Mama's soft hums filled the room along with the soft sounds of brushing hair. I held onto the edge of the bed and looked down at my feet, swinging them, slowly, sometimes fast, I would then suddenly stop to see if my feet swung by themselves, they often did.
I could also feel the wind blowing on my legs with them moving back and forth.
I loved it when she braided my hair, I could not stop smiling wanting to move my head while mama sang the pleasing songs like the lullabies she would sing to be during night.
I looked through the window, and found that
The sky, like mama said, was still upset, brooding the entire sky,
And because of that Mr sun had not come for many many days
I missed the sun, it was more colourful when he came out.
When I talked with daddy about wanting Mr Cloud to leave, he would always say,
" Mr. Cloud just needs time to cry, when he's done he'll leave"
But I wanted him to leave now!
I couldn't go outside with mama, I wanted to see the pink tree
Can't Mr Cloud just cry harder?
Why does he need so much time? And what is making Mr Cloud cry?
I wondered for a moment, slowly I clenched my first, I wanted to ask mama why... Maybe I'll just ask daddy when I see him
Then another thought troubled her.
Since Mr Cloud cries snow, what is Mr sun's tears? Whenever I saw the sun, he was always happy, shining brightly
Then, hit with a question, I turned around while mom was just tying the ends of the braid, she didn't look at me yet, but she was smiling like always
"Mama?" I called quietly,
"Hm?" She smiled,
"What is it?"
Pursing my lips I grabbed Mama's face, I frowned, realising that I had never seen her cry, but I always cried in front of her so I wondered...
"Mama, do you also cry?"
I stared at her eyes after blurting out my question, then I watched them curved slightly as I heard the soft tremble of her voice as she chuckled
She lifted her hand and placed it on my face, caressing my cheeks gently, it felt good, so I leaned onto her hand more and she cupped my face with her two hands
Her hands were colder than snow, but I loved it.
I tried imagining her, like me if she cried, but I couldn't do that
I think...I wouldn't want to see mama cry
When I opened my eyes, I was greeted with her warm face once more, and she planted a soft kiss on my forehead then answered
"Of course"
When I heard that, my chest felt a little funny,
What would even make mama cry? So I asked again,
"why?"
So big big adults also cry? But what would even make mama cry? I thought and thought but not a single idea came to my mind so I puffed my cheeks, unable to answer myself
But the air I trapped so perfectly in my mouth was immediately squeezed out by mama
Then she pinched my nose making me scrunch my face away, uncomfortably then I heard her say,
"Why would mama cry? "
She asked a question, still smiling as she released her finger,
Then loudly, she answered herself,
"Mama gets upset whenever my Xiaoming gets sick"
"so, when Xiaoming has to lay on the bed hurting with pain and mama can't do anything--
it hurts mama, and makes mama cry"
I felt her hand on my head, aggressively ruffling my hair for a moment, she then straightened her posture with her hand grabbing her waist,
And tilted her head, to match me,
"So,"
"You must not get sick"
She said sternly,
"Okay?"
I nodded not knowing what to say, and she continued talking
"So always take good care of yourself, okay? Or mama will cry"
She made a face, just like I often do, it made me giggle a little.
"Okay!"
She relaxed her expression, and dropped onto the bed, and dragged me down too, mama then rubbed her nose on mine,
"That's my little girl" she smiled and tickled my belly,
Making me squirm before laughing and giggling
After a while, mama had fallen asleep, I sneakily stared at her
Her face was really pretty, prettier than any of the sisters and ladies.
She was my mama,
Thinking of that, it made me wanna giggle again
But mama was already sleeping so I covered my mouth.
Then I rolled over and laid flat on my back, looking at the ceiling.
I've never seen big people cry... except uncle woodcutter,
He cried when people gathered , mama told me that Mr. Big Woodcutter had gone to a new place, so uncle was crying because he missed him.
But wouldn't the big woodcutter just return later? There was no need to cry about it, I found it a little silly.
But...
if mama cried like that uncle...
