When Lumine and Nilou bolted back into the house, laughing like two conspirators who had just plotted my doom, I turned to Greg. He was still lounging at the base of the tree, basking in the afternoon light like a smug lizard king.
"Hey, buddy," I said, leaning forward. "What should we do today?"
Greg flicked his tail lazily, then turned his head toward me and—yep—smacked me right in the cheek with it. His message was clear: If you say 'cause chaos,' I will personally bury you alive.
I rubbed my face and sighed. "Yeah, yeah, you're right. No chaos. Probably." I stretched and looked around the quiet teapot realm. "Well, everything seems peaceful for once. Guess I deserve some rest."
I laid down on the bench under the sakura tree, arms behind my head. The breeze carried that sweet, flowery scent, and for a moment, I thought I could actually nap without the world catching fire before I accidentally inhale a petal that almost claimed my glorious life.
Then the door opened. Nilou, Lumine, and Paimon appeared, all dressed to go out.
Lumine waved at me. "We're heading to Sumeru for a bit."
"Yeah, no prob," I said, waving lazily. "I'll just chill here with my lizard buddy. Still nursing a hangover anyway."
"Don't blow up the teapot while we're gone," Lumine warned, narrowing her eyes.
"Ha! You wound me, Blondie. When have I ever—"
She just stared.
"Okay, yeah. Fair point."
Nilou giggled, adjusting her veil. "We'll be back soon, okay?"
"Sure thing, Goddess. Don't forget souvenirs."
Paimon floated above me with her arms crossed. "And don't try to cook!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means last time you almost burned soup! Soup!" she yelled.
"Hey! That pot betrayed me! It exploded on its own!"
Lumine just sighed. "We'll be gone for two hours. Try not to set anything—or anyone—on fire."
Paimon huffed, Nilou smiled apologetically, and then they disappeared through the teapot portal, leaving me and Greg alone in silence.
I sighed. "Well, what now?"
Greg tilted his head, unimpressed.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. We should probably eat something first."
I stood up and wandered into the mansion, heading straight for the kitchen. Except there was a sign on the door. In Lumine's perfect handwriting.
Don't even think about entering this kitchen.
I blinked. "Wow. Rude. But fair."
Luckily, when I passed by the dining table, I spotted food neatly arranged there. "Aww, they love me!" I grinned. "See, Greg? They pretend to scold me, but deep down, they can't resist my charm."
Greg blinked. Slowly.
"Yeah, yeah. I know. Shut up and eat."
We both dug in, and honestly, the food was divine. I swear Lumine might actually cook better when she's angry at me. Once we were done, I wiped my mouth dramatically and declared, "Alright, time for training!"
Greg tilted his head. His eyes clearly said, You? Train? Without getting injured?
"Don't give me that look, buddy. It's time to work out. No rest for the hero!" I shouted proudly, ripping my shirt off for dramatic effect.
The breeze hit me like a slap. "Okay, maybe I should've waited till I was warmed up."
Greg facepalmed. With his tail.
I grabbed my Haran sword and took a deep breath. "Alright, Greg. Watch and learn."
The blade shimmered faintly in my hand as I swung it through the air. One, two, three swings—clean, precise, powerful. I focused on channeling the elemental energy inside the sword instead of coating it like before. Internal infusion, as I liked to call it.
It was… hard. Really hard.
"Man," I muttered between swings, "this is tougher than it looks." I sat back down on the bench, panting. "Still, if I could infuse all my elements internally, that would be wild. But… risky."
I rested the sword on my shoulder and stared at the sky. "Can't die yet. Blondie and Goddess can't be widowed before the wedding."
Greg crawled up the bench and stared at me, clearly unimpressed with my so-called progress.
"Don't you look at me like that. I'm building strength, not showing off," I said defensively. "Besides, the girls think I'm strong already. Gotta live up to that, you know?"
Greg flicked his tongue, clearly not convinced.
"Okay fine, maybe Nilou said I 'look strong,' which could mean anything. Still counts!"
