It was raining cats and dogs when the front door opened and entered a dripping figure. With all his hair covering his forehead wearing a white shirt marked by all kinds of ink, entered Aakhand avoiding any eye contact which was meant to be made. He swiftly grabbed his towel and drifted into the shower. Janhavi could see some kind of recognizble despair into his inability to make eye contact. Soon it was Anant who spoke to her.
"His shirt has marks doesn't it."
"Um... huun..."
"It's those bullies again. There is this group of idiots who keeps picking on him and not once has he told me this on his own. He's going to hide it today too. He never tells me about this. It's kind of- disturbing."
"Ahhh..."
"What is it?"
"No, nothing"
Janhavi wanted to intruput but she remembered how things were in her house, Jeevan and Jaivik trying to hide the same thing from her and how unspeakably awful she was at handling it. So she decided not to say a word, besides it was not her place to say anything. What was she in front of their eyes, a runaway who had escaped from her house for maybe some small stupid reason.
"You know there is no need for you to hesitate. Speak your mind as if this is your home. Take us as your new family that if, it's okay... So what I mean is.. you are welcomed in our family as a new member, of course if you like, and you don't have to think twice to speak."
"Well.. thanks for treating me the way you do!"
"You really don't have to thank me for it."
The night was long for Janhavi, as she laid in her bed the train of thoughts wouldn't stop, the whole night she kept on questioning her identity. Am I really someone to talk, I mean my brothers have same issues he is a lot like Jeevan. No! He is not like Jeevan. Jeevan just tries to avoid the situation and Aakhand is not like that, he is more like Jaivik who tries to sort things at his level. But who am I to speak! I can't even approach my own brothers about this almost identical situation! But for some reason it seems I need to speak. Something is really wrong with this home. Somehow all the smiles they pass seems hollow. It's like there is some darkness lurking behind that forced happiness. Sometimes I can feel the grief they try to hide. But what is it? And why does it feel so similar? Of course it will. These holow smiles are like ours. This darkness covered by happiness is just like ours. This house is identical to ours in the noises it screams the same way ours do. It's all the same with different faces.
It was about midnight when her eyes were forced shut by sleep. Once again she saw it, the same nightmare she had seen thousands of time, all the same. She was in her home along with the two little boys, she was fifteen, Jaivik fourteen and Jeevan thirteen. They were watching a movie. Having a really disturbing gut feeling. The three teenagers were forcing smiles trying to hide the fear they were feeling. Just then the phone rang,
Janhavi picked it up. She heard a strangers voice.
It said, "Hello!"
"Hello" She replied
"Ah! I have an unfortunate news... your parents were on their way to somewhere..... right?"
"Yeah." She said with a worried voice
"There was an accident.... a truck hit their car.....,
I am sorry..... but.... they didn't make it!"
"Are you sure it was them!"
"No, I just called you through their phone, so if it's your parents contact number so...."
"No it can't be!"
Just then she woke up pale. Till this day she remembered the conversation word to word, every pause which was made during it, the rest of day was also there in her mind second by second.
It was about three when she woke up, she wasn't able to sleep so she thought of doing some chores. At five when Anant woke up. He walked out of his room a bit sleepy and was surprised to see Janhavi up.
"You're up pretty early!" He said
"I am preparing breakfast."
"Thanks!"
"That's the least I can do for you!"
"Don't say that you're our family! Anyways, I'll wake Aakhand!"
Saying this he went upstairs to wake his younger brother up. Soon, Aakhand descended downstairs in his school uniform. She greeted her with a warm 'Good Morning' same way Jaivik did each morning.They are so similar. She thought and then greeted him back.
He had breakfast and left for school. When he was about to leave, she glanced at his face, the expression was somewhat afraid or more like he was about to get in trouble or something. Aakhand! She thought of calling him or rather ask him if something
was wrong but backed off. She was not sure how to approach him or in other words was scared to see the
same result her brothers gave her.
Although she was the eldest in her family. She was just a kid of seventeen, who didn't know how to approach someone. Weighing such an heavy burden on her teenage shoulders, made her a sort of over thinker, she was no longer the absent-minded girl she used to be. She thought many a times before doing or saying something. But in real world you sometimes have to be carefree, as it was the best way of relaxation. Sometimes over thinking is not the solution you're looking for.
It was afternoon. The time Aakhand was supposed to be home. He's not home. What's taking him so long? Everybody wondered. For some reason Janhavi had this scary gut feeling she couldn't shake as if something was wrong or something was about to get wrong. With all her soul and heart to the God she prayed Please let everything be alright I don't wanna see someone sad again no one deserves to be troubled. Show mercy on your children.
The door opened and came in a crying boy, who rushed into the bathroom avoiding any eye contact possible. Then he came out and soon everything became clear. There were bad rub marks on his face. Nasty things were written on his face. Anant was furious at his state. He looked towards his brother seeking answers.
"Who did this to you?"
"It's none of your business!"
"No it is! What happened! How much are you gonna hide, just spit it out! I am your elder brother am I not?"
