyes, rubbing them. "Yes Nate I know, you tell me every time you say anything. What does this have to do with anything?"
I am so not in the mood for his speech right now about not being gay.
"So, why the FUCK am I dreaming about you riding my shit?"
I felt my mouth drop open. "You said what?" I started to quickly blink as Nate inhaled and closed his eyes. "Please don't make me say that again."
I pressed my face as I started to get warm. "What?" I don't even know what to fucking say right now, oh my god.
Nate opened his eyes and I watched as he itched the back of his neck.
"That's why I have been avoiding you all day, because there is NO WAY my first EVER wet dream is about a MAN and on top of that, one that I just fucking met."
I covered my mouth in shock and I continued to give him a mortified fucking look
I am so gagged right now and I have no idea what to even say right now.
"I am so embarrassed," Nate's face was bright red.
Me too.
"Was it like an up for interpretation dream or what?"
"We were in my bedroom, you had that thing on your head…"
"My bonnet?"
"Yeah, and I could very much tell it was you and you…you were riding my dick."
Chills went down my spine.
"That's so bad."
"I know, don't remind me,"
"I…what…were we…" my voice faded out.
"We were in my bed."
"You already said that."
"Oh…I oh uh. You were moaning and you. You were doing it in my ears, and god." he stopped.
"Now I am hard again," he said and my eyes went wide.
"You, or well you in my dream, have the sexiest moan I have ever heard and you were just. Just riding it, or well me and you kept telling me to go slow, and you were so tight and well your body, I am not gay, I am not, but you are so perfect and I don't know what to do, oh my god. I don't, oh my god." His face was flushed and his eyes were wide.
"I am so embarrassed right now, oh my god," I said.
"Me too," he said and the two of us started to laugh.
"Like, I am not gay, but I feel an attraction towards you clearly and I don't know why? I mean, like what do I do with that?"
"I don't know."
"Well, do you like guys?"
I nodded, why does everyone keep asking me that today?
"Well, do you like me?"
"I don't know, I mean, part of me has a little crush on you, but you are straight."
"I mean after that dream, I don't even know," Nate said and we both started to laugh.
"So what are we now?"
"Dude, I have known you for like 3 days," I said.
"My bad, my bad."
"We can be in a talking stage or whatever they call it, or your trial phase to see if you are gay."
He nodded.
"Can I call you kitten or not?"
"As long as I can call you mine."
The both of started to laugh. "That was bad."
"Fucking terrible," I said. "I don't really wanna jump the gun, you know? So we can just be in a kind of talking thing right now."
"That sounds good to me," Nate said, nodding. "I don't know, you are the pro here, what did you and your other boy toys do?"
"Oh my goodness don't say that. Well there was this guy and I guess we jumped the gun and I think he only liked me for blowjobs." I feel so awkward talking about this oh my god.
"Bro he got one, whens mine?"
My face turned red. "I am playing, we can 100 percent take things slow," he said.
I nodded. "That sounds good to me, especially because we just met."
"Yeah."
After some more awkward conversation and moments we shuffled back out to the gym with smiles that were too big for just getting water.
"You love birds done?" Coach called out.
"Cassidy, if you have learned your lesson, you can come back." I swear bro said the opposite earlier but that's fine and I haven't at all learned my lesson but sure. I nodded.
"Do you want me to kick his ass?"
"It would make me wet if you did," I said and the two of us started laughing.
Coach paired us up together, which was a big mistake because we were WAY TOO giggling to be playing stupid basketball.
Nate kept passing me the wall way to high and we would just start laughing.
Safe say we WERE GETTING CREAMED BY THE OTHER TEAM.
We moved down the weird bracket thing that coach set up and now we were up against freak show and Vincent.
Nate looked at me and i started laughing, god we are gonna loose again.
We walked to go shake their hands before the scrimmage started and Nate has his hand literally borderline about to go in my pants.
"Nathaniel, I swear to god," I said and I held his hand with my other hand, trying to keep him out of my pants in front of the entire team, well not that anyone actually was paying attention because everyone was doing their own scrimmages.
"Hi pretty, glad you are back in."
I rolled my eyes. "Don't touch me this time and I'll stay in," I said with a small smile.
"He touched you?" Vincent said.
"Took the words right out of my mouth," Nate said.
"It was like a grab, it just sent me over the edge." I shook Vincent's hand but not the other guy and Nate did the same.
"Why am I on the team with the toucher?" I started to laugh as well as Nate.
The game went on as normal.
And for some reason, it felt good.
Felt good to have a little boy crush on Nathaniel, even if I wasn't sure where things were going.
Like I don't know if Nate has a crush on me, but I am on his mind, and I know that.
I think for most of my crushes, they always feel very one sided or reward based, and this feels different.
Of course I still developed a crush way too soon, but I guess it's different?
But that's what they always say, right?
Whatever.
After losing miserably and because of our earlier offenses we were doing some shooting practice after and then we had to clean up the gym.
"So you like guys and girls?"
"Random ass question, yeah."
"What's that called?" Nate asked.
