Nine was still sitting where I had left him, curled up against the headboard with one of my books open upside-down on his lap, clearly not reading. His head turned as soon as I stepped into the room. The light in his eyes flickered, softening with quiet relief.
"I didn't take long," I said, offering a small smile as I kicked off my boots.
He gave a tiny shrug, but his fingers reached toward mine the moment I came close enough.
I took his hand. Sat on the bed. Rested my forehead against his shoulder for a moment and just let the warmth of him seep into my skin.
"You okay?" I asked gently.
He nodded after a beat, but I felt the hesitation in his body.
He's still anxious, Nyx murmured. Still doubting.
I shifted back enough to look at him properly. "Hey, Nine... can I ask you something?"
His head tilted, just a little. I could tell he was bracing himself for something heavier than the silence we'd been sitting in.
"Have you ever thought about…" I hesitated. "Having a child?"
His eyes widened slightly.
"I don't mean now," I clarified quickly, brushing my thumb across the back of his hand. "I just... I've been thinking about it. What that would even mean. For someone like us."
His expression was unreadable, but he didn't pull away. I took that as a sign to keep going.
"There was a boy," I said quietly. "Back before everything turned. Before I killed the Supreme Leader."
Nine stilled beside me.
"He was a young hybrid. Barely taller than Mira back when I knew her. The Supreme Leader sent him to me… the same night I gave you over."
I felt the change in Nine. The bond trembled faintly, like a ripple on a still lake.
"I didn't touch him," I said quickly. "Didn't even let him stay. I sent him away. But…"
I swallowed. The words scraped like glass in my throat.
"That was taken as rejection. As defiance. I heard later that they sent him to the soldiers' barracks instead."
Nine's grip on my fingers tightened.
"They found his body a week later," I said. "I don't even know his name."
The room felt too quiet. Like the walls were listening.
"I think about him more than I should," I admitted. "How scared he must've been. How small. I wonder if anyone even bothered to remember what he looked like."
I let my head fall forward again, resting against Nine's shoulder. "I don't know if I'd be a good mother, Nine. I'm not even sure I'm a good person."
Nine didn't speak—but his hand rose to touch my hair, tentatively, as if unsure he was allowed.
Let him, Nyx urged. Let him comfort you.
"I keep thinking that if I'd just done something differently—if I'd pushed harder, yelled louder—he might've lived." I closed my eyes. "But I didn't. I let it happen."
Nine's other arm circled around me slowly. Carefully. Like he thought I might disappear.
"He was just a child."
And now, buried somewhere in a shallow grave, nameless and forgotten.
I tilted my head enough to look up at Nine.
"I want better for them," I whispered. "For the hybrids. For you. For whatever future we can build."
His gaze searched mine. I didn't need words. He was always better at feeling than speaking, anyway.
"You don't have to answer," I said softly. "Just... if you ever did want a child—ours or adopted—I'd want it to be somewhere we both felt safe. Somewhere the world wouldn't try to ruin them."
His fingers brushed gently over my temple. Like a yes. Or maybe a maybe.
We didn't speak more. We didn't need to.
For now, it was enough to hold each other.
To sit in the silence, and grieve a child the world had taken too soon.
To dare—just a little—to dream of a different ending.