"I can handle it. You don't need to bug in. Just leave me alone!
"I let you handle things for long enough to have this as a result. Just tell me already! I want the truth not a story!"
"I told you I can handle it!"
"Spit it out!"
"Leave me alone!"
"Spit it out!"
"Truth you want! Fine! I will spit it out! The thing is, you think you know everything! You think you know how to handle everything! You think you can do everything! Although you know what my fate is, you think you can help me! And it all sucks!"
"Aakhand! Is it wrong for me to wish for seeing you happy in the short life I have!"
"I didn't meant that!" He said with a apologetic face but by this time Anant had already left. Their was a rift between the two brothers, and it was clear!
It was dinner time, Aakhand and Anant were avoiding eye contact from each other and when they did, they would give each other a cold stare. It was getting awkward Janhavi did try to make things a little less awkward by small talks but was failing miserably.
"Stop it!" Said crying Amrita
"Why is my little angel crying!" Said Anant immediately while coming to her side.
"I don't like it when you both are like this! It makes me feel sad. I want to cry more and more."
"What are you talking about sis, we are like always." Was Aakhand
"No no! You two are different! You two are not talking! It makes me all sad! I don't like when you don't talk to each other! It make me feel like you are different!"
"Sorry Amrita! We made you sad, we'll apologize to each other and will become friends. Is that okay? Will you stop crying then!" Anant said stroking Amrita's head.
"Yeah!" Amrita said while nodding her head.
"Well then, I am sorry my dear Aakhand, I was wrong in rushing things."
"I am sorry too, I never meant anything that I said."
Finally Amrita stopped crying and the house was at peace again. Well, no matter however her mental state was she was and will always be the loving and caring sister she is. The type everyone would desire for.
After listening to the argument of the two brothers it was as if Janhavi was sure, sure that something was simply wrong. On the surface, on the surface everything just seems fine. But there is that one thing that single clue which gives you the idea that something is indeed wrong. The thing one always wonders is what. What is wrong? Every person has that dark side they don't let out. Bonds are similar to a rope, a rope is made of several others, together they bind by sticking by each other's side but, but there is a single point that is weak and leads to the weakning of the entire rope, at times even downfall. Bonds are similar to those ropes they have that single weakning point, the one that's sensitive. No relation is there without that single point. For me and Jeev it is my inability to fix and support him throughout his problems. For me and Jai it's the fact that I am unable to give him my time and affection. For me and big brother Sanjay and Gopal it is the fact that I won't come under their care both emotionally and financially. I guess, today I saw the reflection of what it is for Aakhand and Anant. At times even though you love and care about someone. It is simply not enough, not enough for you to understand them, at times, at times that non understanding just builds a rift. What makes it harder to grasp the problem is that everyone has their own point of veiw, and the simple fact that we are all crafted differently and uniquely. In a problem everyone reacts differently. A same problem has many solutions the same way every situation has n number of reaction. When we are all full of differences it's hard to wonder what the person in front of them is going through.
They say life is a puzzle. And when you don't find all pieces of it, it can be really irritating as that gap is filled with confusion and insecurities. They say in a time like teenage and youth these gaps really gets to one's nerve as we aren't close to complete yet we are pretty far from the beginning. Ah, what am I even thinking I should go to sleep.
Janhavi opened her eyes, stood out of her bed and, peeked through the window. It wasn't even dawn yet, it was about 4 or 5 in the morning. Well, this teen girl was used to waking up early not only as she was a student but as she was both student and the mother of the home. Chores can't be completed in a flash, you see. She folded her blankets, bathed and got dressed. Then, like usual went to the kitchen to prepare a nice hot meal.
It was not long after when Anant woke up.
"Good Morning, you're sure up early!" He said like usual.
"Good Morning!" She said in response.
"Janhavi, today Amrita and I have to leave early for some family buisness, and by the way, I think it's better if Aakhand takes a leave today, he has suffered a lot. I don't wanna see him cry again."
"I think it's for the better too. School bullying can be tough at times."
Soon, Amrita got ready. The three had a delicious breakfast and soon after the two siblings left. Janhavi was cleaning the dishes, she hadn't woken Aakhand up as it was probably better if he would rest. It was about 8 when Janhavi heard Aakhand scream.
"It's 8 already why didn't anyone wake me for school?"
Janhavi went in his room and told him what Anant had planned for him. He just frowned eventhough what his brother said was for his sake only. He got ready and then had breakfast, thanked Janhavi like usual.
He still hadn't told them what had happened. Janhavi wanted to ask him but didn't knew how. She bottled up all her courage.
"What happened yesterday?" Then she looked at Akhand's stare and added "Oh I'm sorry I overstepped my place."
"No! It's nothing like that, actually I am glad you asked, I wanted to talk to someone about it who isn't family, but you know I don't have any friends to talk to, so....."
"Don't worry you'll have somebody some day, just be patient, till then I am here so you can talk to me, I am listening."