I wouldn't like it very much
"I won't make mama cry" I promised, quietly to myself,
Then I snuggled up to her, she was very warm because she always wore big and furry clothes a lot even when she was inside, so hugging her was very warm and soft..
I asked daddy one time out of curiosity since others didn't wear as many as mama, he just told me that mama gets cold easily while rubbing my head.
But I noticed, his smile didn't reach his eyes, but it didn't seem like a lie, however, after that I was left pouting as he had to go away.
I loved hugging mama more than daddy.
She was always with me unlike daddy who didn't play as much with me anymore, mama said he had to handle adult matters, but I was still upset.
But instead of mulling over it, I forgot about him and went to her instead.
Mama's hands were cold but her body was so warm, I always snuggled up to her whenever she was doing something and she would always hug me back, but sometimes mom would hug me a bit too tight that my body would start to hurt a little.
Daddy told me not to bother mama too much because she easily gets tired, I wanted to play with her in the snow again but she would always start breathing like me after I had ran a race with the brothers in our house and if that happened dad would come running and take mama away
After a while, I stopped wanting to play with mama, it was not fun if I won too easily, I tried asking daddy but he would always make a sad expression when I asked to play with him then say no
The brothers and sisters told me that it's because he's sad that he's not able to play with me, but if he doesn't wanna be sad, he should just stop saying no
And soon, I also fell asleep.
The next morning, the snow didn't fall as much, so I got to go outside, I walked out by myself then landed on top of the snow with a jump,
I sunk a little making me wobble, but I didn't fall
I was quite good at it.
Then when I took another step, I noticed the print it had made.
It was just like my foot, so I crouched down and stared at it
Then it began to look like a big hole,
if I dug I could make the hole deeper...
And I could call one of the brothers and ask him to catch me and get him to trip over it
"Hehe..."
This was perfect, it'll be funny if he falls on his face, would there be a print then too? Just like my foot...
Thinking of that image, brother scrunching his face while spitting out snow I dug a little faster, would he be surprised if he saw his face on the snow?
But before I could finish digging,
"Xiaoming"
I heard mama saying my name,
I quickly turned around, my mouth opening along with my eyes, I quickly ran to her and she caught me,
We were going to Mr. Tree! Finally!
I felt her hand rub my head as I snuggled up to her belly while she was bending slightly,
I immediately forgot about the hole I was digging,
Then I became lost in my thoughts again, I thought about how after I become all grown up mom won't need to bend anymore for me to hug her anymore
Just thinking about it made me giggle, while my chest felt silly
I thought about how I could grow so tall that mom began to look up at me, and how I would have to bend down for her to feed me then
Daddy was old, but he isn't tall. I wanna be like uncle woodcutter after I grow up. He told me to eat a lot of food and drink milk and I've never left food after that! so by ten I would already grow past mama.
Mama pushed me off from her and fixed my hair, brushing the fallen snow on my head,
"Is Xiaoming ready to visit Mr Tree?"
"Yes! I can't wait to see Mr Tree!" I jumped,
Even though I've only visited him some day ago I still missed it, but we couldn't go because Mr Cloud was busy crying.
Mr Tree had a pretty colour, pink was my favouritest colour so I loved seeing it on Mr Tree
Seeing my excitement, she smiled and held my hand,
"Let's go then or Mr tree will be sad if we make him wait"
I nodded excitedly.
Then I looked at mama again, she wore light coloured clothes, and she looked just like the moon when she smiled, she was really really pretty, the prettiest pretty.
I'm happy that mama was my mother, if she looked like dad I would've been ugly and be hated like the stories those sisters always talk about
We sat under the tree and mama played house with me, other grandmas also joined later and it turned into a big tea party!
Then uncle woodcutter also joined, he was the last to to join so I made him our pet dog
I've always heard about dogs, but I've never seen them but according to the books, they are everywhere in other places and live with people like family
Maybe one day mom and dad will get me a real dog too..