"Bisexual."
"Okay, and you like me?"
I paused. "What did I say earlier? I have a little crush on you."
"So you like me?"
"A little crush," I said, repeating what I said earlier.
"What about you? You are attracted to me, but is that physically or emotionally?"
"I think more physically, which is weird, but I also think it's emotionally as well. Emotional is more subconscious though because you are a man."
"Right but you are physically attracted to me? How does that work?"
"I don't know, you are very masculine too which makes it even weirder, I don't know."
"I understand that," I said.
He looked lost in thought as he nodded.
"Did we use lube or condoms?" I pulled him right out of whatever train of thought he was in and he started to laugh. "I don't know, but you were TIGHT!"
I gave him a mortified look. "What? You asked?"
"I don't recall asking that."
"Oh, my bad, that's all I remember. We were very freaked out and you…you were very sexy," he said and I couldn't help but smile.
"Thanks."
The two of us continued to play with Nate trying to block me as I got easy 3 point shots on him.
"You are too good for how tall you are and being human."
"Or maybe you are just bad?" I said making a lay up.
I grabbed the ball again and smiled at him. "I mean my height makes up for it."
"You'd think that," I said and he slapped my ass lightly.
"Stop it, don't make fun of me," he said with a small smile.
We continued to play and just enjoyed each other's company.
After a while of sweating, we cleaned everything up and made our way back into the locker room.
I started to change and I clicked Theo's contact and called him.
He picked up on the second ring. "Hi baby, did you see my message?"
"Nope, what did it say?"
"I can't come get you."
"Why? Are you and dad boning too much?"
Theo went quiet and I knew whatever came out of his mouth next was going to be a lie. "No, I had to take your dad to the hospital."
"I'm sure you did, well when you can walk again, I want you to think about the fact your poor doting son got kidnapped and you will never see him again."
"Baby…do you want your dad to come get you?"
"I would rather DIE."
"Exactly, come on. Go give that demon boy some roadhead and have him take you home."
Nate and I locked eyes and he started to laugh as I sighed.
"Is he there right now? Ask him."
"Okay, okay, I will, you are so embarrassing," I said and Theo started to laugh.
"If it's not too big of a deal, could you?"
"Don't you worry baby, I will get you home," Nate said.
He started to cackle as Theo started to talk. "I thought you guys weren't dating. Why is he calling you baby?"
"It's a joke, tell him it's a joke," Nate said.
"Oh okay okay, if he can hear me, tell him that he WILL NOT be getting any roadhead nor will he get to date you."
"Oh my god, bye, you are so embarrassing I can't, goodbye, I will see you at home." I ended the call before I was embarrassed further and Nate smiled at me.
We got dressed and we made it to Nate's car.
"Do you have any music you like or are you fine with anything?"
"I am fine with anything," I said and he rolled down the windows slightly and we pulled out of the parking lot.
I sent him my address and now we were on our way to my home.
"I like your car."
"Thank you, my dad got it for me because he was sick of taking me to school."
"That's real. Theo doesn't work, so he takes me to and from school and it's kind of our thing."
"Just not when he and your dad are getting freaky apparently."
The two of us started to laugh.
He had finally taken that stupid turtle neck and now he was now in a white wife beater.
"The black is getting worse."
"Don't even mention it oh my god," he muttered.
"At least it adds to your attractiveness," I said, and he smiled. "Thank you. It is getting worse way faster than it should and I am not looking forward to it at all."
"I don't know if you explained this to me already, but how does the heat go away?"
"I have to find my soulmate."
"That's fucking bullshit," I said.
"I know holy shit and even when I find my soulmate, it doesn't stop…until we have sex, at least I think."
"Kinky."
He gave me a side eye.
"My fault, fault," I said and he started laughing.
"Well I hope you find your soulmate."
He paused. "Me too, me too."
The car ride fell silent.
"Does the black stuff make you feel like weak?"
"Oh my god yes, it just makes me feel fucking sick, overwhelmed, and just tired. And stupid history is telling me that I will feel that way until me and my soulmate like have sex or whatever, and get this, they feel that shit too. Like I don't even know how that works, but when the black gets worse it's like it's also making my soulmate sick."
"That's such bullshit, what the hell?"
"I know, I don't even know how that connects or even works."
I watched as my house came up in the distance.
"You can drop me off at the front." oh and now he is pulling into my driveway, right, right because that makes sense.
"I will drop you off at the front door, how about that?" so my dad can kill us both that makes fucking sense.
"You don't have to."
"I want to."
"Right, so when my dad shoots the both of us dead, keep that thought in mind."
"Oh I will."
He carried my backpack to the front door and before I could push it open there my dad was, he was sitting there, fucking waiting.
His eyes quickly darted to Nate and then to me and then back to Nate.
His eyes were this hazy dark color and I could tell he was PISSED.
"Hi daddy, this is Nate," I said with a soft voice.
I watched as his eyes softened, HELL YEAH. GUESS WHOSE BOY CRUSH WON'T GET SHOT TODAY!!!
Nate waved to my dad and he didn't do anything back.