After catching my breath, I stood again. "Round two, buddy. Let's go."
This time, I mixed in a few bow maneuvers with sword swings—testing balance, speed, control. My body moved on instinct, each motion cleaner, sharper. I could feel the swirl of elemental energy buzzing inside me, but just enough to feel alive—not to explode.
"Ha!" I exhaled sharply after a spin. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"
Greg tilted his head, then yawned again.
"Oh, don't act like you're bored. You're supposed to be my emotional support lizard!"
He blinked slowly, hopped onto my shoulder, and promptly fell asleep.
"Wow. Inspirational."
Greg stirred slightly, probably agreeing. Or snoring. Hard to tell.
After a few minutes of resting, I stood up again. "Alright, Greg. Round three!" I swung the sword again, faster this time, mixing bursts of Hydro, Electro, and Geo energy. My muscles burned, but it felt good—like I was pushing toward something new.
Sweat dripped down my forehead, but I couldn't help grinning. "You know," I muttered between swings, "we've finished the Sumeru Archon quest, survived near-death experiences, made a puppet cry—what's next again?"
Greg flicked his tongue.
"Oh right. Scaramouche and the 'removal of himself' arc. That's gonna be fun."
I spun the sword one last time and rested it against the bench. "Still strong enough to handle it, but hey, doesn't hurt to be prepared."
I looked up at the sakura blossoms drifting down again, feeling that familiar itch for adventure.
"Yeah," I said, smirking. "Peace and quiet never lasts long around me anyway."
Greg flicked his tail one last time, as if saying, You attract trouble like flowers attract bees.
I laughed softly. "You're not wrong, buddy. But hey… chaos makes life interesting."
Two hours passed.
I checked the sky, then the clock in the teapot, then Greg. Still no sign of Lumine, Nilou, or Paimon.
"Huh," I muttered, scratching my head. "That's weird. Blondie said they'd be back after two hours. Blondie never lies about time. It's like her personal religion."
Greg tilted his head at me like he already knew where this was going.
"Don't you dare give me that look," I said, narrowing my eyes. "You think I forgot something again, don't you?"
Greg blinked once, slowly. The kind of blink that screams yes, you absolute fool.
Then realization hit me like that truck that sent me to Teyvat. "Oh come on! Don't tell me they started the Hat Guy Gremlin quest without me!"
Greg flicked his tongue in the air and gave me that smug little lizard look. They absolutely did.
"Unbelievable. Betrayed by my own family," I muttered, pacing around. "After everything I've done for them! After all the snacks I didn't steal from the pantry! After all the tea I didn't spill—literally and emotionally!"
Greg blinked again. I could swear he was rolling his eyes.
"Oh, not on my watch," I said, jumping to my feet. "No way they're stealing my spotlight again!"
I grabbed my signature black coat—the one with the inner clothes Lumine, Nilou, and Paimon made for me—and threw it on like I was about to do a fashion show. I even spun once for dramatic effect. "Oh no you don't. You don't get to leave this idiot out of glory."
Greg yawned from the bench, flicking his tail lazily.
"Come on, buddy," I said, scooping him up and perching him on my shoulder. "Time to ruin—or join—the fun! Whichever comes first!"
Greg flicked his tail against my face again. I took that as encouragement. Probably.
"I can already hear Lumine sighing somewhere in Sumeru," I muttered. "That's my cue."
I called out to Tubby, who popped up with her usual cheerful smile. "Open the portal, Tubby! The hero's gotta crash the party!"
"Very well, Master Shigeru," Tubby replied politely. "Do try not to explode anything this time."
"No promises! But I'll try to only partially explode things!"
The portal shimmered open, and I jumped straight in—arms spread, heart full of bad decisions.
I landed flat on my butt in Sumeru. "Ow. Graceful as always," I muttered, dusting myself off. Greg climbed up my arm again like this was routine. "Alright, time to find a red-haired goddess, a floating snack, and a glowing blonde. Can't be that hard."