"Thanks, you're words are really comforting, I don't even know where to start, well... I'll start anyway. So, I am basically used to being bullied, they say when you rise there will always be people who will try to pull you back, right? It's always about how I am so called nerd and according to them weird. But yesterday, yesterday they crossed the limit, I, I can hear anything about myself, but, but the rumor they spread was simply insane. When I went to school, everyone was staring at me, which is pretty usual, but something felt off, I didn't know what. Then, came the lunch break, many people made a huge circle around me. 'We have heard rumors about you.' They said 'Are they true?'. Obviously I was confused, so I asked them what were the rumors. And what they told crushed me. You know, sis, was a prodigy back in her school. They said that... back when we were little.... I tried to..... UNALIVE her and that's what caused her mental problem! I told them no but..... they didn't believe me! I mean... how could they not understand that people have sensitive points and feelings the one which should not be played with. How could they drag my family into all this!"
"It's... horrible!"
"Yeah! Well thanks for listening!"
Say something Janhavi, say something. Say something comforting, just say anything! Janhavi told herself. But before she could, he did.
"Thanks! Now I feel a little better!"
"Don't mention it. Just talk to me whenever you want, I'll be here just listening. So, is there anything else you want me to listen?"
"Yeah, there's so much, I am really grateful that you cared to listen." He heaved a sigh then said "You see life has been really complicated for me. I know I have to get rid of this bullying, and many will suggest that I should seek help from my teachers, but, but it doesn't feel right. It's my problem I need to fix it, teachers are there only in school, not your whole life, if I don't learn to face my problems, I'll regret it."
He's trying to find a solution that will help him life long and not just school. I wonder if that's why Jai never shares his problems.
"That's what I thought and tell myself in order to be optimistic. I have been trying for so long that it seems hopeless now. And, the more I try the more I realize that it's impossible. Well, sadly this isn't the end of it, my brother always forces me to apparently 'spit it out', he never cares about my view of the situation, it's always about how I should share my problems. He tries to pretend the big guy, but even he knows that's how it works. At least for me, and he knows too. Facts are facts, fate is fate, curses are curses, and life is life, there simply is no escaping them so it's better to except. I don't understand why it doesn't get through that skull of his. I don't mean to be disrespectful."
"I am sorry to intruput but what do you mean by curse exactly?"
"Well, it's your right to know, in our family one generation in ten is cursed. There are three curses for three individuals, one is the curse of acceptance in which the person is not acknowledged by others, it's my curse. The other is the curse of impairment in which a person is borned differently abled, which is the one sis has. The last one is the curse of short life and yeah, bro is the one born with it. I understand if you despise us now. I won't judge, it's only natural to despise someone borned to be cursed. The fun fact is we will be reborned again and again to suffer from these curses."
"No! I don't despise you! Now I respect you!"
"What do you mean you don't despise us even our parents despise us. That's the reason we live here not with them. They think we bring bad fortune. Well, it's very natural for them to think that way. And what do you mean by now you respect us?"
"I respect the fact that you have been carrying this curse with you but you never ever complain about it and instead you try your best everyday to make things better."
"I just told you I don't even do a thing! I just said I accept the fact that we are cursed!"
"No, you sure don't think that way! The fact that you try to stop the bullies screams that you now, deep in your heart you now, you can escape this curse to live life your way. You may be denying it right now, but deep in your heart you try everyday to prove the curse wrong. You try to prove you are free to change your own faith. You know a single curse can't bind a free bird such as you. I think all you need to do is linger a little longer and soon you'll see the light you have been waiting for."
"Guess you're right! Thanks for being here for me, Sis!"
Before Janhavi could have said anything, they heard the front door open. Sure enough it was Anant and Amrita.
"We are back!" Amrita yelled with excitement
The rest of the day went as normal. It was night and Janhavi was in bed, once again lost in her deep thoughts. Today I got to see another side of this family. The one I would have never thought of, every single one of them is suffering from their own problems and yet they smile so plainly at that. Now that I think of it, people are like diamonds, they shine and to others around them it is all they see, they are shining they are valuable but the more you seek in them, the more you realize, the shine only hides the complex structure present within. In this world all of us are simply pretenders we are all pretending to be someone we are not. We twist and turn ourselves to fit in the society. And that's how a complicated structure is created, and to hide what we have made of ourselves we try to shine. Oh my! Jaivik's craze for chemistry has really gotten into me huh! Curses! Now that I think of it all of us are cursed in our own ways, being different, losing someone, losing ourselves, expecting too much, being expected too much, failing continusally and all. The truth is when we are little we have a pure heart but a turning point comes which breaks that pure heart leaving a hole inside and then all our lives we simply seek people and things to fill that hole deep within us. That's what life is. Wait Janhavi you can't be pessimist! All the time you have spent in these crazy adventures you have understood one thing 'No matter how dark everything may seem there is always a dim light waiting for you to find it. And that dim light is what guides you to the bright side. Finding the light may take a while but when you do, that relief is more than enough to make you forget the despair you faced moments ago!' And soon she drifted back to sleep