"He's on the basketball team?"
I nodded.
"Why is your skin black?" We are black king!
"I am about to go into heat," he said and my dad gave him a weird look. "It's a mutation, sir." calling my dad sir IS WAY TOO FAR.
"Your plans for your heat better not be with my son."
"They…they aren't." The stutter was crazy work.
My dad gave him a disgusted look. "I don't want you near him."
"Daddy, stop being weird," I said, taking my backpack from Nate, trying to indirectly tell him to get the fuck out of here before my dad slashes his fucking tires and shoots him dead behind our fucking house.
"I do not want you near my son, do you hear me?" my dad raised his tone, he was trying to fear monger, the fear mongerer himself.
"You can't stop me." Why are we starting unnecessary issues with my father?
My dad raised his eyebrow. "You're bold and admire your efforts, but, my son is not allowed to date EVER, so go after another human."
"Oh but I want him, and you're not gonna stop me." just saying shit to make my dad mad.
"You weren't smacked enough as a kid, speaking to your elders like this."
"Daddy stop, I swear, this is so embracing. Nate, goodbye, I will see you tomorrow," I said, trying to push my dad back inside.
"You will not see him tomorrow," my dad said and he held me close to him.
Oh my lord.
Nate looked at the two of us and gave me an unreadable expression.
"Goodbye Nate, goodbye, go, go please go, thank you, goodbye."
"I will see you at school tomorrow," Nate said after a cool 5 minutes of antagonizing my father.
I shut the door and pried my dads hands off me.
"He's just a friend dad, stop, please stop. Don't say anything, just stop," I said, muttering.
My dad gave me a weird look but thankfully didn't say anything.
"How's Theo?"
My dad gave me a perverted look. "Actually, forget I even asked."
Part of me does feel better, because I know Nate's not ignoring me and all that, but also I still have this nasty pit feeling of being sick.
God I hate it.
My dad followed me upstairs and instead of going to his and Theo's room, he followed me into my room.
"Hi dad, what are you doing?" I asked and he sat down on my bed.
He pulled out his phone. "Door dash."
I nodded.
"Theo wants soup, do you want something else or no?" my dad asked. This was his way of being nice.
"I'll take soup."
"Tortilla soup, with extra avocados and light cheese?"
It's so basic but I felt my heart warm.
"Get over here daddy," I said, jumping on him.
I hugged him.
"You are too big to be doing this."
"Shut up," I said.
I guess no matter how cold, no matter how mean, no matter how little emotions he shows, he is still my dad.
And I love my dad.
I love my dad to pieces.
And I know he just wants the best for me.
God, now I am going to cry again.
"Why are you crying? It's door dash."
I sat down next to him. "I don't know, I have been crying so much today."
"Is it because of that demon boy?"
"No," I half way lie. "I just felt sick this morning and overwhelmed."
"Why didn't you stay home?"
"I don't know." but I am glad I didn't.
I put my legs on my dad as he continued to order the door dash.
"128 for some soup is crazy," my dad said, rubbing my legs.
"You are rich, 128 is nothing," I said.
After a while of me and my dad bonding, we walked to go get the door dash.
"Thanks dad."
He nodded and I disappeared back into my room.
I ate alone at my desk staring at my bright phone.
I finished my soup, threw the food away down stairs and clicked on me and Nate's instagram dms.
Me: I don't know if you are home yet, but answer this when you get home
Almost like clock work he read my message.
Nazrael: I am home.
Me: Nice.
Nazrael: you wanna facetime?
Me: I can't tonight
Nazrael: why not? What the hell?
Me: my parents are getting way too suspicious.
Nazrael: about what?
Me: Are you slow? Us.
Nazrael: oh my bad, wait but i wanted to call.
I watched as picture of him popped up.
Oh god that v line.
My hands hovered over the keyboard, I mean what do I have to lose?
I mean nothing.
Me: please never pull up your pants.
Nazrael: Huh?
He sent an emoji with that message.
Nazrael: what does that mean?"
Me: nothing.
Nazrael: Wait, no I want to know.
Me: no you don't. Okay, well you need to do homework and so do it, so go do it.
Nazrael: wait but I wanna talk to you.
Me: I will see you tomorrow.
Nazrael: bruh, you are a freak.
Me: So are you. Don't let the bed bugs bite, or the sex dreams for your case.
Nazrael: bruh, okay. Bye.
Me: bye nate, I will see you tomorrow.
God I have to fight back actual demons trying not to text him, I swear to god.
God he.
I love having boy crushes. Oh my god, it is so fun.
After an hour in a half I knocked out all of the homework from my classes that I half way paid attention to.
Oh my god I feel so giddy.
Me: Nathan, good night
Nazrael: So formal, oh my god.
Me: god forbid
Nazrael: good night cassidy
I put on my bonnet, I ain't even shower but that's okay, I am too excited.
I changed out of my clothes and into pajamas.
I am so happy.
Beyond happy, oh my god.
I need to sleep now.
Oh my god.
I am so giddy.
I am so happy.
Oh god.