Greg perched on my shoulder, staring at me like he didn't believe a word I said.
"You think you're funny, don't you?" I muttered. Greg flicked his tongue in reply. "Yeah, yeah, sarcasm noted."
First stop: Akademiya.
I burst through the doors like I owned the place. "Alright, brainy nerds! Point me toward the chaos!"
Everyone stared at me. Nobody answered.
A scholar coughed. Another muttered something about "security." Someone else dropped a stack of papers and whispered, "Not again."
"Wow, tough crowd," I sighed. "I expected at least one gasp or a fainting fangirl. Tough times for celebrities."
Greg smacked his tail against my neck. Deserved.
"Okay, okay, I get it. No fame here. Just judgment."
After a few minutes of running around and getting nothing but judgmental stares, I realized the terrifying truth. "Oh no… they did start without me!"
I gasped dramatically, hands in my hair. "Nooooooo! My glorious screentime! My dramatic entrance! My character development arc!"
Greg slapped his tail against my cheek again.
"Alright, alright, fine," I muttered, rubbing the spot. "Still time to catch up."
Next stop: Sanctuary of Surasthana.
As soon as I appeared, a rush of divine energy hit me. My hair actually floated a little—10/10 effect. I blinked, looking around the ethereal glow. The moment I entered, I saw it—the squad. Nahida standing near the entrance like the world's cutest manager, Lumine and Paimon arguing with Wanderer, Nilou between them, trying to mediate like a saint.
"Perfect," I said, grinning. "Time to cause chaos and maybe alter the universe. Again."
Everyone turned to stare at me.
"What?" I said, raising my hands. "Just stating facts. To us, this is a regular Tuesday."
Greg slapped me again.
Wanderer rolled his eyes. "Oh great. Another loudmouth."
"Hey, Hat Guy Gremlin! Miss me?" I grinned.
He glared at me. "No."
"Rude. You really need therapy, man."
Nahida giggled quietly, covering her mouth. "Shigeru, you're just in time. We're about to enter Irminsul."
"Oh, perfect. I was worried you'd do it without the main character."
Lumine crossed her arms, half-smiling. "We were this close."
"Love you too, Blondie."
Nilou giggled softly. "You made it just in time, Shigeru."
"Wouldn't miss it, Goddess." I winked.
Paimon zipped over to my face, squinting. "You were napping again, weren't you!?"
"I call it tactical resting!"
"You call it sleeping through plot development!" she snapped.
"Semantics."
Nahida stifled a laugh. "Let's continue. As I was saying—"
The Balladeer smirked. "Look at that. Hot on my heels. You didn't have to cut your catch-up short just to keep me company. Oh, but I guess you panicked when you realized I might enter Irminsul ahead of you."
"Panicked?" I repeated. "Buddy, I am chaos incarnate. I don't panic—I improvise."
Lumine rolled her eyes. "Nahida sent us to babysit you."
Paimon crossed her arms. "Shut your beak, jailbird! No way a prisoner gets to be so smug!"
Wanderer crossed his arms. "I understand that prisoners have to put up with harassment from the guards, but right now, I'm on temporary release. Maybe you should back off a little."
"Wow," I muttered. "He really does sound like me when I'm hungover."
Greg nodded. I swear he nodded.
Nahida smiled softly. "Sounds like a successful rendezvous. In a few moments, you'll be entering the innermost region of Irminsul. It's unlike anywhere else—torrents of information everywhere. You must remain calm."
Lumine nodded. "Understood."
Paimon grumbled. "Fine, let's call a truce, but only until this mission's over…"
Wanderer smirked. "Let's cut each other a little slack, shall we? We are gonna be traveling together, after all. Per my agreement with Lesser Lord Kusanali, I'll lead. It's my job to get rid of obstacles. You just have to keep your pretty eyes open and try not to fall behind."
Paimon puffed her cheeks. "Ha! You make it sound like you're even more experienced than us!"
"Technically he's not wrong," I muttered. "He's done enough emo sidequests to fill a novel."
