The surroundings were a wreck, and the stench in the air silently announced Kiyosuke's crime.
He hauled out the half-dismembered Kakuzu by the upper torso and said,
"Alright, this guy ran fast — I blew off his lower half. If I'd been a second slower he probably would've escaped. Heh, my speed still wins!"
"Whatever. This wasn't done by Konoha anyway. Let's go, let's go — report back. By the way, what do we do with this guy?" Asuma asked.
"Of course we hand him over to Ibiki and the others. Squeeze whatever intelligence we can from him, then study why this guy is immortal. Once we figure it out, send it to Konoha Research. He can't die anyway — perfect for testing forbidden jutsu and Konoha's future tech. Prime experimental material."
Kiyosuke said Hidan's fate with no emotion; this guy made an ideal specimen — immortal, a perfect test subject, and a despicable pervert to boot.
Given Hidan's behavior, dying a dozen times wouldn't be enough.
"Hahahaha! I will never die! You can't kill Hidan-sama! The Jashin will watch over me — it will save me! You will all die by my hands!" Hidan raved on, still manic.
Kiyosuke glanced at him, snapped his fingers, and flicked a small fireball that seared Hidan's tongue, causing him to scream in agony.
"Let's go."
Dragging Kakuzu's corpse and the half-dead Hidan, Kiyosuke and Asuma returned with their haul. Meanwhile Haku's Anbu subteam had raided many exchange houses across the Land of Fire, contributing to Konoha's coffers.
Even if those exchange houses sought retribution, they wouldn't dare attack Konoha openly — only plotting petty sabotage in secret. That was fine; if anyone got investigated, Tsunade would send Kiyosuke over for tea.
After that tea, those people's homes were left with only their load-bearing walls.
He was like a bandit walking through a village.
After that, nobody tried that again.
Kakuzu's body was taken by Konoha's Anbu for study, and Hidan was tossed to Konoha's intelligence division for interrogation.
To everyone's surprise, Ibiki — the sadist — met Hidan — the masochist — and an odd chemistry occurred. Word had it Ibiki hid in the interrogation room for whole nights and still couldn't squeeze out any information about the Akatsuki.
Ibiki's torture methods failed on Hidan.
Think about it: Hidan wasn't afraid of dying. Rituals for his Jashin — ripping out hearts, slitting throats, gutting — were routine for him. Ibiki's tricks were like a joke to Hidan.
In the end, it took the Yamanaka clan head, using their clan secret techniques to force Hidan to spit out Akatsuki intelligence.
A large amount of information was delivered to Tsunade's desk, and when compared with what Itachi Uchiha had reported, it turned out Hidan knew less than Itachi.
The immortals mostly earned funds for the organization, rather than participating in crucial missions.
After squeezing out every bit of intel, as Kiyosuke had said, Tsunade handed Hidan over to the Anbu for research into his immortality. If they couldn't figure it out, he'd be passed on elsewhere — they wouldn't waste him.
...
One day, after finishing some roasted meat and scraping his teeth, Kiyosuke went for a walk to aid digestion and bumped into Hanare out shopping.
Since moving in with Kakashi, Hanare's girlish vibe had shifted toward a housewife look: shopping, cooking, doing chores. Kakashi had grown thin, his steps unsteady, and he sometimes dozed off.
Hanare carried bags and greeted Kiyosuke naturally, "Kiyosuke-san, good afternoon!"
"Oh, good afternoon!"
Well, with no missions currently, the students were training themselves, and after drinking late the night before, he had slept until the afternoon.
"By the way, where did Kakashi go recently?" Kiyosuke asked.
"Kakashi went out on a mission. I don't know the details. Ah — the limited Diamond Edition of Body Paradise that Kakashi asked me to buy is about to be released, so he left early." Hanare glanced at the time, hugged her purchases, and — a former ninja — suddenly burst forward with surprising speed, running toward the bookstore.
Kiyosuke glanced at a passing Anbu and said nothing. He thought for a moment and said,
"Right, Kakashi's been taking Naruto and the others out on missions. My head's a bit slow from last night's drinking. I should drink less next time."
Recently, several bloodline ninjas had been disappearing without reason across the shinobi world, and each village was searching for the culprit, fearing for their missing bloodline-nin.
Konoha had sent forces — specifically, Kakashi's Team 7.
Just as he was thinking that, Kakashi appeared at the intersection.
"Yo. You look relaxed. Do me a favor."
"Me help? Same rules as always."
"All right. I'll treat you tonight. Where shall we go?" Kakashi asked.
Kiyosuke rubbed his chin and stepped closer.
"Are you really Kakashi? You're so generous to offer to treat. That's not the Kakashi I know."
"Hey, hey, what kind of image do you have of me?" Kakashi said, glaring with deadfish eyes.
"Does Yamato come too?" With this guy's personality, he'd probably trick Yamato into paying after the meal — not the first time.
"Relax. Just the two of us this time."
"Huh?"
...
They went to an izakaya. This time Kakashi booked a private room and went straight to the point.
"I remember you know the Reverse Four Symbols sealing technique, right?"
Kiyosuke had once drunkenly boasted he knew that technique.
"You asking why? You want to learn? You shouldn't."
With Kakashi's talent, he wondered whether Kakashi would really need the clan head's level of skill.
"Because of some other things. Anyway, I want to learn it. Teach me the hand seals." Kakashi said.
Kiyosuke shook his head. "I won't teach you that. What happened? Mission trouble?"
"Sorry, rules. I can't tell you."
"All right, let me guess." Kiyosuke poured himself a cup of sake and said, "The target on your mission is related to you, and you can't be sure you can defeat them, so you want to learn the Reverse Four Symbols sealing method to take them down with you — mutually assured destruction, right?"
Kakashi was silent for a moment, then smiled. "You can't hide anything from me. This guy is just too troublesome. I have to do it. Even you couldn't handle him."
"Nonsense. Unless Madara Uchiha comes back, what can't I fight?"