Defense Against the Dark Arts class with the new teacher, Remus Lupin, had an air of mystery that reminded Kronk of the first time he stepped into the Leaky Cauldron's kitchen: it smelled like burnt food, dampness, and the promise of imminent chaos.
"Today, class," Lupin announced in his calm but firm tone, "we're going to face a boggart."
All the students looked at each other with a mix of excitement and nerves.
The wardrobe that contained the creature stood at the back of the classroom, trembling slightly as if someone inside was trying to remember whether they turned off the gas.
"A boggart takes the form of what we fear the most," Lupin explained as he walked in front of his desk, "and to defeat it, we only need one thing: laughter! The spell is Riddikulus!"
"Laughter?" Kronk whispered to Hermione. "What if my biggest fear is trying to be funny and failing?"
Hermione shot him a sharp look. She still hadn't forgiven how easily he got access to the Time-Turner.
She had to give a one-hour presentation to convince McGonagall that she deserved it and could handle the implications of time travel!
"Then let's hope the boggart has good taste in comedy."
Lupin, noticing Kronk in the back (hard not to, when he's even taller than the teacher), gestured to him.
"Mr. Kronk, since you're an... extracurricular assistant with plenty of experience in magical creatures," he said, choosing his words carefully, "would you mind going first to set an example?"
"Me? Sure thing."
As long as it doesn't involve handling poisonous toads barehanded—he'd learned that lesson the hard way. Snape could be a petty little gremlin when he wanted to.
The group stepped aside as Kronk walked toward the wardrobe.
Lupin raised a hand.
"Remember: think of something that makes you laugh. Something that makes the fear look ridiculous. When you're ready… I'll open the door."
Kronk took a deep breath and nodded. Lupin opened Pandora's box.
Immediately, the boggart sensed its closest victim and took shape.
It burst out in a swirl of black mist, which quickly dissipated… revealing a short, stern man in a crisp red suit, with a frown sharp enough to carve marble. He had a small bald patch and his finger pointed downward like a disappointed Roman emperor.
"Dad…?" Kronk whispered, going pale.
The man crossed his arms.
"Volunteering as an assistant while still a student at a magic school? That's your life plan?" he snorted through his nose. "And how are you going to make a living? When will I get grandkids? What about the family tradition of weekly timetables? WHERE IS THE PRIDE, SON?!"
The classroom fell into silence.
Kronk took a half-step back, his wand trembling slightly.
"I… I started a food truck business, and it's going pretty well!" he defended himself. "By the time I graduate, I'll have enough saved up for a little house in the countryside and—"
"A FOOD TRUCK?!" the dad-boggart bellowed. "Be realistic! That doesn't pay mortgages! That doesn't impress anyone at the Wizard Council's Parent Club meetings! Kronk, you're a disappointment with biceps and a perfect chin!"
The tension was so thick, even a nundu would have backed away out of caution.
But then Kronk closed his eyes, took a deep breath… and muttered:
"Absurdly ridiculous..."
He opened his eyes.
"Riddikulus!"
The father figure suddenly slipped on an invisible rug and fell on his back. His crisp suit turned into yellow ducky pajamas, his shoes exploded into a shower of cards reading I love you, son! and a mug appeared in his hand with #1 Dad (Even If He Doesn't Say It) written on it.
The entire class burst into laughter.
"D-Duckies?!" Ron wheezed, clutching his stomach.
"That's tenaciously adorable!" Lupin applauded.
Hermione covered her mouth, horrified and amused at the same time. The boggart, clearly humiliated, rolled backward and slipped back into the wardrobe like someone slamming a door and refusing visitors.
Kronk let out a breath of relief.
Today, I faced you, Dad. And my knees didn't buckle. Well… maybe just a little.
Lupin approached and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Well done, Kronk. You didn't just beat the boggart—you did it with style."
Kronk exhaled deeply.
"Thanks, Professor. But I think I need a herbal tea."
"Chamomile?" asked Lupin.
"Yes please," Kronk replied. "I hear it helps with unexpected family visits."
After the incident, the class continued. Neville turned Snape into a knitting grandma. Seamus made his boggart explode into confetti (not entirely on purpose). And when Harry's turn came, Lupin stepped in just in time, causing the boggart to shift into a full moon… which he then turned into an inflated balloon with a smiling face drawn on it.
From the back, Kronk clapped enthusiastically.
"That balloon looks like my Uncle Gregorio!"
Students: ???
If that's true, not even beauty potions could fix that case.
A moment of silence for dear old Gregorio...