Nilou giggled quietly, whispering to Lumine, "He really can't help himself, can he?"
Lumine sighed but smiled faintly. "He never could."
Wanderer ignored me completely. "If there are no further objections, we should get going. Or did you need time to mentally prepare?"
"Buddy," I said, stretching, "I was born unprepared."
Paimon's face scrunched up. "Ugh! The snark on this guy is unbearable!"
"Yeah, well," I said, patting her head, "you'll live. Probably."
Lumine sighed. "Focus, everyone."
Nahida clapped her hands. "Irminsul access granted. Initiating connection procedure."
The air shimmered, glowing threads of energy wrapping around us. I squinted, shielding my eyes.
"Woah," I said, awed despite myself. "It's like stepping into a cosmic Wi-Fi signal."
Paimon blinked. "A what?"
"Don't worry about it."
The glowing light pulsed as the connection opened.
Paimon tilted her head. "Is this a small sapling?"
Before anyone could respond, Wanderer darted forward. "We can start now."
Paimon huffed. "Argh, darn it! C'mon, let's catch up with him!"
"Alright!" I shouted, grinning as I followed after them. "Time to ruin destiny! Or fix it! Depends how I feel today!"
Greg flicked his tail at my cheek again.
"Yeah, yeah, fine! Maybe not ruin it—just bend it a little!"
Nilou giggled softly, shaking her head. Lumine sighed, smiling faintly.
"He's going to make Nahida regret inviting him," Lumine murmured.
Nahida only smiled. "Perhaps. But chaos, too, has its role in fate."
Greg let out a low hiss that almost sounded like laughter.
"Don't encourage her," I whispered. "You're supposed to be my sidekick."
Greg flicked his tail once more—as if to say, I side with whoever feeds me more snacks.
"Traitor."
And with that, we all stepped into Irminsul's glow—me, my lizard, and a one-way ticket to chaos.
________________
End of Chapter 161
Quests Completed:
*Lie under the sakura, inhale one petal, survive existential dread.
*Resist immediate urges to weaponize kitchenware while the wives are gone.
*Perform three clean sword swings, discover muscles still exist, don't explode.
*Train while Greg provides passive emotional feedback (tail-slaps optional).
*Resist the emotional blackmail of Greg's soulful stares. Outcome: fail once; lizard retains throne.
*Spot the party started without you; sprint, spin, don coat, reenter glory.
*Retrieve and don the black coat of honor, look 73% less stupid, 100% more wedding-ready.
*Burst through the Akademiya with zero dignity and 100% determination.
* Coordinate with Nahida and the crew and step into the cosmic "Wi-Fi" of knowledge.
*Enter Irminsul's glowing threads and avoid letting your brain short-circuit on historical downloads.
*When plans derail, improvise with confidence, bravado, and snacks. Bonus if someone laughs.
Rewards:
*Mora ×300,000
*Haran Mastery XP +420 — your swings are legitimately less suicidal.
*Irminsul Connection Token — a glowing trinket that allows quick access to a knowledge echo once per in-game week.
*Greg's Smug Throne Blessing — passive morale buff while Greg is perched on your shoulder (+5 Confidence).
*Petal of Quietude (relic, cursed?) — sit near the sakura and recover 15 sanity/minute; inhaling it causes mild choking and a dramatic coughing fit.
*Tubby's Favor — Tubby will open one portal per day free of charge (cooldown reduced by 50% for emergencies).
*Lumine+Nilou Approval Tokens — small, intangible favors they'll cash in at awkward moments (use with caution).
*Paimon's Supervisor Whistle — can cancel any task once; Paimon will loudly remind you you deserve it.
*+1 Relationship: Wanderer Rapport — Wanderer tolerates your jokes for 3 extra minutes per encounter.
*"Tactical Rest" Passive — short naps restore 10% more stamina in the next hour.
*Temporary bonus: "Adrenaline Rush" — +20% attack speed for 5 minutes after a dramatic entrance.