It was starting to get dark while we walked back, and mama walked really slowly
"Mama, hurry!" I tried to pull her along grabbing her fingers but it didn't help,
"Wa...it a second" she breathed loudly as we stopped, but I didn't want to stop, I was getting hungry again
"Let mama rest a little okay?" She smiled through difficulty breathing,
But when she said that I held my breath inside my mouth as she had already taken a break so many times
But I could only pout, since she tried to follow up as hard as she could and even try to walk a little faster
But she was really slow.
And when we finally got back, I saw dad waiting by the gate with a lamp. It made me upset. If he had the time to do this, why couldn't he come with us too?
"Honey!" He cried,
When seeing us, he rushed towards mom and held her arms, his voice riddled with worry
"You shouldn't have pushed yourself"
But mama only tapped his shoulder lightly,
"Don't worry, I know my limits..." She huffed,
I didn't understand why he was so worried, mama was just tired, and she also told him not to be worried, that she was okay, but he didn't even spare me a glance.
It made me pout
The sister with bangs took me back to my room after that,
I sat on the bed while she was changing me,
"I don't understand" I grumbled
"Why is daddy like that?"
I looked at sister, she will know, she was an adult too
But she only smiled, I didn't like it when people smiled at my question, it meant they wouldn't answer nicely.
"You'll understand when you're grown"
This wasn't fair,
Why can't I understand it now?
"He really loves you and the lady, so he's just really worried"
But this only made me more upset, because it meant that I couldn't even try to understand it because whenever I asked this question, everyone would always say the same thing,
'he loves you and he's just worried'
I wanted to grow up soon.
Seeing my hanging my head low, it seems that sister felt a little guilty and she asked,
"Do you want cookies?"
Despite my mood, my ears perked up, I couldn't say no,
"I do"
I mumbled.
.
Some days later,
Uncle woodcutter visited, he had brought a lot of woods, and when he saw me, he lifted me high into the air,
It was fun, the world seemed so small when he did,
The ground looked so far up.
I wanted to do it again,
But he said, he wanted to build a snowman with me
So we got to building it
Build build build,
He hesitated for a moment, then I heard him ask,
"Are you sure you wanna give Miss Snowman a potato for a nose?"
"Yes"
I answered bluntly, it had to be the potato
I pushed the potato inside her face,
"Doesn't it kinda make her look..."
Even I could tell that he was trying to make up words to describe her, he was just as the sisters have said
"She's ugly pretty"
He really didn't understand the ladies'aesthetics
Well, since he was a boy there was no way he would
Sisters say that sometimes ugly pretty ladies and boys are very charming.
"Is... that so?"
Uncle scratched his chin as he eyes the snowman once more, but he had given up on saying anything more,
Ugly pretty won
Then in the distance, I saw a sister running towards me, her hair was disheveled unlike usual,
"Miss-"
She called, and quickly hugged me,
I didn't know what it was, but something felt wrong and my chest felt funny, her chest was thumping really loudly I could feel it when she hugged me, she looked at me, her eyes were watery and I could see myself in them
I didn't ask her anything,
Maybe I should've, but I couldn't bring myself to, but I knew something was wrong, my chest had started beating loud too.
She led me to daddy's room, and inside, I saw a lot of people, along with aunty Shu, who had been visiting mama for a long time
She only looked at me for a moment before looking away and shaking her head while sighing and pressing her hands together
The room was silent, but loud.
On top of the bed...
Mama was sleeping, I walked towards her but ended up running,
She was sleeping so peacefully but something felt wrong,
Her snow-like face didn't seem to shine like usual.
Aunty Shu held my hand,
"Little Miss..." She mumbled, she looked trouble, not knowing what to say,
"Daddy...?"
Finally I saw dad, in the corner, his body was shaking, the grandpas were with him,
"Daddy!"
I called, but he couldn't hear me, then I found out--
He was crying
He was sad... but Why?
I had never seen daddy cry, why wasn't mama doing anything?
Why couldn't daddy hear me?
Why was daddy sad?
I felt the funny feeling in my chest again
"Daddy...don't cry " I could hardly hear my own voice as it had become a whisper.
Or Xiaoming will cry too...then...mama will be sad too...
Before I knew it, my own vision got blurry as I felt tears ran down my face
I was crying too