"So, Tet, what things do you have to do?" Tia asked curiously, tilting her head slightly as she looked up at him.
"Less than you'd think… and more than I'd like," Tet answered with a bright, cheery smile.
Then, with a casual flick of his wrist, he pulled out a long list.
It unrolled dramatically… and kept going… and kept going… until it stretched comically far down the sidewalk.
"I'm not doing it all today, but I'd like to knock out at least the first five in the next few days," Tet said, glancing down the absurdly long list.
"Like number one… find a new goddess of reincarnation to replace Aqua… oh wait, I already did that. Wonder how that's going," Tet added, tapping his chin thoughtfully.
______________________________
Meanwhile, in Aqua's former office, a young man with short brown hair and brown eyes, wearing a green and black tracksuit, sat nervously in a chair on the other side of a massive mahogany desk.
The walls were decorated with old-fashioned rifles, war medals, and a strangely small military uniform.
An expensive bottle of scotch sat on the desk next to a set of crystal glasses.
On the other side of the desk, in a massive brown leather office chair, sat a girl who looked no older than twelve, with blonde hair tied in a neat ponytail and sharp blue eyes. She wore a black suit with a white undershirt and a black tie.
"Good evening, Mr. Satou. My name is Tanya Degurechaff. I am the newly appointed god of reincarnation," Tanya said professionally, with straight posture and a piercing gaze.
"Oh—um, hello, miss," Kazuma replied, shifting slightly in his seat as he watched Tanya pick up a manila folder with his name on it.
"So, Mr. Satou, I see you died an early death due to… um… shock. A case for a second life can be made. I will conduct a series of tests to see if you qualify for that chance," Tanya informed him.
"Wait, I don't just get the second life? I mean, wasn't it you people who screwed up in the first place?" Kazuma said, slamming his hands on the desk, his voice rising with frustration.
"Mind your tone, Mr. Satou. Lord Hades does not make mistakes. Ever since this world and several others came under his jurisdiction, premature deaths have become a thing of the past. You died at the exact moment you were meant to. Your young age is the only reason you're up for consideration. Now, the first test… if given a chance at a new life, what would you do with it?" Tanya said, glaring at Kazuma.
"Um… well, I'd be the hero, save the world, and surround myself with a harem of beautiful babes," Kazuma said energetically, a grin creeping onto his face.
"Interesting," Tanya said flatly as she made several precise marks in his file and pulled out a crystal ball, setting it carefully on the desk.
"Moving on to the second test. Please place your hand on the crystal," Tanya instructed.
Kazuma hesitated for a brief moment before placing his hand on the crystal.
After a few seconds, it turned a deep, solid red.
"Um… is that good?" Kazuma asked with visible hesitation, glancing between Tanya and the glowing orb.
Tanya said nothing, only making more marks in his file.
"Moving on to the third test. Write a brief and truthful summary of your life," Tanya said, handing him a sheet of paper and a pen.
Kazuma started writing, his brow furrowed in concentration.
After a few minutes, he passed the paper back to Tanya.
After reading it, Tanya nodded once and folded her hands together neatly on the desk.
"Well. Your hopes for the future disgust me. Your soul is completely drenched in sin. If it weren't, the crystal would have had at least some splashes of blue here and there. And finally… the summary of your life is full of nothing but lies and embellishments," Tanya said straightforwardly, her tone leaving no room for argument.
"Wait, what?" Kazuma said in surprise, his eyes widening.
"As such, I sentence you to three centuries in the Fields of Punishment. You'll get a retrial on March third, 2326, at nine in the morning. Please don't be late," Tanya said professionally.
She snapped her fingers.
A fiery hole instantly opened beneath Kazuma's chair.
"This isn't fair!!!!!!!!!" Kazuma screamed as he fell into the underworld, his voice echoing as the flames swallowed him whole.
The floor closed just as suddenly as it had opened.
Silence returned to the office.
Tanya calmly poured herself a drink, the amber liquid catching the light.
She took a slow sip.
With a quiet exhale, she leaned back slightly in her chair.
"I love my job."
She glanced down at the remaining paperwork on her desk.
"Now to put together my proposal to clean up the hentai universes before next month's meeting with Lord Tet and the other top gods."
____________
"Huh… she's doing pretty well, and I might actually accept that proposal," Tet said thoughtfully.
"Now, what's next on the list… oh yeah, see if Raven wants to go to Hogwarts, check in on my apostles… oh, and Sirzechs asked me to send some of the young devils to other worlds to grow stronger."
Tet glanced over, his eyes settling on Tia.
"Well, Tia, let's go. You know the way around this place better than me. Take me to the daughter of Trigon, please," Tet asked with a bright, playful smile.
"Of course, dear. One teleportation coming up," Tia said, her lips curling into a delighted grin as she linked arms with him.
In the next instant, the two vanished, swallowed by a flash of bright red flames.
___________
Arriving in Titans Tower, Tet looked around curiously, his eyes wandering over the unfamiliar room.
"Huh… so your flames are a bright red. Hestia's are more golden, and Vesta's are a bright orange. That's kind of neat," Tet said, tilting his head slightly in mild fascination.
"Really? I didn't notice," Tia replied with a small shrug.
"Who are you people, and why are you in my room?" an annoyed voice cut in sharply.
Tet and Tia both looked up.
Standing before them was a young woman with shoulder-length purple hair and matching violet eyes, a red gem embedded in the middle of her forehead, and skin so pale it almost looked gray. She wore purple robes over a purple leotard, paired with purple boots.
"Wow… you really like purple," Tet said with a light chuckle.
Then, without warning, he let his divine power flare for just a brief moment.
Raven's eyes widened instantly, and she gave a quick, respectful bow.
"Forgive me. I didn't know what you were," Raven said, her voice steady but cautious.
"No harm done. I came here to ask you if you'd like to go somewhere different… far away from your father's reach. I'll even sever his connection to you permanently, for good measure," Tet said casually, stepping forward and poking her gem.
Every time Tet poked the gem, Raven heard the deep, demonic voice of Trigon echo in her mind.
"...ow… ow, ow… stop that…"
"How does that hurt? What are you?" Trigon asked
"What would I be doing in this new world?" Raven asked
"You'd be Merlin's assistant teacher at a magic school. I first thought to make you a student, but you're too old for that… but not old enough to teach, so Merlin agreed to teach you. She already has an apprentice or two, but she doesn't mind one more. She just requests that you don't take what she teaches and go off and become an evil mage like her last two apprentices," Tet said cheerfully, as if discussing something completely ordinary.
"To learn under one of the greatest mages in existence… I'd be a fool to say no. Let me pack and say my goodbyes," Raven said, turning slightly as she began mentally listing everything she needed to prepare.
"Of course. We'll pick you up in a day or two," Tet said lightly.
In the next instant, he and Tia vanished in a flash of crimson flame.
Raven stood there, staring at the empty space they had just occupied, her expression slowly shifting.
".....wait… did he say Merlin was a woman?"